Leith Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Hi everyone, Long time lurker here finally signing up. First i would like to thank everyone of you people here and especially the people who keep this site up and running. You've helped me a lot! I grew up in a christian home, attended a calvinist church every week, went to a christian elementary school and a christian high school. I am now a student at a university and member of a christian student association. Pretty much all my friends are christian too. In Holland, religion isn't such a big thing as it is in the US, so christians tend to stick together and seperate themselves a bit from society. Indoctrination, I know. But it works. I stopped believing about a year ago and finally came out as an atheist in september 2011. I think I had a pretty smooth deconversion if I compare mine with most of the stories I read here. People are nice and respectful and interested in my reasons to leave christianity. I now realise how lucky I am with that. I still have regular discussions with friends, elders of the church and the pastor. Actually, I'm quite enjoying it. I did a lot of bible study and reading durinig my periods of doubt, so I am well prepared for it too. The only thing i still have a hard time with are my parents. I see them about once a month and every time I notice how much pain this situation has caused them. I know this is not my fault but i still feel a bit guilty for hurting them. How long will it take for them to get over this? Do you guys have some tips? Greetings from the other side of the big pond, Leith 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Hi, Leath. I'm glad you signed on. I am also glad your deconversion was not too difficult for you. Maybe it has something do with the general attitude in Holland. There are a lot of stories on here about how difficult it can be for family members to accept their loved ones decision to face the truth and leave Christianity behind. My advice is to be understanding with them, show them the same love you always did, and do what is right for you (which you are ). As for how long before they accept the situation, that seems to vary from person to person and I think a lot of it depends on how deeply they are into the religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Hi Leith! I'm so glad you checked in and said hello! My family is from Putten. I love the Netherlands. I think as long as your parents see that you are the same (if not better) person you were before, and you are respectful of them and their beliefs, they should settle down. It needs to become a non-issue for them, and only time and proof that you are the same amazing person as you were before you deconverted came to your senses. Welcome! (This is us drinking Heineken in Amsterdam by the canals!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted March 14, 2012 Moderator Share Posted March 14, 2012 Welcome Leath to EX-c!! Glad you came out of the shadows and posted with us!! Sure hope you stick around and give us some more of your positive energy!! Sounds like you got things under control and peaceful to boot!! good for you! Just keep loving those wonderful parents of yours!! Show them that you have not changed since you left the religion. Hoping to hear more from you!! Sincerely, Margee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectrox Posted March 14, 2012 Share Posted March 14, 2012 Welcome Leith. Hope you enjoy your stay here. In terms of your relationship with your parents, just carry on being yourself. People can detect authenticity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leith Posted March 14, 2012 Author Share Posted March 14, 2012 Thanks everyone for the advice! Welcome! (This is us drinking Heineken in Amsterdam by the canals!) Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Hi Leith! Welcome! I've got friends in Holland and it sounds like such a nice place with such amazingly sweet people. It may take some time for your folks to adjust. As long as you're as loving and kind and respectful to them as you were before you announced your de-conversion, they should adjust in time--though I've heard of parents who never did adjust. It's kind of on them at this point to deal with it; as much as you love someone, you can't make them understand if they just don't want to. I hope it's a short period of adjustment for them so you guys can continue to be a loving family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Welcome Leith! I'm glad you are able to come out & be true to yourself. If you continue to show your love to your parents & that you are still the same good son - sans religion, that will speak to them in a good way. I have read some on Calvin & his influence in Holland. Those seemed like some crazy times, from what I read anyhow. I was very interested in "calvinism" because the cult I was involved in had a definite calvinist bent to it. When I was getting freed from it, I did a lot of reading on John Calvin, which helped me to let it all go because that man was cuuurrraaaazy! I'm really glad you got free! Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leith Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. Yes, Calvin was batshit crazy. Calvinism too, but in some sense it is biblically correct. The dogma of unconditional reprobation, for example, is supported by for instance Romans chapter 9. But it is contradictory to 1 Timothy 2, where it says that god wants everyone to be saved. It's all messed up big time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Hey Leith! Welcome to Ex-C! Thought I'd already said g'day, then realised that my internet wigged out on me when I posted my greeting, and had gotten annoyed and decided to write out my post again later. Sorry for not coming back to say g'day again sooner! As far as your parents are concerned, well, there's no telling how they will go. At the end of the day, they're going to be thinking that you're going to go to hell and that they'll never see you again, which is usually the impetus behind any negative behaviour towards your loss of faith. I can't give a whole lot of advice, because I'm only half out of the closet with my own family. My grandfather is 91, and very religious, and I don't see the need to distress him with my atheism at this late stage in my life. Particularly when he's lived his life as the sort of person most christians should be but never are, and has been nothing but good to me. I'm not even his biological granddaughter, yet he treats me as his own. So anyone in contact with my grandfather doesn't know, and I'll keep it that way until he passes. Anyway, great to see you on the forum, look forward to reading more of your posts! Love, Pudd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyall Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Hi Leith, Nice to know you are au-fait with the scriptures and have tailored replies up your sleeve. Perhaps we could tap your brains if we have any tricky questions of our own? Kindest regards, Lyall Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leith Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 As far as your parents are concerned, well, there's no telling how they will go. At the end of the day, they're going to be thinking that you're going to go to hell and that they'll never see you again, which is usually the impetus behind any negative behaviour towards your loss of faith. I still have the hope that they will embrace the view that hell is only a metaphor. I can't give a whole lot of advice, because I'm only half out of the closet with my own family. My grandfather is 91, and very religious, and I don't see the need to distress him with my atheism at this late stage in my life. Particularly when he's lived his life as the sort of person most christians should be but never are, and has been nothing but good to me. I'm not even his biological granddaughter, yet he treats me as his own. So anyone in contact with my grandfather doesn't know, and I'll keep it that way until he passes. You are so right. Better keep that lid shut. Hi Leith, Nice to know you are au-fait with the scriptures and have tailored replies up your sleeve. Perhaps we could tap your brains if we have any tricky questions of our own? Kindest regards, Lyall Haha, fire away I would say! Though I think there are a lot of people here who are more familiar with scripture than I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Hello Leith, and welcome. I second everyone else in being glad that you are out of the cult early in your life. Not knowing your parents, I don't have much to say except that in my opinion, you are not to feel responsible for pain they may feel now that you are out of Christianity. YOU haven't hurt them. Their hurt is a consequence of their attitudes about their faith and their son -- both of which/whom they love. My guess is that they will work some of this out on their own. Certainly they would want you to follow your conscience. I like your characterization of Calvin as bat-shit crazy, although the cynical side of me thinks rather that he was in fact quite sane and skilled at amassing political as well as intellectual power. Ironically, reading Thomas Aquinas on predestination and God's foreknowledge led me to Calvin, and later, the realization that sola scriptura doesn't satisfy its own requirements led me back to Catholicism. I was bat-shit crazy! Now I'm glad to be on your team. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeverAgainV Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. Yes, Calvin was batshit crazy. Calvinism too, but in some sense it is biblically correct. The dogma of unconditional reprobation, for example, is supported by for instance Romans chapter 9. But it is contradictory to 1 Timothy 2, where it says that god wants everyone to be saved. It's all messed up big time. Calvinism seemed to be the most "biblical" route for me back then. I was disgusted with a God who loved his children, but was powerless or impotent to "save" them...that he would cry at their loss "I tried I tried!!" as He watches you roast in hell for all eternity. Most of the religious folks I knew were Arminian & thats how they believed in their god, but I could not buy it. If I LOVE my son or daughter or whoever, if it was in my power how could I let them suffer in hell for eternity? So while in college, I met a student who was a hyper calvinist & to be honest, at least calvin's god saves whom "he will". So that helped with my idea of God at that time in my life. As time passed, ALL of it became so messed up. We were told we were supposedly "saved by grace" but the rules piled high & the oppression & the FEAR. God began to look like the pastor....a power crazed, might makes right cruel asshole. It took years, but we got out. It is quite the mind fuck for sure. We did leave, but I left beaten, bruised & used. We'll all just keep moving forward & carry on. Take Care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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