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An Update Written With Any Lurkers Out There In Mind


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Thanks for the encouragement. I lurked for a month or so, then registered and I have shared little bits of my story here and there, but I am not done writing my testimony yet (yes, it's long).

 

Here is my psychotic question for all of you: is it likely at all that a Christian on this website could use some of the details posted in my ex-testimony to look up my Christian school and get me fired? Or (even less likely) possible that someone from my school would read this and realize it was me, and again, get me fired? Or should I just make a lot of the details/specific places etc. vague?

 

Hey Marmot,

 

I'd love to read your extimony when you're done writing it :)

 

I'm with Trapped, Zaphod, and MidniteRider, though, on this one. When the stakes are that high, or you're not ready yet to come out/don't have something else planned to go to, I'd be vague where you need to be. It's unfortunate that that's the way it has to be, but that's our reality.

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A few years back when I first came to this site, things seemed to be more cutthroat. If there were no Christians to go after, then ExC members would after each other (out of boredom I guess). Sometimes some of the old-timers seem to miss those days, but I can see how "lurkers" would have been scared away unless they were already a little jaded. IMO, things have calmed down, and I feel that lurkers will feel more free to come here, and learn some new lessons. Anyway, in the past maybe ExC members created kind of a reputation for itself, and some people may have been scared away. For now things seem to be moving in a more progressive manner, and I hope that others can find peace in their lives like I have through ExC.

 

Thanks for the thread BP. smile.png

 

Do you think that that was because the community was still establishing itself? Or maybe that a whole bunch of people were in the same place in their journey at the same time, due to the forum being relatively new?

 

I like the wide variety of people that we have here. An important lesson that the forum has taught me, which will stand me well in my own life, is that I don't necessarily have to agree with someone on everything in order to still find a common ground on which to establish a friendship. And the variety of opinions on everything has made me more open to the idea that maybe I am wrong on some things, that perhaps there is some truth to what someone says, and perhaps I need to investigate an issue a little further and possibly reassess my stance. I have access to a wider variety of people here on the forum than I do in my own life, and I love it. I think every member has some part to play in shaping the forum.

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http://www.cartoonst...nist=24&image=1

 

this is my interpretation of what happened to the dinosaurs, drawn fifteen years ago ( I just noticed how long ago, yikes), when i was a fundy myself. I had an experience where a friend who was an editor of a christian magazine wanted to use it (for free), so i said yes, but when i saw the finished edition of the magazine, she had totally changed the text because she thought it might be anti-creationist or something. so she changed it (without my persmission btw) to indicate that Noah had taken baby dinosaurs on the ark, which is the creationist position on dinosaurs. i was absolutely furious. even my pastor said, 'yeah, don't ever trust Christian publications, they don't like to pay anyone and will take advantage of your good nature".

 

LOL I love the cartoon! Though, unfortunately, it definitely sounds as though the publisher didn't have much respect for intellectual property rights. Interesting to see christian morals at work!

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Thanks Margee smile.png Why don't you still post your letter? You are always so encouraging with what you write smile.png

 

Sending a hug back at you!

Pudd, I just took your advise and posted a welcoming letter. thank YOU for encouraging me to do that. I have been wanting to do it for awhile! Hug back at you! You're great hon!biggrin.png

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Thanks Margee smile.png Why don't you still post your letter? You are always so encouraging with what you write smile.png

 

Sending a hug back at you!

Pudd, I just took your advise and posted a welcoming letter. thank YOU for encouraging me to do that. I have been wanting to do it for awhile! Hug back at you! You're great hon!biggrin.png

 

I saw it- it was beautifully written, Margee :) I hope our lurkers see that we do care about them, too. I don't mind if they just want to lurk, but I hope that we might make someone who wants to join but feels anxious doing so feel more confident about joining. The final push, for me, was a "oh shit, no-one else gets it, I haven't got anyone else to turn to, maybe it's worth a shot". It was more desperation than anything else, with a lot of nervousness mixed in!

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Thanks for the wise words. Some of the locations and names of organizations are important to my story, but I will obscure them.

 

I also worry that someone from my school will check this place out some day and recognize my story, even with the anonymity. I think that is probably a little far fetched, though. I am careful to never go on this site when I am at work because they can monitor those things. When I get around to finishing my story I will certainly post it.

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I feel that this thread should be pinned. Good reading material for the 'lurker'!!

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Thanks for the wise words. Some of the locations and names of organizations are important to my story, but I will obscure them.

 

I also worry that someone from my school will check this place out some day and recognize my story, even with the anonymity. I think that is probably a little far fetched, though. I am careful to never go on this site when I am at work because they can monitor those things. When I get around to finishing my story I will certainly post it.

 

Awesome, I can't wait to read it! :)

 

At the end of the day, anything can happen. We can try to prevent it as much as possible, but at the end we can't live be ruled by all of the "what-ifs". When you get in the car, you might have an accident. When you eat out, you might get food poisoning. We can take precautions against these things happening, like obeying road rules and sticking to the speed limit, and not eating at dodgy-looking restaurants, but if we let our lives be ruled by all the "what-ifs", we'd never leave the house or have any enjoyment. We hope that bad things won't happen to us, but if they do, then we deal with them at the time, right?

 

Hope this helps a bit :)

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is it likely at all that a Christian on this website could use some of the details posted in my ex-testimony to look up my Christian school and get me fired? Or (even less likely) possible that someone from my school would read this and realize it was me, and again, get me fired? Or should I just make a lot of the details/specific places etc. vague?

Welcome marmot and congrats on posting...to address your question...I gave myself a user name and used a remote email address that I do not have attached to any correspondence with any christians AND I am careful to BE VAGUE and not name names and places and specifics...apart from that, I feel that posting here is very safe for me until the time comes when I 'come out' to my old christian friends...which may be "never" actually....sounds like you work in a christian school...there are many others here that do also. You are NOT alone.

 

(((Black Pudding))) Thanks for sharing a very heartfelt, sweet and powerful extrimony for our newbies...I can understand why some may lurk UNTIL they realize and have assurance in their heart that "they belong here"...I KNEW that I belonged here right away and when I joined, I posted and introduced myself...

 

there is NOTHING WRONG with reading and being introspective before you post...I can respect that...and WELCOME anyone who might be reading this and feeling fear about posting...come in!!! the water's fine!!!!

NO SHARKS!!! LOL...we left them!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

A few years back when I first came to this site, things seemed to be more cutthroat. If there were no Christians to go after, then ExC members would after each other (out of boredom I guess). Sometimes some of the old-timers seem to miss those days, but I can see how "lurkers" would have been scared away unless they were already a little jaded. IMO, things have calmed down, and I feel that lurkers will feel more free to come here, and learn some new lessons. Anyway, in the past maybe ExC members created kind of a reputation for itself, and some people may have been scared away. For now things seem to be moving in a more progressive manner, and I hope that others can find peace in their lives like I have through ExC.

 

Thanks for the thread BP. smile.png

 

Do you think that that was because the community was still establishing itself? Or maybe that a whole bunch of people were in the same place in their journey at the same time, due to the forum being relatively new?

 

I like the wide variety of people that we have here. An important lesson that the forum has taught me, which will stand me well in my own life, is that I don't necessarily have to agree with someone on everything in order to still find a common ground on which to establish a friendship. And the variety of opinions on everything has made me more open to the idea that maybe I am wrong on some things, that perhaps there is some truth to what someone says, and perhaps I need to investigate an issue a little further and possibly reassess my stance. I have access to a wider variety of people here on the forum than I do in my own life, and I love it. I think every member has some part to play in shaping the forum.

 

I think you nailed it in your first question. The community was fairly new, and people had a lot of venting to do. Maybe some new-bies still need that as part of their crossing over to the other side and leaving Christianity. It seems to help many.

 

As for the diversity here, I love it too. It's nice to see everyone's thoughts having sex, creating new baby thoughts, and evolving.GONZ9729CustomImage1539775.gif

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JayL and Thumbelina don't formulate arguments.

 

That would require more thought... and we all know where thinking gets an xtian!!!

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puddin, This is a great post. Thank you. I did finally join and put up my extimony. The vibe around here has changed even in the past year or so. I think there is a lot more support. People like you and Margee are a big part of that.

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puddin, This is a great post. Thank you. I did finally join and put up my extimony. The vibe around here has changed even in the past year or so. I think there is a lot more support. People like you and Margee are a big part of that.

 

Hey Om,

 

I'm so glad you did finally decide to join :) What I love about the forum is that there is such a wide variety of people here, from such varied backgrounds- I just love the vast reserves of information among the various members.

 

I love it when new people like yourself join. I haven't forgotten how absolutely isolated I felt when I was deconverting. It's not like I live in an overly christian country, or that my partner is a christian (he's very much an atheist); I just felt like no-one actually understood how I was feeling. My partner tried to understand, but he was raised completely without religious bias. His parents believed that children were too susceptible to religious influence, and purposely did not indoctrinate either my partner or his brother. They never even attended Scripture classes at school- his parents just would not allow it. They felt, admirably, that belief was a choice that was to be made when a child was old enough to, without influence from them, and after much research. So it was really hard for him to get his head around what was going on with me, just as it was for me to comprehend him, or anyone, for that matter, being raised completely without religion. I was in the later stages of deconversion when we got together, and it was seriously like we were talking two different languages sometimes, due to his very rational thought process, and my very christian-inspired thought process.

 

My partner did have a large role in helping me to complete the final stage of the process. He would challenge the crazy shit I'd come out with sometimes as a product of my old christard thinking process. He just couldn't work out how I'd go from A to B to end up with J. He really helped to highlight that my thought process was still rather whacked-out.

 

The push for me to join was when I realised one weekend that my faith was gone, and I really had no-where to turn to help me to understand what had just happened, or sort out my head. But the forum has become more than that to me, now. It is a place where I learn, ask questions, and I've made friendships here. It's the people that make me keep coming back :)

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Pudd, It is hard to go through this alone. Even though I have a little support group, no one is at the same stage and I don't really have anyone to share with. This community is such a blessing! (is it okay to say that?) Your relationship is similar to mine in the logical vs whacked-out religious thinking. My husband has been so patient with me. I call him my voice of reason. I've ended up with 'J' so many times, I can't count. lol Big props your man's parents!

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The push for me to join was when I realised one weekend that my faith was gone, and I really had no-where to turn to help me to understand what had just happened, or sort out my head. But the forum has become more than that to me, now. It is a place where I learn, ask questions, and I've made friendships here. It's the people that make me keep coming back smile.png

 

Me too - if it wasn't for you guys I mighta been under a train by now.

 

Lyall

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