Muse77 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I had first submitted this under 'submit your story' but perhaps here is where my story should go. I have been around the site for a few days now checking things out and now I'll take the time to share a bit about myself. I was born to nominally Christian parents, my mom a Catholic and my dad was Protestant. I do recall going to church as a young girl, till about the age of 5 and then we didn't go anymore. It was years later before I learned that my dad and the minister had a falling out. Dad didn't think it was necessary for him and my mom to officially join the church he had attended his whole life before this new minister would baptise my two younger sisters. So Dad told him, he'll take the classes and join the church and that the day his girls were baptised would be the last day he set foot there. He was true to his word. So Sunday mornings were then spent having pancake dinners and watching the Three Stooges or Laurel and Hardy on tv. Did I believe in God at that time? I think so. Didn't have much churching so I didn't have a lot of theology to warp my mind. He was 'up there' and I was down here and I believe he was ok with me. Fast forward twenty five years. I had what one might have called in their early 'saved' days, a complete conversion and set out on a journey to become the best Christian I could be, based on hearing a sermon on the love of God. What I learned over a decade of dedicated study was that the God of the bible is not the same as the one presented in church. Heck, every church has a different 'God' view. And each one claims they are the gold standard for Christianity, and will not hesitate to back bite the church down the road. So, who has truth? Good question. I would say that that was my quest, a quest for truth and it began with Christianity. I got rather deeply involved only to find, for the most part, the old bait and switch. Following is what I sent in under 'submit your story' and it pretty much chronicles my spiral out of the church. "In 2005, I was a deaconness in a small full gospel church, my husband was head deacon and together we did bible studies for couples and I was part of the praise team. That year, my husband fell in love with his secretary at work and left me and our three kids, then 14, 7 and 18 months. As you can imagine, this was a very painful time in my life, but the worst was yet to come. My pastors talked to my husband and came to me, convinced his wandering ways were my fault for being a 'Jezebel' and that I should immediately submit to counselling and prayer ministry (read that, deliverance ministry). At that time I was desperate to save my marriage and I did submit, for a while. When the humiliation grew to be too much, I started bucking the system, only to be told I was in rebellion and that I needed to be 'under their authority' if I had any hope of being spiritually well and saving my marriage. My husband had refused counselling, seeing through their motives and he left the church for good. Between the heartbreak over a broken marriage and the emotional beating I was taking in the church, death seemed a better option. But I had three kids to look out for, so I summoned all the courage I could and left the church and the people I loved in that church, behind. The pastors turned them against me so I didn't hear from them at all. It was an especially lonely time in my life. I did, after some time, join another church where my children and I found some healing. I was even coaxed into music ministry and found some satisfaction in that for several years. What was the turning point for me? Pastors who still wanted to manipulate and control for one. And meeting a man who was not a Christian who is the sweetest, kindest and funniest person I have ever met. He respected my faith, but when we had discussions about Christianity, he would ask me questions that I could not answer. I mean, I could give out pat answers as I'd been coached to in church, but he encouraged me to think more deeply. I think every Christian has had their share of doubts and questions that their religion does not answer satisfactorily. And I began to question, why doesn't the church have solid answers......? The lack of logical answers and the plethora of ministers who crave recognition or who are greedy or power hungry are the main reasons I left mainline Christianity and the church. That and the criticism and judgmentalism that goes with it. I don't need it. " I love people and I wish to have a career in service to them. Ministry isn't going to be my thing, I'm afraid. As for the man I met, he is now my fiancé. We are now planning our wedding That's my story, or at least the Coles notes for it. It's been great finding a place where people have had similar experiences. People don't tend to talk about leaving the church world. Nice to know there are others like me out there who understand! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Dear Muse77, what a horrible time you went through! But it sounds as though you did get through. It is exciting to hear about your new love and your upcoming wedding plans! I am glad you are out of the cult and moving ahead with life. And welcome to this site. There are a lot of empathetic people with wise perspectives on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
norton65ca Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 welcome muse77, i just arrived myself. this is some cool spot in which to take a break from all the madness isn't it? I had already drifted well away from the church years back so when my apostasy finally occured, although for me the death of my faith was traumatic (read the "I was a lousy Christian" extimony for info) I cannot imagine the stress for those who's entire world is bound up with the church must be going through. I think you may have come to the right place, sharing all this miserable stuff is very cathartic, at least I feel that way after barely a week into this. cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Hi, Muse77, and welcome to ExC. Sorry to hear of the troubles you had in church. The Christian religion is full of control mechanisms and those mechanisms are played by those in power in churches like a great musician would play a violin. except theirs is not beautiful music but control and manipulation. I'm glad you escaped it all. Sorry to hear of your personal problems, but congratulations on your engagement to a man who is not part of the Christian religion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Welcome, Muse! What heartache and strife you have endured. My heart goes out to you! I am so glad to hear you are getting your life back and finding love again. I completely hear you about the "under authority" thing. It's rubbish at the best of times and harmful at the worst. I think it's appalling that we threw ourselves under the bus of Christian "authority". I'm so glad you and I are both reclaiming our lost sense of self. The other thing that struck me in your story is the strict adherence of pastors in your church, to dogma. I too was this kind of Christian: if God said it, well, that settles it (!!). Dogma eventually cripples us. I'm so glad you're out. It gets better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Honest Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Hey Muse, glad you found the forum. I'm sorry for the painful church (and life) situations you've been through. It's great that things are turning around for you. Congrats on your new life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted March 18, 2012 Moderator Share Posted March 18, 2012 hi muse! Welcome to EX-C! Thanks for taking the time to write out some of your story. So sorry you went through all that stuff........That was so terrible for you.. It is such a sad and familiar tale of the christian church. You are safe with us!! We've all got the common bond of 'losing our christianity'. Congratulations on the new wedding coming soon? Got a date picked yet? I'm glad your here with us and I'm looking forward to hearing more from you!! Sincerely, Margee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riddick Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Hi muse, Thank you for sharing your story. Scottie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muse77 Posted March 21, 2012 Author Share Posted March 21, 2012 Just a blurb to thank everyone for their welcoming comments I am glad to be here too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephie Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Welcome to Ex-C! Isn't it nice to finally own yourself and not be chattel to god? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expat674 Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Hey Muse77, welcome to ex-Christian. I can relate to the way that the church and christians treated you when your first marriage broke up. I know that xtianity makes humans' brain turn to the consistency of rotten marshmellow at the best of times, but to blame you for your ex-husbands infidelity??? He left you and three young children and they said that you were in "rebellion." What planet were these people from? You are better human being than they will ever be. What p*sses me off so much is that they preach this g*d of love at people on Sundays but spend the rest of the week sharpening their fingers to point at people from Monday to Saturday. I left a highly abusive marriage three and a half years ago and the church would either bury its head in the sand or come up with trite BS like "you both need to submit to Jesus" and "seek a Jesus solution." All the big questions, the church could not answer, so I read a little, researched videos on Youtube and read the links from this site and stopped believing late last year. I really feel for you and I am so glad to hear that you have met someone else. I have just met a lovely Polish girl who is kind, intelligent, funny and as cynical as I am. Hugs from Poland. Paul the expat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Hi and welcome What a ghastly experience you had. I'm glad that you took back your sovereignty! Congratz on the wedding--how exciting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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