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Thought2Much

What's The One Bit Of Christianese You Never Want To Hear Again?

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We've all heard the stupid phrases that Christians use to make themselves sound more spiritual. What's the one that gives you facial tics when you hear it, and you hope you never hear uttered again?

 

For me, it's probably "should the Lord tarry." This is used whenever planning something to indicate that Jesus may come back before the time that the plan or event is supposed to take place.

 

Example: "Should the Lord tarry, then next Wednesday's bible study will be about why the only position of authority that women should hold is that of Sunday school teacher."

 

This one just makes me cringe.

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Mine would have to be "praise the lord" or "lord willing". Those really piss me off for some reason. lol

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Anything to do with end-times annoys the shit out of me. Or any sentence involving the words "god", "jesus", and "awesome" makes me want to puke.

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Anything to do with end-times annoys the shit out of me. Or any sentence involving the words "god", "jesus", and "awesome" makes me want to puke.

Awesome is biblical?

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Anything to do with end-times annoys the shit out of me. Or any sentence involving the words "god", "jesus", and "awesome" makes me want to puke.

Awesome is biblical?

 

According to some xtians. You know, when you hear, "god... blah, blah, blah... Isn't god awesome?!"

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Anything to do with end-times annoys the shit out of me. Or any sentence involving the words "god", "jesus", and "awesome" makes me want to puke.

Awesome is biblical?

 

According to some xtians. You know, when you hear, "god... blah, blah, blah... Isn't god awesome?!"

Now I see. And boy am I sick of hearing that one. One time my mom lost her car keys and after she found them one of her christian friends said "praise the lord". lol

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"god is good"

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I never heard the "should the Lord tarry" one. Then again, most churches I have been a part of have not really been fixated on his return to Earth.

 

For me, it is probably the "his ways are above our ways." It is the words of Isaiah. It is generally the go to verse that many (including myself) use when we can't explain something that God just did (e.g. smite a loving mother, give a child a terminal illness, etc.).

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Discernment, grace, providence. Those are common vocab words in my place of work.

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i agree that 'awesome' has evolved into a christian word, thanks largely to hillsong. i mean killsong.

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i agree that 'awesome' has evolved into a christian word, thanks largely to hillsong. i mean killsong.

 

Ha! Killsong. Love it. I used to go to CCC Oxford Falls. Well, actually, Friday nights were spent at Oxford Falls (Live At The Bridge- long gone, now), Sunday mornings at CCC Chatswood, Sunday evenings CCC Oxford Falls. Then, just for something fun, I used to do Hillsong with a friend on a Saturday night. Well, that was until the friend I went with caught out the Hillsong Youth pastor. He pretty much gave a sermon, verbatim, that had been given at CCC Oxford Falls by their Youth Pastor only a week or two prior. My friend and I sat there, looking at each other, going "we've heard this before!" Sure enough, checked our notes in our notepads, and it was the same sermon. He didn't even preach his own sermon, OR give credit for it!!! LOLOLOLOL

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Now I see. And boy am I sick of hearing that one. One time my mom lost her car keys and after she found them one of her christian friends said "praise the lord". lol

 

Yeah, I take special pleasure in saying "praise the lard" for that reason LOL

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'Good lord willing."

Dude, I doubt seriously if god cares whether you get your lawn done this weekend or not.

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"How are you?"

"Fine, thanks. And you?"

"I'm blessed."

 

Oh! Fuck off.

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I hate to hear, "That word really spoke to me, " or "That song really spoke to my spirit"

 

Why? Because usually what they say afterwords is so lame, mundane, and non-awesome. I mean if a transcendant, omnipotent, omiscient being with conrol over the whole universe actually spoke to you, don't you think he'd say something profound?

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"God is in control."

 

No he's not.

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The Fundie's base line question:

"Do you believe Christ was raised from the dead?"

Paraphrased, "do i accept you or do i judge you?" "am i with you or above you?"

 

My reply?

"your doctrine has no place here. Take it back to your people and resolve your own confusions."

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Anything from here:

http://www.facebook.com/JesusDaily

 

Or when they try to talk about their divine Stockholm Syndrome as "a relationship".

 

"God's ways are higher than ours" is pretty old too.

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"jesus in your heart"

 

"with jesus all things are possible"

 

"the lord works in mysterious ways"

 

"hate the sin, blah, blah, blah, barf"

 

"do you know jesus"

 

"relationship with god/jesus" -----sorry, I'm not into necrophilia or zombie sex.

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<p>

"God is in control."

 

No he's not.

 

That one has an annoying counterpart: "I'm leaving it in God's hands." Or "It's in God's hands now,"

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"relationship with god/jesus" -----sorry, I'm not into necrophilia or zombie sex.

 

The zombie hookers say :(

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"relationship with god/jesus" -----sorry, I'm not into necrophilia or zombie sex.

 

The zombie hookers say sad.png

 

If I'm gonna get my WOO on, I want someone who's not a dead lay. yellow.gif

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Now I see. And boy am I sick of hearing that one. One time my mom lost her car keys and after she found them one of her christian friends said "praise the lord". lol

 

Yeah, I take special pleasure in saying "praise the lard" for that reason LOL

lol

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"Did you turn it over to God?" or "Have you prayed about it?"

 

If I have a problem then I need to work the problem. I once had my mother get mad at me for not delaying while on the way to the emergency room so that a medical problem could be mentioned to a prayer group. Praying about it solves nothing. And yes I did try this for years back when I was delusional. I turned everything over to God. It's stupid. God never solves any problem that wasn't going to solve itself.

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Although I don't have a lot of vocal Christians (or any vocal Christians) in my area (south New Jersey) and experience, I did have to deal with a janitor who, while friendly, also would take time to try to convert me to Christianity with some uncomfortable pressure, rather than in-your-face preaching. It was where I first was exposed to the utterly bizarre "it's not a religion, it's a relationship with God" trick.

 

And that is what I hate. This whole thing where deeply religious Christians, the most fundamentalist "must convert everybody" type, claim to hate religion but love Jesus, when in fact if they really hated religion they'd be more like us. But nope, they want to convert us to their religion, and saying "I agree, religion is bad" before trying to sucker you into THEIR religion - that is what I really don't like.

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