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For some reason, some old Superman jingle (I think- I remember the old flying hand thingys that accompanied it) entered my head, and was immediatedly followed by this fucking cheesy... oh, fuck, what is it called? Grace, that's right, words for grace to be sung along:

 

"Thank you Lord, for giving us food...

Thank you Lord, for giving us food...

Our daily bre-ad, to keep us fe-ed,

Thank you Lord, for giving us food!

A-men!"

 

Ugh. That is so puke-worthy!

 

I wonder what the starving children sang when they looked at their empty bowls?

 

"Fuck you God, for being a prick...

Fuck you God, for making me sick...

A lack of bre-ad, I won't be fe-ed,

Fuck you God, for being a prick!

Fuck... You!"

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I think ours was something like...,

 

God is great,

God is good,

Thankyou God for all this food.

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At an old Christian summer camp I used to go to, we sang grace in the tune of Superman, Batman...there were more I assure you.

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Yes! We did the Superman jingle one at summer camp - but they left out the "lord" part. They made it nice and secular, we actually thanked the cafeteria staff rather than a divine being.

 

"Thank you guys, for giving us food...

Thank you guys, for giving us food...

Our daily bre-ad, so we may be fe-ed,

Thank you guys, for giving us food!

(pounding fists on the table) - dum dum dum dum!

 

We also had a Batman one:

 

"Na na na na na na na na na na na na THANK YOU!

Na na na na na na na na na na na na THANK YOU!"

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Rubba dub dub

Thanks for the grub.

Yay God!

 

or

 

Praise the Lord and Holy Ghost

Who eats the fastest, gets the most.

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God is great.

God is good.

Let us thank him for this food.

By His hand may we be fed.

Give us, Lord, our daily bread.

Amen.

 

Wanna piss off the Christians at the table?

G'head and give a true and heartfelt thanks

to the people who actually provided the food.

 

I've done that before.

It didn't go over very well.

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I remember, as a child I used to open my mouth when I ate something before prayer so god can do his abrakadabra on the food that already went down. WendyDoh.gif

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Yeah, for some reason, they're all coming back to me today:

 

God is great,

God is good,

and we thank You for this food!

We're gunna thank You morning, noon, and night,

We're gunna thank You, Lord, 'cause you're outta sight!

Amen (clap clap)

Amen (clap clap)

A-mennnnn!!!!

 

We're gunna thank you, Lord, 'cause you're outta sight? Seriously?

 

I was so paranoid, growing up, of eating before saying grace. I seriously thought God was going to hate me if I didn't. And when I went somewhere where grace was not said prior to eating, like at a friend's or something, I didn't know what to do, and would sit there freaking out because no-one had given thanks.

 

How fucked up is that?!

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How fucked up is that?!

Totally with you on that one. Saying grace with an open mouth, so that the blessing can reach my stomach is the result of my early exposure to biblical craziness. How fuckin sick is that, raping a kids mind with this kind of nonsense?

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How fucked up is that?!

Totally with you on that one. Saying grace with an open mouth, so that the blessing can reach my stomach is the result of my early exposure to biblical craziness. How fuckin sick is that, raping a kids mind with this kind of nonsense?

 

I agree. And it's a horrific thing to do, because so many children take everything so literally.

 

For instance, I was sitting in my car one day, with two of my young nephews, whom I'd just picked up from school. We were in the carpark of the shopping centre, waiting for someone (don't remember who or what for), when J piped up and said, "I think it's going to rain, auntie." I was rather distracted, and said, "maybe". Then he continued on to say, "it might even hail, auntie!" I looked up at the clouds, and absent-mindedly said, "hopefully." My nephew questioned why I said that, and, not thinking, I replied, "because if it hails, I'll get a new car."

 

Anyway, fast-forward a couple of months, and my nephews' father came home with a new car out of the blue (just happened to see a nice car far better than his own, at a ridiculously cheap price- deceased estate, that he only needed to borrow an extra $500 for), and the following conversation was overheard between that same nephew and his older borther:

 

J:"Yes! My wish came true!"

M (older brother): "What are you talking about?"

J: "It hailed- dad got a new car!!"

 

And so, I now have a nephew who believes that hail is the reason people get new cars. Whoops!

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lol we never said grace. I was at my cousin's house once, though, when I was 7 or 8, and I was just going to town on the eggs n bacon, when all of a sudden they started saying grace... I didn't know what I was supposed to do :P

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lol we never said grace. I was at my cousin's house once, though, when I was 7 or 8, and I was just going to town on the eggs n bacon, when all of a sudden they started saying grace... I didn't know what I was supposed to do tongue.png

 

lol awkward!!!

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How fucked up is that?!

Totally with you on that one. Saying grace with an open mouth, so that the blessing can reach my stomach is the result of my early exposure to biblical craziness. How fuckin sick is that, raping a kids mind with this kind of nonsense?

 

And so, I now have a nephew who believes that hail is the reason people get new cars. Whoops!

biggrin.png

stop using your superpowers on kids! you know: "with great power comes great responsibility"

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Yeah, for some reason, they're all coming back to me today:

 

God is great,

God is good,

and we thank You for this food!

We're gunna thank You morning, noon, and night,

We're gunna thank You, Lord, 'cause you're outta sight!

Amen (clap clap)

Amen (clap clap)

A-mennnnn!!!!

The one we did in school was similar but the first three lines were

God is good

God is great

I'm gunna thank him for the food on my plate

 

Same old crap though.

 

Since I endured underwent religiously-based schooling the whole way through I can give you a ton of these chants.

 

To the tune of Queen's We Will Rock You (because Christians are good at ruining good things). I forgot the first couple of lines.

---------------

He's god blood on his face,

Spreading His love all over the place.

Singing we will, we will, thank him.

We will, we will, thank him.

 

Got a whole lot more if you want them. Looking back it seems like just a bunch of catchy jingles used to cement the idea of the magic sky emperor and how great he is.

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And so, I now have a nephew who believes that hail is the reason people get new cars. Whoops!

biggrin.png

stop using your superpowers on kids! you know: "with great power comes great responsibility"

 

lol I had no idea that he would take it that literally! But then again, the kid always had the memory of an elephant!

 

I remember the first time I went to drive them to school, and they started arguing over who was going to sit in the front, and I told them that neither of them were going to, as the police said that they were too young. This same nephew mulls it over a moment, and says to me, "auntie, did the policeman say that kids couldn't sit in the front seat of THIS car?" And I thought to myself, you little darling! Then replied, "yes, the policeman said that kids had to sit in the back of THIS car."

 

Subject was never raised again- every time, without a word, they'd just get in the back. Damn, that kid made my life so easy!!

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To the tune of Queen's We Will Rock You (because Christians are good at ruining good things). I forgot the first couple of lines.

---------------

He's god blood on his face,

Spreading His love all over the place.

Singing we will, we will, thank him.

We will, we will, thank him.

 

Got a whole lot more if you want them. Looking back it seems like just a bunch of catchy jingles used to cement the idea of the magic sky emperor and how great he is.

 

Damn, I'd forgotten that one. Ugh. How to indoctrinate children.

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To the tune of Queen's We Will Rock You (because Christians are good at ruining good things). I forgot the first couple of lines.

---------------

He's god blood on his face,

Spreading His love all over the place.

Singing we will, we will, thank him.

We will, we will, thank him.

 

Got a whole lot more if you want them. Looking back it seems like just a bunch of catchy jingles used to cement the idea of the magic sky emperor and how great he is.

 

Damn, I'd forgotten that one. Ugh. How to indoctrinate children.

It's really no different to a cheap advertisement, is it?

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Did anyone ever get taught to kiss the bible

if you happened to drop it or knock it off

of the table?

 

I did...

 

...Seriously??!! We weren't taught that one, but that was probably due to that action being seen as idolatry or idol worship. I only very recently discovered that I come from a long line of protestants that went back to the Huguenots, and that theology was really what I was raised with. I'd previously thought my mother had made up her own extremist version of xtianity, and I'd heard her say shit about the Huguenots, Catholics, the ancestors going to England, and shit, but I only recently put it all together.

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For what we are about to receive

may the lord make us truly thankful.

 

then there is the grace where the person says thanks for the food and may it nourish our bodies.... the church socials that I use to go to when I heard the part of 'nourish our bodies' I use to think about all the stodgy, carb filled, sugar filled, artificial crap, unhealthy food that was being served. Not a whole grain, or a vegetable or a piece of fruit in sight.

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Did anyone ever get taught to kiss the bible

if you happened to drop it or knock it off

of the table?

 

I did...

Never had that, but I did have a teacher who never put anything on top of the bible.

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[.

 

To the tune of Queen's We Will Rock You (because Christians are good at ruining good things). I forgot the first couple of lines.

---------------

He's god blood on his face,

Spreading His love all over the place.

Singing we will, we will, thank him.

We will, we will, thank him.

 

 

 

puking. really. I am now puking.

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Wanna piss off the Christians at the table?

G'head and give a true and heartfelt thanks

to the people who actually provided the food.

 

I've done that before.

It didn't go over very well.

 

The best one I think is the one Jimmy Stewart gave in the movie "Shenandoah". Here's the Youtube clip of that scene:

 

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I've been having the pleasure of showing my uncle who had never watched the Simpsons before my DVDs and one of the first we saw was the one where Bart says "Dear God, we paid for this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing" and he flipped over laughing.

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