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Goodbye Jesus

What's The One Bit Of Christianese You Never Want To Hear Again?


Thought2Much

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If I generally trust in the goodness of people, I've been told I have 'too much faith in the flesh". Well, I tried having faith in the Spirit and that didnt work out...

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How about this fake apology?

 

I'm sorry I just had a momentary lapse of humanity.

 

Are you fucking kidding me? You have a momentary lapse of humanity 24hrs a day 7days a week you sanctimonious asshat.

 

O_o Waahhh?? I've never heard that in my life. I'd start looking for signs of being an alien or an andriod if someone said that to me.

 

I seriously read that statement in Data's voice. That's the most batshit crazy thing I've heard, ever.

 

Now that you mention they were a bunch of robots.

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"God was watching over them/us." Especially irritating when others involved didn't fare so well, as in a pile up on the freeway.

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prayer closet....need I say more

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prayer closet....need I say more

 

Ha, ha, ha, ha. I always visioned the person sitting on the floor in a closet.

 

Well, you have to keep every natural part of your personality in the closet to be a Christian, you may as well pray in one too.

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prayer closet....need I say more

 

Ha, ha, ha, ha. I always visioned the person sitting on the floor in a closet.

 

Well, you have to keep every natural part of your personality in the closet to be a Christian, you may as well pray in one too.

 

Too right. When I attended Bible college, one of the girls actually made her closet into a prayer closet. No kidding.

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"Too right. When I attended Bible college, one of the girls actually made her closet into a prayer closet. No kidding."

 

You just brought tears to my eyes. Did you ever wanna lock her in it?

 

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"Too right. When I attended Bible college, one of the girls actually made her closet into a prayer closet. No kidding."

 

You just brought tears to my eyes. Did you ever wanna lock her in it?

 

Sadly to my shame, I actually used the prayer closet....probably to repent of hiding my Harry Potter books in my car like porn....

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Too right. When I attended Bible college, one of the girls actually made her closet into a prayer closet. No kidding.

 

Funny thing is that the whole "prayer closet" thing is to be humble and hide to pray. Then why do Christians always boast about going into their prayer closet? It's akin to bragging about being humble....

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Sadly to my shame, I actually used the prayer closet....probably to repent of hiding my Harry Potter books in my car like porn....

 

Now you've really done it to me. I am dying.

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Funny thing is that the whole "prayer closet" thing is to be humble and hide to pray. Then why do Christians always boast about going into their prayer closet? It's akin to bragging about being humble....

 

So true. Like the Pastor I had who said, "I'm not arrogant. I'm confident." Reeaaally?

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Sadly to my shame, I actually used the prayer closet....probably to repent of hiding my Harry Potter books in my car like porn....

 

Oh, come on. It's not like you had books and science journals that talked about evolution in your car. OR DID YOU?

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Oh, come on. It's not like you had books and science journals that talked about evolution in your car. OR DID YOU?

 

Oh, look. I last posted in this thread at 3:16 PM!* Just one more reminder that GOD LOVES ME!**

 

 

 

 

*Well, in my time zone, anyway.

**I seriously know people that say stupid shit like this, especially on Facebook.

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Sadly to my shame, I actually used the prayer closet....probably to repent of hiding my Harry Potter books in my car like porn....

 

Oh, come on. It's not like you had books and science journals that talked about evolution in your car. OR DID YOU?

 

Nope just Harry Potter and, trust me, these people were incredibly passionate about the fact that JK Rowling is in fact a witch and part of the church of Satan. No kidding. I lost friends when they found out I was fan....thankfully I left that place after a couple of months.

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- God loves you :)

 

- Yeah but you don't :(

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Oh, come on. It's not like you had books and science journals that talked about evolution in your car. OR DID YOU?

 

Oh, look. I last posted in this thread at 3:16 PM!* Just one more reminder that GOD LOVES ME!**

 

 

 

 

*Well, in my time zone, anyway.

**I seriously know people that say stupid shit like this, especially on Facebook.

 

You should fire back at 4:20....God wants me to get high!

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Oh, come on. It's not like you had books and science journals that talked about evolution in your car. OR DID YOU?

 

Oh, look. I last posted in this thread at 3:16 PM!* Just one more reminder that GOD LOVES ME!**

 

 

 

 

*Well, in my time zone, anyway.

**I seriously know people that say stupid shit like this, especially on Facebook.

 

You should fire back at 4:20....God wants me to get high!

 

Speaking of getting high....Get high on Jesus...hope I never hear that one again.

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Speaking of getting high....Get high on Jesus...hope I never hear that one again.

 

holy blast from the past Batman, I grew up on that corny-ass saying.

 

I agree with you Zephie.

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saw this one on facebook today, must be a new one cos i've never heard it before:

 

"pray, believe, stand, receive"

 

if you're gonna stand and receive, you'd better get some comfy shoes and a good book

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Said just yesterday. ''It is his glory that you suffer with him''. WTF??? Wendytwitch.gif

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Speaking of getting high....Get high on Jesus...hope I never hear that one again.

 

holy blast from the past Batman, I grew up on that corny-ass saying.

 

I agree with you Zephie.

 

Hahaha, I think I heard that one a few weeks ago...sadly coming from someone younger than me (I'm 29).

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Said just yesterday. ''It is his glory that you suffer with him''. WTF??? Wendytwitch.gif

 

Well see it's because god is a sadist. Now from what I understand this is a bad mark against the BDSM community as they are supposedly in willing relationships....however most people are in a fear based relationship with god. So from that standpoint...ah shit...it makes no sense. WTF!? (I heartily concur)

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It's really hard to pick just one or a few, when I've grown tired and get pissed every time I hear any xtianese. But I'm starting to get really annoyed at the new slang of the xtian youth sub-culture, who try to sound more "hip", attempting to xianize regular slang phrases. It's all just nonsense, and hurts my ears and brain just to have to sit and listen to even the smallest bit of it. But there are a few that really bug the hell out of me:

 

"It was god's will"-normally said when something bad happens

"god has a plan for you"-which normally includes great amounts of suffering, for no explainable reason

And particularly bible quotes, like from Romans and Genesis, where "what the world means for evil, god means for good", and various crap Paul says along the same lines. As if that's supposed to make things better, while god sits on his ass and laughs at his followers, begging and pleading. Get real.

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"Too right. When I attended Bible college, one of the girls actually made her closet into a prayer closet. No kidding."

 

You just brought tears to my eyes. Did you ever wanna lock her in it?

 

Sadly to my shame, I actually used the prayer closet....probably to repent of hiding my Harry Potter books in my car like porn....

It's such a better read than the bible, both Harry Potter and the porn.

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French Roman Catholic prayer terminology is sometimes disgusting. We had to say the "Hail Mary" every day and I never liked this phrase:

 

"Jesus, the fruit of your innards, is blessed"

 

The fruit of your innards? Bonne appétit monsieur! Bghhh...

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