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Goodbye Jesus

An Update Written With Any Lurkers Out There In Mind


blackpudd1n

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It's been three and a half months since I first posted my extimony here, my very first post on the forum, and I finally took a look at it again. (Found here: http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/48703-its-taken-a-while-to-get-the-courage-to-even-join-this-site/page__fromsearch__1 )

 

I guess I just wanted to give an update, particularly for any lurkers out there who are struggling. I hope that this may serve as some encouragement to someone to come join us here. I'd certainly like to meet you, and I know many others on the forum would love to meet you, too. We're not a perfect bunch, but if anyone out there is feeling isolated and fearful of joining the forum, I sincerely hope that you will accept an invite to introduce yourself and allow us to give you some support in your deconversion journey. Believe me, we know how hard it is.

 

I, too, was very intimidated the first time I posted on the forum. It took a long time to get the nerve up to actually join up. Everyone seemed so intelligent- I felt so stupid by comparison. I was also hurting, badly, at the time. I was angry and bitter, though I did not quite realise it back then. I also felt a great deal of despair- I didn't believe it would ever be possible to shake off the brainwashing I had been through. I felt as though I was trapped between the brainwashed thought-process of christianity and an emerging thought process of my own.

 

But it does get better. While we all shake off christianity at our own pace, life is better on the other side. I have become an atheist, and nothing has ever made me feel happier or more free. And this forum had a lot to do with that new-found freedom. I have learned so much from the other members here and their discussions. I'm a bit of a lurker myself in the science threads- it's pretty embarrassing to admit that a few months ago, I still believed in the whole Noah and the Ark story, creationism, and (just between you and me), I'm still getting my head around what actually happened to the dinosaurs. But that's what Ex-C is for- learning, support, and encouragement.

 

I truly am a new person now. I have found a confidence I never knew I was capable of having, and the brainwashing is losing its impact and hold over me every day. I have immersed myself in atheist videos and resources- they really are the best anti-dote to christian brainwashing, and have helped me immensely to increase my ability to think critically, logically, rationally, and objectively. The question of the existence of any god or goddess is not something I worry about anymore. I can't really see the point of worrying about something like that. The chances of me ever being able to answer that question would have to be statistically minute to begin with, and I just figure that if there is a god/goddess, then I'll probably find out at the same time as everyone else, or when I die. So I focus instead on just living and learning. This is a huge change for me, considering how neurotic I used to be, utterly obsessed with getting to the bottom of everything. In life, some questions probably won't be answered. And that's okay with me. It's so ironic. I left christianity and found peace and happiness.

 

This was all written with any lurkers out there in mind. Atheism works for me, but it may not for you. And that's okay- this is your journey. I just wanted to let you know that it does get better. And I hope that maybe you'll drop by and say hi sometime :)

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Amen sister, amen!

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I just read your extimony and update :) It's insane the amount of peace we have found by walking away from what was supposed to give us peace in the first place. I don't know about you but I lurked for several months and my last stint in xtianity was it for me. I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything. Thankies for being so honest about what you have gone through and how everything is working it now woohoo.gif

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Thanks guys for your support. I've really noticed lately a common theme of lurking for a while before new members join, and I just thought maybe some of our lurkers might be interested in hearing an update :)

 

I actually didn't lurk all that much, mainly because everytime I did, I'd have a panic that I was going to go to hell for just looking at the forum, LOL. I also had this wild idea in my head that I had to be an actual Ex-C before I could join, and I made a few starts on joining, but I'd get to the question about whether I had any god still, and if so, what they were, and freak out, thinking that I didn't belong and would get hounded out lol.

 

I just didn't understand that everyone is welcome here, no matter where they are on their journey

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I'm glad you mentioned that atheism may not work for everyone. When I first came here, I was under the impression this was an atheist site. It was only after some digging that I found that there are pagans, Buddhists, Deists, etc. The bad rap we atheists get might discourage some people from even looking at the forum if they think that.

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I'm glad you mentioned that atheism may not work for everyone. When I first came here, I was under the impression this was an atheist site. It was only after some digging that I found that there are pagans, Buddhists, Deists, etc. The bad rap we atheists get might discourage some people from even looking at the forum if they think that.

 

Well, atheism isn't for everyone, and that's just the reality of the situation. Not only that, but atheists themselves don't necessarily agree on everything. It's funny, looking back at my preconceived ideas of atheists- for me, "atheist" conjured up images of big, mean, nasty men who would shoot down everything I said lol. Nothing could be further from the truth for the vast majority, but I'd just never actually met an atheist before I joined the forum, so I was actually quite intimidated by the thought of talking with real atheists lol.

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It's funny, looking back at my preconceived ideas of atheists- for me, "atheist" conjured up images of big, mean, nasty men who would shoot down everything I said lol.

 

Yeah,that's me in a nutshell. I'm not really a short grey grandfather with a mortgage and sore feet. Ignore the man behind the curtain.

 

Great post BP. Some of us have been considering ways to make lurkers feel more welcome, and that's a good start.

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It's funny, looking back at my preconceived ideas of atheists- for me, "atheist" conjured up images of big, mean, nasty men who would shoot down everything I said lol.

 

Yeah,that's me in a nutshell. I'm not really a short grey grandfather with a mortgage and sore feet. Ignore the man behind the curtain.

 

Great post BP. Some of us have been considering ways to make lurkers feel more welcome, and that's a good start.

 

lol Par.

 

My reaction to joining the forum may have been more severe than that of some others, I don't know, but I've always worked on the principle that I can't be the only one to think or feel a certain way about something. I mean, there might only be one person that my post helps, but that's more than good enough for me. The fact of the matter is that the deconversion process can be really lonely. I really wouldn't wish it on anyone. I glad we do have lurkers, but at the very least, I hope some of our lurkers may just feel that the invitation is there, even if they don't take us up on it, and feel some form of welcome.

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Every day when I come here I see that the numbers of users online averages around 100. 70-80 are "guests". That's a lot of lurking.

 

Great story BP. And there is always someone here to talk to 24 hours a day. Everyone has something to say.

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I actually didn't lurk all that much, mainly because everytime I did, I'd have a panic that I was going to go to hell for just looking at the forum, LOL.

 

LOL! I've only just recently been able to read an atheist book without occasionally glancing over my shoulder. blush.png

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I actually didn't lurk all that much, mainly because everytime I did, I'd have a panic that I was going to go to hell for just looking at the forum, LOL.

 

LOL! I've only just recently been able to read an atheist book without occasionally glancing over my shoulder. blush.png

 

lol bad habits die hard!

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That was an excellent post in my opinion Puddin'.

 

I think it could have done without the reference to atheism, but you also addressed that. It was well done.

 

---------------------------

 

atheism = don't think of pink elephants

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I still don't know what I believe and to be honest I don't think I ever will. I'm still flat out trying to dispel the rage at betrayal that lurks just under the surface of my psyche.

 

I love your posts pudd1n, you are sane and forthright and Australian and female. Shame I'm straight hehe.

 

Keep them coming, I really appreciate the way you share your journey.

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That was an excellent post in my opinion Puddin'.

 

I think it could have done without the reference to atheism, but you also addressed that. It was well done.

 

---------------------------

 

atheism = don't think of pink elephants

 

Thanks Legion :) I felt that I couldn't avoid the atheist part of my journey, because that's where I'm at now. But I moved from christianity to paganism to atheism myself, and atheism is where I'm most comfortable. But I myself have friends in real life who have moved from christianity to agnostic deism, and another from catholicism to Buddism. My former catholic friend loved the nuns who were a part of her life as a child, and still holds fond memories of them, but just found that catholicism doesn't work for her. But even with buddhism, she ended picking and choosing, because some bits of it she did not like. And that is where she is most comfortable. I don't like it when any religion tells you that you have to believe every single last bit of it. That's just mind-control.

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I still don't know what I believe and to be honest I don't think I ever will. I'm still flat out trying to dispel the rage at betrayal that lurks just under the surface of my psyche.

 

I love your posts pudd1n, you are sane and forthright and Australian and female. Shame I'm straight hehe.

 

Keep them coming, I really appreciate the way you share your journey.

 

Thanks Galien :) I often take a look around, and think to myself, "why am I the one on medication?!" LOL.

 

I know the rage that you talk about; sometimes it seems to come from no-where. For the last decade, I've held suspicions that my sister and I have different fathers, and I finally told her last week. We're looking into getting a DNA test, and if my suspicions are right, it is going to be something I have to deal with personally- that I was denied even knowing who my own father is in the name of my biological mother's attempted religious piety. Christianity can have so many devastating flow-on effects.

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Thanks for the encouragement. I lurked for a month or so, then registered and I have shared little bits of my story here and there, but I am not done writing my testimony yet (yes, it's long).

 

Here is my psychotic question for all of you: is it likely at all that a Christian on this website could use some of the details posted in my ex-testimony to look up my Christian school and get me fired? Or (even less likely) possible that someone from my school would read this and realize it was me, and again, get me fired? Or should I just make a lot of the details/specific places etc. vague?

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Thanks Legion smile.png

 

You are most welcome Puddin'.

 

My former catholic friend... .... ended picking and choosing, because some bits of it she did not like.

 

It's funny you should say this, and say it in this way. My hero biologist, when asked what religion he was, would answer, "I'm catholic with a small 'c'".

 

I know exactly what he means. He means that he picks and chooses what he deems best from all.

 

-------------------------------

 

Galien, I liked your post to Puddin'.

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Great post pudd! you have really come along in the last 3 months! It's been a pleasure having you!!

 

I look back at some of my posts over a year ago and it's incredible, some of the changes and healing that have happened, all because of the support I have recieved on EX-c. I'm still not 100% there but almost!!

 

It's important to get the people out there lurking, to not be afraid to come and join us. It's important to address the frightened youth and elderly and eveybody in between because the fear of losing the faith and feeling alone is so scary!!

 

I actually just wrote another letter the other day to the newcomers that I was going to post, but this beat me to it! Good words my girlfriend!! Perfect!!

 

hug for you!

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Thanks Legion smile.png

 

You are most welcome Puddin'.

 

My former catholic friend... .... ended picking and choosing, because some bits of it she did not like.

 

It's funny you should say this, and say it in this way. My hero biologist, when asked what religion he was, would answer, "I'm catholic with a small 'c'".

 

I know exactly what he means. He means that he picks and chooses what he deems best from all.

 

-------------------------------

 

Galien, I liked your post to Puddin'.

 

I dated a girl that called herself a "salad bar Catholic." First and last time I ever heard that phrase.

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Thanks for the encouragement. I lurked for a month or so, then registered and I have shared little bits of my story here and there, but I am not done writing my testimony yet (yes, it's long).

 

Here is my psychotic question for all of you: is it likely at all that a Christian on this website could use some of the details posted in my ex-testimony to look up my Christian school and get me fired? Or (even less likely) possible that someone from my school would read this and realize it was me, and again, get me fired? Or should I just make a lot of the details/specific places etc. vague?

 

If you feel your livelihood could be impacted by what you write, then I would definitely be vague wherever you feel it's necessary.

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A few years back when I first came to this site, things seemed to be more cutthroat. If there were no Christians to go after, then ExC members would after each other (out of boredom I guess). Sometimes some of the old-timers seem to miss those days, but I can see how "lurkers" would have been scared away unless they were already a little jaded. IMO, things have calmed down, and I feel that lurkers will feel more free to come here, and learn some new lessons. Anyway, in the past maybe ExC members created kind of a reputation for itself, and some people may have been scared away. For now things seem to be moving in a more progressive manner, and I hope that others can find peace in their lives like I have through ExC.

 

Thanks for the thread BP. smile.png

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http://www.cartoonstock.com/stylepreview.asp?style=gag&cartoonist=24ℑ=1

 

this is my interpretation of what happened to the dinosaurs, drawn fifteen years ago ( I just noticed how long ago, yikes), when i was a fundy myself. I had an experience where a friend who was an editor of a christian magazine wanted to use it (for free), so i said yes, but when i saw the finished edition of the magazine, she had totally changed the text because she thought it might be anti-creationist or something. so she changed it (without my persmission btw) to indicate that Noah had taken baby dinosaurs on the ark, which is the creationist position on dinosaurs. i was absolutely furious. even my pastor said, 'yeah, don't ever trust Christian publications, they don't like to pay anyone and will take advantage of your good nature".

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Thanks for the encouragement. I lurked for a month or so, then registered and I have shared little bits of my story here and there, but I am not done writing my testimony yet (yes, it's long).

 

Here is my psychotic question for all of you: is it likely at all that a Christian on this website could use some of the details posted in my ex-testimony to look up my Christian school and get me fired? Or (even less likely) possible that someone from my school would read this and realize it was me, and again, get me fired? Or should I just make a lot of the details/specific places etc. vague?

 

Keep it vague. Any time you post something on the internet, assume it's going to be read by someone you know, and obfuscate accordingly.

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Thanks for the encouragement. I lurked for a month or so, then registered and I have shared little bits of my story here and there, but I am not done writing my testimony yet (yes, it's long).

 

Here is my psychotic question for all of you: is it likely at all that a Christian on this website could use some of the details posted in my ex-testimony to look up my Christian school and get me fired? Or (even less likely) possible that someone from my school would read this and realize it was me, and again, get me fired? Or should I just make a lot of the details/specific places etc. vague?

 

Go vague. No names, no locations. Put on a wig! If you leave no identifying information and tell no one you are on here, then how can it be proven you ARE on here by some wacko?

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Great post pudd! you have really come along in the last 3 months! It's been a pleasure having you!!

 

I look back at some of my posts over a year ago and it's incredible, some of the changes and healing that have happened, all because of the support I have recieved on EX-c. I'm still not 100% there but almost!!

 

It's important to get the people out there lurking, to not be afraid to come and join us. It's important to address the frightened youth and elderly and eveybody in between because the fear of losing the faith and feeling alone is so scary!!

 

I actually just wrote another letter the other day to the newcomers that I was going to post, but this beat me to it! Good words my girlfriend!! Perfect!!

 

hug for you!

 

Thanks Margee :) When I went to write my update, I couldn't help but be reminded of how I felt when I posted that very first one. It was 23 hours before I had the guts to look at it again! I was so nervous I felt sick!

 

Why don't you still post your letter? You are always so encouraging with what you write :)

 

Sending a hug back at you!

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