dichotomy Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Hello everyone, been a long time. I have lurked a little but been busy and to be honest it felt like I was doing okay and being on here was just stirring up issues for me unnecessarily, but of course the build up to Christmas gets me every year... I'm going to have a long moan. No need to reply as I know it's not *that* big a deal, but at least you guys actually understand. We just had a yuletide/christmas party last night for family and friends of various ages and flavours.N's parents were here, have been for a couple of days prior. We've managed to avoid the subject of church, faith and religion the whole time. Until yesterday evening I made the stupid mistake of pointing out my nativity set and my 'non-religious nativity' set on the otherside of the room to a friend of ours. He's only known us a couple of years and said 'oh are you christian?' "No, well, not anymore, we were, now we're sort of atheists, but N's parents are Christians...." *really regrets mentioning anything with every single word I say*About half an hour later I can hear intensive discussion and then ever increasing loudness from N. Friend had decided to chat to him and his dad about faith/religion etc. because he finds it interesting. In a normal family and normal circumstances this wouldn't be awkward but N is a bit aspergers - gets a bit obsessive and goes on about stuff and talk more and becomes seemingly patronising when people don't agree because he thinks they don't understand what he's saying (otherwise surely they'd see the logical 'right' thing - his opinion.) - And his parents just *do not* get him or how incredibly awful it was growing up in a fundamentalist christian household.Anyway. After a while the conversation managed to steer onto something else and friends went and more came and friends went again. Seemed to be settled and of no more concern when not long before going to bed N mumbled to me about avoiding the topic of religion at any future parties and his dad said 'well I think your friend wanted to talk about it *you* were the only person getting 'hot under the collar'. Me sits and thinks but doesn't speak. N and he banter a bit again and then his dad says, "well actually I've been wanting to chat to you because I want to apologise for some of how we brought you up because we've changed our views since then" (the more fundamentalist, homophobic, creationist ones - still believe we're going to hell and that sort of thing.) Well N just said 'but don't you see, you're still doing it *now*' and then went *really* quiet and bowed his head and wouldn't look up again from that point. And I continued sitting in silence and then muttered about the cat and having to feed it or something.....But I'm really angry. I get annoyed with N because he's not good at 'discussions' he struggles to say what he thinks without sounding loud and preachy or patronising and that never comes across well - but I could hear what he was saying most of the time and imo he was *right* which is exactly what my friend who was with me thought (but didn't want to get involved) and yet N's parents just *don't* get it, and they don't seem to appreciate just how damaging it was and still is for us, especially N and his brother. I realise they're never going to understand where we're coming from but it irritates me hugely that pil thinks he can just say a quick half hearted and non specific appology about all the 'stuff' they brought their kids up believing after just totally dismissing and disagreeing with everything that N had been saying earlier and think that makes it all okay. Because it doesn't.And annoyingly me and N haven't been able to chat it over because N's parents were still here and N has work tomorrow and won't be back til late and then my christian family are coming the next day.hohum.So what do you think. Do we just accept apologies in these situations or do you try and explain why it really isn't of much worth now?And why don't I say anything and why am I still unable to voice my beliefs and views to family and old friends? I never ever get involved or share my thoughts about these things in these situations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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