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I Am So Damn Angry Right Now!


TotalWreck
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I know this is really random, but I just need to vent:

 

I've been thinking about how stupid I've been believing in Christianity - all that time and energy down the drain for fucking nothing!cussing.gif Here I was thinking that if I obeyed the best that I could and did all that the bible told me to do that god would be there for me and help me through all of my troubles. Oh really? Well then why did my heart feel broken the majority of the time I was "with the Lord"? Why is it that no matter how hard I worked to get myself out of bad situations that God never did HIS part? What happend to that "God helps those who helps themselves" shit? Because he sure as hell never helped me - it was ME doing ALL of the work!

 

I just feel so bitter and angry now!cussing.gif I just don't see how people can keep believing this shit.Wendybanghead.gif What kind of a loving god makes his followers' lives a living hell while they're on earth? One of the things that always pissed me off was seeing all of these evil and cruel people getting away with treating good people like shit while good people were getting fucked over all the time. It was one of the reasons I left - I can't believe a god would just allow his followers to suffer while all this evil runs around on earth. And if there is a god, he's a sadistic jerk.

 

Thank you for reading my vent. I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said before on here, but I've just really been in a BAD mood lately thanks to all of this religion shit. This shit has really fucked up my life, my mind, and my emotions and it's going to take a long time for me to recover.glare.gif

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I've been there. I still have moments of anger from all the years I wasted thinking that there would be something better after my life here was done. At least now you are on the road to recovery. I wish you well. :)

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Not random at all and absolutely normal. I was and have been very angry about Christianity -- angry at the people who convinced me that it was real as a child, and angry at people who convinced me I was going to hell. Most of all, I think I was (and truthfully still am) angry at myself for ever believing it, and angry at others for not seeing through the bullshit too, though I'm trying to be understanding about that, remembering how the fear of hell can debilitate people and make them push down doubts and not critically examine their beliefs.

 

So you are not alone. The reality that there is probably no god (and definitely no Christian god) in the background watching over us, helping us, is rather depressing. The idea that we bargained and pleaded with an imaginary force is embarrassing. But the good thing is, we aren't there anymore. With nothing looking out for us, we know we have only ourselves and perhaps other people to depend on. There are no false ideas about that. Depending on an imaginary force and getting burned, being hurt because we had so much faith that it would help us, is something we don't have to worry about anymore. No more feelings of betrayal, of being forsaken. It can be a very freeing feeling. And it can bring a sense of pride too, looking back on all your accomplishments -- YOU did that! No prayer or help influenced it. Just your hard work!

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TotalWreck, I hear you. Yes, it is incredibly frustrating to have sacrificed so much to something that wasn't true. I cringe at the memories of what might have been.

 

I've had to forgive myself for the dumb things I did and believed in my 40+ years as a believer. I've had to keep reminding myself that I made the best possible decisions at that time, with the information I had. Now, new information has come to light, and I am walking in that pathway. I am picking up the pieces and redeeming my life.

 

Please, keep venting, and keep moving forward. I wish you peace!

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I often find myself reflecting on how much of my life has been wasted on religion. It pisses me off. In fact, everything about Christianity pisses me off. I actually have a very difficult time trying to not lash out at well-meaning Christians when they attribute things to Jesus or the Holy Spirit. I understand now why many Xtians think that atheists are mean, angry people. I'm angry but since that will not get me anywhere, I'm just trying my best to be tolerant. I guarantee you that leaving this job and moving out of my family's house will immediately alleviate much of my anger.

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All of life is ongoing journey of discovery. There is no waste.

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The anger is a pretty normal part of any big tansition that happens in life, including the deconversion process. It's pretty similar to the steps associated with grief.

 

You are entitled to feeling angry right now as the truth about everything sinks in, and this is a great place to vent. Most of us have been exactly where you are at some time or other.

 

I also went through an angry phase. I've mostly moved on to the "acceptance" phase, but there are still things that people say or do that set me off once in a while.

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I don't understand how an omniscient and all-loving God would create people whom he foreknew would go to hell. The only logical conclusion I can come to is that maybe he lied about being loving.

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I don't understand how an omniscient and all-loving God would create people whom he foreknew would go to hell. The only logical conclusion I can come to is that maybe he lied about being loving.

 

Exactly! I've always wondered the exact same thing - If God knew us before we were even born and supposedly knows every move we will make in life, then why would he even create the people he knows will go to hell??? And of course, Christians have no answers for that other than the tired ass cop out "God works in mysterious ways" shit. rolleyes.gif

 

It just irritates me how people can just keep beliving in shit that contradicts itself and has so many unanswered questions.

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I have to agree with legion and trapped. It wasn't wasted because you grew from it and it will make you a wiser person to the god con. You now know that you are in control of your life, and that you don't have to beg and wait around for assistance from god. I myself am past all the anger but x-tians still anger me. I live my life now and enjoy every minute of it instead of wondering if I'm doing wrong, or sinning, or blah blah blah. If its what I want to do and its legal, then I do it. (Had to throw the legal disclaimer in there...lol).

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I don't understand how an omniscient and all-loving God would create people whom he foreknew would go to hell. The only logical conclusion I can come to is that maybe he lied about being loving.

 

Oh that would be because those people chose to go to hell and not follow the clear path toward salvation. You know, that clear path that has led to wars, persecutions, loneliness, bitterness, revisions of scripture, smugness, cults, politicization of religious hierarchy, and a lack of understanding it all to this very day. Other that that, he obviously loves us all!

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I'm angry, too. Even when I couldn't dismiss the cruelty in the bible anymore I still tried to justify it but telling myself that I wan't seeing the whole picture- that god had all of the information and I needed to trust him. Now that I don't believe anymore I'm realizing that xtianity is EVERYWHERE. Nothing but xmas specials and preachers on tv. Charlie Brown xmas cartoon and Linus giving his nativity speech. Family members constantly complaining about Muslims and gay marriage and saying things like "jesus is the reason for the seasons." Xtianity is everywhere, and they still think they're threatened somehow or persecuted. I'm pissed right but I'm sure it will pass. I want to be angry right now.

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I, too, get angry at myself for how weak I was in allowing Christians to control me thru fear and manipulation. I based my youthful decisions, career path, and life management choices on deep "prayer," listening to the "still small voice" of the Lord, and church "counseling" from the Elders. I was miserable in the church, never found that place of joy I kept hearing about, & never could repent enough to overcome the fear of hell. At 35, I was able to break away from it all. I had phone calls, home visits, & people put me on Christianity literature mailing lists. One lady came to my home with her entire bible school class. I asked them to all leave. As they were leaving they stopped and "wiped the dust off your feet." I get angry, but as the poster stated, It" wasn't wasted because you grew from it and it will make you a wiser person to the god con." I still get shunned, but know I will never return to cult thinking.

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Totalwreck you are so not alone in your feelings.I spent the past half year everytime i walked to work in the early morning cursing chrstians fuckwits who i have met over the years.i was one of the decent folk,didn't stick my neck out,tried to obey the bibile and god etc.I got shat on big time by wonderful christian men and women who everyone esteemed so much mainly because they talked a good line or had good jobs,ie they were what every good born again christian should be;it didn't matter if they were cruel back stabbing bastards.See,i am still angry.I too feel like I wasted so much of my life.all those wonderful teen years and all my twenties being a good christian man.I am making up for it now but it is not the same,nothing can bring those years back and I mourn their passing.what a waste.i can see you feel like this too.There is nowt I can say to you except just keep going,try and salvage what you can.I cannot say , ''at least you got out'' as in truth that won't be of any more comfort to you than it is a comforting statement to me.you like everyone on this site was fucking robbed of part of your life.Maybe do some punchbag work or something.I spent six months several times a week battering fuck out a punchbag in my garage with a baseball bat.i still have work to do.But it does slowly emoty your tanks of anger.

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Angus stated it well. I really get angry at the place I am vs. the place I might be had I not "prayed about it." I thought the wonderful christians were wonderful inside and outside of church. I soon learned the truth when I entered the work place. "Godly" men, elders in their churches, women who would chastise the sinners, the same were lying, cheating, and stealing in the workplace. One lady, who was the loudest in her church prayers, was the cruelest and meanest in the workplace. She would go off in a tantrum at everyone, and her temper was to be feared. I can relate many similar incidents of the Sunday morning christian vs. the Monday morning employer. I wasted 20 years of my life believing a lie. I will never again pray about anything. I rely on ME.

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The weirdest (and stupidest) part I heard from Christians was: If God didn't answer your prayer it's because it wasn't good for you! WTF? I am also angry at myself for being that stupid and believed them, but I also thought they were wonderful, good, moral, happy, satisfied, with a fullfilled life. Interesting, I became depressed and was thinking of suicide when I became a Christian. I was never depressed before. I enjoyed life. So yes, what a lie! If you pray, you'll be happy. Yeah, wright. I'm angry they took my teen years, they ruined me psychologically, annihilated my Self, killed my personality etc. Suckers!

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Don't be angry at yourself about it. You weren't stupid. You were brainwashed. Big difference. Christianity is so successful because it professes to give us the things we long for most emotionally. That isn't easy to get rid of or face.

 

As mentioned before, this isn't random. It's something most of us go through. Being angry about it is healthy and normal. It's appropriate, and all part of the process. Just be sure not to beat YOURSELF up. It's not you being stupid, it was you being misled.

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Yes whatever you do do not consider suicide. I went that route and it wasn't pleasant. X-tianity is a very easy trap to fall into. It trys to make you feel safe but only then does it tell you that you are not worthy of it. Its like an abusive partner, it will say sorry and beg for forgiveness only to turn around and tell you how worthless you are and that you don't deserve them. The best thing to do is just leave it far behind!!!

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