coldturkey Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Hi guys. I've been reading your forum for a few days now, and am finding it very engaging, so I've decided to join. An "anti-testimonial" seems like a good way to introduce myself, so here you go. I'll try and keep it short enough to stave off any eyes glazing over - which is probably going to be hard to do being as I am going to recount the most emotionally charged period of my life. I'm sure it's the same with most of you, which is another reason why I'm here. I also find myself here thanks to some elder JWs who knocked on my door a few days ago, who I decided to engage with instead of shooing away as I have always done before. Almost an hour later, after much desperate page flipping in their weird version of the Bible, and after much trembling on my part, from the surfacing of old, neglected emotions, they decided they had to be on their way. And I said to myself, "Holy shit. I gotta find a way to talk about this stuff more often." I was raised in a somewhat fundamentalist evangelical Christian home. All of my family remains strongly faithful to this day. Through my teen years I had larger and larger doubts as I tried to find Bible based answers to the typical questions. "Why would a loving God burn countless souls in Hell for all eternity?" "How can Heaven be a paradise for a mother, looking down at her son and seeing him burn in Hell?" "Why did God allow the serpent into Eden, and put a tree in there, with some really tasty looking fruit, with what seemed like the sole intention of tempting Adam and Eve to sin?" The usual stuff I assume. I remember having a sort of mantra in those days - "God must have given me reason, for a reason." I couldn't stand going to church. Besides the fact that it was boring, the people there seemed fake and I didn't like having to be around them. I was a pretty sullen teenager. I really liked Nirvana. When my parents decided I was old enough to decide for myself if I would be attending, I immediately stopped going to church. Sunday mornings were the absolute best part of my week after that... sooo much internet porn to discover. At this point I had decided that organized religion was fake, but I still couldn't let go of the really scary stuff that my parents had drilled into me since I was able to speak. As I'm sure many of you will agree - that is the hard part. For some years I blamed them for screwing up my life, but eventually I understood that they were just doing what they thought was right. Having "Jesus as a personal saviour" ended up kind of fading away, as I endeavoured to find some real truth to replace my lost spiritual framework with. I was able to articulate at that point a sentiment which I still hold now, but generalized over much more than Christianity. The idea being that, humans are just pawns on a black vs. white chessboard. And that came with the accompanying desire to jump right off the board. These days I've come to see the whole fundamentalist Atheist vs. fundamentalist Christain fight as just another dualistic prison that people might to better to try and escape from. Although my sympathies are with the Atheists. If that makes any sense. I'm sorry guys, that this is indeed getting too long. So the next 15 years or so: Friend with dreadlocks and subversive ideas. Punk rock. Drugs! Obsessive journaling. Social isolation and anxiety. Drugs! Meditation. Stranger journaling. Occult experimentation. Fear. Possible psychotic break/flashes of samadhi. A few more drugs. Sudden octopus attack. Fear and confusion. Meltdown. Cold hard time. Meditation. Careful, slow, and deliberate rekindling of supressed crap. Meditation. Wife. And soon to come, a child... So that's me in a nutshell. My intention here is to hang out, have a little fun, meet like-minded people, or at least others who have gone through painful apostasies, and possibly have something to offer newer nonChristians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 14, 2012 Moderator Share Posted January 14, 2012 Hi coldturkey! Welcome to EX-c ! Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! All Canadians are welcome here!! Your story is very familiar and I can relate to it . Stay with us a while and have some fun with the 'heathens'!! I still continue, even after a year to read all the past posts because they help me so much. I felt very alone when I first joined the board - thought I was the only one in the world who doubted the christian god! It was real good not to feel so alone....... and you're not alone anymore either. the thing I love about EX-c is that it is a very 'active' board. I've been on other forums where you wait 4 days to get a response. If you have a concern - you'll probably have 5 replys in no time!! These guys are my best friends! Looking forward to hearing more from you. Sincerely, Margee from Canada!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chikirin Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Welcome! octopus attack? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Having "Jesus as a personal saviour" ended up kind of fading away..... ~ ~ ~ These days I've come to see the whole fundamentalist Atheist vs. fundamentalist Christain fight as just another dualistic prison that people might to better to try and escape from. Hi coldturkey! Yay for us Canadians! BTW, Saskatchewan is the only province I have not been to. Shame! Anyhow, thanks for your story! I guess for some people, religion simply does not 'stick'. It stuck for me, alright, and I took it to a whole new level as soon as I could. I just had to comment on a couple of things. First, I believe the "Jesus as personal saviour" is not in the Bible but rather is the construct of some American evangelist. Thus, it is a case of theology going awry on a catch phrase. And I agree with you that atheism vs. religion does create a dualistic prison. My husband, who is still a believer to some degree, lovingly (and laughingly) accuses me of jumping from one extreme to the other. I hope to hear more from you! Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Welcome to Ex-C, coldturkey! I am also curious about the octopus attack. Was this metaphorical, literal, or simply a side effect of the drugs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldturkey Posted January 14, 2012 Author Share Posted January 14, 2012 Thanks for the welcomes guys. That makes me happy. The octopus attack was a very real dream, in which I ended up drowning. I've never met a real live octopus before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted January 14, 2012 Moderator Share Posted January 14, 2012 Thanks for the welcomes guys. That makes me happy. The octopus attack was a very real dream, in which I ended up drowning. I've never met a real live octopus before. Clodturkey!! What a horrible dream!!! No wonder, you need to be on this site with us!!! We need to help you with PTSD!!! We're here for ya!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Octopi can be freaky. I'm not even kidding. Their suckers have these little teeth to help latch on to things. Then that have that big beak and the eyes... they can fit anywhere because they don't have a skeleton. That dream sounds freaky as Hell. Either way, welcome! Good luck with the future baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Honest Posted January 14, 2012 Share Posted January 14, 2012 Welcome, coldturkey! Wow, you've had quite a ride! Glad you found us and thanks for sharing your story. My eyes didn't glaze over even once! hehe Oh and congrats on the wife and new baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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