Taking Life Seriously

[Deva]

I wonder if those of us who were formerly raised as Christians, especially of the fundamentalist variety, have a tendency to take life more seriously than others. By that I mean that life has some sort of transcendental value that is not erased by deconversion. I wonder if this is some innate personality trait that is genetic and inborn, or if it is acquired through socialization and indoctrination of the church.

 

I don't mean to say that I am humorless, I can certainly appreciate a good joke, but I do have a tendency to take what people say seriously and take them at their word. Perhaps this is a fault. I know the humorless people who are fundys in every area. I have seen very humorless people at science fiction conventions, for example.

 

I just wonder - do you take life seriously? If so, why? and if not, why not?

 

Everyone please feel free to answer, even Christians.

[BrotherJosh]

I don't, or rather, try not to. There are a ton of things out of my control, and worrying about them does nothing to help me. The things I can control (which is still probably illusory) I do the best I can.

 

~ Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz

[JadedAtheist]

I like having a good time, but that doesn't mean I'm not serious. My life experiences made me mature beyond my years but also for that very reason it made me appreciate humor. Humor is a much needed remedy to cure an otherwise painful life (notice how many comedians have had tragic lives or suffer from some sort of depression or bipolar disorder?). That's just me though. I think certain personality traits can't reconcile humor and seriousness and have a disdain for trying to introduce humor into a serious discussion. When I have seen it, it's been mostly evangelicals that I've seen it in, but not completely. Once again, I believe this to be related to life experiences.

[London]

I did not grow up a fundy, thankfully.

I like to laugh, I love humor. I think almost anything has a funny side to it. I'm not the class clown by far and can be quite serious.

My job, or any project I take on, I am very serious about. I want to do my very best. However, if I fail, I have to laugh. If you can't laugh at yourself you can't enjoy humor. And a life without laughter is a sad prison.

 

I won't live in the penitentiary of gloom and doom and unhappiness. Life may not be perfect, but why live without laughter?

 

Really, seriously, why?

[Positivist]

I have always been an extremely serious person. I was the 4-year old with the deadpan face, taking it all in, staring. I was a great observer but a poor interpreter--and with the fundy stuff mixed in there (to which I gravitated) I was screwed up early on. I had to learn to find humor. Now, people find me funny, but under that thin facade, I am as serious as ever and I have to force myself to have fun, but at least now I make a conscious effort to do so.

 

I did find that the less faith I had the more levity I felt. When I was a Christian I was so worried about what God was thinking, about feeling God's pain, and feeling distraught about how the world is going to hell in a handbasket and how there are demons (!!) everywhere. Now, I realize that yes, the world is in peril, but I am one person and I act locally and I am going to enjoy the life I have. I gave myself a "get out of jail free" card when it comes to saving the world.

 

I think age life experience chills people out too!

[Positivist]

I won't live in the penitentiary of gloom and doom and unhappiness. Life may not be perfect, but why live without laughter?

Really, seriously, why?

 

At the pinnacle of my fundamentalism I used to say (as if I had this choice to make): "I'd rather be miserable and know Truth, than be happy and delusional." (Yup, I was an idiot, folks!)

 

Now, in hindsight, I see that it is not a binary matter at all, and that I can be a pursuer of truth or at least rational thought while being happy as well. Who knew that I'd grow tired of being both miserable and delusional and eventually thus abandon my delusion faith to pursue peace and joy?

[Overcame Faith]

I like to have fun and joke around and enjoy life. But I have a serious side, too. I take my responsibilities seriously and try to meet those responsibilities. However, I don't think that is tied to my former Christianity. Rather, I think it is an innate personality trait that would be the same whether or not I had ever been a Christian. I know both Christians and non-Christians who are carefree about everything and I know both who are extremely serious about many matters. It's just the way people are.

[florduh]

Some of the most serious thoughts and observations are delivered humorously. That can be mistaken for not being serious.

[Margee]

I am much like positivist...I have always been a deep thinker and tend to be a serious person with a lot of things. I hate small talk - I could fall asleep when talking 'small talk' for too long, but I do and have tolerated it for years. (I'd rather be silent and totally alone, if you can believe that than be with someone who bores me.

I have been stuck with this personality in and out of christianity.

I also have a very wicked, 'devilish' side to me and that humor is what has gotten me through my life. I do try to laugh at myself a lot.

[Galien]

I have always been serious, in terms of constantly worrying about being the best person I can be. God or no god, I think that matters. Not as anxious as when I was younger, and I have a pretty black sense of humour but I still take life seriously.

[Akheia]

I spent a long time mired in a black fog of judgment and fear. I've got no time for it now. I'd rather laugh and be happy. I do take people seriously and at their word, but is that a bad thing? I think it's saved me an awful lot of drama.

 

But one need not feel pressured to be happy all the time; sometimes one must give oneself permission to process the sad feelings and work through the anger that everybody gets sometimes. There's a pinch of salt in every good candy recipe.

[asanerman]

Some where along the way I picked up the notion that like I am, I'm not enough. Life took on an air of grim seriouness. I'm shame based. Life is to be endured to the end with the hope that I will be filled or fulfilled. "One day my boat will come in!" I was easy pickens" for Christianity or any belief system.

 

Was that nature or nuture?

 

Liberation came when another caring soul taught me how to get my self off my hands. The less serious I take myself the more I let go. It's a cleche, but happiness for me is a byproduct of my letting go. Grim seriousness matures into compassionate concern tempered with realistic expections.

 

I'm enough--life is enough. I'm no longer less than.

[Legion]

[pratt]

Taking life seriously,,,,, but living life lightly,,,,,, was not exactly a fundi but a moderate good old methodist for a while

 

well, i supposed i do take life very seriously, understanding we may have only 80/60 years or even lesser time on earth,,,, but life is too short to treat every matter like life/death situation,,,, unless it is a damn serious life/death reasons, I do take things on a stride,,,,,

 

eg. boss promises me a raise for the extra work, but did not come thru for whatever reasons, well, the extra work and extra dollar is not going to make or break anything, I will not keep it at heart,,,,,,

 

i do treasure friendships and such, but if the other party or whoever do not respect that friendship, I am willing to let go,,,, feeling loss for a while, yes, but not for long....

 

I am not going to let little things to affect the overall well-being of my living,,,, life is too short for that,,,,

 

YES, i am taking life seriously by not taking every matter as serious

[ToonForever]

I'm not sure "serious" is the right word for me. I take less of it for granted. Realizing that this is it, that there is no afterlife of bliss that will completely overshadow any good of this life, makes me want to grasp the moments and keep my eyes and heart open - to experience everything and not miss anything.

[par4dcourse]

I laugh to keep from crying.

[Deva]

Thanks for all the perspectives. I'm not sure if its nature or nurture - probably inborn and enhanced or diminished according to the circumstances.

 

Seems age does make a person realize that it is a waste to get all worked up over small things. Still, when unfavorable circumstances arise it is hard to be lighthearted about it.

[Margee]

Thanks for all the perspectives. I'm not sure if its nature or nurture - probably inborn and enhanced or diminished according to the circumstances.

 

Seems age does make a person realize that it is a waste to get all worked up over small things. Still, when unfavorable circumstances arise it is hard to be lighthearted about it.

I can still get real uptight too Deva when things aren't working out. It's very hard in this world. Most of the time it's all about the friggin' money trade-off system that the world has. If I never had to worry about money again - I could handle most things on earth...It's always about money for me..............

 

I know I could laugh a hell of a lot more, if it wasn't for the worry about the 'green stuff'.......

[Suzy]

No, I don't think I ever took life seriously in the way you describe it ("some sort of transcendental value"). Of course, I believed in Heaven and Hell as a Christian but deep down I never felt good about the Christian concept of Heaven, worshiping God for an eternity. So I guess my motivation to be in Christianity was just to avoid Hell rather than thinking the concept of the Christian Heaven has some kind of high transcendental value.

 

As a non-believer I am actually relieved that I don't have to worry about of that stuff any more. I'm totally content with the fact that human life is probably meaningless in the grand scheme of things - as well as good, bad, noble and vile is meaningless at the end of the day. Since we are animals too, why would our lives be more meaningful than other animals'? Just because we have bigger brains? In fact it works as a kind of pressure reliever for me when I think about that. When I have problems and pressures in life and I feel overwhelmed, I stop for a minute and think about our place in space and time and think at the end of the day it all doesn't matter and that kind of can ease the pressure.

 

This doesn't mean that I'm totally apathic or that I don't try to live as well as possible (including not harming others, charity etc.) but I like to put things into a perspective once in a while to not to take ourselves as species and our matters too seriously. Oh, and I love a good laugh any time. The most dangerous people on Earth are usually the humourless ones, those who cannot laugh at themselves and others.

[Thumbelina]

I don't mean to say that I am humorless, I can certainly appreciate a good joke, but I do have a tendency to take what people say seriously and take them at their word. Perhaps this is a fault.

 

My tendency was/is to do what's in red. I was an uptight secularist, when I became a Christian a man who gave me bible study said "Don't be surprised by ANYTHING" . That was good advice. As I study the bible more I get less uptight. My goal is to say "no worries" to any situation for God is with me.

 

 

 

 

I just wonder - do you take life seriously? If so, why? and if not, why not?

 

Everyone please feel free to answer, even Christians.

 

 

Life should be taken seriously but I also like to laugh, there needs to be a balance, there's a time to laugh and a time not to. I probably mix them up sometimes but c'est la vie, I'm learning.

 

Life should be taken seriously because what a person does affects others for better or for worse.

[Thumbelina]

I laugh to keep from crying.

 

Are you serious?

 

If yes, d'you think that's why I tend to want to give you hugs and tease you?

[Astreja]

To the question "Do you take life seriously?" I'd have to answer "Yes and no."

 

I don't come from a fundamentalist/evangelical background. I was raised in a nominally Christian household, but I can count on one hand the number of times My parents took Me to church... And have 2 fingers left over. (Well, 3 fingers, actually. I was too scared to actually go into the church when My brother was being christened, possibly because the sound of the pipe organ terrified Me. I stood crying in the parking lot with an adult bodyguard while the ceremony was going on.)

 

I take responsibilities very seriously. I'm where I'm supposed to be, on time or 5-10 minutes early, or I phone to say I'll be delayed. I don't make promises that I know I can't or won't keep. Bills are paid, speed limits observed, that sort of thing.

 

Life itself, though? Not a chance. I'm amazed by the absurdity of society and the sheer lunacy of pop culture; by the idea that when I look at the Orion nebula I'm seeing light from 1400 years ago; by My tenuous connection to that 2-year old girl crying in the church parking lot, and the fact that I still learned to play the organ after it scared the crap out of Me over 50 years ago.

 

I guess I just find it hard to take life seriously when I see how impermanent and volatile it is.

[Realist]

As I study the bible more I get less uptight.

 

....see Thumb ... that's where we completely differ! The more I studied the bible the MORE uptight I got! You are obviously reading it wrong! You are obviously not a TRUE christian!

[VacuumFlux]

I take responsibilities very seriously. I'm where I'm supposed to be, on time or 5-10 minutes early, or I phone to say I'll be delayed. I don't make promises that I know I can't or won't keep. Bills are paid, speed limits observed, that sort of thing.

 

I'm trying to work on that. My parents are... not punctual people. They also enforced their expectations in the kids with complete disregard for our opinions. There are several times where they forced me to agree to something (or I agreed with their full knowledge and approval) and they later made a choice for the entire family that forced me to break that promise. On the other hand, I saw them scream at my brother until he cried for "breaking a promise" when he was in an acting class and the teacher asked all the kids to promise to at least try everything, and one day there was something my brother was so shy about that he didn't get the nerve up to join in. So mom screamed and screamed at him all the way home about "how dare you lie, how dare you break your promise, you should have never promised if you didn't intend to keep your word". I would not be surprised if there were similar incidences in my childhood. I'm one of those kids of authoritarian parents who hasn't learned how to be good, I've only learned how to lie so that no one will hurt me. I've finally discovered that I can say "no" to people asking me to do things without making them too sad, and it's nice to know I can set those kinds of boundaries without hurting people. Otherwise, I'd still have a hard time saying no because I'd panic about how they'd hate me if I didn't give them exactly what they want. I've also discovered that people are happier with me saying "no" than saying "yes" and not delivering, so that makes it easier to be honest about what I commit to.

 

As for taking life seriously in general, I probably do to some extent. I get depressed if I don't have goal to work for, and sometimes have to explicitly schedule time to do fun things. Those fun things are often involved hobbies that I'm trying to do well at. I need to feel like I have created something or done something constructive. I am not content to just exist.

 

I have problems with the statement "anything worth doing is worth doing well", because I get very upset about doing anything that I don't have the skills to do exactly right. I'm terrified of failure. But it's hard to get better at something when you refuse to practice. I'm working on letting myself make mistakes and being proud of the learning experience, even if the result is sub-par. I often have trouble finishing projects I've started because I can be all relaxed and experimental at the beginning, but once I've gotten far enough along to see that it's going well, I'm afraid that next thing I do might mess it up and ruin all that work.

[ConureDelSol]

I've found that the more my dad has descended into fundamentalism, the more serious and uptight he's become. There was a time when he would laugh at a slightly trashy joke. Now he just says "That's not funny. That's disgusting." or something similar. The very fact that he has become such an awful curmudgeon has made me repulsed by Christianity. My mom often tells me that he turned into his father and I will turn into mine in the end. I refuse. I would rather be shot first.