Ex Christian Marriage Advise

[mymistake]

Okay just wanted to start a topic where those who have been married can share what they think make a marriage work and the misinformation they got from Christian sources that didn't help. In other words if a young single leaves Christianity what do we need to tell him or her to protect them from Christian lies about marriage.

 

I'm still married after almost a decade and a half. My observations:

 

1) Christians lied to me when they said there was "One person for me" and this person was "picked out by Jesus".

 

Fact: There are millions of people who would make a great life partner. Finding one is takes time and a willingness to look past the best behavior they put up while dating.

 

Fact: Your relationship is whatever you and your S.O. create. It's not God drawing you closer. If you introduce deception then it's part of your relationship. If you solve the problem of deception and build honesty then that is how you shape your marriage. You will get serious when you both want to and are ready to.

 

 

2) Christian grossly exaggerated when it comes to lasting love.

 

Fact: You will find yourself attracted to your partner less and less. They will experience the same thing towards you. It starts after a few months and it just builds. The longer your relationship lasts the less you will be attracted to each other. They get old and fall apart. You get old and fall apart. So if you want your marriage to last you both have to be prepared for this reality. The overwhelming attraction you feel just before marriage isn't going to keep your together because it fades to nothing. And I really mean both because otherwise you wind up with a partner who strays and both endings to that story are unpleasant. As an ex-Christian this is even worse because you no longer have a whole culture putting pressure on you to stay married. Christianity needs strong families to provide them with new indoctrinated children.

 

Personally the thing that keeps me into my marriage is family and loyalty. Betrayal is a big thing to me so I wouldn't do it lightly. That is probably a pathetic excuse but you have to do what you have to do.

 

 

3) From time to time you will draw the interest of somebody of the opposite sex who at least seems better than your spouse. Part of this has to do with human nature and wanting what we can't have. You have to guard your heart and figure out how to not follow up on your instincts. It's going to happen to your partner too so talk to them about it. Sometimes this other love interest just wants a short fling or sometimes they want you to divorce and remarry. Either one can jeopardize your marriage. Sometimes it's a matter of crushing your emotions with rational thought. Your mind must tell your heart to shut up.

 

4) Dating is one area that rewards deception. At it's best dating is being on your best behavior while somebody else decides you might be worth all your unknown flaws. Starting with your worst side will result in failure and frustration. So dating is a place where liars and psychopaths can do some real harm. Lots of people have been burned because they were tricked by the wrong partner. So it's a good idea to get to know a partner in a wide variety of situations. Be sure you see their bad side. Don't lie to yourself about how you are going to change them. That won't happen. There is no Jesus to change them either. Know your real partner before you decide if they are right for you for life.

 

If anybody else has experience with Christian deception about marriage, what makes a marriage last or what went wrong in marriages that didn't last then please add.

[DesertBob]

You are fundamentally correct. However, I believe that there are plenty of honest ways to sustain intimate relationships that don't require the "one true love" fantasy (which, if we're honest, is pretty universal and probably can't be laid at Christianity's feet; they simply use something that's already there).

 

I believe in devotion and loyalty as positive character traits and maintain that if people have a vision for relationship, and a commitment to it, that a relationship can grow and evolve along with its participants. No, rutting season does not last, but there are many forms of intimacy -- most of which are superior to mere rutting. Have you ever seen an elderly couple walking hand in hand or sitting comfortably in silence with each other? There is a lovely intimacy to that which a pair of panting, sweating 22 year olds can't imagine, much less experience.

 

When one or both parties to a relationship have had many past relationships there is a tendency to regard your partner as a fungible commodity, particularly if you have that fortuitous combination of physical and other attributes that have historically made it easy for you to attract a selection of partners. Some people see relationships purely in terms of pragmatic social arrangements. I on the other hand always look for the unique beauty and value inherent in the other person and act accordingly. Alas, this has always meant that I have more to loose than my partner, should the relationship come to an end for any reason, but I don't know why I'd bother to be with anyone if I didn't care enough about them as a human being to take that kind of risk. I suppose my biggest disappointment in my relationships has been that I've never been with a woman who is as committed to me as I am to her (and I don't mean in a creepy-clingy way, either). On the other hand, my last two choices were honest ones based on appreciation for actual positive qualities, which I get to treasure, whether or not fully appreciated or reciprocated. A lot of it has been a matter of getting over myself and my insistence on being validated. I have gradually learned, like Barf the Mog (Man-Dog) in Spaceballs, to be my own best friend. One thing I've always observed is that I'm the one person I can actually count on no matter what.

 

As for handling the sexual side in things when they become asymmetrical -- that is highly personal, but for me that also comes down to asking yourself whether you are into the other person for who and what they are -- including their sexuality or lack thereof -- or if you're in it more for booty. Be honest with yourself and act accordingly, but in my view, there is seldom any choice other than to suck it up and let it be what it is, or let the person go and find someone who you have more in common with sexually.

 

The problem is you can't really know the other person sexually until you're far to committed and entangled in other ways. In my bitter experience, someone who is a wanton vixen early in a relationship can be completely unable to function later on. It's happened to me twice now, and both of them claim I'm great in bed and how I handle myself sexually has nothing to do with it.

 

Given this, the idea of changing relationships simply to get your zotz wet is one of the dumber ideas in the history of mankind. Personally I don't have it in me to reconfigure my life yet again and I think if people really thought about what's actually involved in making such changes they'd seldom do it. Divorce is devastating no matter how you go about it. It's also a great way to squander time and money to no good purpose, merely to trade one kind of pain for another. I advocate ending intimate relationships only as a way to end abuse and contain the damage from it. If there are any mutual feelings at all, any kind of respect, any kind of common cause, I've come to believe it's always better to just keep on keeping on, with or without the sex life you imagine is sustainable or worthwhile, with or without your (in)ability to see your partner through rose colored glasses, etc.

[blackpudd1n]

I was 18 when I married for the first time. I thought I was doing "God's will", and marrying the man he chose for me. The marriage lasted 11 months before I left him.

 

My first piece of advice? Don't ask God to send you someone. "God" will probably choose badly for you.

 

My second piece of advice? Have a long engagement. Trust me on this one. Don't start planning the wedding straight away, allocate a period of time (my fiancee and I have allocated a year before we even set a date) to really get to know each other, and ask the really hard questions. You need to nut out the boring stuff, that could lead to fights even while engaged, as to whether you will have children; if you have children, when you would like to have children; how many children you would like to have; and what you will do, and how it could possibly affect your relationship if one of you turns out to be infertile.

 

Another discussion you need to have is how the finances will be handled/managed. This was a HUGE sticking point between my ex-husband and I, and a big part of why I left him. It's a simple fact of life that circumstances change. The one who starts out earning the most will not necessarily always earn the most. So a fair system of handling the finances is very important. In my former marriage, my husband, who was earning $60K a year, wanted to split all the costs. That's all good and well if you both earn a similar amount, but I was trying to study, and as a result, my studies suffered because I had to work to struggle to pay my share of the costs. It was NOT fun feeling like the poorer partner, and my fiancee went through a similar experience with an ex of his, where, for 4 years, he was the poorer partner. So very early on, when we moved in together, we agreed that we would have a fair system. We pool all of the money, and pay all of the bills first. We have a couple of accounts where we set money aside for various things. Then the remainder gets divided equally between us, to spend or save as we so wish- neither of us can criticise the other for how they spend their share of the leftover money.

 

As my fiancee finds it hard to keep track of his spending, we have separate accounts, which are linked through internet banking. I keep track of the finances simply because I'm better at managing money, but my fiancee can ask at any time where we are up to and I will show him. We also discuss any major purchases together, and work out a way to do them. I keep track of the finances, but neither of us has a final say over them. This system suits us really well, simply because it is fair. We have both had fluctuations in income, but because we ultimately both end up with the same amount of spending money, and the bills are all paid, the fluctuations don't bother us. Neither of us are any better off than the other.

 

I think another important thing in any relationship is space, and time apart. The whole idea within christianity that two become one is just plain wrong. You are two individuals who choose to walk through life together. Your individuality is what first attracted you to each other. It is important to remember who you are, and to continue to be that person. Never compromise the essence of who you are for anyone else, or you will resent the other person for it later.

 

And MM was right. Don't try to change someone to fit your mold. If you don't like them how they came, leave them be. Let them go. Find someone else. Because I guarantee you, they won't like you when you're done changing them. If someone likes to dress causally, let them dress that way. If a chick's not into make-up, don't pressure her to wear it. These things may seem minor, but they are a part of a person's identity. If you can't live with it, let them be.

[Foxy Methoxy]

I've been with a lot of women. A LOT of women. And in hindsight, there really only is and ever was one woman for me. Did Jesus pick her out for me? No. Does this mean there is only one true love for others? I can't say that. I can only draw from my own experiences. And I'd trade every moment of being with women I was merely fucking to have one night with the woman I love.

 

As far as Christians and love, I don't associate the two. I think Christians know about as much as love as anyone else. Love is an emotion controlled by instincts we don't understand. Religion is a completely different ball of wax altogether.

[Foxy Methoxy]

Also, dating blows as a means to getting to know someone before you have sex with them, but it's great for something to do with someone you're already sleeping with. I think dating gets better the more you identify as a couple.

[Eugene39]

And MM was right. Don't try to change someone to fit your mold. If you don't like them how they came, leave them be. Let them go. Find someone else. Because I guarantee you, they won't like you when you're done changing them. If someone likes to dress causally, let them dress that way. If a chick's not into make-up, don't pressure her to wear it. These things may seem minor, but they are a part of a person's identity. If you can't live with it, let them be.

 

That ^^^ right there, is huge. If there are areas of contention while dating, it will be magnified intensely once married. The areas that have caused us the most problems were mildly evident during dating, but was young and dumb and thought everything was fixable, especially with "God's help". Everything is NOT fixable.

[Ro-bear]

. And I'd trade every moment of being with women I was merely fucking to have one night with the woman I love.

 

 

Holy crap! I sure wouldn't! But then I have been with the woman I love for over twenty years. At times I am damn glad to have memories of my younger days to sustain me as the sweaty young love turns to the old people hand-holding love. I wouldn't give up one minute of what I had before; it's a supply and demand thing.

[Foxy Methoxy]

I've been with my fiancee 10x more than all of the others combined. It's just that good when we're together.

[hereticzero]

I know for a fact, and I've posted this on other sites too, that the key to successful marriages that will last until Hell freezes over is in remembering two simple words:

 

'YES DEAR!'

[Foxy Methoxy]

I thought it was "good head." No?

[openpalm45]

Thanks for starting this thread.

I am very curious to know about other people's marriages and to learn from them. I have been reading books on marriage and relationships since I was 12, but sadly the majority of those were christian. (I am a psych major though.. I love understanding people and relationships)

Now, I dont want to get married anytime soon. I would prefer to wait for several years. I am only 22, and there are other things I want to do and experience before I get into a serious relationship, because even in the most understanding, empowering relationship, there are still restrictions that come with the relationship. You can't get around that (unless you are in an open relationship, but thats not for me). I also want to learn more about who I am, and continue to develop who I am, and grow. Also, I am only recently deconverted, so my need for independence and to learn more of who I am is even more great. Also, I have an alcoholic father who has depended on me a lot, and I have finally gotten strong enough to say no to him, and be my own person. I am so ready for some independence and freedom. A relationship just doesnt sound appealing to me right now.

Now, as some of you know, there is a man in my life. He is wonderful. He encourages me and loves me. We help each other grow, and we push each other to be better people. We make each other incredibly happy, and I have never had anyone love me the way that he does. It's incredible. We are so good for each other, and the relationship is so healthy. He is even understanding about the fact that I can't be in a relationship right now. He is amazing.

But I am terrified. Im scared to love him. He makes me love him more and more everyday. But how do I know if I should go for it? How do I know if he is the right person for me? I used to believe that I could just pray and seek God, and the Holy Spirit would guide me to make the right choice. Whether there was one "right person" or we could make a choice, I never decided what I believed about that. I have always been what you could call a logical romantic though. I am both logical, and romantic about relationships. Maybe a bit more on the logical side, at least for a woman. (well, I just think too much in general, which is a problem sometimes.) Anyways. I guess my problem is the cliche question of "How do you know if you've met the right person?" Which, when you put it on those terms, seems a little silly to be asking, but its true. Some think it takes time to get to know someone before you can know if they are right for you. Some say "When you've met the right person, you know." And you also hear "You don't know what you have, until its gone." The more I get to know this guy, the more wonderful he is and the more I love him. But I also hold back a lot, and I can feel it. And I dont know if its my intuitive side telling me that he is not right for me and that we are just better as friends, or if its just my fear from being hurt and the fact that I have seen VERY few happy couples.

Since being in a relationship is not a priority right now, then I guess this doesnt really matter, but I dont want to run away because of fear. I want to make my decisions the best I can. And I dont want to be in that group that says "you dont know what you have until its gone." And I dont want to hurt him. Blah. Okay. Im sure I have more to say, but I'll stop there for now. Thanks for reading all of that if you did!

I would love to hear any and all advice from anyone! People in happy marriages, unhappy marriages, divorced, single, whatever! Im sure I can learn from people in all different situations, because we all have relationships and life experiences to learn from.

[mymistake]

I also want to learn more about who I am, and continue to develop who I am, and grow.

 

You are wiser than the average 20 something. A word of advise: get your degree. The longer you take to get a degree the harder it is to get it. So now is the time to set your career up. You seem to have the right mindset so succeed. There will be plenty of time to work out the rest later.

 

 

Some think it takes time to get to know someone before you can know if they are right for you.

 

That is one I agree with. There is no rush. If you enjoy getting to know somebody then spend as much time as you want on it. Get that degree. The degree is the thing where the clock is ticking. If the guy thinks you are right for him he will stick around and be cool - especially if you are doing things to set your life on the right track.

[Blue elephant]

Sometimes you hear of fundy churches encouraging their young folk to marry after only eight or so weeks of very chaste courtship - so that they will not be tempted! That sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. Why is it a disaster?

1. This is often the first person they have had ANY romance with! So they can easily mistake the hormonal effect of sexual attraction for "love" not knowing that all thes hormones would be just as present with the next romance.

2. They are probably very young.

3. The courtship is extremely short and people are still on their best behaviour after eight weeks.

 

So? The lessons are - need for the experience of a few romances, need to go out and grow up and experience the big wide world a bit and taking to time to see the real person.

 

There is research on what makes a marriage more likely to last. One of the researchers that has written on this stuff in Australia is Rebecca Kippen. Worth looking her up. She is INCREDIBLY well respected as a researcher!

[Margee]

My observations:

 

 

2) Christian (And the world) grossly exaggerated when it comes to lasting love.

 

Fact: You will find yourself attracted to your partner less and less. They will experience the same thing towards you. It starts after a few months and it just builds. The longer your relationship lasts the less you will be attracted to each other. They get old and fall apart. You get old and fall apart. So if you want your marriage to last you both have to be prepared for this reality. The overwhelming attraction you feel just before marriage isn't going to keep your together because it fades to nothing. And I really mean both because otherwise you wind up with a partner who strays and both endings to that story are unpleasant. As an ex-Christian this is even worse because you no longer have a whole culture putting pressure on you to stay married. Christianity needs strong families to provide them with new indoctrinated children.

 

Personally the thing that keeps me into my marriage is family and loyalty. Betrayal is a big thing to me so I wouldn't do it lightly. That is probably a pathetic excuse but you have to do what you have to do.

 

 

If anybody else has experience with Christian deception about marriage, what makes a marriage last or what went wrong in marriages that didn't last then please add.

 

This above.

 

This is such sad reality for both woman and men. I grew up thinking that one would find a partner for life and the romance would continue forever. I'd be someone's princess forever and I would shower love on my prince. I'm a sucker for romance- romance me and you get get whatever you want from me. Doesn't seem to be so, from my experience. One or so years together and all the 'thrill' has worn off. Very sad.

 

The next best thing is for that spouse to become your best friend. You would be able to communicate like best friends, work through things, enjoy each other and try to keep your eyes off the opposite sex. If the 'best friend' phase wears off - you're in trouble. Good communication (where each one REALLY listens) and having a whole lot in common, helps. Stress in the house of any kind ( other family members like kids, mother-father-in-law troubles, finances, blended families, etc...) will mess your relationship up big time, unless you hold each other up 100%, while going through it.

 

One of the things that I find so annoying is when 2 people try to tell each other what they like and don't like, or what they need or don't need...... and nobody really pays attention.

 

Personally , I find that if there are too many 'letdowns' from your partner time after time....(even betrayed in small ways- like not paying attention to what you need, after you've told them) love just fizzles out for me. I stay, I don't run, I am commited, I learn to live with it.......... but I find that this thing called 'love relationships' has been a disapointment for me during my life. So be this thing called life. I live in reality now........ 'It is what it is'.

I like the 'princess - prince' story better................and they lived happily ever after.

[freespirit]

I've been married for 25 years. It hasn't been all cake and punch. Far from it. However, we have always loved each other. I think the Christian ideas about marriage have both good and bad points. I do believe in monogamous, long-term marriage. This does not mean I am never tempted or never think about someone of the opposite sex. However, I do try not to let those thoughts lodge themselves because I believe what would be lost is greater than what would be gained.

 

I have been looking at things more scientifically over the past few years and I think scientifically we are attracted to each other to mate and have children. Somewhere then, biology leads us into what we must finish up with mind over matter. What I mean by that is that sometimes you have to choose loyalty to your partner and family over the whims you might have. When I am old and gray, I want to be one of those holding hands with my husband and not someone who is old and lonely. Of course, he could pass on before me and I could end up old and lonely anyway, but with my integrity and self-respect intact.

 

Edison said "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."

 

Yes, we are inevitably disappointed. But along with that disappointment comes love, loyalty, children, a lifetime of shared experiences, friendship and many other good things. So, marriage is not perfect, but it is what we have.

[freespirit]

. And I'd trade every moment of being with women I was merely fucking to have one night with the woman I love.

 

 

Holy crap! I sure wouldn't! But then I have been with the woman I love for over twenty years. At times I am damn glad to have memories of my younger days to sustain me as the sweaty young love turns to the old people hand-holding love. I wouldn't give up one minute of what I had before; it's a supply and demand thing.

 

Then why are you still married?

[Foxy Methoxy]

It does seem odd so many ex-c ers blame Christianity for their preconceptions about love and marriage. I feel like the two are completely unrelated. Christianity didn't teach me to fall head over heels in love with only one woman. Nothing taught me that. It just happened. And when it hit me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

[blackpudd1n]

It does seem odd so many ex-c ers blame Christianity for their preconceptions about love and marriage. I feel like the two are completely unrelated. Christianity didn't teach me to fall head over heels in love with only one woman. Nothing taught me that. It just happened. And when it hit me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

 

Blue Elephant answered that, Foxy:

 

Sometimes you hear of fundy churches encouraging their young folk to marry after only eight or so weeks of very chaste courtship - so that they will not be tempted! That sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. Why is it a disaster?

1. This is often the first person they have had ANY romance with! So they can easily mistake the hormonal effect of sexual attraction for "love" not knowing that all thes hormones would be just as present with the next romance.

2. They are probably very young.

3. The courtship is extremely short and people are still on their best behaviour after eight weeks.

 

So? The lessons are - need for the experience of a few romances, need to go out and grow up and experience the big wide world a bit and taking to time to see the real person.

 

 

 

It was 4 months to the day, from when I met my ex-husband to when I walked down the aisle. The marriage was shit and didn't last, affected my studies, and put me behind in so many ways. I was actively encouraged by many christians to get married, with the bible as back-up. Who tells an 18 year old girl who gets engaged after 3 weeks that it's a good thing and she should get married soon? And then judge her for leaving him? Don't you think you'd be just a little disenchanted with christian notions of love and marriage after an experience like that?

[freespirit]

It does seem odd so many ex-c ers blame Christianity for their preconceptions about love and marriage. I feel like the two are completely unrelated. Christianity didn't teach me to fall head over heels in love with only one woman. Nothing taught me that. It just happened. And when it hit me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

 

Blue Elephant answered that, Foxy:

 

Sometimes you hear of fundy churches encouraging their young folk to marry after only eight or so weeks of very chaste courtship - so that they will not be tempted! That sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. Why is it a disaster?

1. This is often the first person they have had ANY romance with! So they can easily mistake the hormonal effect of sexual attraction for "love" not knowing that all thes hormones would be just as present with the next romance.

2. They are probably very young.

3. The courtship is extremely short and people are still on their best behaviour after eight weeks.

 

So? The lessons are - need for the experience of a few romances, need to go out and grow up and experience the big wide world a bit and taking to time to see the real person.

 

 

 

It was 4 months to the day, from when I met my ex-husband to when I walked down the aisle. The marriage was shit and didn't last, affected my studies, and put me behind in so many ways. I was actively encouraged by many christians to get married, with the bible as back-up. Who tells an 18 year old girl who gets engaged after 3 weeks that it's a good thing and she should get married soon? And then judge her for leaving him? Don't you think you'd be just a little disenchanted with christian notions of love and marriage after an experience like that?

 

I think you have a valid complaint. I also agree with FM though too....it's not like those outside of Christendom are having huge success in the area either....about 50/50 from what I hear. Sorry you were told to marry someone like that.

[stryper]

There is also something to add to this. When you utter the words..."In Sickness and in Health"...folks have no clue what they are saying when they are young and in lust.

 

 

John Edwards. Newt Gingrich. John McCain. Family values my ass. Many others who violated one or more of the standard beliefs of marriage.

 

I personally don't believe in the marriage myth. I am married. Which consisted of a "pastor" and two witness signing a social contact which I myself nor my wife signed stating we were married. The main reason for it is because it made my wife exceedingly happy, and I like making my wife happy.

 

The tax breaks you get are a definite bonus.

 

The reality is marriage in ancient times was all about male property rights. Making it "ordained by god" just made it religious based when the custom had already been in existence for thousands of years. And as we all know the monogamy part was only applied to women. Because the guy had to know the kid was his because of the a fore mentioned property rights, which were hereditary to the oldest male child.

 

The point being marriage changes nothing about your relationship with S.O. If you work at it and talk to each other and listen, then you will have a good one. If you work together, then things will go well. If you treat each other as you would like to be treated, then it will probably work out well.

 

That said there are no guarantees. Sometime people just drift apart.

[Foxy Methoxy]

It does seem odd so many ex-c ers blame Christianity for their preconceptions about love and marriage. I feel like the two are completely unrelated. Christianity didn't teach me to fall head over heels in love with only one woman. Nothing taught me that. It just happened. And when it hit me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

 

Blue Elephant answered that, Foxy:

 

Sometimes you hear of fundy churches encouraging their young folk to marry after only eight or so weeks of very chaste courtship - so that they will not be tempted!  That sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.  Why is it a disaster?

1. This is often the first person they have had ANY romance with! So they can easily mistake the hormonal effect of sexual attraction for "love" not knowing that all thes hormones would be just as present with the next romance.

2. They are probably very young.

3. The courtship is extremely short and people are still on their best behaviour after eight weeks.

 

So?  The lessons are - need for the experience of a few romances, need to go out and grow up and experience the big wide world a bit and taking to time to see the real person.

 

 

 

It was 4 months to the day, from when I met my ex-husband to when I walked down the aisle. The marriage was shit and didn't last, affected my studies, and put me behind in so many ways. I was actively encouraged by many christians to get married, with the bible as back-up. Who tells an 18 year old girl who gets engaged after 3 weeks that it's a good thing and she should get married soon? And then judge her for leaving him? Don't you think you'd be just a little disenchanted with christian notions of love and marriage after an experience like that?

 

I think you have a valid complaint. I also agree with FM though too....it's not like those outside of Christendom are having huge success in the area either....about 50/50 from what I hear. Sorry you were told to marry someone like that.

It's a valid complaint but it isn't what I'm talking about. Christianity didn't teach me how to love or who to love. That is something inside me that will be expressed no matter what. Yes they are overbearing with instructions about how to partner. That has nothing to do with how we love.

[blackpudd1n]

I think you have a valid complaint. I also agree with FM though too....it's not like those outside of Christendom are having huge success in the area either....about 50/50 from what I hear. Sorry you were told to marry someone like that.

 

This is true. I think what ticks me off is the emphasis on remaining married against all odds in christendom. You know, things happen, people change, some things can't be worked out. It doesn't matter the reason for a divorce, it's a painful process, and there really is no need to have a bunch of people judge someone and ostracise someone for walking away, especially as they will never know what truly went on behind closed doors.

 

I think one of the keys to a successful partnership, marriage or not, is to be really honest about why you're getting in it in the first place. I just like the companionship of having my fiancee around. I like having someone to talk to. But I also like it when he's just sitting around with me, doing our respective things. We are strong together, and weaker when we are apart. We compliment each other with our strengths and weaknesses. I like being at home, when I used to hate being at home.

[Ouroboros]

I decided to marry my wife regardless of what the "prophets" around me said. It was one of the few things I did that was not religiously correct to all parties. We're still married. Even through all the things that happened to us as a family, we are still together. Sure, we have fights, and we're not the same persons we married, but the loss of breaking up is greater than the cost of staying together and working through differences. Love is more than just attraction.

[blackpudd1n]

It's a valid complaint but it isn't what I'm talking about. Christianity didn't teach me how to love or who to love. That is something inside me that will be expressed no matter what. Yes they are overbearing with instructions about how to partner. That has nothing to do with how we love.

 

That is true. I think the christians, and the western world at large, has fallen in love with fairy tales. It sets people up for a fall, unfortunately.

[stryper]

 

 

That is true. I think the christians, and the western world at large, has fallen in love with fairy tales. It sets people up for a fall, unfortunately.

 

I personally blame Victorian England and the Romance period of literature and music for that.

 

It tends to be the tales part of fairy tales that gets forgotten.