blackpudd1n Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Here I stand, in front of the mirror. It's been a while since I stood here, seeing myself for what I really am. It is so painful, to see the truth beyond my desires, To know that I am just like everyone else; Broken, flawed, imperfect... Human. When I glance away from that mirror, I see a different person. I am the girl who laughs aloud with others, Strong and secure in her sexuality. Away from that reflection, I am the creation of my own mind, Perfect, loved, indestructible... Amazonian. But the mirror does not allow me to glance away for too long, It calls me back, to remind me of who and what I really am. And in the cold, stark light I see myself, The person I am, The person I do not wish to be. In the mirror I see the illness, I see it creeping back. My heart is heavy as I acknowledge, the person I really am. It is not me; not me in entirety. Yet the world knows not that I am not, When the illlness has a hold of me. I face the mirror once more, prepared to do battle against myself- Yet in that moment I realise that I cannot hate the me I see. Infused as I am with clarity, I discover- That I am just trapped in an illness, And I deserve to be freed. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephie Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Beautiful! Eloquently stated about the struggle you go through. Also the pics of the cat balcony are amazing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Beautiful! Eloquently stated about the struggle you go through. Also the pics of the cat balcony are amazing! Thanks Zephie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 Oh pudd, I wish you did not have this burden. {{Hugs}} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted April 5, 2012 Author Share Posted April 5, 2012 Oh pudd, I wish you did not have this burden. {{Hugs}} I wrote this when I was struggling with the reality of my illness, and needing to defer university for a bit. I found it so difficult to admit that the bipolar was getting a hold of me again. I was so afraid of going backwards in my mental health recovery. I have since found that taking time out has been really beneficial to me. I took the advice from everyone in my thread where I asked how people deal with chronic illness, and I've actively sought to see a positive come out of a negative. It's working. I've just spent time learning so my brain keeps sharp, reading things that interest me, and doing things that I enjoy. Already I'm feeling so much stronger mentally. I think I need to be easier on myself overall. Not expect so much of myself all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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