kclark Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 All of this just went down, so forgive me if comes off a bit rambling. Anyway, I went over to my parents' house today to tell them the good news about a promotion I got at my job (I recently got bumped up to morning producer). For the most of the visit everything was normal--we ate, watched TV, gave each other the latest updates on our lives. My brother, who's living at home while he goes back to school, came in and wanted to show me a new video game. After he left, I kept playing the game until my mother walked in with a look on her face like she wanted to talk about something important. "Did reading that Modern English bible help with your questions about your beliefs?" were the words that came out of her mouth. We'd talked about the subject off and on for months, and each time I went a little in describing my true feelings about god and religion. So, I paused the game, sighed, and let out a soft but firm "No." "Do you still believe in God Kev," she said in a soft tremble, walking over and sitting down on the bed beside me. I stopped for a second, turning the wheels in my mind to wonder how I should best spin it to keep her at bay. But then the truth came out. "No," I said again, shaking my head. This lead to long, wide-ranging discussion about how I came "to reject God" (she at first linked this to me being gay and feeling bad about it, but I quickly corrected her said my disbelief), in which we talked about the Bible, intelligent design, miracles/near death experiences, heaven and hell, other creation myths, and her own personal religious experiences. Throughout we pretty much disagreed at every turn. On one hand I hated the fact what I was saying was clearly upsetting her, but I was proud that I was able to state what I believe. She kept bringing up faith, saying it's how we prove ourselves to god, how we show our love etc. To which I answered, "that's not good enough for me. I need more." I thought things would go south when I told her I wasn't playing music for church anymore (or going to church or praying anymore), and while she was clearly disappointed and thinks I need to just be "enlightened" and will happily return to the fold, she said she still loved me. My dad, on the other hand, was the wild card. He hadn't taken my other coming out well at all, and lot of harsh words and raised voices were exchanged between us. But as I walked into the living room, where he and my mom were talking, he didn't raise his voice or seem angry. He said he had questions or doubts too, but he, like my mom, thinks it will all be revealed someday in heaven. He said I was a grown man (true) and that he couldn't force me to believe (true again), but he would still love me. I don't why his reaction was so different from when he found out I was gay--maybe it was because then there were a lot of other lingering issues (years of emotional distance, secrets when it came to my BF, etc) that caused a huge explosion. Maybe he took from that the realization that I am an adult with my own mind, and that we won't always agree. I don't know. Afterwards we hugged, they prayed for me, and that was that. At least I hope so. While I didn't come out and say "I'm an atheist," I pretty much made it clear that I don't agree with or believe in god, the bible or Christianity, and found the world easier to deal with when I took it as is, using logic and reason and eliminating all the supernatural stuff. Part of me thinks they think I simply have doubts, and that I'll one day return to belief because they "trained me up, so now that I'm old I won't depart from it (can't think of the whole scripture verbatim). When I left I felt a little shell shocked--but not in the numb "fuck I don't wanna go through that shit again" way that I felt after coming out the first time. It was more or less "Ahhh. They know, World War III didn't break out, and we're cool." Hopefully things will stay that way. I really do. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 That sounds like it couldn't have gone a whole lot better than it did. Good on you for being able to stick to your guns and still be honest with your parents. Thanks for sharing this update with us (I like it when we're able to get good news once in a while). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kclark Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 That sounds like it couldn't have gone a whole lot better than it did. Good on you for being able to stick to your guns and still be honest with your parents. Thanks for sharing this update with us (I like it when we're able to get good news once in a while). Thanks Trapped, and I'm glad I've got good news to report, because I was expecting a completely different reaction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Interesting... I'm getting to know you. Your parents seem pretty cool people. As much as they have influenced you, I think you will now influence them. I'm glad they respect you and still love you. Keep posting, I enjoy reading your stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I love that you just answered "No" and didn't make a whole speech, etc instead. I have found that in certain situations a simple "no" fits best. Glad it went so well. Hope it continues to be respectful. Be warned that you just might get some "gifts" of books or other things to "consider". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brought None Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Excellent job kclark. I'm nervous about this aspect since coming out to my parents. My father is worried about my faith and doesn't want to see me loose it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Wow! I was virtually on the edge of my seat reading this, wondering how it was going to turn out! Eek!!! Well, congratulations!! You have every right to feel proud for being honest!!! Yay!!! I found it fascinating that your mom does not get hung up on orthodoxy, but rather on orthopraxy: who cares what details are true, versus are we being true to God? At least, that's how I see it. I'm glad you let them pray for you. I think one of the biggest mistakes we sometimes make as new atheists is the urge to make final decisions about our beliefs (like we did as Christians--"I will always believe like this!!!!"). I think it's easier on everyone to say "This is where I'm at now" and not make any promises about the future. Who knows? God might start healing amputees...... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Glad it went well for you. Thanks for sharing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ ficino ♦ Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Wow, kclark! Like Positivist, I could get the sense of how you felt during these conversations. I'm glad that you're out in the open now and that you and your parents have what sound like a good wavelength. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owen652 Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 wow, you had to come out to your parents twice!! I take my hat off to you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 This is fantastic! I can only hope my coming out goes so well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zephie Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Congrats that everything went so well. I'm glad this you were able to be so open and honest with your parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Honest Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Good for you, kclark. That took some guts! Glad it went better than you expected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noob Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I'm very happy for you, kclark. I still remember the huge relief that I felt when I came out to my mother as a nonbeliever. Congratulations! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I'm so glad that went so well. If that's you in the profile pic, it couldn't be much harder for a gay atheistic man to be part of a demographic that's in such lockstep with evangelical Christianity. I was nervous reading this at first! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kclark Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Wow! I was virtually on the edge of my seat reading this, wondering how it was going to turn out! Eek!!! Well, congratulations!! You have every right to feel proud for being honest!!! Yay!!! I found it fascinating that your mom does not get hung up on orthodoxy, but rather on orthopraxy: who cares what details are true, versus are we being true to God? At least, that's how I see it. I'm glad you let them pray for you. I think one of the biggest mistakes we sometimes make as new atheists is the urge to make final decisions about our beliefs (like we did as Christians--"I will always believe like this!!!!"). I think it's easier on everyone to say "This is where I'm at now" and not make any promises about the future. Who knows? God might start healing amputees...... I agree about your last point. I did say several times that I was open to the possibility of a god existing, but with the current evidence available, I am highly skeptical of that possibility. Of course if god (specifically the Christian god) were proven to exist, whether I'd worship him or not is HIGHLY debatable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kclark Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 I'm so glad that went so well. If that's you in the profile pic, it couldn't be much harder for a gay atheistic man to be part of a demographic that's in such lockstep with evangelical Christianity. I was nervous reading this at first! Yes this is me lol! It is hard finding other atheists/freethinkers/agnostics etc. in the black community. I'd love it if I had a little clique I could meet up with face to face, but there is a growing online community. And thanks everyone for your kind words. It's been a few days since the announcement and nothing crazy has gone down yet, so keep your fingers crossed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 It's been a few days since the announcement and nothing crazy has gone down yet, so keep your fingers crossed. Yes. We finger the cross and then we cross our fingers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 I'm glad everything's going so well. Maybe it'll just be a non-issue. That'd be really nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts