They Lied To Me

[Skeithx]

I am a girl born in a country full of Muslims somewhere in South East Asia. My family is a Reformed Christian. My parents are a devout Calvinist. When I was 15 years old, my mom took me to a Christian camp. At that camp, I found “Jesus” and I accept him as my savior despite the fact that I just found out that I’m a lesbian. I had no idea at that time that if I became Christian, I will go to hell just because of my sexuality.

 

I told my Christian friends about my sexuality, guess what they said to me? That this is not normal, and God will help me to find a way to be straight again. I believe them at that time. I pray to God every day, I went to church, praise Him, listen to His word every Sunday, but nothing happened. I pray to Him to cure me, I have epilepsy, but I still got epilepsy until now, He didn’t do anything to me. I’m miserable, my friends said I didn’t have enough faith, and when I told my dad about this, he cursed me and condemn me to hell! I never told my mom until she died though.

I went to a Christian psychiatrist, she said that I became a lesbian because something horrible happened in my past that made me hated men and chose to love girls. But I’m fine! Nothing horrible happened to me! I pray to God, wish He just lift this curse so I could be straight again and go to heaven with my friends and families, but I guess He never listen. I found a community, sadly only in the internet. They convince me that being a lesbian is okay, it’s normal, and I should’ve been proud of it. I start to accept my sexuality but my dad didn’t like it very much and keep saying to me that I will burn in hell if I didn’t change.

I began to questioning God was when I found a site, just like this site, about Christianity. They were very convincing that God wasn’t exist and the Bible is just full of lies. When my friend, which is also my crush, began to preach to me, and said that I disappointed God if I keep chose to be a lesbian. I was very mad at that time. I chose to not to be a Christian anymore, I don’t believe that God is exist, and I don’t believe in bible anymore. Enough. They’ve been lying to me for about my whole life that I am not normal, and I couldn’t take it anymore. If they can’t accept me as who I am, I might as well as leave that horrible religion forever. I don’t care whether hell is exist or not, I rather burn in hell that in heaven with all of those hypocrite.

[ChurchSucks]

I think my parents would act similarly to yours if one of their kids turned out to be homosexual. The main thing I would say is not to get mad at your parents - they are most likely just concerned for your eternal well being (albeit they are mislead). They really and truly believe that if you accept this "sin" in your life then it means that you are not a Christian and that you will be going to hell. Unfortunately their actions are one of the most disgusting things about religion. The best thing to do in my opinion would be to show that "good Christian love" and turn it around on them. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation though, I know it's probably very tough. But you are right in the fact that you should accept and be proud of who you really are. Follow the evidence where it leads though, and be fully convinced in your own mind about God and the Bible. I would start out reading a book by Bart Erhman, or even "God is Not Great" by Christopher Hitchens.

[ConureDelSol]

YOU GO GIRL! Sorry I am extremely pro-gay. ^^

 

Despite what people seem to think about homosexuality it IS normal. There are animals in nature who have taken up homosexual relationships with each other. There's even two penguins at one zoo that are both male and court each other and exhibit common mating behavior! Surely, Satan isn't going to influence penguins. Penguins don't have a soul apparently. So by that logic, they can't know God and can't "rebel against God."

 

I don't have any scientific evidence to back up what I am about to say, it's just a little idea I like to express at times: I like to think that homosexuality is a method of controlling the size of population. Despite what Christians say, the planet is NOT going to be doomed by homosexuals. If all we have is heterosexuals, they'll just breed and breed and add more to the overcrowding. Whereas a homosexual couple will not add to the population, rather, they can help to manage it. Because of the fact that homosexuals cannot naturally have children, they often adopt. This means children that are already out there and suffering can be taken in and be loved without contributing to overpopulation.

 

You came from a very tough denomination. Calvinists are very very judgmental and tend to hate rather than love and disassociate themselves from sinners. Yet Jesus taught to be among the sinners and preach to them. I personally despise Calvinism. God doesn't answer prayers, he picks and chooses apparently. Whereas I have a back deformity, an iron deficiency, asthma, an immune disorder and a disease that prevents me from absorbing certain vitamins from food, God never cared enough to help with any of my health issues. Yet other people claim they miraculously are free of cancer and other health problems. What a cruel God.

 

You did the right thing though! Though you might have resentment, the best thing to do is to go on living your life. Live your life for both yourself and others and when you die, you will be immortal through the legacy you have created. Besides, Christianity was an enormous burden and I feel I can actually breathe now that I threw it off. I hope you feel the same!

[kittypaws]

Welcome, Skeithx!

 

I'm sorry Christianity has messed with your head and made you feel guilty about something which is completely natural. But good for you for realising it's not true! I hope your parents and friends stop giving you a hard time about it all.

 

One of my best friends who's a lesbian has been traumatised by fundamentalist Christianity too. She hasn't been able to let go of the religion (yet? I remain hopeful) and although she's lived with her partner for years, she still sometimes feels guilty .

[slave2six]

Hi Skeithx,

 

Your story is all too common, sadly. I think you should think about that. Your story is common because it's a common problem not only among lesbians/gays but among all people who are not what Christians define as "normal." One problem with Christianity is that it does not allow for people to be human. It is so sad when people suffer because of irrational dogmas, more so when families are divided.

 

I am pro-human. Personally, someone's sexual orientation is, to me, no different than whether they like chocolate or not. People are the way that they are. That's no reason to condemn them to an imaginary Hell for eternity.

 

I hope that you are able to find a group of people who, like you, are brave enough to know themselves, smart enough to leave religion, and willing to look for kindness among us heathens,

 

Thanks for posting here. Hope to see you around more.

[Perfessor]

Your disillusionment and pain are evident in your writing! Too bad religions like to condemn people, but seems they all do it to some degree, and the followers become condemning, too. Leave them to condemn one another.

 

I'm of a different mindset as some on here. I believe it's better to disassociate with people who are condemning. Do what's right for your mental health.

[blackpudd1n]

Welcome to Ex-C!

 

There is nothing wrong with you. You are not abnormal in any way. So you like girls. I don't care. Your worth as a human being is not determined by your sexuality. You know, christianity's treatment of homosexuals was a huge sticking point for me. I never understood what the big fuss was about. My lesbian friends consider me to be bisexual. Personally, I never cared enough to even work that much out. I love someone based on their qualities, not on their gender. I could never fathom why I should only love a man, simply because I was a woman. Why gender even has anything to do with love, I don't know. Some people are born with a preference for the opposite sex. Some are born with a preference for the same sex. And some, like myself, don't really have a preference one way or the other. And that's perfectly okay. You are perfectly normal. You were just born that way- don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise. And you should be proud to be a lesbian, simply because that is who you are.

 

I sincerely hope you stick around and get to know us all There is plenty of acceptance for you here *hugs*

[Spectrox]

I am a girl born in a country full of Muslims somewhere in South East Asia. My family is a Reformed Christian. My parents are a devout Calvinist. When I was 15 years old, my mom took me to a Christian camp. At that camp, I found “Jesus” and I accept him as my savior despite the fact that I just found out that I’m a lesbian. I had no idea at that time that if I became Christian, I will go to hell just because of my sexuality.

 

I told my Christian friends about my sexuality, guess what they said to me? That this is not normal, and God will help me to find a way to be straight again. I believe them at that time. I pray to God every day, I went to church, praise Him, listen to His word every Sunday, but nothing happened. I pray to Him to cure me, I have epilepsy, but I still got epilepsy until now, He didn’t do anything to me. I’m miserable, my friends said I didn’t have enough faith, and when I told my dad about this, he cursed me and condemn me to hell! I never told my mom until she died though.

I went to a Christian psychiatrist, she said that I became a lesbian because something horrible happened in my past that made me hated men and chose to love girls. But I’m fine! Nothing horrible happened to me! I pray to God, wish He just lift this curse so I could be straight again and go to heaven with my friends and families, but I guess He never listen. I found a community, sadly only in the internet. They convince me that being a lesbian is okay, it’s normal, and I should’ve been proud of it. I start to accept my sexuality but my dad didn’t like it very much and keep saying to me that I will burn in hell if I didn’t change.

I began to questioning God was when I found a site, just like this site, about Christianity. They were very convincing that God wasn’t exist and the Bible is just full of lies. When my friend, which is also my crush, began to preach to me, and said that I disappointed God if I keep chose to be a lesbian. I was very mad at that time. I chose to not to be a Christian anymore, I don’t believe that God is exist, and I don’t believe in bible anymore. Enough. They’ve been lying to me for about my whole life that I am not normal, and I couldn’t take it anymore. If they can’t accept me as who I am, I might as well as leave that horrible religion forever. I don’t care whether hell is exist or not, I rather burn in hell that in heaven with all of those hypocrite.

 

I agree with the previous poster - there is nothing wrong with you. What's wrong is the nonsense that is being imposed on you by others who should know better. Christianity (and most religions I have encountered) don't like people to be honest about who they are and what they feel. It's all about controlling through fear. So I wish you all the best in your personal journey. Be gentle with yourself. Keep asking the right questions to yourself and keep being honest about who you are. Although be careful around people you do not trust. You will get plenty of guidance from the people on this site. Don't give up. Just be yourself (even if that's just being in your own thoughts for now) and everything will turn out fine.

 

By the way - Hell is just a made up story to frighten children with.

[Inqui]

Welcome aboard Skeithx.

 

Like ChurchSucks said, I think your friends and family mean well but have been grossly mislead by religious dogma.

 

Even as a believer, I found it odd that God would basically make people gay/non-"normal" (because there's a pretty big group of people that he supposedly hates) and then send them to hell for it. I've also encountered the "you choose to be gay" argument a few times, but a simple "did you choose to be straight? No? Then how is this any different?" will shut most people up.

 

Some won't, but in that case it's really like trying to reason with a block of cheese. And if your reward in heaven's being around of those types and singing the praises of the God who'll condemn his own creation like that, then heaven sounds pretty overrated.

[mymistake]

I pray to God, wish He just lift this curse so I could be straight again and go to heaven with my friends and families, but I guess He never listen.

 

Welcome to ex-C! Your sexuality is not a curse. Not at all! I've got a niece just like you. Your curse (and hers as well) was that you were born to a family and community with backward beliefs. You may need to keep secrets from people around you because some of them might be monsters who would try to hurt you. They are stupid. Protect yourself. You don't need to tell them things about you that are none of their business. Nothing could enlighten them so don't try. You are already seeing through the lies so keep up the good work. Be strong and thrive.

[TotalWreck]

In a world full of hate, you would think that "God" would be happy whenever people show love of any kind, regardless if it's toward the opposite sex or not. If "God" is going to condemn people for something as stupid as loving the same gender, then it's no wonder this world is the f'ed up place that it is. Maybe "God" should be more concerned about the poverty, hunger, and violence everywhere instead of stupid shit like this. But hey, what do I know.

[Skeithx]

Thanks a lot guys. It means a lot to me you know. I'm sorry I can't reveal my country because the place where I live right now is very anti-gay and I still in the closet. If my family, not my dad, he already found out and several of my best friends too, but if other people found out that I am gay, They will shun me and worst, force me to marry some random Christian guy.

But thanks a lot. I don't understand until now, how can they say that God loves us when he can't even accept gay and lesbian and threaten to send them to hell. That is not all-loving, that is horrible.

[blackpudd1n]

Thanks a lot guys. It means a lot to me you know. I'm sorry I can't reveal my country because the place where I live right now is very anti-gay and I still in the closet. If my family, not my dad, he already found out and several of my best friends too, but if other people found out that I am gay, They will shun me and worst, force me to marry some random Christian guy.

But thanks a lot. I don't understand until now, how can they say that God loves us when he can't even accept gay and lesbian and threaten to send them to hell. That is not all-loving, that is horrible.

 

...I think I know where you are (don't worry, I won't be telling). Can you get over here to Australia? Because from what you just posted, I'm pretty sure you can apply for a humanitarian visa. I do know someone, a solicitor (lawyer) who specialises in this area, and I may be able to get you some information on the legal way to do it. He is actually the former partner of a lesbian friend of mine, and was in fact the one who figured out her sexuality. Their split was pretty amicable, so even on a personal level, your sexual preference won't be held against you. And on a legal level, it is against the law to discriminate against anyone based on sexual preference in Australia. A humanitarian visa will give you a lot of support to help you get established here, too. I'm not sure of all the in's and out's of going about the process, but if you would like to pm me with some details, I can get some information for you. You shouldn't live in fear of being forced into a marriage simply because of your sexual preference. Either way, I will try to track down some information for you with the contacts I have.

[izzytheterri]

If God is love the love is perfect and all forms of love should be cherished.

 

At least that's what I believe. I don't say that to try to make you believe in God, but rather to express how flawed it is to be a Christian and Anti-Homosexual. Love is love. It's perfect, and beautiful. And when you find that one person that you love more than anything, you will get a glimpse of what I believe which is that true love is god.

 

Even though according to the Bible Jesus was accepting of everyone, somehow Christianity meant accepting no-one. I hate it.

 

Blessings and peace to you. Stay strong.

[Positivist]

...I found “Jesus” and I accept him as my savior despite the fact that I just found out that I’m a lesbian. I had no idea at that time that if I became Christian, I will go to hell just because of my sexuality.

 

I told my Christian friends about my sexuality, guess what they said to me? That this is not normal, and God will help me to find a way to be straight again.

Skeithx, welcome to Ex-C. I used to do lay-counseling with an Exodus (ex-gay) group. I am straight, but the "issue" of homosexuality was one of the things that drove me from Christianity. It just didn't make sense that God would make you one way and then hate you for it.

 

I am so tired of straight Christians verbally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually beating up on gay Christians. They have no idea what it's like, and the torment that gay believers experience.

 

I found this belief system simply unbelievable.

 

I am glad you found Ex-C. Find peace, and find safety!

[Godric]

Something to keep in mind, Skeithx, is that the reason the Christian Psychiatrist insisted something bad or wrong had happened in your past is because in their theological worldview, God only creates humans as heterosexual. For you to be any different means - for them - that an error in your development has occurred, and their "therapy" would start by focusing on finding some traumatic or negative experience to explain your "dysfunctional/disordered" orientation. Thankfully you haven't had any such experiences, as many patients or even parents exposed to this line of thought and unscientific practice may come to carry enormous guilt and shame if they are led to think that a negative experience (such as "bad" parenting, an early same-sex experience, or any kind of sexual assault) is the cause of their sexual orientation.

 

I just thought I'd share this, as being able to understand people (such as this Christian counselor) will hopefully make the situation less confusing for you and give you a greater sense of control for what you're going through, making it more bearable. Keep in mind your parents are struggling in their own ways just as you are.

 

To end with a similar story of mine, my parents had me meet with an ex-gay therapist just once when I was 18 on the recommendation of their pastor, and what was really sad is that I learned that my counselor was an "ex-gay" man who had had issues with drug abuse and other problems as a young adult that he had he received legitimate help for - but unfortunately - was also indoctrinated with the belief that his "dysfunctional" sexuality arose from the same bad childhood experiences that led him to addiction and other behavioral problems. I still think sadly back upon this tragic, trapped man to this day. Orientation cannot be changed, only suppressed and hidden (which is demonstrated to be unhealthy/harmful psychologically), hence the label "ex-gay" rather than straight for those who complete this type of Christian therapy.

 

Their goal is to make gays and lesbians celibate or find sexual union with the opposite sex, in accordance with their theological beliefs.

[Godric]

And P.S., I hope the mental health professionals you are paying to see are at least prescribing you with some anti-convulsion medicine for your epilepsy.

[Skeithx]

Something to keep in mind, Skeithx, is that the reason the Christian Psychiatrist insisted something bad or wrong had happened in your past is because in their theological worldview, God only creates humans as heterosexual. For you to be any different means - for them - that an error in your development has occurred, and their "therapy" would start by focusing on finding some traumatic or negative experience to explain your "dysfunctional/disordered" orientation. Thankfully you haven't had any such experiences, as many patients or even parents exposed to this line of thought and unscientific practice may come to carry enormous guilt and shame if they are led to think that a negative experience (such as "bad" parenting, an early same-sex experience, or any kind of sexual assault) is the cause of their sexual orientation.

 

I just thought I'd share this, as being able to understand people (such as this Christian counselor) will hopefully make the situation less confusing for you and give you a greater sense of control for what you're going through, making it more bearable. Keep in mind your parents are struggling in their own ways just as you are.

 

Their goal is to make gays and lesbians celibate or find sexual union with the opposite sex, in accordance with their theological beliefs.

 

Oh my, I forgot to mention,my parents took me to a Christian Counselor twice. First time, she just asked me why I didn't have many male friends, I forgot what I said to her, but after several personality tests, we didn't meet again until 4 years later, maybe she thought I'm just a kid, and it's just a phase, and besides I was very religious back then. The second time, it happened a year ago, I was still religious but not too much, I told her about my sexuality this time, and my complicated relationship with a straight girl that I liked. I just wanted to ask her about whether God will accept me if I remain faithful to him despite the fact that I'm a lesbian and she said to me that I became lesbian not because I was born this way, but because something in my past. so, yeah, because of her, I am now interest to find out the real reason why Christians hate homosexual so much.

[Jedah]

Yep, "Pray away the gay" is something we have talked about on this site before. We know from experience it doesn't work, and science agrees.

 

http://www.eurekaler...diw-0302100.php

 

"Reparative therapy," also known as conversion therapy, is a term that is used to describe treatment attempts to change a person from a homosexual or bisexual orientation to a heterosexual orientation. There is no published scientific evidence supporting the efficacy of "reparative therapy" as a treatment to change one's sexual orientation. It is not described in the scientific literature, nor is it mentioned in the APA's Task Force Report, Treatments of Psychiatric Disorders (1989).

Sexual orientation, like gender identity, appears to be established early in life. There is no evidence that altering sexual orientation is an appropriate goal of psychiatric treatment. There are single case reports of changes or increased flexibility in the capacity to respond heterosexually -- or homosexually -- during psychotherapy, but no specific treatment to permanently realize such changes has been documented. Clinical experience suggests that attempts to change sexual orientation may occasionally result in behavioral changes for some motivated individuals for limited periods of time, but that such changes often are accompanied by depression, anxiety, and other symptoms.

Homosexuals and bisexuals -- like others -- are raised in a homophobic society and often experience internalized homophobia. Some may seek conversion to heterosexuality on that account. Clinical experience suggests that relief of homophobia allows for better psychological functioning. Those who have integrated their sexual orientation into a positive sense of themselves function at a healthier psychological level than those who have not.

In December 1998, the APA Board adopted a position statement on psychiatric treatment and sexual orientation which said in part: "...the American Psychiatric Association opposes any psychiatric treatment, such as "reparative" or "conversion" therapy which is based upon the assumption that homosexuality per se is a mental disorder or based upon a prior assumption that the patient should change his/her homosexual orientation." (See "Psychiatric Treatment and Sexual Orientation," for complete text.) Several other major professional organizations including the American Psychological Association, the National Association of Social Workers and the American Academy of Pediatrics also have made statements against "reparative therapy" because of concerns for the harm caused to patients.

 

 

The belief that homosexuality can be cured is religious quackery. You have done the right thing by leaving it.

[Adamtrev11]

You were definitely born this way. Don't let anyone try to fool you into thinking otherwise.

 

Do what makes you happy, don't suppress your sexuality, because at the end of the day, it's your life. It's who you are. Try not to waste your time dwelling on the words or thoughts of ignorant people who are just gonna bring you down; instead surround yourself with positivity. I know it sounds cliche but it's true. They'll probably never change their views, so screw what they think.