What's The One Bit Of Christianese You Never Want To Hear Again?

[jackbauer]

I hate all Christianese. Can't they just speak like normal people so us earthlings can understand what the hell they are talking about? Samuel L Jackson said it best...

 

[Akheia]

I'm sick of "burdens." "I feel a burden for the poor," all the way to "I feel a burden to witness to you." And covenants. I'm sick of those too.

 

Anything stupid sounds spiritual if you dress it up in old words.

[Ro-bear]

"It's not a religion, it's a relationship."

 

 

No it isn't. It's a religion. Do you really believe what you just said? Should I be mulling escape scenarios?

[dyanaprajna0]

"It's not a religion, it's a relationship."

 

 

No it isn't. It's a religion. Do you really believe what you just said? Should I be mulling escape scenarios?

 

As annoying as it is for xtians to try to rationalize how xtianity isn't a religion, and as annoying as that phrase you said is, i think that this one is more annoying "it's not a religion, it's spirituality". Now, I don't really hear that one much anymore, now it's the one you mentioned. But it made me wonder, at the time when it was popular, if xtians actually knew what spirituality meant? My guess is no, they don't seem to have a firm grip on the English language. But this goes along with the fact that they don't have a firm grip on reality. But yeah, this one is just annoying as hell. Relationship with what? Maybe that's why their marriages fail. They try to pretend that their partner isn't visible, and doesn't really answer back. Who the hell knows.

[Akheia]

There's always someone more hardcore. The "it's a relationship" people don't understand what a healthy relationship is, but it sounds more intimate than religion. The "it's a spirituality" crowd doesn't really understand spirituality, but it sounds more intimate than a relationship. I just wonder what the next brinksmanship move is going to sound like.

 

Even while fundie I didn't say that Jesus was my friend. I knew what friends sounded like, and Jesus wasn't one. We never had a two-way dialogue. Never went out with me. Never helped me move. To paraphrase the tech support rant that circulated at every call center I ever worked at, he never came over, drank my last beer, and ate all my Cheetos while we watched the entire run of Thundercats on my bigscreen. If anything, Jesus was my deadbeat dad. The idiots who say Jesus is their friend are the ones who grate on me the most, but at least it's a nice heads-up to me before I even think about becoming friends with them. DANGER: LOW STANDARDS AHEAD.

[Ro-bear]

. If anything, Jesus was my deadbeat dad. The idiots who say Jesus is their friend are the ones who grate on me the most, but at least it's a nice heads-up to me before I even think about becoming friends with them. DANGER: LOW STANDARDS AHEAD.

 

[London]

"One nation under god" I could go on and on about this tripe but I won't. Here is a great example of what disgusts me about this.

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/c/cross-flag.htm

[NeverAgainV]

"Edify"

 

Oh, shut up and talk like a normal person. No one says edify anymore except religious nuts.

 

That brings up memories of that and other words now:

 

I just felt so edified after that sermon

I just felt so convicted after that sermon

I just felt a burden on my heart lifted after that sermon

 

Oh, and for the real nutters:

 

Hey brother, how are you?

Hey there sister!...

 

Ditto on those.

 

I cringe when I hear "well pastor says..." "you should listen to pastor's sermon on (insert topic)..."

 

Anything with the words "obedience, temperance, edify, elect, brethren, humble yourselves..."

I do use the word "brethren" a bit, usually when I'm being facetious or sarcastic..

I hate those old tyme hymns...especially "what a friend we have in jeezus" too many bad bad memories associated with that song....

 

Fortunately I don't hear those much, since I've distanced myself from most of those types.. .

[NeverAgainV]

We've all heard the stupid phrases that Christians use to make themselves sound more spiritual. What's the one that gives you facial tics when you hear it, and you hope you never hear uttered again?

 

For me, it's probably "should the Lord tarry." This is used whenever planning something to indicate that Jesus may come back before the time that the plan or event is supposed to take place.

 

Example: "Should the Lord tarry, then next Wednesday's bible study will be about why the only position of authority that women should hold is that of Sunday school teacher."

 

This one just makes me cringe.

 

I heard that one a lot...can't stand it because how often it was used. The "God willing..blah blah & Lord willing...blah blah" the same. YUCK!

[OMneg]

French Roman Catholic prayer terminology is sometimes disgusting. We had to say the "Hail Mary" every day and I never liked this phrase:

 

"Jesus, the fruit of your innards, is blessed"

 

The fruit of your innards? Bonne appétit monsieur! Bghhh...

It is so bizarre it makes me think it must be like the misquoted song lyrics like, "Excuse me while I kiss this guy." But you'd know better than me and religion is some weird shit.

[freeasabird]

Favor.

 

I heard that all weekend long from my cousin while at family reunion.

[dyanaprajna0]

French Roman Catholic prayer terminology is sometimes disgusting. We had to say the "Hail Mary" every day and I never liked this phrase:

 

"Jesus, the fruit of your innards, is blessed"

 

The fruit of your innards? Bonne appétit monsieur! Bghhh...

It is so bizarre it makes me think it must be like the misquoted song lyrics like, "Excuse me while I kiss this guy." But you'd know better than me and religion is some weird shit.

 

 

It gets worse. "Washed in the blood of the lamb", for example.

 

Lol, that doesn't sound very sanitary or clean. You might as well say "washed in the trash of the house."

[London]

French Roman Catholic prayer terminology is sometimes disgusting. We had to say the "Hail Mary" every day and I never liked this phrase:

 

"Jesus, the fruit of your innards, is blessed"

 

The fruit of your innards? Bonne appétit monsieur! Bghhh...

It is so bizarre it makes me think it must be like the misquoted song lyrics like, "Excuse me while I kiss this guy." But you'd know better than me and religion is some weird shit.

 

 

It gets worse. "Washed in the blood of the lamb", for example.

 

Lol, that doesn't sound very sanitary or clean. You might as well say "washed in the trash of the house."

 

I was thinking more of hacked up for jesus. What is it about this religion that is so obsessed with gore, death, destruction. This is not a religion of love, it's a DEATH cult.

Oh, and hollywood makes better horror movies, sorry jesus, you're fired!

[Denyoz]

French Roman Catholic prayer terminology is sometimes disgusting. We had to say the "Hail Mary" every day and I never liked this phrase:

 

"Jesus, the fruit of your innards, is blessed"

 

The fruit of your innards? Bonne appétit monsieur! Bghhh...

It is so bizarre it makes me think it must be like the misquoted song lyrics like, "Excuse me while I kiss this guy." But you'd know better than me and religion is some weird shit.

 

It gets worse. "Washed in the blood of the lamb", for example.

 

Lol, that doesn't sound very sanitary or clean. You might as well say "washed in the trash of the house."

 

Then take all this shit and eat it. Matthew 26:26 yummy!

[Zaphod]

"Have a blessed day!" from a perfect stranger chaps my hide. It indicates a presumption that everyone is a believer.

[OMneg]

WWJD?

[London]

"Have a blessed day!" from a perfect stranger chaps my hide. It indicates a presumption that everyone is a believer.

 

Respond: "And may the goddess bless you as well."

 

 

 

WWJD?

 

West Wisconsin John Deere??? Are they still giving out those bracelets.

[dyanaprajna0]

WWJD?

 

Thank satan that fad died out.

[Reprobate]

The "gift" of celibacy. Gift, my ass!

 

I apologize if someone mentioned this already.

[hereticzero]

I am sure tired of hearing Christians say they are blessed by god just because of who they are:

 

I make a zillion dollars a year, I am blessed by god.

My neighbor died in a tornado but not me, i am blessed by god.

The ship sank and everyone drowned but me. I am blessed by god.

[Zephie]

The "gift" of celibacy. Gift, my ass!

 

I apologize if someone mentioned this already.

 

This ^ was one of the many reasons I left the faith. It's a condescneding way to talk to singles and assume they are worthless unless they are married. It's total bullshit and really pisses me off.

[Zaphod]

I was very upset that I didn't hear the joke "WWJD for a Klondike Bar?" until long after WWJD had died out.

[MrsRoper]

The "gift" of celibacy. Gift, my ass!

 

I apologize if someone mentioned this already.

 

This ^ was one of the many reasons I left the faith. It's a condescneding way to talk to singles and assume they are worthless unless they are married. It's total bullshit and really pisses me off.

 

I actually used the think this was a gift! Now I think its a good excuse to be afraid and in denial of your sexuality. And I have a strong hunch that most priests don't even have this gift AT ALL.

 

Or worse yet, singles are worthless if they actually have sex!! My pastor use to love to talk about how amazing his sex life was with his wife. And nothing in the marriage bed was sinful. It was so disgusting, I'm surprised I never barfed in church.

[expat674]

A new addition to the christianese phrase book comes from my local "church planting" pastor. During our last conversation about my desire to divorce my ex, he came up with this pearl of wisdom,

"Seek a Jesus solution to this."

Any ideas? My phrase book is a little out of date.

[MrsRoper]

A new addition to the christianese phrase book comes from my local "church planting" pastor. During our last conversation about my desire to divorce my ex, he came up with this pearl of wisdom,

"Seek a Jesus solution to this."

Any ideas? My phrase book is a little out of date.

 

I think he's telling you to go Go Crucify Yourself