Awesomeness Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Long time (6 months at least) lurker here, thought I would introduce myself and share a bit with you. I don't have much of a story, so I am going to post a poem that bests represents my journey through deconversion. I probably won't post often, but I will be reading . It is my shame and embarrassment that I was for so long deluded But everything was so dark, mysterious, convoluted, and with ease I was recruited Everything, everything, they wanted my all Without my all, relegation, into satan I would fall I yearned for respect from man and knowledge from god But my questions and discussions were never allowed I was unstable, unfaithful, and without the holy ghost When I had given my life to thing I wanted to believe the most Why can't I do it, the longing, the seeking, the pining was my life I wanted to be free like you all claim to be! I wanted Jesus and love and the breaking of chains I wanted to choose humility and Christ over worldly gain I wanted to have peace that goes like a river, joy that overflows I wanted my yes to be yes and my no to be no But, alas, I am not perfect, that is plain for all to see I am altogether unable to live my life by this creed, a creed I long for desperately I awoke every morning with doubts on my mind Why could my heart and my intellect never align? My faith was inadequate, not legit, why couldn't I fully submit? On the sand, this shitty house of a mind was built As I searched for their truth I saw my true joy and passion wilt So what questions could I have about this dogma that you so easily accept? What problems could I have with this God I never met? Well lets start with foundations, from whence did this absurd idea come into creation? The idea of a being beyond this life's station? An old man with a beard, a cloud of methane gas? He helps some in need and gives others a pass? Does he have a house with a control room inside, where he sees all we do like a KGB spy? Has he bugged our houses, or has he really counted my hair? Does he know that with each day there is less and less there? Would a creature so big and so awesome and so much better than me Really send me to hell for some mix-up with my ancestors and a tree? What parent intentionally creates life, only to imprison a child forever after one little strife? What father rejoices in eternal justice, for his supposed child that shows this invisible dad little care, simply because he acted on his time instead of wasting it in prayer? What is God? What is a god? Is it a three-legged centaur with one horn and a smiting lightning rod? Does it sit on a cloud or have a nice bod? If I am made in his image then why the imperfections Around my chin and my ankles and my pudgy midsection? And again and again back to the point of creation, Why create me, not of the elect, predestined to the wrong destination. If hell awaits, so be it, there seems to be some cruel creature behind the pearly gates Streets of gold and riches await, mansions for all, it sounds so swell But an eternity of worship! That sounds boring as hell. And all of this knowledge pulled from an out of date book Written by liars and the deluded and power driven crooks Inconsistent and out of date, condemning women and condoning rape Why should the bible be our guide into life's next term And not the Torah or the Hadith, the Vedra or Qur'an Why should I trust the god who thinks genocide is fine but considers synthetic fabric an unholy crime Who calls dew on a sheepskin a prophetic sign? That's called humidity, bitches, boys, and girls And let this thought unfurl (I know, there's no stopping me, du du duke of Earl) The bible that is hailed as God's ultimate truth, infallible, timeless, word of God Has actually seen centuries of mistranslation, I admit I was duped, but inerrancy is a fraud After a lifetime of faithfulness and living well, I can say that, now, I am ready for hell I choose it gladly as my eternal fate, considering the keeper of Heaven never once kept our dates This poem has taken us a long, long way and I have come so far simply to say I will not believe anymore in the Great I Am, I will no longer believe this horrible sham. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Yaaaa! I think your username is appropriately chosen, because that was... AWESOME!!! Welcome to ex-C! . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Welcome to Ex-C! I really liked your poem. I hope to hear more from you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Honest Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Howdy, my fellow Texan! Great poem! Loved reading it! Glad you're here and hope to get to know you better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Hi, Awsomeness, and welcome to ExC. Excellent poem and an extremely well written extimony. Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted February 26, 2012 Moderator Share Posted February 26, 2012 Beautuful! Welcome to Ex-c. Keep posting!! Glad to have you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awesomeness Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 Hey y'all, thanks for the welcome. I realized that I didn't really give much background info for my deconversion, and I have tried to write a more biographical extimony, but its hard for me to connect time and place with their corresponding thoughts and feelings. I will give you a little info. I was born and raised southern baptist (not the crazy IFB kind, fortunately). I switched to a charismatic, fundamental community church in college and that was the beginning of the end. I spent 6 months as a missionary in Indonesia, on top of being treated like shit by most of the "godly" people in my life and the emotional wall came down and released all of the logic I had been hiding from all along. @Legion - for clarification's sake, awesomeness was more of a sarcastic reference to the mess that my unfound religion has gotten me into, I realized now that it might come off slightly egotistical, whoops! But thank you... @2Honest - Howdy! Glad to have some texan company here, but you're not an aggie are ya? @Margee - you are easily my favorite person here, thank you for the welcome! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Enjoyed your poem, Awesomeness. Welcome! And bring out the basketballs from the equipment closet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted February 26, 2012 Moderator Share Posted February 26, 2012 Hey y'all, thanks for the welcome. I realized that I didn't really give much background info for my deconversion, and I have tried to write a more biographical extimony, but its hard for me to connect time and place with their corresponding thoughts and feelings. I will give you a little info. I was born and raised southern baptist (not the crazy IFB kind, fortunately). I switched to a charismatic, fundamental community church in college and that was the beginning of the end. I spent 6 months as a missionary in Indonesia, on top of being treated like shit by most of the "godly" people in my life and the emotional wall came down and released all of the logic I had been hiding from all along. @Legion - for clarification's sake, awesomeness was more of a sarcastic reference to the mess that my unfound religion has gotten me into, I realized now that it might come off slightly egotistical, whoops! But thank you... @2Honest - Howdy! Glad to have some texan company here, but you're not an aggie are ya? @Margee - you are easily my favorite person here, thank you for the welcome! Awesomeness COME BACK, COME BACK...... POST WITH US!! Don't be a lurker Noboby ever said such a nice thing about me before like that!!! (except my mother...) Come back and have fun with me!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Everybody loves you Margee 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted February 26, 2012 Moderator Share Posted February 26, 2012 Everybody loves you Margee And everybody loves Living Life also!! EX-c is such a 'love' shack!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted February 26, 2012 Share Posted February 26, 2012 Yay Texans! I got hit with a wave of longing for Texas Renaissance Festival yesterday that made my heart just HURT. Yes, I know it's not the season, but still. And Joe's Barbecue in Alvin, though my BIL says it's gone a bit downhill since I lived in Houston. The only decent ribs place here in Mormonland closed some time ago. I'm glad you're out of that environment where people were bad to you. PS: Margee, <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awesomeness Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 @akheia - small, small world... yes Joe's has gone a bit down hill, and renfest. Just yes. @margee - I vote we derail this thread and make it a "everyone loves Margee" thread, that would easily make it several pages long! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted February 26, 2012 Moderator Share Posted February 26, 2012 Awsomeness @akheia - small, small world... yes Joe's has gone a bit down hill, and renfest. Just yes. @margee - I vote we derail this thread and make it a "everyone loves Margee" thread, that would easily make it several pages long! Awsomeness! you are my favorite person on the whole board!! You just keep postin' girlfriend - we need you here!!! Anyone who can write a poem like that belongs on this board!!!!!!!!................ 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephie Posted February 27, 2012 Share Posted February 27, 2012 Wow!!! That poem was amazing! Even though you didn't post a biography I really felt like I tasted just a bit of your pain and questioning. Amazing! Also Margee = you give Canadians another A++++ in my book as I know one IRL that is a close friend of mine and she brings JOY wherever she goes 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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