Jump to content

The Fishbowl


Mystery
 Share

Recommended Posts

I remember a year or so ago, i'd show up at my church every Sunday seeking truth. I walked in with baggage and burdens, questioning where God was.. and why I couldnt find him.

I would sit in the back and stare at the ground for most of the time excluding the sort 15 minute sermons. Not because it was of lack of interest, but for an intensified interest. I would pray to the point where no other external issue, sound, or person mattered.

This point in my life was the hardest i've had in the short 18 years i've been around. The situation I was in had many angles of pressure, and I tried to turn to God to help. One year later, I no longer believe in the God of the bible, and church has no part of my life.

I write down everything I felt. I still do. In cleaning out my huge stacks of paper I came across one from a year or so ago, a poem I wrote while in a church service. Here it is:

 

"No longer am I in control.

No longer does my voice make a difference or my hand manipulate a fix.

No longer.

I either die or live in this storm. This storm in the fishbowl, owned by a Divine, is caused by his shaking and shifting constantly of the bowl.

Testing if the glass bowl of my world withstands or collapses under the pressure.

Is this some cruel joke to repeatedly test the fish inside?

Either way, I will never conceive the mind in this Divine owner.

Never, all along, have I had control.

The free sea calls, and deepest ocean sings, but hits the outside of the glass, unheard.

One day, i'll be free."

 

 

And guess what... I now am. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

smile.png Well done!

 

But you are still bound up with with how you've been socialized and with the narrative of your culture. You are still constrained by the contours of your own personality. You are still selective about the facts you bring forward and thus your perspective is distorted.

 

poke.gif I just wanted to accuse you of everything which was true of me!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Haha this may be true, but at least I am aware of the faults which inhabit me now. And steps have been made to cure the disease. I'm far more open now, then back then. Such a short time has produced much in me, and progressed me farther than I ever have been.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.