Popular Post jblueep Posted March 15, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted March 15, 2012 Here's are 3 background threads if you missed them and care to look: 1. Should we tell our daughter about our deconversion? (Feb 10): http://www.ex-christ...enage-daughter/ 2. We told her and she took it very well (Feb 27): http://www.ex-christ...hter-follow-up/ 3. A Facebook discussion involving one of her friends (David, who is a church going atheist) and other member of our former church (March 14): http://www.ex-christ...church-members/ -------------------------------------------------- The story since then... -------------------------------------------------- Since telling her about our deconversion, we haven't talked with her about it again in any depth. She hasn't brought it up and we had no interest in pushing anything. We were able to joke about things a few times since it was out in the open, but nothing serious. I've been taking her to clubs as much as possible on Saturday nights to see local bands play (we know a few of them, David's band being one of them). We've had a great time and don't get home until 2 to 4 in the morning Sunday morning. This has pretty much kept her away from church in the last month and she didn't seem concerned about it at all. She went to the church youth group for the first time in weeks last night. On the way there to drop her off, my wife (2honest) asked her if she had seen my facebook thread (#3 above) with David. She read it on the way to church. After church, I picked her up. David walked out with her. Turns out they have been sitting together at church and talking a lot. When we left church, I asked her if she had read the facebook thread, and she said yes. I asked her what she thought, and she said "I feel the same way as David". I said "what do you mean? Do you doubt the existence of god?" She said, "I've never really believed it. I was waiting for evidence and it never showed up. What David said made a lot of sense to me". She also said "I stopped listening to Perrianne (the youth leader) a long time ago". I was a bit surprised since she seemed to have really engaged with church since 2honest and I deconverted and left that church. I asked her about that, and she said her engagement was all about the opportunity to sing (she is on the worship team once a month). She also said she was engaged because Perrianne has made such a big deal out of her song writing ability. So, I think she might go to church once and awhile, but just to hang out with her friends including David, and to sing once a month. But now that our deconversion is becoming a bit more public, I'm not sure how long they will let her remain on the worship team. We have been encouraging her to branch out (away from church) with her singing and we are going to facilitate that for her. Either way, she is either out or mostly out of xtianity. Some how, 2honest and I produced a couple of freethinkers. Who would have thought? Again, thanks for all the support you guys have given 2honest and me through our deconversion and this story with our daughter. 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I've been taking her to clubs as much as possible on Saturday nights to see local bands play (we know a few of them, David's band being one of them). We've had a great time and don't get home until 2 to 4 in the morning Sunday morning. This has pretty much kept her away from church in the last month and she didn't seem concerned about it at all. Not sure how old your daughter is. Would she not see this as chaperoning? Going to a church youth may seem like it is a safe place for her to be w/o you around. Not trying to be offensive but this kinda stood out when reading. It is good you want to support her love for music outside the church. I have no experience similar to this and pretty much allowed my daughter to go on dates from 16 onwards with increasing later curfews as she got older. She is still on BF1.0 since 15ish who is 5 years older but is a real nice and trustworthy lad. My daughter still honours the midnite curfew even though she has left school. BF may sleep over some weekends as she deems fit, we don't mind. No illusion that she is still a virgin either. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Whoa, you two are subversives to the max! You are PROUD that your kids have rejected the fundamental basis of this country??? Bwa ha ha!! I am very glad to hear this and to hear that she seems to have a good friend (BF?) along with two great parents. I hope that she finds the right direction for pursuing music - it sounds as though she will and that she has her head screwed on straight. Thanks for filling us in! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Not sure how old your daughter is. Would she not see this as chaperoning? Going to a church youth may seem like it is a safe place for her to be w/o you around. Not trying to be offensive but this kinda stood out when reading. No offense taken. She is 17. You can't get into clubs here without a parent if you are under 18 years old. We give her all the freedom she wants at this point. We trust her and she is always over at friend's houses, etc on the weekends and such. It's been a bonding experience, but I have no illusions about going to clubs with her after she turns 18 although I will be a little sad I think 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 I am very glad to hear this and to hear that she seems to have a good friend (BF?) along with two great parents. Not sure on the BF part. He is 20 and she is 17. It wouldn't surprise me though. I really like David but they are at really different phases of life right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingLife Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 OK I understand. The kids here had what are called sokkies which is a dance and usually no alcohol and generally hosted by a school. Not much in the way of dances at the churches here as that is the wurk of teh debbul... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Some how, 2honest and I produced a couple of freethinkers. Wow!!!!! This is really good news! Truly amazing! I am happy for you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tabula Rasa Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 This is wonderful news Jbluejeep and 2honest! I'm glad she wised up before wasting a lot of her life with christian nonsense like a lot of us did.(Myself included.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted March 15, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted March 15, 2012 Finally! A happy story! Congratulations on some great parenting skills. I wish my parents had been as reasonable and understanding as you two. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I am so happy for you J and 2H!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Awesome news. Y'all are really great parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted March 16, 2012 Moderator Share Posted March 16, 2012 Sounds like everyone's smart in your family!! Here's to family 'peace'!! Congratulations!! You guys are awesome!! I'd be proud to have you folks as my next door neighbours!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 As a parent, this is the part where I would squee uncontrollably for several minutes with joy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted March 16, 2012 Author Share Posted March 16, 2012 Thanks for all the kind words everybody Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TotalWreck Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 So glad to hear that things are going well jblueep! It's so nice to live without all the lies and doubt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeasabird Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 What a great conclusion to the whole saga. Congrats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilcoppertop Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 YAY! I can't think of a happier ending to this story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 ...and she announced yesterday that she is quitting the worship band (singing once a month)...even better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bronxo Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 cool. hope she can find another outlet for her singing. my wife used to sing in church and has a fantastic voice. since leaving she has pretty much let her talent fall by the wayside, which is incredibly sad. she was shy about singing in church, let alone doing gigs in pubs and such. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 ...and she announced yesterday that she is quitting the worship band (singing once a month)...even better Whoah! Do you think it may be because of how the church is treating her friend David? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 cool. hope she can find another outlet for her singing. my wife used to sing in church and has a fantastic voice. since leaving she has pretty much let her talent fall by the wayside, which is incredibly sad. she was shy about singing in church, let alone doing gigs in pubs and such. We are facilitating other outlets. We are going to pay for singing lessons this summer. And she does have at least one other outlet in the meantime to explore. Whoah! Do you think it may be because of how the church is treating her friend David? I'm not sure, but I think it's a combination of a few items: 1. She realized that the words she is singing are not what she believes. 2. She knows that they will never give her a chance to go beyond a backup singer. All the "stars" of the worship team are the pastor's and elder's kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stryper Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 1. She realized that the words she is singing are not what she believes. 2. She knows that they will never give her a chance to go beyond a backup singer. All the "stars" of the worship team are the pastor's and elder's kids. Remember, God loves all his children, but so are loved more then others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephie Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 cool. hope she can find another outlet for her singing. my wife used to sing in church and has a fantastic voice. since leaving she has pretty much let her talent fall by the wayside, which is incredibly sad. she was shy about singing in church, let alone doing gigs in pubs and such. We are facilitating other outlets. We are going to pay for singing lessons this summer. And she does have at least one other outlet in the meantime to explore. Whoah! Do you think it may be because of how the church is treating her friend David? I'm not sure, but I think it's a combination of a few items: 1. She realized that the words she is singing are not what she believes. 2. She knows that they will never give her a chance to go beyond a backup singer. All the "stars" of the worship team are the pastor's and elder's kids. Been there done that. It sucks. Hope she gets to use her singing outside of church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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