dB-Paradox Posted February 9, 2012 Share Posted February 9, 2012 Back in the summer, I got together with the pastor from my old church. We just talked about 'normal' stuff. He told me that he believed we were developing a friendship, despite our differences in religious views. And I always welcome friends! Plus it's refreshing to talk to Christians and not talk about religion. Anyway, a month or so passed, and I thought it would be good for this pastor to know that people in his congregation deserved to know the truth about the bible and Christian history. I told him in an email how I had recently read Lee Strobel's book, "The Case For Christ" and how it touches on issues that at one time I had never known about. I openly asked the question, "If I had known some of these things, would I still be a Christian?" (I was a hardcore fundie who believed in a very literal "god-breathed" scripture.) I proceeded to mention a few things, such as Paul's letters being the first of the bible's literature, and how the gospels came later. I referred to Jesus as Joshua, and said that we don't even really know if that's the real name given to this god-man. This email was also sent out to the worship minister, and the youth ministyer, both of whom I got along with very well. I got a reply from the youth minister first, saying he would have to take some time to ponder on everything I had written. I don't think I got a reply from the worship minister, and I can't remember if I got a reply from the pastor. Anyway, fast forward to just last week. I haven't talked to this pastor, my new friend, in a long time, so I decided to phone him and ask if he's be willing to get together for lunch. I had to leave a message, because he was busy. It's been over a week, and no returned call. On Friday last week, I email him, along with the other two guys, asking if they'd be interested in getting together for lunch sometime lat this month. I only got a reply from the youth minister again, saying he's going to be off that week, so it won't work...but hopefully the other two guys will be interested. It's going to be a week tomorrow since I emailed, and a week and a half since I called and left a message. No reply from my new friend! Now, maybe he's really busy and just hasn't got around to responding yet...or maybe he forgot. I'm still trying to see the glass as half full, but it's starting to look half empty! Were we only friends for the sake of trying to reel me back in? Or did I offend him by sending the email saying his congregation should be educated on biblical and Christian history? I also sent a link to a video I had just made that week as well, explaining that I am "turning over a new leaf". I don't know what changed, but for some reason, he isn't responding yet. (Maybe I'm just being too naive?) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Y208vY9PqA 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deva Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Heard nothing in over a week? I'd say forget it. did I offend him by sending the email saying his congregation should be educated on biblical and Christian history? Possibly. But really, who cares? He's a Christian. Honestly, what do you expect? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Hey dB, I'm sorry to say this, but I think you care more about the friendship than they do. That's been my experience with xtains. Pudd 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Wait... this guy gets paid by people to spin metaphor into something relevant. And you want him to awaken them to this fact? Ex-Christian says to pastor... "his congregation should" That's a full stop my man. He's outta heeeeeeere. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted February 10, 2012 Moderator Share Posted February 10, 2012 db - you know I love you man.......... but 20 years ago, I would have run 100 miles in the opposite direction. YOU would have been 'of the devil' !! You are such a wonderful person. Go and be with people who will love you for who you are. You'll have more fun because you won't waste your time arguing!! You may not want to argue.......but they will.......... Now, go and make another one of your funny 'youtubes'!!! Hug! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Personally, I think this "let him go because he's Christian" attitude a little...I don't want to say "offensive" but perhaps "stereotypical" would be the right word. I don't mean to offend anyone, but not ALL Christians are self-righteous assholes who don't care about non-believers. I know that it seems like people like that are one in a million, and that's because they ARE! I say, don't abandon this friendship just yet. Don't obsessively try to get in contact with him. Maybe shoot an email or a phone call once a week. If I know anything about pastors, they can be EXTREMELY busy. It's very possible he's just not had a free moment. If he continues not to be available, voice your concern that he might be upset and let him know that is what you think. If it's a misconception, he may be very quick to try and let you know that he isn't ignoring you. If he still doesn't return your calls, THEN it may be time to move on. Despite what some people here think, some friends are worth trying to keep, regardless of if their Christian or not. That's my 2 cents. Hope I didn't upset anybody. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 That's my 2 cents. Hope I didn't upset anybody. I am deeply offended. How dare you? j/k Gave you a +1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Personally, I think this "let him go because he's Christian" attitude a little...I don't want to say "offensive" but perhaps "stereotypical" would be the right word. I don't mean to offend anyone, but not ALL Christians are self-righteous assholes who don't care about non-believers. I know that it seems like people like that are one in a million, and that's because they ARE! I say, don't abandon this friendship just yet. Don't obsessively try to get in contact with him. Maybe shoot an email or a phone call once a week. If I know anything about pastors, they can be EXTREMELY busy. It's very possible he's just not had a free moment. If he continues not to be available, voice your concern that he might be upset and let him know that is what you think. If it's a misconception, he may be very quick to try and let you know that he isn't ignoring you. If he still doesn't return your calls, THEN it may be time to move on. Despite what some people here think, some friends are worth trying to keep, regardless of if their Christian or not. That's my 2 cents. Hope I didn't upset anybody. I agree with this and will add one thought, and I add this in a respectful way. If you want him to accept you for who you are and not try to foist his religion on you, then it seems to me that you owe him the same courtesy. When you wrote to him suggesting that people in his congregation deserved to "know the truth about the bible and Christian history," you were doing to him what you don't want him to do to you, only in reverse. If the friendship is to be based on mutual respect for each other's beliefs (or lack of beliefs), then both of you must comply with those groundrules. Not only must he respect your lack of beliefs, but you must respect his beliefs (not that you must accept his beliefs any more than he must accept what you believe to be true). It is that which makes such a friendship so tough. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luv2knit Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 You seem like a very tender hearted man and I enjoyed your video very much. I completely understand where you're coming from, I totally agree. It's really what I'm striving for myself. I think I have even more compassion for people now than when I was a believer. Mostly because I'm not judging everyone I meet. I find myself enjoying people for who they are. But I can quickly tell who has good character and who doesn't. I think you are most certainly on the right path! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oddbird1963 Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Personally, I think this "let him go because he's Christian" attitude a little...I don't want to say "offensive" but perhaps "stereotypical" would be the right word. I don't mean to offend anyone, but not ALL Christians are self-righteous assholes who don't care about non-believers. I know that it seems like people like that are one in a million, and that's because they ARE! I say, don't abandon this friendship just yet. Don't obsessively try to get in contact with him. Maybe shoot an email or a phone call once a week. If I know anything about pastors, they can be EXTREMELY busy. It's very possible he's just not had a free moment. If he continues not to be available, voice your concern that he might be upset and let him know that is what you think. If it's a misconception, he may be very quick to try and let you know that he isn't ignoring you. If he still doesn't return your calls, THEN it may be time to move on. Despite what some people here think, some friends are worth trying to keep, regardless of if their Christian or not. That's my 2 cents. Hope I didn't upset anybody. I think ConureDelSol's response is a very level headed response to this issue. Have reasonable expectations and try to schedule and limit your attempts to contact these pastors/ministers to once a week or every two weeks. Ministerial staff can be busy folks and I admire the youth guy for responding to you consistently. However, keep in the back of your head that "i see a friendship developing" may be a line the pastor uses on lots of people to draw them in to his sphere of influence , a sphere of prospects from whom he chooses on his own terms how he wants to develop the relationships. He may have seen you as a prospect for evangelism or a candidate for some new ministry or a wounded warrior in need of his spiritual brand of rehab. Perhaps your opinions made him think you are a lost cause and now he doesn't want to both. That's all just speculation, though. One doesn't know in these things what the other persons are thinking. Just be patient and don't invest too much of your heart and mind into wondering why and what you did. Good luck! And I wish you the best in finding friendship out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted February 10, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted February 10, 2012 Even I have some Christian friends, and I'm an atheist asshole. Not all Christians are rabid. They are quite easy to differentiate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Even I have some Christian friends, and I'm an atheist asshole. Not all Christians are rabid. They are quite easy to differentiate. Most of my friends, family, and co-workers are Christians. You can be an ex-Christian without being down on Christians in general. Like Islam, my problem is with the religion itself and its most rabid proponents. Religion is like a disease with both mild and virulent strains. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dB-Paradox Posted February 11, 2012 Author Share Posted February 11, 2012 Thank you, everyone, for the replies! It's so nice to hear from some of you that I haven't talked to in a while! Margee, your respnses never fail to bring a smile! And I tend to agree with pretty much everyone in one sense or another, but there were a few replies I felt I should address individually. Personally, I think this "let him go because he's Christian" attitude a little...I don't want to say "offensive" but perhaps "stereotypical" would be the right word. I don't mean to offend anyone, but not ALL Christians are self-righteous assholes who don't care about non-believers. I know that it seems like people like that are one in a million, and that's because they ARE! I say, don't abandon this friendship just yet. Don't obsessively try to get in contact with him. Maybe shoot an email or a phone call once a week. If I know anything about pastors, they can be EXTREMELY busy. It's very possible he's just not had a free moment. If he continues not to be available, voice your concern that he might be upset and let him know that is what you think. If it's a misconception, he may be very quick to try and let you know that he isn't ignoring you. If he still doesn't return your calls, THEN it may be time to move on. Despite what some people here think, some friends are worth trying to keep, regardless of if their Christian or not. That's my 2 cents. Hope I didn't upset anybody. This is why I still have faith in humanity. Thank you for the warm, level headed response. I don't really want to jump to any conclusions (although I am) and I want to believe that his statement about a developing friendship was sincere. However, the previous responses were also something I don't want to blindly dismiss either. Personally, I think this "let him go because he's Christian" attitude a little...I don't want to say "offensive" but perhaps "stereotypical" would be the right word. I don't mean to offend anyone, but not ALL Christians are self-righteous assholes who don't care about non-believers. I know that it seems like people like that are one in a million, and that's because they ARE! I say, don't abandon this friendship just yet. Don't obsessively try to get in contact with him. Maybe shoot an email or a phone call once a week. If I know anything about pastors, they can be EXTREMELY busy. It's very possible he's just not had a free moment. If he continues not to be available, voice your concern that he might be upset and let him know that is what you think. If it's a misconception, he may be very quick to try and let you know that he isn't ignoring you. If he still doesn't return your calls, THEN it may be time to move on. Despite what some people here think, some friends are worth trying to keep, regardless of if their Christian or not. That's my 2 cents. Hope I didn't upset anybody. I agree with this and will add one thought, and I add this in a respectful way. If you want him to accept you for who you are and not try to foist his religion on you, then it seems to me that you owe him the same courtesy. When you wrote to him suggesting that people in his congregation deserved to "know the truth about the bible and Christian history," you were doing to him what you don't want him to do to you, only in reverse. If the friendship is to be based on mutual respect for each other's beliefs (or lack of beliefs), then both of you must comply with those groundrules. Not only must he respect your lack of beliefs, but you must respect his beliefs (not that you must accept his beliefs any more than he must accept what you believe to be true). It is that which makes such a friendship so tough. I realize, looking back and in light of this comment, that I am guilty of "atheist proselytizing" and I agree that any relationship must be a two way street. If I don't want it from him, then I shouldn't dish it out. You seem like a very tender hearted man and I enjoyed your video very much. I completely understand where you're coming from, I totally agree. It's really what I'm striving for myself. I think I have even more compassion for people now than when I was a believer. Mostly because I'm not judging everyone I meet. I find myself enjoying people for who they are. But I can quickly tell who has good character and who doesn't. I think you are most certainly on the right path! Thank you! I too, feel that I am headed the right direction simply because of the way it makes me feel. Like you said, I am a more tolerant and more compassionate person as an atheist...I'm just refining what kind of atheist I want to be! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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