I Can't Move On.

[Galien]

So you can stop pretending you have some sort of special knowledge of her situation. Your protecting her from what she needs is classic codependent behavior.

 

 

And of course you know what she needs better than anyone. Yawn.

 

Having a family full of dysfunctionals doesn't make you Dr. Phil either. Please don't make me say it.......Fucking knowall ***** grrr

[mymistake]

So you can stop pretending you have some sort of special knowledge of her situation. Your protecting her from what she needs is classic codependent behavior.

 

 

And of course you know what she needs better than anyone. Yawn.

 

Having a family full of dysfunctionals doesn't make you Dr. Phil either. Please don't make me say it.......Fucking knowall ***** grrr

 

In what world is "I don't know how to help you so go to someone with the right training" being a know-it-all?

 

Toon is not playing Dr. Phil. The general message is that there are people trained to solve these problems and for something serious like this you should go to someone who has the training.

 

Okay let's say you have a gunshot wound. Should you:

 

1) Go to an emergency room

 

or

 

2) Go to an online chatroom and ask people there to guide you as you perform amateur surgery on yourself?

[Guest ChristineE]

Even Therapy won't help me if I don't have the willpower to get away from Mac. Even being locked away in an asylum on a 24-hour watch won't keep me away from Mac if I am set on seeing him when I get out. Therapy is where you go when you need a quiet place to cry. I can get that for free. There is one thing and one thing alone that will fix me. And that is staying away from Mac. Three days. So far so good. I came here knowing I was abused. I showed this thread to Mac hoping he'd finally stop accusing me of being a liar. He didn't stop. I'm going to leave him again. I'm leaving for good. And If I really, really never do talk to him ever again, them I will have cured myself. Psychoanalysis not needed. You say I'm not capable of doing it. If I were incapable of doing it then I would be talking to him right now, wouldn't I? I would be checking every three minutes to see if he's logged in yet. I know from the past that I'm capable of staying away for six weeks. If I can stay away for six weeks why can't I stay away for six weeks, and then six weeks more, and then six weeks more after that?

 

I imagine you're not really thrilled to death to hear I've managed not to say hi to Mac for three days. That's 72 hours. Woo.

Well, for me it is kind of a huge thing. Not because I've stayed away for three days, because I've done that 50 times. But because I'm going to set a new record as to how long I can stay away from this guy. I'm going to let the weeks pass until I forget who he even was. I realize you don't understand. It's not like I'm doing something I can be proud of later. I'm not composing an Opera or painting a portrait, I'm just getting back to normal. People don't tend to see that as an accomplishment.

I am going to take a lot of bubble baths, and drink a lot of water, because something in me desperately needs to feel refreshed.

 

I don't want you to tell me to get therapy. I want you to ask me, every time you so much as see me, how many days it's been. And if that number is less than what I told you it was the last time I answered that question, then I give you the right to be jerks. And for the love of Strauss, I don't want you to tell me how I can't do this on my own without a shrink. If I hear that too much I'll believe it and guess who's the first person to whom I'll announce defeat?

 

Comprenez cela?!

[Galien]

So you can stop pretending you have some sort of special knowledge of her situation. Your protecting her from what she needs is classic codependent behavior.

 

 

And of course you know what she needs better than anyone. Yawn.

 

Having a family full of dysfunctionals doesn't make you Dr. Phil either. Please don't make me say it.......Fucking knowall ***** grrr

 

In what world is "I don't know how to help you so go to someone with the right training" being a know-it-all?

 

Toon is not playing Dr. Phil. The general message is that there are people trained to solve these problems and for something serious like this you should go to someone who has the training.

 

Okay let's say you have a gunshot wound. Should you:

 

1) Go to an emergency room

 

or

 

2) Go to an online chatroom and ask people there to guide you as you perform amateur surgery on yourself?

 

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away just being a friend to a person was a great help. Now we just need therapists apparently. I'm not saying I can "fix" Christine, but I can give better than a pat answer she already knows anyway. I can care about her and her shit.

 

But that was another time, another place......

[pratt]

i was a smoker,,,,

 

i told everybody i can quit smoking anytime,,,, and i did,,,,,, many times,,,,, i can control my smoking habit, it is not an addiction,,,,, i stopped smoking a couple of times ranging from 1 week to 2 years,,,,,, i knew i can stop smoking anytime i want,,,,,,

 

there were 2 packs of cigarettes in my pocket when i had my almost-fatal heart attack and the doctor listed smoking as one of the causing factor,,,,,

[NEWsong]

Hi Christine, I made some comments and you didn't respond to them but I will "talk" to you directly again, if you wouldn't mind reading what I would like to share with you.

Even Therapy won't help me if I don't have the willpower to get away from Mac.

I understand this. Sometimes we see "willpower" as some magical "power" that will help us. We have will power by saying the word "NO". Or NOT GOING BACK TO THE CHAT ROOMS. You HAVE will power. You just need to SAY or DO what YOU think is best. If staying away from him is best, going to a therapist WILL help you see the codependent behavior that he has fostered with you. You can be free of him and of your need to be validated by religious people. Sometimes it TAKES TIME to heal. I hope that you will want to do that for yourself. No one can do it for you.

 

Even being locked away in an asylum on a 24-hour watch won't keep me away from Mac if I am set on seeing him when I get out.

Are you willing to see that this is OBSESSIVE behavior? Wanting to see someone whom you have said "is not good" for you? Why would you NOT try to submit to NOT seeing him if you are being given the "help" and encouragement to break it off with him?

 

Therapy is where you go when you need a quiet place to cry. I can get that for free.

Yes, maybe, but WHO is listening and are they REALLY validating your feelings or just using them to control you??? A therapist will help you heal.

 

There is one thing and one thing alone that will fix me. And that is staying away from Mac. Three days. So far so good.

There you go...problem solved. Great job.

 

I'm going to set a new record as to how long I can stay away from this guy. I'm going to let the weeks pass until I forget who he even was.

While you are doing that, you could use some art, music (since you sing, I mentioned that in my first reply) and USE YOUR GIFTS to express yourself and find the parts that are needing healing.

 

I don't want you to tell me to get therapy. I want you to ask me, every time you so much as see me, how many days it's been. And if that number is less than what I told you it was the last time I answered that question, then I give you the right to be jerks.

I think that would foster a DEPENDENT relationship on US much like the one that you have had with Mac. no thanks hon. You can hold yourself accountable, not take any of our suggestions that you might benefit from therapy and heal yourself.

 

I don't want you to tell me how I can't do this on my own without a shrink.

Sometimes we let our pride can get in the way of our healing, don't you think? I have had several YEARS of counseling; mainly for abuse and relationship/divorce. I admitted that I needed to delve deeper inside of me and I was not knowledgeable enough to "hear" others who knew more of my situation than I did to "do it on my own". I sought some help, got it and let the healing begin.

 

Comprenez cela?!

Yes, we do, do YOU understand? I wish you well, you really have a BIG problem and it is NOT Mac. He is just doing what any "helpful religious" person would do. I won't have any friends who would constantly preach at me, they would not be my friend if they did. They would be a religious controlling person who sees and uses my neediness to build himself up "as a godly man". That's NOT a friend, that is a Again, I wish you peace...

[Akheia]

1/10. Back and with a new rationalization for avoiding therapy. We've heard "I'm just not damaged enough" (BZZT, you definitely are) and "I can't afford it" (BZZT, check out sliding-scale support, which most states have), along with "It'd just look so bad to seek help now" (BZZT, nobody will think poorly of you). All that got shot down. Then we had "Even though I've been solidly resisting the very idea, I had a 20-minute-long full consultation with a therapist after hours, didn't pay a cent, and got full disclosures, fee schedule, explanation of problem, and action plan and she told me to do exactly what I've been telling y'all I wanted to do" (BZZ.. wha?). Now we have "It's ineffectual and will just give me a quiet place to cry and won't help with obsessions." I don't even know where to begin with that misconception. I'm starting to doubt you've ever actually had therapy if you think that's what it is. Not that you asked if that's true or not; as with your other misconceptions, you just plunged right in with the assumption.

 

Christine, maybe you can help me to understand what you're actually looking for, because at the moment the impression I'm getting isn't really very flattering.

[mymistake]

I showed this thread to Mac hoping he'd finally stop accusing me of being a liar.

 

You fell off the wagon already? That is most unfortunate. Well I hope the next time you quit you can beat three days.

 

He didn't stop.

 

The only person you can control is yourself.

 

I'm going to leave him again. I'm leaving for good.

 

good for you!

 

You say I'm not capable of doing it.

 

Incorrect. You said that. Perhaps you didn't give yourself enough credit. Either way I hope you succeed.

 

It's not like I'm doing something I can be proud of later.

 

That is also incorrect. If you solve your problem then you can be very proud of healing yourself. Never see that monster again and then be proud of yourself for having the strength and willpower to cut him out of your life.

[Guest ChristineE]

 

You fell off the wagon already? That is most unfortunate. Well I hope the next time you quit you can beat three days.

 

 

Nonononono. I showed the thread to Mac a day or so after the original post. And what he said about it I posted as a reply. It's still three days. Almost four.

 

And god damn it, Akheia, if you're going to disbelieve everything I say STFU and GTFO. I'm certainly not afraid to say I have really taken a distinct dislike to you. You treat me like I'm trolling you for attention like I did Mac when I first met him. I DO NOT EXPECT any of you to sit with me for a six-hour one-on-one wherein I sulk and brood and you periodically say something comforting. NO. I'm not here for that kind of attention. I'm here because I figured you'd say "Yep, I've been there and done that. Talk to us from now on instead of him, if you like." and not, "I can't believe you don't want professional help! I'm going to assume the only reason you're not getting it is that you want to whore us all for attention!"

[mymistake]

I DO NOT EXPECT any of you to sit with me for a six-hour one-on-one wherein I sulk and brood and you periodically say something comforting.

 

Did you actually do that with someone else? If you are bleeding because a bullet entered your body then go to the emergency room.

 

NO. I'm not here for that kind of attention. I'm here because I figured you'd say "Yep, I've been there and done that. Talk to us from now on instead of him, if you like." and not, "I can't believe you don't want professional help! I'm going to assume the only reason you're not getting it is that you want to whore us all for attention!"

 

I can't say I've done the things you did. It would be a lie. Nobody is stopping you from talking to us. You have gotten a great response from our community. If you don't want professional help then that is part of your problem. I hope you are able to get over it. If somebody here used the word "whore" regarding you then please point that out. I want to know who did that and when. I missed it.

 

If nobody used that word then nobody used that word.

[ToonForever]

So you can stop pretending you have some sort of special knowledge of her situation. Your protecting her from what she needs is classic codependent behavior.

 

 

And of course you know what she needs better than anyone. Yawn.

 

Having a family full of dysfunctionals doesn't make you Dr. Phil either. Please don't make me say it.......Fucking knowall ***** grrr

 

Are you *******? I *don't* know what she needs better than anyone. I can't help her. Nobody here can, not in the way she needs. You sure aren't helping her. That's why she needs professional help.

 

Having a family full of dysfunctionals makes me able to recognize codependent behavior. That's you. It ain't rocket science. You're not doing her any favors.

[Akheia]

It's nice to get one's self worked up into a froth, isn't it? Glad I could help. Why yes, I do completely think you're an attention-seeker. Your abuse of me, deflection of issues, refusal to answer the questions I and others have raised, and abusively lashing out and calling ex-C "morons" in a flounce earlier (not to mention your very speedy return and decision that you WUV US SO MUCH) are all just symptoms of attention-seeking behavior. Oh, don't worry. I'm definitely going. Your behavior has finally convinced me that you're definitely not someone who is good for my mental and emotional health. I don't get paid enough to deal with that shit!

 

I really do think that when you're actually ready, nothing will stand in the way of your recovery, and that once that happens, I look forward to your follow-up called "It's Been A Year and I Totally Moved On!" Good luck, Christine. Really and truly, good luck.

[NEWsong]

I'm here because I figured you'd say "Yep, I've been there and done that. Talk to us from now on instead of him, if you like." and not, "I can't believe you don't want professional help! I'm going to assume the only reason you're not getting it is that you want to whore us all for attention!"

 

As far as I can see, SHE JUST TOLD US why she is here and does NOT want to get professional help.

She hasn't even responded to TWO posts that I spent time to write to her...

 

Get a life Christine. Sensible people will not continue to put up with your crap. YOU NEED HELP.

[NEWsong]

[Guest ChristineE]

Actually Newsong, I read it all. I do intend to use music to help me heal. I do that every day. You've ever heard of the aria "Come raggio di sol"? It is my favorite. However, what's my problem, if it's not Mac?

The only other problem I can see is the fact that people are tending to disbelieve me, with the exception of Galein, whom I currently love.

[ToonForever]

with the exception of Galein, whom I currently love.

 

Of course you do - she's pandering to your sickness and not challenging you to get the help you need. She's giving you the strokes you came here for. Good luck with that. You'll feel good for a little while, but you won't get to the bottom of your sickness.

 

I hope you get help. Real help. I truly do. Nobody here is against you. If anything we're more for you than you are right now. You can't see it right now because it doesn't feel good. Darkest before the storm kinda stuff, innit.

 

Best of luck to you. You need it.

[mymistake]

The only other problem I can see is the fact that people are tending to disbelieve me . . .

 

It's really sad how you sabotage your own credibility. So do you want tips on how to avoid doing that? What happened to all your problems that motivated you to start this thread? Can you simply not see them anymore or did they actually get cured?

[marmot]

This is scary to watch.

[Guest ChristineE]

The only problems I had that motivated me to start this thread was depression over Mac, and I suppose melancholy in general.

[agnosticator]

The only problems I had that motivated me to start this thread was depression over Mac, and I suppose melancholy in general.

 

Hi again,ChristineE. Why would you be depressed over Mac? If anything, I'd think you'd be angry with him! It would have been healthier to tell him off and flush the "relationship" down the toilet.The fact that you felt compelled to go back to him says something is amiss. I suggest talking with a woman (instead of a man) as a "mentor" or better yet for friendship, when you feel lonely.

[mymistake]

She is not using the word mentor the way you or I would use it. It's a code word for something else. No, she doesn't need any more mentors. I hope that everyone here will agree to only be her friend and nothing more. We are equals. No more "mentors".

[Guest ChristineE]

I've already said that I seek no mentors here, only equals. Galien and sugRsuccubus are pretty much my only friends here. And both are female.

[LivingLife]

I finally read this whole thread after smelling a rat initially. My opinion has not changed.

 

If she is married and her hubby is OK with her "flirting" with other guys on the net, he is likely getting sane nookie somewhere else.

 

None of what she is describing gels with a real situation.

 

I have counseled folk via the net before and some folk don't want help, they are "attention whores" and will solicit it from anyone willing to pander to their desires. There is only so much you can do via the net and via skype.

 

God cannot fix squat as he is non existent so if this Mac fella is selling her god on a stick, he is just as fucked up as she is, we have an expression in Afrikaans, soort soek soort which means sick folk seek out like folk but not in a good way. This is not like folk seeking out similar folk in communities whether in RL or online

[Guest ChristineE]

I AM NOT FLIRTING WITH MR. SPANN.

[florduh]

And you can stop flirting with me, too.