nerdasaurus Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I think everyone is experiencing a bit of this here; some much worse than others, sadly. How have you coped? Have you confronted your friends directly? Have you cut them off? I'm curious to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 The ones that matter have stuck around. The shallow church-only friends--well, good riddance. :-) Now that I'm no longer a fundy, I can freely choose my friends based on qualities we mutually value. I dont miss those friends that have dropped off the radar! (Although I realize this is not everyone's experience, sadly.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JadedAtheist Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 It hurts when they pull away but if they're shallow enough to only like you because of a single topic, fuck 'em. I lost friends because I held a vocal theological position long before I lost them for not being a Christian. Such people are pathetic and I don't want them in my life. It's just painful to realize that you've fallen in love with a facade. The process was much clearer for me than most as my former pastor made a public declaration of my apostasy and commanded that no one go near me, let alone communicate with me. Only a few of my "friends" stuck through with me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrotherJosh Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misanthrope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunaticheathen Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I had no real christian friends when I deconverted. I was lonely for a while, but then I went to boarding school, then college, and made real friends. Very few were christian, most weren't, but all those friendships actually meant something. I am definitely happier with my friends who met the real me first, not the "trying to be fundy christian" me. That was a pathetic person anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToonForever Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 My best friend from my church (who was on the worship team I led) is still my friend. He and his wife have just stayed friends, not judged, and given my wife and I room to be ourselves. We take turns having dinner at each others' houses. We're still close. One of my pastors who is also in my theater group is as kind as ever and doesn't push at all. He just treats me like a guy he knows and likes. They're the exception. Other Christian friends I had have not reacted so well. They think they have to save me. They tell me I'm deceived, egocentric, foolish, walking in darkness, used by the devil. They warn me that I shouldn't be so open about where I'm at on Facebook. They ask me what's going to happen if I start leading others astray - aren't I worried about having to answer to god? Really. I took up blogging to express my journey away from the delusion. One of my friends, who has always been one of the nicer people I ever knew, has gotten almost nasty when commenting on my blog. It's shocking - yet it's nothing people here on ExC didn't warn me about. I realize I need some new friends too. But it's nice that at least a few of the people I thought were friends have proven they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Other Christian friends I had have not reacted so well. They tell me I'm deceived, egocentric, foolish, walking in darkness, used by the devil. I call this "othering". As long as the believers see you as "other", they can feel safe in their holy huddle that (1) they are right, and (2) that they themselves will not fall from the TruthTM. It's a defense mechanism because they are actually scared that it's all a sham. At least that's how I see it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToonForever Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Other Christian friends I had have not reacted so well. They tell me I'm deceived, egocentric, foolish, walking in darkness, used by the devil. I call this "othering". As long as the believers see you as "other", they can feel safe in their holy huddle that (1) they are right, and (2) that they themselves will not fall from the TruthTM. It's a defense mechanism because they are actually scared that it's all a sham. At least that's how I see it. I think you're precisely right. Their theology says they are a "new creation." We were taught that part of us that was once dead was actually brought back to life - our spirit. If someone who was "regenerated" can abandon it, what's to protect them, unless they can "other" you? Well said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oddbird1963 Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 My ex-wife got the Christian friends in the divorce. I didn't feel that close to them anyway. When I see them out in public (which is rarely) they are friendly enough. But they don't call or contact me on their own. None who might know about my atheistic viewpoints have even brought that up. Nobody seems to have to balls to challenge me on it or simply dialog about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ro-bear Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I've been an atheist since I was twelve or so, so I don't have this problem. My Christian friends fall into two categories: old friends who have known I was an atheist for many years and don't care, and newer friends who don't seem very interested in what I believe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paine Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Since I haven't been to church since September, just a few weeks before my lightening bolt moment, I find it funny that none of them have said, "We miss seeing you at church." But then, they haven't said much of anything to me at all. I have kept to myself, my animals, and my work (home office). WIthout Sunday school, I don't SEE them much, and they sure as hell dropped me off the distro list, so who knows? Fuck 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 I don't talk to any of my church friends. I miss a couple of them, but it's hard to escape the idea that if I did try to get back together with them there'd be this looming specter of proselytizing over us. It's a moot point anyway. My deconversion involved a marital breakup with a pathological liar, so you can bet most of the interactions with friends as I was leaving the church involved how evil I was for leaving such a sweet, innocent, angelic man of God who'd done absolutely nothing to deserve a whorish wife who'd been led astray by Satan. Let him have them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Sadly I have never learned how to make friends because I spent almost all of my free time investing in my personal relationship with... OMG I feel so sad COL (crying out loud) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dyanaprajna0 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 I'm the type of person who's basically a loner, and could care less what other people think about me. So, when all of my "Christian" friends (and I use that term very loosely) started to get upset that I left, I just dropped them. Either get on board, or leave me alone, I don't really care which. Most of my family and my ex-wife's family, they've pretended to not be upset by it, but you can tell it just gets under their skin. I don't really have contact with my family anymore anyway, so I don't really care what they think. The only family I have left that I actually consider family are my two brothers, and they don't really care. One's a "non-practicing Christian" as he calls it. It's mostly a cultural thing for him, but he agrees with me that all religions are just different paths leading to the same goal. My youngest brother is a die-hard atheist, and always has been, so his reaction was more like "what took you so long?" I did have a few close friends who are Christian, who couldn't have cared less what religion I was, or none at all. They were friends because they liked me for who I was, so I did have a few right after my deconversion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dyanaprajna0 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 I will also add this: my ex-wife, who is a Christian, doesn't care either. She knows more how my mind works, and how rational and analytical I am; she knows that I wouldn't just flippantly leave Christianity and convert to Buddhism unless I had put alot of thought into it and had a good reason for doing so. It's really weird because we're closer now than when we were married, but I guess that's how things work out sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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