Legion Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 Guys I have a developing situtation at work. I have a new supervisor since Monday. Why they put him with our crew I'll never know. Let me tell you. The guy is near insane. He's Pentacostal. His son, who is a new Marine, landed in Afganistan this past Sunday and he's broken up about it. This is the same son who was not allowed to watch TV or movies. None of my crew like the guy. Hell, no one in our division likes the guy. As he goes through the day he takes notes of people's behavior and words in a notebook. Everyone who's worked with him doesn't want to repeat the experience. And here's the bad part. The guy has taken a liking to me. He wants to talk to me about how awesome Jesus and God are and he tells me how rotten other people are, and military bullshit, and about his problems. He even cries sometimes and he's told me that he's able to confide in me. Whenever I'm around the guy for too long I have to get away and recharge. At the end of the day I'm exhausted. He drains the life from me. I don't know what to do. Something's going to have to change. Anyone got any advice for me? What would you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 13, 2012 Moderator Share Posted January 13, 2012 Guys I have a developing situtation at work. I have a new supervisor since Monday. Why they put him with our crew I'll never know. Let me tell you. The guy is near insane. He's Pentacostal. His son, who is a new Marine, landed in Afganistan this past Sunday and he's broken up about it. This is the same son who was not allowed to watch TV or movies. None of my crew like the guy. Hell, no one in our division likes the guy. As he goes through the day he takes notes of people's behavior and words in a notebook. Everyone who's worked with him doesn't want to repeat the experience. And here's the bad part. The guy has taken a liking to me. He wants to talk to me about how awesome Jesus and God are and he tells me how rotten other people are, and military bullshit, and about his problems. He even cries sometimes and he's told me that he's able to confide in me. Whenever I'm around the guy for too long I have to get away and recharge. At the end of the day I'm exhausted. He drains the life from me. I don't know what to do. Something's going to have to change. Anyone got any advice for me? What would you do? Legion, As nice a compliment as this is .... that this man can confide in you, it maybe because you are not being honest with him and he is using you to be his 'dumping' ground.' Are you 'people pleasing', being the nice guy........... wanting to be accepted? I wonder if you told him YOUR 'truth' - if he would still want to confide in you? You may have to look at this. People like this will want to put their 'hooks' in you.....be careful, my friend...you will get drained from this eventually. I know this from experience....... Something to think about.......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 And here's the bad part. The guy has taken a liking to me. He wants to talk to me about how awesome Jesus and God are and he tells me how rotten other people are, and military bullshit, and about his problems. He even cries sometimes and he's told me that he's able to confide in me. Whenever I'm around the guy for too long I have to get away and recharge. At the end of the day I'm exhausted. He drains the life from me. I don't know what to do. Something's going to have to change. Anyone got any advice for me? What would you do? Yo, glory! Lucky you. If he's looking for advice then tell him that you recommend transcendental meditation, and tell him about how helpful the Hindu Deities are for practicing astral projection. Then ask him if he'd like to talk with someone at your ashram. Seriously, maybe it wouldn't hurt to reach out to him. People are people, and there is someone good somewhere hiding behind all that crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 And here's my dilemma in the first two posts. Do you see how contradictory they are? Yes, there are some good qualities about the guy. Yes, I have been kind to him. But he takes more than I am able or willing to give. He's told me about suicidal thoughts. Get it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 And here's my dilemma in the first two posts. Do you see how contradictory they are? Yes, there are some good qualities about the guy. Yes, I have been kind to him. But he takes more than I am able or willing to give. Ah yes. Your question then is how do you say no to him without getting him upset at you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 13, 2012 Moderator Share Posted January 13, 2012 And here's my dilemma in the first two posts. Do you see how contradictory they are? Yes, there are some good qualities about the guy. Yes, I have been kind to him. But he takes more than I am able or willing to give. Ah yes. Your question then is how do you say no to him without getting him upset at you? This is where you could have some respectful boundaries set up for yourself (know when to make your exit) and yet be kind to him at the same time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 This guy is supposed to be my supervisor Ant, and he's expecting me to be his therapist. That is un-fucking-acceptable. I need to establish some boundaries with this guy. Thanks for the help. <--- bit o sarcasm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 This is where you could have some respectful boundaries set up for yourself (know when to make your exit) and yet be kind to him at the same time. Yes, this is among the things I must do. Thanks Margee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 13, 2012 Moderator Share Posted January 13, 2012 This guy is supposed to be my supervisor Ant, and he's expecting me to be his therapist. That is un-fucking-acceptable. I need to establish some boundaries with this guy. Thanks for the help. This is it Legion. 'Response..ability' to yourself.......the 'ability to respond' (in a healthy manner) Good for you! Go for it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted January 13, 2012 Author Share Posted January 13, 2012 I wonder if you told him YOUR 'truth' - if he would still want to confide in you? One day he did bring up evolution and was dumping all over it. His main criticism which he thought was a slam dunk was that it was only "theory". I told him to forget about evolution for a moment and think about theory. I told him that I care about it. I pointed out that he often quotes Jesus' parables. I said parables are analogies, is that right? He said he believed they were. I said that there was a relation between analogy and theory. I said, "Have you ever heard of a poor analogy, or a shallow analogy, or a deep analogy? He said, "sure". I said theory is the same way. I told him about the need and utility of being able to explain and predict events. But I didn't speak of evolution. I knew from experience with my Dad that this goes no where. He stopped and thought about it I believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 14, 2012 Moderator Share Posted January 14, 2012 I wonder if you told him YOUR 'truth' - if he would still want to confide in you? One day he did bring up evolution and was dumping all over it. His main criticism which he thought was a slam dunk was that it was only "theory". I told him to forget about evolution for a moment and think about theory. I told him that I care about it. I pointed out that he often quotes Jesus' parables. I said parables are analogies, is that right? He said he believed they were. I said that there was a relation between analogy and theory. I said, "Have you ever heard of a poor analogy, or a shallow analogy, or a deep analogy? He said, "sure". I said theory is the same way. I told him about the need and utlitity of being able to explain and predict events. But I didn't speak of evolution. I knew from experience with my Dad that this goes no where. It sounds as if he might be a little open to you? what about these suicidal thoughts he has mentioned? where is that coming from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 It sounds as if he might be a little open to you? Yeah he might be, but honestly I don't want to mess with his belief structure too much. If I attempt to persuade or illustrate things it will be very subtle. what about these suicidal thoughts he has mentioned? where is that coming from? I can't be entirely sure. I only heard of it today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 I don't know what line of work you're in, but what your supervisor is doing is highly unprofessional. He has boundary issues and lacks insight. I would say, "Buddy, I am concerned about you as a person. I am not the person to come talk to about your problems. You need to see someone about this. Who can you talk to? Can I bring you there?" Suicidal ideations = danger zone. If you can't send him to someone for expert help, tell his supervisor. If this guy jumps off a bridge you want to be able to know that you did what you could. My two cents! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue elephant Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Hey Legion I think you are saying that no one is responding postively to this guy in your workplace. What I think will happen is that management will move him on because they will need to. If they don't people will start looking around for other jobs (Difficult in the US at the moment I know). The fact that he is taking down notes on peoples behaviour can have two interpretations. Interpreation One is that he is collecting up evidence against all of you. He may think this is what a good supervisor does to control his staff. OR he may have been challenged in previous work areas for obnoxious behaviour and he is building his defence file before he has even been challenged. Interpretation Two is that he is a bit loopy and that his not taking behaviour is some form of OCD or Aspie "disconnectedness". Either way, you are not obliged to be his friend, just his work colleague. Keep your personal comments to this person general, but positive. Perhaps you can softly say something like "I don't usually discuss that" when he strays in to forbidden conversational territory. If he has talked about suicidal stuff, you should check out some of your HR guidance material. Many employers will have a contract with an outside counselling service (we call them EAPs or Employee Assistance Providers in Australia)and a suggestion that you encourage the person to contact the EAP and discuss personal problems in this private confidential setting. You probably need to follow this up for your own sake, just in case the threat is serious! You would never forgive yourself if something awful happened. However, I did wonder whether this man is talking about suicide in the past tense so that he can soften you up for the Christian sales pitch. Take heart old buddy! This situation will not last for ever! He sounds so dysfunctional that I don't think it will last for long. The question in the workplace is always whether you can hang in till the dysfunctional one leaves or whether you leave first. Try to stick it out if your workplace has been OK up until now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 I think the only thing you can do, Legion, is have a quiet word with someone higher up the food chain. Not just to try and help this guy out, but just in case things turn sour between you and him without warning, and he decides to make your life a living hell, just because you know too much. I had a situation kind of like this once, went on for like a year before I finally had enough. It wasn't in the workplace, but as the girl turned on me, knowing how much I knew about her, she went on the attack. For quite some time it was extremely upsetting and distressing, but I refused to buy into the games, and after a while decided I'd had enough, the time for an apology had passed and had not come, and I wiped her from my life, even though she is a family member. For a while there mum and dad were pushing for a reconciliation between us, but I refused to, and made it very clear that if they want to piss me off, to keep pushing for one. I had nothing to apologise for, I had kept my dignity the whole way along despite the filth she made up and spread around about me, and felt that it was particularly arrogant of this girl to think I would not at some point wipe her from my life, when she knew I'd done the same to my own biological mother. When it becomes a matter of self-respect, that is when I am likely to remove someone from my life. But back to your issue at work. You need to look out for yourself and take care of yourself. The guy's already shown that he's a bit of a loose cannon, so be cautious. He has already shown that he is unethical, unprofessional, and lacks boundaries; be aware that he may turn on you at some point, and take up with another pet or favourite in your office, thus making your life hell. He may also be trying to play you all against one another, so be careful. Take it higher up, discreetly. You need to protect yourself, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noggy Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Get him high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Guys I have a developing situtation at work. I have a new supervisor since Monday. Why they put him with our crew I'll never know. Let me tell you. The guy is near insane. He's Pentacostal. His son, who is a new Marine, landed in Afganistan this past Sunday and he's broken up about it. This is the same son who was not allowed to watch TV or movies. None of my crew like the guy. Hell, no one in our division likes the guy. As he goes through the day he takes notes of people's behavior and words in a notebook. Everyone who's worked with him doesn't want to repeat the experience. And here's the bad part. The guy has taken a liking to me. He wants to talk to me about how awesome Jesus and God are and he tells me how rotten other people are, and military bullshit, and about his problems. He even cries sometimes and he's told me that he's able to confide in me. Whenever I'm around the guy for too long I have to get away and recharge. At the end of the day I'm exhausted. He drains the life from me. I don't know what to do. Something's going to have to change. Anyone got any advice for me? What would you do? Tell him you don't want to hear about his religion. Tell him you love the military. Tell him you don't want to be his crying towel. Tell his boss that this dork is spilling his personal life into yours and you don't like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 And here's my dilemma in the first two posts. Do you see how contradictory they are? Yes, there are some good qualities about the guy. Yes, I have been kind to him. But he takes more than I am able or willing to give. He's told me about suicidal thoughts. Get it? Suicidal thoughts? Definitely need to talk to HIS boss about that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 Positivist, Blue Elephant, Puddin', Midniterider, thank you for the words of advice. I'm starting to get a general feel of what I need to do. I should have a plan of approach before Monday. And you've helped. Thank you all again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 I agree with all the rest. You need to discuss this with someone above him. Because this guy has the power to fire you, and he WILL turn on you and try to do just that if you stop being his buddy-buddy. Document, document, document, and keep it all in a safe place and make sure you have a way to give it to the higher ups. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vigile Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 Complain to your union rep. Sorry, couldn't help myself. Sounds like a messed up situation. I wish I could offer more than a bit of empathy, but that's all I have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foxy Methoxy Posted January 15, 2012 Share Posted January 15, 2012 If you can't beat em, join em. Then start doing it wrong. Pray with him and make up the worst prayer possible. Speak in tongues and toss in a few yabba dabba do's into it. Spontaneously dance in the spirit singing "I'll Fly Away." Cast out demons everywhere you go. See how far you can push the envelope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts