Deconverting. Now What?

[Overcame Faith]

I thought I'd begin this thread and hope others will join in to share.

 

Many of you are either at the questioning stage in which you know something isn't quite right with Christianity or you have only recently determined that Christianity is a false religion. However, those of you I am referring to are still new with all of this and one of the great questions on your minds is "Now what?"

 

I don't pretend to have all the answers, probably very few answers, but I will make some suggestions for you. I base this on my own experience and having done a lot of reading posts and having conversations with people on ExC. So, here are some suggestions:

 

1. If you are at the questioning stage, then keep searching for the answers to your questions. You may decide to speak with members of the clergy and that is fine. But remember something of great importance. Members of the clergy have an agenda and that agenda is to push the religion. Not all, but many of them have pat answers to your questions and they will give you the same old song and dance. Occasionally, however, you may find a member of the clergy who will candidly admit that some issue you bring up is difficult and even they struggle with it - but that's rare. ExC is a really good place to ask questions because there are many people on this website who are as knowledgable about the Bible and Christianity, and, in some cases, more knowledgable, as any seminary graduate. Some people here actually are seminary graduates and others have taught Sunday school, been church leaders (with a few members of the clergy right here among us). There are also a lot of books out there that you may find very helpful. I advise you to stay away from the books written by apologists like William Lane Craig and so many others. These people speak in circles. In my opinion, the best book to go to and seek your answers is the Bible, itself. Many on here have stated that it was the Bible that led to their deconversion. In many ways, the Bible is Christianity's worst enemy. Here's a word of advice for you if you decide to look closely at the Bible. Clear your mind of everything you have been taught in church and Sunday school and do your best to read it as a total stranger, as someone who is picking it up for the first time. Do not consult concordances and Bible encyclopedias and the like. They were written by people whose job it is to gloss over the problems in the Bible and try to make that which does not make sense, to make sense. Let the Bible speak for itself and you may be greatly surprised at what you learn in it (hint: it ain't good for Christianity).

 

2. If you have only recently deconverted and are like a number of people, you will be experiencing a lot of emotions. You may not have someone in real life to talk with about it. But, believe me, talking it through with someone who understands (and the only ones who understand are those who have gone through the same thing you have) is crucial for you. If you have no one else to talk with (and even if you do), you have a large group of people right here who have been through it all and who will gladly discuss issues with you. Do not be shy about posting something. I can guarantee you that there will be any number of people here who have experienced something similar to what you are now experiencing.

 

3. You may have some lingering fears despite the fact that you know that Christianity is a lie. Some of the big issues brought up here is a lingering fear of hell, fear of end-times, fear that you're wrong about Christianity and it may really be true, and the list can go on and on. What I have seen is that for some people, the fear can be handled through the use of reason and logic. That is what you should try first. For example, if you have a lingering fear of hell, then study up on the issue. Look at what the bible says about it. Most importantly, compare the Old Testament with the New Testament on the issue and what you will find is that, as Christopher Hitchens used to say, hell didn't come along until sweet Jesus appeared on the scene. If the reason and logic avenue doesn't do it for you, you can talk it out on ExC. But remember, for the vast majority of people such fears die their own deaths with time - and such a sweet death it is, too.

 

4. You may have very difficult family issues that arise. That's very common here. From what I have observed, the ones who have the best of it in terms of their inter-personal relationships are those, spouses as one example, who deconvert together. They are there for each other and it really seems to help. However, you may be someone who lives in a community which is permeated by Christianity. Everyone in your family may be strong Christians. You may still be active in your church. That's when it may get tough. Remember, though, that even though you may feel all alone, you're not. There are people right here who have and are still going through the same issues as you are. You can read a lot of threads on that issue and, of course, you are free to post your own particular situation to seek advice. People on here are always willing to share their experiences with you and you may find that helpful.

 

5. You may be left in a spiritual vacuum, not quite sure what you are other than an ExChristian. That can be tough. Here's the thing, though. You don't have to be anything at all except yourself. You don't have to be an atheist, an agnostic or any other label that is out there. Of course, you may want to continue with some sort of spiritual journey in your life. There are a number of people on ExC who have turned to other religions or philosophies. If that is something you'd like to try out, then by all means do it. You may decide you are an atheist, agnostic, or a deist. That's okay, too. Take your time and don't feel compelled to declare yourself anything until, if ever, you discover what you are deep inside. There is no rush.

 

6. You may have to re-think many issues that prior to your deconversion you gave over to what Christianity taught. It may include such things as abortion, homosexuality, giving to a worthy cause, your political leanings, and on and on. Don't think you must decide all of these things at once. Again, take your time with them. You'll figure it all out soon enough.

 

There are many other issues, of course, but for now I'll end it with the six above. Anyone is free to add any others. And anyone is free to ask any questions or make whatever comments you want to make. If I do not have an answer for you, maybe others will contribute to help you through.

 

Let's talk.

[Positivist]

OF, this is great! The mental anguish that accompanies a loss of faith is not insignificant and takes a lot of processing. Ex-C is a great forum to share the struggles associated with deconversion--there is much wisdom and camaraderie to be found here! I encourage those in this process to visit often. OF has compiled some key insights in the OP. We are here to help you!

 

Anyhow, I found an excellent article on the pain of losing ones faith (it was from a secular perspective). I keep meaning to post it here.

 

Thanks, OF!

[Overcame Faith]

OF, this is great! The mental anguish that accompanies a loss of faith is not insignificant and takes a lot of processing. Ex-C is a great forum to share the struggles associated with deconversion--there is much wisdom and camaraderie to be found here! I encourage those in this process to visit often. OF has compiled some key insights in the OP. We are here to help you!

 

Anyhow, I found an excellent article on the pain of losing ones faith (it was from a secular perspective). I keep meaning to post it here.

 

Thanks, OF!

 

Thanks, Positivist.

 

The article sounds like a good one. Maybe when you get a chance you could post a link to it.

[Margee]

When I became 'born again' at age 20, I went home that night and I was the most excited girl in the whole world. I really thought god had eyes only for me. I have never felt so special in my life. I waited in anticipation to see what was going to happen to my life, now that I had 'favor' with god.

 

I know now, that I made anything good up in my mind..... even a phone call from a new client was now part of god's plan for me. He would bring all the right circumstances into my life and my world was finally going to be filled with happiness.Yet, I still had so many hurtful things happen to me????

 

I could say that being 'born again' started to 'die' slowly over the next 30 years.

Waking up to the fact that there really wasn't a god in life has been the single most hard issue I have ever faced. It hit me like a ton of bricks at age 55, that I was alone with no spiritual guildance after all........

 

I have been putting my life back together like 'Humpty Dumpty' and it hasn't been fun. There are still days that I grieve so bad. I envy those who can just simply 'let go' and get on with life. It hasn't been an easy journey for me.

 

I am feeling more settled in the last year, but I still long for a big sky daddy. Sometimes I still get so frightened by the fact that this is all there is to life. Survival of the luckiest, smartest and fittest.

 

I want to be logical and realistic...I am trying to be..... to accept life on life's terms... but it hasn't been easy.

 

'Born Again'...'Died Again'.....now trying to 'Live Again'....... and I don't think I could have made it this far without EX-c and all you beautiful people who have also lost their faith. I feel very alone in my community amongst all the believers.

 

I do everything in my power to create a good life for myself now.....but my zero belief is always there to haunt me just a little..........still..

[Overcame Faith]

I am feeling more settled in the last year, but I still long for a big sky daddy. Sometimes I still get so frightened by the fact that this is all there is to life. Survival of the luckiest, smartest and fittest.

 

I want to be logical and realistic...I am trying to be..... to accept life on life's terms... but it hasn't been easy.

 

'Born Again'...'Died Again'.....now trying to 'Live Again'....... and I don't think I could have made it this far without EX-c and all you beautiful people who have also lost their faith. I feel very alone in my community amongst all the believers.

 

I do everything in my power to create a good life for myself now.....but my zero belief is always there to haunt me just a little..........still..

 

That longing is a very human thing. I feel it, too, sometimes.

 

I remember as a Christian hearing (as I'm sure many of you have heard) that we have a god shaped hole in our hearts (or souls or whatever) that can only be filled by the Christian god (Jesus, holy spirit). Thinking it through now, I believe that what the Christians say has at least some merit. But the merit is not in what or who must fill that hole, but the simple fact that, for many people, there is that hole that so desires there to be a god out there somewhere. Human history proves this to be true. Just look at all the various religions there have been throughout human history and this fact becomes patently obvious.

 

I don't think the solution is to deny the longing for there to be a god because to deny that desire is to deny your humanity. Rather, I think the solution is to embrace it and recognize it for what it is. It is a very human thing to do. The issue is what will one choose to try to satisfy that longing. It is that very longing that the Christian religion takes advantage of by saying that it is god speaking with you through the holy spirit. It's not god speaking to you, it is your humanity speaking to you. It can be satisfied in any number of ways. As I said in the OP, for some right here on ExC, they do not abandon spirituality and seek to fill the need through various religions or philosophies. I fully endorse that and if it works for you, then go for it. For others, it may be through science, logic, reason. And for others it may be through a secular form of meditation or something else.

 

Here's the warning, though. What Christianity does is to take advantage of that human desire and use it to convince its adherents that it proves the truth of their religion. They manipulate it and it ultimately becomes a control mechanism. The key for the deconverted is to recognize it as part of who you are and has nothing to do with the god of the bible. Embrace the feeling but do not allow others to use it to manipulate you.

[mcdaddy]

I thought I'd begin this thread and hope others will join in to share.

 

Many of you are either at the questioning stage in which you know something isn't quite right with Christianity or you have only recently determined that Christianity is a false religion. However, those of you I am referring to are still new with all of this and one of the great questions on your minds is "Now what?"

 

I don't pretend to have all the answers, probably very few answers, but I will make some suggestions for you. I base this on my own experience and having done a lot of reading posts and having conversations with people on ExC. So, here are some suggestions:

 

1. If you are at the questioning stage, then keep searching for the answers to your questions. You may decide to speak with members of the clergy and that is fine. But remember something of great importance. Members of the clergy have an agenda and that agenda is to push the religion. Not all, but many of them have pat answers to your questions and they will give you the same old song and dance. Occasionally, however, you may find a member of the clergy who will candidly admit that some issue you bring up is difficult and even they struggle with it - but that's rare. ExC is a really good place to ask questions because there are many people on this website who are as knowledgable about the Bible and Christianity, and, in some cases, more knowledgable, as any seminary graduate. Some people here actually are seminary graduates and others have taught Sunday school, been church leaders (with a few members of the clergy right here among us). There are also a lot of books out there that you may find very helpful. I advise you to stay away from the books written by apologists like William Lane Craig and so many others. These people speak in circles. In my opinion, the best book to go to and seek your answers is the Bible, itself. Many on here have stated that it was the Bible that led to their deconversion. In many ways, the Bible is Christianity's worst enemy. Here's a word of advice for you if you decide to look closely at the Bible. Clear your mind of everything you have been taught in church and Sunday school and do your best to read it as a total stranger, as someone who is picking it up for the first time. Do not consult concordances and Bible encyclopedias and the like. They were written by people whose job it is to gloss over the problems in the Bible and try to make that which does not make sense, to make sense. Let the Bible speak for itself and you may be greatly surprised at what you learn in it (hint: it ain't good for Christianity).

 

 

This is exactly where the ball started rolling downhill for me. Decided to read with NO preconceptions, DON'T read things into the text that I had been taught over many many years to "see", take it at FACE VALUE. That opened the door to a thousand questions, and in searching for the answers I read up on church origins, early judaism/hebreaism (?), the mixing of religious thought in the ancient world, and on and on. Then I went and talked to a guy I really like and trust who's a pastor/part time pastor, about my age (mid 30s) and brought all these questions to his attention. Basically he was just like, "Well, this is true for me, I can't answer those questions, someone on the opposite side can't PROVE to me there's no God, or Jesus didnt rise from the dead, so if they can't PROVE it, Im sticking to what I believe". So i was like, ok, thats cool bro, I just can't do that in spite of all this contrary evidence.

[mcdaddy]

When I became 'born again' at age 20, I went home that night and I was the most excited girl in the whole world. I really thought god had eyes only for me. I have never felt so special in my life. I waited in anticipation to see what was going to happen to my life, now that I had 'favor' with god.

 

I know now, that I made anything good up in my mind..... even a phone call from a new client was now part of god's plan for me. He would bring all the right circumstances into my life and my world was finally going to be filled with happiness.Yet, I still had so many hurtful things happen to me????

 

I could say that being 'born again' started to 'die' slowly over the next 30 years.

Waking up to the fact that there really wasn't a god in life has been the single most hard issue I have ever faced. It hit me like a ton of bricks at age 55, that I was alone with no spiritual guildance after all........

 

I have been putting my life back together like 'Humpty Dumty' and it hasn't been fun. There are still days that I grieve so bad. I envy those who can just simply 'let go' and get on with life. It hasn't been an easy journey for me.

 

I am feeling more settled in the last year, but I still long for a big sky daddy. Sometimes I still get so frightened by the fact that this is all there is to life. Survival of the luckiest, smartest and fittest.

 

I want to be logical and realistic...I am trying to be..... to accept life on life's terms... but it hasn't been easy.

 

'Born Again'...'Died Again'.....now trying to 'Live Again'....... and I don't think I could have made it this far without EX-c and all you beautiful people who have also lost their faith. I feel very alone in my community amongst all the believers.

 

I do everything in my power to create a good life for myself now.....but my zero belief is always there to haunt me just a little..........still..

 

You remind me of my mom a little Margee....although she was born into it, she is totally sold out on all things christian. I dont think she would ever abandon it, even if Jesus' bones were dropped on her doorstep. I used to debate with her about things like this, but now I just think about the pain it puts you through to realize it, and its better for her to go on because she'd be destroyed and feel completely helpless without her religion. Just yesterday my wife saw that I had been visiting this site, although she's already known for a little while i'm basically an agnostic. (really closer to atheist, but I dont dare use that word around her - her uncle's a filthy "atheist" and she automatically assumes they're all bad people sadly).

 

Do you wish you hadn't found out, or are you glad you know the truth? There's no shame either way, some people are blue pill people, some are red pill people (The Matrix). As long as your not hateful towards others I dont really care if you'd rather be comfy in a lie as opposed to scared shitless in the truth.

[2Honest]

Great post, OF! I am in the #3 category. Although I don't experience a lot of fear (I'd pretty much stopped believing in hell a long time ago - or at least that anyone would actually be sent there). But what I still deal with sometimes is what I call "missing the dream world". I still find myself missing the "warm fuzzies" I got as a believer. Just last night I had a dream where I was in church and everyone was worshiping. In our former church I was a dancer (modern dance, not the Pentecostal kind). Dancing and worshiping god in that setting was so euphoric. In my dream, people were asking me to teach a dance/worship class and I was trying to do it but couldn't "enter in" the way that I used to. I was wishing I could believe again b/c I missed it so much. When I woke up I could still feel that sense of loss.

While I do miss those experiences sometimes, I am RED PILL all the way!

[Margee]

You remind me of my mom a little Margee....although she was born into it, she is totally sold out on all things christian. I dont think she would ever abandon it, even if Jesus' bones were dropped on her doorstep. I used to debate with her about things like this, but now I just think about the pain it puts you through to realize it, and its better for her to go on because she'd be destroyed and feel completely helpless without her religion. Just yesterday my wife saw that I had been visiting this site, although she's already known for a little while i'm basically an agnostic. (really closer to atheist, but I dont dare use that word around her - her uncle's a filthy "atheist" and she automatically assumes they're all bad people sadly).

 

Do you wish you hadn't found out, or are you glad you know the truth? There's no shame either way, some people are blue pill people, some are red pill people (The Matrix). As long as your not hateful towards others I dont really care if you'd rather be comfy in a lie as opposed to scared shitless in the truth.

 

Thank you mcdaddy for asking.This may be a little embarrassing for me, but I said it in a 'rant' post, 'Innocent christians', last week...that I wish I still believed. But I don't. I do think the longer you've believed - the harder it is to let go.

 

God would have to come down and introduce himself to me in person to make me a believer.

Yes, I wish I still believed......

 

I am no happier as an atheist. Yes, I'm more realistic, yes, I'm more logical, yes, I'm out of 'magicland'.......but that one tiny little bit of hope I had that god would somehow be watching over me and directing my life...is gone......

 

I imagine that I shall go to my grave with this disapointment.......

[Zephie]

@ Margee *BIG HUGS*

 

Sometimes, I wonder "now what?" There are all of these emotions mixed into things. I can definitely identify some positives like my self-confidence is increased and I am learning that shit happens for no reason all the time. For example, why did I pray so long and hard for my dream car, get it, and in three years some asshole totals it? There's no purpose for that. Dad losing his hand? No purpose there either. I'm also tempted to go back and read the Bible again with no outside influences...just reading it for what it is. As far as "sin" goes, I look forward to being with the guy I am dating without the guilt complex. It's complicated. Hopefully I can move out soon and experience even more freedom.

[Overcame Faith]

This is exactly where the ball started rolling downhill for me. Decided to read with NO preconceptions, DON'T read things into the text that I had been taught over many many years to "see", take it at FACE VALUE. That opened the door to a thousand questions, and in searching for the answers I read up on church origins, early judaism/hebreaism (?), the mixing of religious thought in the ancient world, and on and on. Then I went and talked to a guy I really like and trust who's a pastor/part time pastor, about my age (mid 30s) and brought all these questions to his attention. Basically he was just like, "Well, this is true for me, I can't answer those questions, someone on the opposite side can't PROVE to me there's no God, or Jesus didnt rise from the dead, so if they can't PROVE it, Im sticking to what I believe". So i was like, ok, thats cool bro, I just can't do that in spite of all this contrary evidence.

 

I'm glad you gave this real-life example of the kind of bible reading I was speaking of. Yes, take it at FACE VALUE and one will see it for what it really is.

[Overcame Faith]

Great post, OF! I am in the #3 category. Although I don't experience a lot of fear (I'd pretty much stopped believing in hell a long time ago - or at least that anyone would actually be sent there). But what I still deal with sometimes is what I call "missing the dream world". I still find myself missing the "warm fuzzies" I got as a believer. Just last night I had a dream where I was in church and everyone was worshiping. In our former church I was a dancer (modern dance, not the Pentecostal kind). Dancing and worshiping god in that setting was so euphoric. In my dream, people were asking me to teach a dance/worship class and I was trying to do it but couldn't "enter in" the way that I used to. I was wishing I could believe again b/c I missed it so much. When I woke up I could still feel that sense of loss.

While I do miss those experiences sometimes, I am RED PILL all the way!

 

I understand the "missing the dream world" issue. I remember the "warm fuzzies" very well. I can remember sitting in church and praying and feeling what I was sure was the holy spirit descending upon me. It wasn't the type of thing that I have heard of in pentecostal churches, but much more sedate, a warm feeling of communing with god on the inside. It was not until after I left the religion that I came to see that that feeling comes from many things. I get it when I read a good novel, hear someone say something profound, look at beautiful scenary in the mountains or at the beach, when I'm holding my dog in my lap, and myriad other occasions. It's not a religious experience, it's a human experience.

 

That was quite a dream.

 

I'm with you on the red pill.

[Overcame Faith]

Sometimes, I wonder "now what?" There are all of these emotions mixed into things. I can definitely identify some positives like my self-confidence is increased and I am learning that shit happens for no reason all the time. For example, why did I pray so long and hard for my dream car, get it, and in three years some asshole totals it? There's no purpose for that. Dad losing his hand? No purpose there either. I'm also tempted to go back and read the Bible again with no outside influences...just reading it for what it is. As far as "sin" goes, I look forward to being with the guy I am dating without the guilt complex. It's complicated. Hopefully I can move out soon and experience even more freedom.

 

Looking for meaning in life is one of the most human things one can do. Unfortunately, there is no preceding meaning in things that happen that are beyond our or someone else's control. By that I mean, there was no meaning attached to many things that happen while they happen. But even without Christianity, we can still give meaning to events after they occur and we see how they affect us. For example, something may happen to me that makes me appreciate life more like having a terrible car accident and walking away unscathed. There was no deeper meaning for the accident itself other than something happened on the road that caused it. However, in looking back, I may be able so give it meaning in the sense that I learned something from it. That's the tricky part. Do not assume a preceding meaning but embrace the learned meaning.

 

Reading the bible without the faith colored glasses is quite an experience.

[Akheia]

There needs to be an ex-C T-shirt with a red pill on it. I'd buy one.

 

Great post, OF.

[mcdaddy]

I've always wondered what "the meaning of life" is....Now, I feel like (and I could be wrong) that if I was that old bearded guy at the top of some mountain in a cave, and some young explorer came looking for me to ask me the meaning of life, I would say, "The meaning of life is that you create your own meaning".

[Zephie]

I've always wondered what "the meaning of life" is....Now, I feel like (and I could be wrong) that if I was that old bearded guy at the top of some mountain in a cave, and some young explorer came looking for me to ask me the meaning of life, I would say, "The meaning of life is that you create your own meaning".

 

Exactly! There is such a freedom and confidence to creating my own meaning. The future doesn't look black anymore. No, I don't understand why some things happen and I am becoming okay with that bit by bit. Life's interesting to say the least.

[Eugene39]

The point that the Bible is Christianity's worst enemy can't be over-stressed. The beginning of the end for me was starting before I ever reached the end of the OT, while on my way of reading the Bible through in a year. It took me a couple of years to finally face it head-on without caring where it led me, because by that point, I was far too interested in trying to figure out what the truth was. Great post, OF.

[Overcame Faith]

The point that the Bible is Christianity's worst enemy can't be over-stressed. The beginning of the end for me was starting before I ever reached the end of the OT, while on my way of reading the Bible through in a year. It took me a couple of years to finally face it head-on without caring where it led me, because by that point, I was far too interested in trying to figure out what the truth was. Great post, OF.

 

Well said, Eugene. It really is a matter of facing it head-on without caring where it leads you. If one eliminates the indoctrinated bias, the bible falls flat in terms of supporting Christianity. I think one of the problems is that many Christians never read the bible and when they do they read it with the gloss given to them from the pulpit, bible study guides, apologists, and denominational slants.

[FeelHappy]

The odd part to me is just how many times people can read the bible and not question it or the stories. I read the bible 3 times front to back and the new testament about 10ish times during my christian days. I had an occasional question like who were these sons of god and why were they sleeping with the daughters of man, but for the most part I glossed over it, caring more to learn about god and hear what his spirit was telling me.

 

It wasn't until I first wondered if the bible perhaps wasn't infallible that I saw some of the horror. A fun game to play, read a new testament claimed fulfilled prophesy and then see where it is referencing to in the old testament and then read that, NT authors didn't care one bit about context or even using actual prophesies in that matter. Another fun game get one of those books like gospel parallels and actually compare the gospel stories. Then you have to ask yourself, why did the god who called and love the jew trick them so badly? There is no way that the new testament's jesus is the promised messiah? I don't see how anyone remains a christian after they do this.

[Overcame Faith]

The odd part to me is just how many times people can read the bible and not question it or the stories. I read the bible 3 times front to back and the new testament about 10ish times during my christian days. I had an occasional question like who were these sons of god and why were they sleeping with the daughters of man, but for the most part I glossed over it, caring more to learn about god and hear what his spirit was telling me.

 

It wasn't until I first wondered if the bible perhaps wasn't infallible that I saw some of the horror. A fun game to play, read a new testament claimed fulfilled prophesy and then see where it is referencing to in the old testament and then read that, NT authors didn't care one bit about context or even using actual prophesies in that matter. Another fun game get one of those books like gospel parallels and actually compare the gospel stories. Then you have to ask yourself, why did the god who called and love the jew trick them so badly? There is no way that the new testament's jesus is the promised messiah? I don't see how anyone remains a christian after they do this.

 

I agree with you completely. What you described is one of the ways that I advocate reading the bible for the newly deconverted (and everyone else for that matter). Read the bible that way and it will expose itself for what it really is.

[Guest Xtech]

... I remember as a Christian hearing (as I'm sure many of you have heard) that we have a god shaped hole in our hearts (or souls or whatever) that can only be filled by the Christian god (Jesus, holy spirit). Thinking it through now, I believe that what the Christians say has at least some merit. But the merit is not in what or who must fill that hole, but the simple fact that, for many people, there is that hole that so desires there to be a god out there somewhere. Human history proves this to be true. Just look at all the various religions there have been throughout human history and this fact becomes patently obvious...

 

This fellow has a good explanation of that 'hole' feeling.

 

 

Why We Believe in Gods - Andy Thomson

[Zephie]

Did aynone change their living arrangements after deconversion. Like where you might not have considered cohabitation before now it's all good? I'm moving in with BF this weekend. Part of the move is as a result of my deconversion. I never would have considered it before. He really is a great guy. Anythoughts?

[Overcame Faith]

I enjoyed the video, xtech. Thanks for posting it.

 

Zephie, I didn't change my living arrangements, but I believe there are others who have after deconverting and feeling free to do so. Maybe someone will speak up and give you their personal experience.

[Akheia]

Well, I dumped my Evil Ex after deconverting and fled to another country to escape him, does that count? Congratz to Zephie on the new guy! So glad you're not missing out on him.

 

The biology of our emotions is a fascinating field to me. The more I learn about it, the more I realize how powerful our minds are. As humans, we're so hardwired to see patterns and ascribe cause-and-effect--even where neither patterns nor cause-and-effect exist.

[Zephie]

Well, I dumped my Evil Ex after deconverting and fled to another country to escape him, does that count? Congratz to Zephie on the new guy! So glad you're not missing out on him.

 

The biology of our emotions is a fascinating field to me. The more I learn about it, the more I realize how powerful our minds are. As humans, we're so hardwired to see patterns and ascribe cause-and-effect--even where neither patterns nor cause-and-effect exist.

 

It most definitely does count. You are brave. If I could just up and leave the country right now I would do so. However, the BF and I talk about it. I would've done so back in November if I could've. Well I guess I could, I just didn't have the balls to do so.