What's The One Bit Of Christianese You Never Want To Hear Again?

[CatholiKitty]

Thanking God for mundane events, lots of things about prayer, and anything that blames demons for real problems (I've never really heard it face-to-face, but it would still tick me off.)

 

• ...
  
• "complementarity of the sexes"
  
• ...
  

 

^THIS. This phrase, the entire concept, and its implications needs to be dropped quickly.

 

 

That's actually not even the worst one for me- the worst in terms of cruelty, IMO, is "in the state of mortal sin"; as far as what annoys me most, it's the general way in which they dress up everything in five-syllables-long vocab words in order to make themselves out to be even more of an authority. "Complementarity" this and "transubstantiation" that; it always struck me as so unbelievably pretentious; also made me wonder if they were doing it deliberately in order to keep their predominately poor and low-formal-education followers too confused to question them. Meanwhile, the few who do understand the jargon and the logical gymnastics, tend to be "scrupulosity" OCD cases like me; and they basically bank on that, too, knowing that most of us will be too permanently terrified to do anything but cling to them more crazily every day, making confession after compulsive confession, as the terror of "mortal sin" unravels our mental health further and further and further.

 

"Transubstantiation of the Eucharist"= a wafer of bread turns into the corpse of a guy who lived 2,000+ years ago, when the priest recites the magic words and rings the bell three times, all while it still "retains the physical properties of the species", "the species" meaning wheat...and probably some sacred high-fructose corn syrup in there somewhere, too.

 

Just dress it up in the longest words you can find in the entire English language, and they'll continue to nod and buy it, right?

 

I swear, my anger and disgust at the Catholic Church is indescribable.

 

My beef with "complementarity" is that it's the cornerstone of the RCC's beliefs on sex and gender. Without it, their decrees against female priests, homosexual acts and marriage, and contraceptives would be weakened to the point that some positive change could happen within a few generations. A change in their stance on contraceptives would be a boon even to people outside of the church.

As for "state of mortal sin" and most of the rest of your list, I've rarely encountered them outside of religion classes, which taught the meanings of the phrases, and church documents like the catechism. To me, the big words seem to be less malicious (at least in their original intent) and more the product of centuries and centuries of bureaucracy and theology. They seem fine when constrained to official documents (one does require a certain level of pomp to maintain political creditability), but I do try to find plain-English copies when I want to read one. That being said, I can understand how they could set one's teeth on edge when used by priests or lay people or in modern news releases.

 

Your bit about transubstantiation was brilliant; "Hocus Pocus" ("hoc est corpus", lit. this is the body) then ring the bell so all the confused non-Latin-speakers know that the important (magical) part is happening. I think the actual word accurate describes that they're trying to transform a substance, but if pressed, I'd admit that the stale wafer is probably still just a stale wafer. It's never tasted like any kind of meat (flesh) that I've had.

[Chikirin]

Here's another one, " We have to support Israel so that God will bless us..." (don't really know what I actually think about Israel just that I get tired of hearing it.)

 

note the "so God will bless us" part. The motivation is purely greed. The converse is "we have to oppose gay marriage so God won't remove his blessing" (i.e., so we won't lose our prosperity)

[stryper]

Mine is just people always talking about how they are blessed. Have a blessed day. I am so blessed to be here. God has really blessed my life.

[marmot]

Here is a new one I learned today:

 

The father of one of my students was shot and killed earlier this week. Very sad, awful experience for this student.

 

My fellow Christian teachers commiserate, and then go on to talk about how they told this student that "God ordained this to happen." This is a very Calvinistic concept, and I had never really met people that thought this way directly after an incident like this.

 

So this girl has her father shot and killed, and these guys have the gall to tell her that it is all in God's will and we just have to trust that he has our best interests at heart? Holy shamoli that reeks of bullshit.

[blackpudd1n]

Here is a new one I learned today:

 

The father of one of my students was shot and killed earlier this week. Very sad, awful experience for this student.

 

My fellow Christian teachers commiserate, and then go on to talk about how they told this student that "God ordained this to happen." This is a very Calvinistic concept, and I had never really met people that thought this way directly after an incident like this.

 

So this girl has her father shot and killed, and these guys have the gall to tell her that it is all in God's will and we just have to trust that he has our best interests at heart? Holy shamoli that reeks of bullshit.

 

 

(source: http://failbook.failblog.org/2012/01/30/funny-facebook-fails-not-every-moment-is-an-opportunity-to-proselytize/ )

[marmot]

That is exactly what I wanted to say, Puddin!

 

Thanks for sharing that (ugh, that sounded so Christian of me).

[lunaticheathen]

"DO NOT SUFFER A WITCH TO LIVE!"

 

Ok, maybe that's just me, but I was reminded painfully of how I was physically attacked by a mob of campus crusaders for christ.

 

This links up with all claims that christians are persecuted in the US. Yeah, because I threw rocks at THEM....oh wait. No, I was the one with bruises and cuts. FUCK THOSE STUPID CUNTS WHO CLAIM PERSECUTION, THEY HAVE NEVER TRULY EXPERIENCED IT!!!!

 

...ok, I'll stop now before I get out the machete and start taking heads. It's been one of those days.

[Reprobate]

Let go and let god.

 

end times.

[ConureDelSol]

"America bless God!"

 

I see them as bumper stickers and almost want to steal a semi just so I can rear-end the hell out of them.

[mymistake]

I get pissed off any time a Christian claims to know something about God. "We know God . . . blah blah blah." Actually you know nothing about God.

 

And also anytime they say "heresy". What you get to have all your goofy and insane beliefs but any belief others have without your permission is wrong?

[midniterider]

I had a motherfucker ask me one time...

 

"How's your spiritual walk?"

 

Oh! Like that's not a set up to be invasive and judgemental?

 

Go fuck yourself twinkle toes. That's how my spiritual walk is going. It's going privately.

 

It is a weird xian assumption that people's beliefs are public and available to any xian to who wants to know. The other weird xian assumption is that everyone is willing to discuss their religion. "It's going privately" is a great answer.

[midniterider]

Mine is just people always talking about how they are blessed. Have a blessed day. I am so blessed to be here. God has really blessed my life.

 

I suppose you could give them a cockeyed look and remark, "god hasnt really blessed you much, has he?" :-)

[owen652]

all christian bumper stickers.

"My life before Jesus (frowny face) - My life after Jesus (smiley face) - any questions?"

[stryper]

all christian bumper stickers.

"My life before Jesus (frowny face) - My life after Jesus (smiley face) - any questions?"

 

Congratulation the lobotomy worked. Fortunately there is a cure for it.

[♦ ficino ♦]

 

My beef with "complementarity" is that it's the cornerstone of the RCC's beliefs on sex and gender. Without it, their decrees against female priests, homosexual acts and marriage, and contraceptives would be weakened to the point that some positive change could happen within a few generations. A change in their stance on contraceptives would be a boon even to people outside of the church.

 

I agree completely with this. I think the arguments for it are quite weak. It's based on assertion not argument, as far as I can tell - I don't know of an argument for it that doesn't boil down just to assertion. In practice, the traditions that one should marry a spouse of a similar class, race, educational background, religion etc. goes in the face of the premise of complementarity (as I understand it), i.e. the premise that the essential difference between the sexes is a qualitative "plus" to heterosexual unions. There are all sorts of differences and similarities between people that cash out in diff. ways in any particular couple. But this sort of observation is not in line with the way the church thinks, at least, when it formulates teachings. It also bugs the HELL out of me that the church blesses unions between a man and a woman who cannot have children (too old or whatever) AND makes procreation of children an important part of the essence of marriage. It won't do to say that there's some natural procreative intentionality in a union of two retirees.

[stryper]

 

 

(source: http://failbook.fail...to-proselytize/ )

 

The comments on this failbook are priceless.

[blackpudd1n]

I had a motherfucker ask me one time...

 

"How's your spiritual walk?"

 

Oh! Like that's not a set up to be invasive and judgemental?

 

Go fuck yourself twinkle toes. That's how my spiritual walk is going. It's going privately.

 

It is a weird xian assumption that people's beliefs are public and available to any xian to who wants to know. The other weird xian assumption is that everyone is willing to discuss their religion. "It's going privately" is a great answer.

 

Maybe next time reply with, "How's the fornicating going?"

[blackpudd1n]

That is exactly what I wanted to say, Puddin!

 

Thanks for sharing that (ugh, that sounded so Christian of me).

 

You're welcome I saw it over a week ago- your post reminded me of it. I went trawling for it lol.

[blackpudd1n]

 

(source: http://failbook.fail...to-proselytize/ )

 

The comments on this failbook are priceless.

 

I hadn't even looked lol. I just did- I loved one of the creation stories lol

[rocksandstuff]

Or when they try to talk about their divine Stockholm Syndrome as "a relationship".

 

Yes, that one, because, "It's not a belief, it's a relationship!"

[R. S. Martin]

So overwhelming and offensive did I find this attitude that I made it my Masters thesis to find out where it comes from.

What were your findings?

 

Somehow I felt satisfied when I discovered a footnote in historical Reformed church documents with reference to Deut. 29:29 that says:

 

The secret

things belong

unto the LORD our God: but those

things which are

revealed

belong

unto us and to our children for ever, that

we

may do all the words of this law.

 

I understood that to mean, in the context of the document, that the theologians think it is wrong to ask questions, and that they should accept the dictation of the Bible regarding fallen human nature as the final authority regardless of observations to the contrary. Part of this acceptance was the belief that humans are all alike.

 

My research of the historical relationship between the Reformed church, and other churches of Europe at the time the Mennonite church was developing, led me to think that the Mennonites accepted general beliefs of these other Protestants.

 

So they had a historical tradition of scriptural basis for it. At least my people weren't just making it up. I found considerable comfort in that, though I still don't agree with it and can't stand hearing the tragic woeful pronouncement of it. I want to reply with such comebacks as: "Speak for yourself" and "If you're such a horrible person, by all means, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!" or "Change your behaviour post haste!" and "Leave me out of your pronouncements." Etc.

[Thought2Much]

Here's one I just remembered:

 

Whenever anyone is doing anything fun that doesn't involve praising Jesus or reading the Bible, they are described as "trying to fill the Jesus shaped hole in their heart."

 

This one just makes me want to blow chunks when I hear it.

[marmot]

Here's one I just remembered:

 

Whenever anyone is doing anything fun that doesn't involve praising Jesus or reading the Bible, they are described as "trying to fill the Jesus shaped hole in their heart."

 

This one just makes me want to blow chunks when I hear it.

 

I remember writing a scholarship essay to my college with this basic thesis. I got the scholarship, but I wish I could apologize for this now.

[Thought2Much]

Here's one I just remembered:

 

Whenever anyone is doing anything fun that doesn't involve praising Jesus or reading the Bible, they are described as "trying to fill the Jesus shaped hole in their heart."

 

This one just makes me want to blow chunks when I hear it.

 

I remember writing a scholarship essay to my college with this basic thesis. I got the scholarship, but I wish I could apologize for this now.

 

When I hear someone say it now, I can't help but think in my head, "NO, THEY'RE NOT, YOU SIMPLE-MINDED BRAINWASHED FUCKWIT!" Instead, I smile and say "Sure," and hope that they just go away.

[Positivist]

What were your findings?

So they had a historical tradition of scriptural basis for it.

Very interesting! Funny how those hidden verses and mere footnotes make their way to front and centre in theology.