spherr Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Before I begin this post, I just want to introduce myself. My name is Shawn, and I've been lurking around the site for about a month now. Anyway, I'm currently in the middle of deconverting and I'm still going to church. I still go cause I see my grandma through the week, plus I love working with the couple kids downstairs during the sermon (mainly so I don't have to hear the sermon) I currently have a delusional pastor whos 71 and hes been getting on my nerve this past year. I have tried to avoid conversations with him and it works most of the time. But everyweek, I swear, he says something stupid. First it started with him making homophobic comments like being gay is a choice (I'm gay, and that pissed off my parents as well). Then it was comments such as Christians shouldn't believe in psychology (my sister's a psychology major). The best one of all recently was his 17 year old neighbor was getting into drugs. He ended up getting arrest, and my pastor praised that the kid got caught! Not the fact of praying for his recovery or his family, just the fact that this kid will no longer be "tormenting him" (he claimed that this kid was harassing him because he was a Christian) The worst part is now starting in July, hes going to be the minister of my church plus another small church 2 miles down the road. Apparently there is a shortage of ministers in the Methodist Church. My pastor then made a statement like, "I don't understand why there aren't many ministers anymore!" Its cause people are leaving the church genious! He also thinks my church is "healthy", even though are attendance went from 30-35 when he started 5 years ago to now barely making 20 some Sundays. I really don't want to attend any longer, but its the main way I see my grandma 90% of the time. My sister does attend too, and I think shes skeptical, so I have her to talk to at least. I was curious if anybody had a way of learning to deal with his riduclous statements. I started taking it as entertainment now, which makes it a little more bearable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jblueep Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 spherr, Welcome to EX-C. Unfortunately, at your pastors age, I don't see any way/point you could ever have a rational discussion with him about any of his beliefs. Would your parents be OK with you not going to church? If so, and you have a license, you might just have to make another day for visiting grandma. On the other hand, if it would break her heart for you to stop going to church and you can handle going without it being destructive to you, then you could press through the misery I guess. Anyway, stick around and make some friends here J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 There are two ways to deal with his ridiculous statements. One way is to confront him with them and point out the error of his ways. The second way is to allow those statements in one ear and out the other ear. If I were in your situation, I'd probably opt for the in one ear and out the other ear method. I also like what you said about taking them for the foolishness they are and letting it pass. It seems based on your post that the issue is seeing your grandmother. Confronting her pastor could make her uncomfortable. But that's just my 2 cents worth. I hope it works out for you, whatever you decide to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Hi spherr, welcome to ex-C. I'm an atheist but I still go to church due to family issues. Pretty much any conservative, bible-believing sect is going to have problems with delusions. Mine certainly does. Just last sunday it bothered me how they were singing about blood. Blood! Blood! Blood! Do they even listen to themselves? I feel for you. I try to keep a poker face in church. I try to not laugh. Sometimes I even succeed. When the sermon happens I try to use my imagination to keep my mind off the hate and nonsense that the pastor spews. When somebody says something that conflicts with our belief the natural result is anger. When somebody says something that conflicts with our knowledge the natural result is laughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConureDelSol Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I used to help out in the kid's service in my old church to avoid the pastor's sermon. I'm not fond of kids, but they're better than gay-bashing and brain cell-destroying sermons. The church I go to now already drafts their zombie inductees into working with the kids, so I can't get out anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackpudd1n Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 Hey Spherr, Welcome to ex-c! I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, though I can empathise on the seeing your grandma. My grandpa lives 8 hours away from me, so I don't get to see him all that often. But as he's 91, I don't tell him of my atheism, as I don't see the point of distressing him at this late stage of his life. The only advice I can offer is to use ex-c as a place to vent and get it all off your chest until you do work out a way around the issue. Love Pudd Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spherr Posted March 27, 2012 Author Share Posted March 27, 2012 I feel for you. I try to keep a poker face in church. I try to not laugh. Sometimes I even succeed. When the sermon happens I try to use my imagination to keep my mind off the hate and nonsense that the pastor spews. I do that poker face very well recently. Its hard to keep when one of the ladies at my church gives her praises. She said about a month ago how we should ALWAYS be praising God. Really?! Even when I lost my job last spring, I guess I should have said, "Thank you God for taking my job away from me!" I used to help out in the kid's service in my old church to avoid the pastor's sermon. I'm not fond of kids, but they're better than gay-bashing and brain cell-destroying sermons. The church I go to now already drafts their zombie inductees into working with the kids, so I can't get out anymore. Thats exactly why I help with the kids almost every Sunday. I usually have the two or three kids we have complete some paper, and then we usually play a board game. Monopoly or Sorry is much better than a sermon. Thanks everyone for your advice. I'm gonna just grin and bear it for a while. It won't last more than a couple years for a couple reasons: my pastor gets some common sense and retires, my grandma stops attending due to health reasons, or the church dies. Its been obvious to me since high school (I'm 24 now) that this church is dying. They keep believing that some miracle will occur and the church will be filled with young families. They finally got an idea to get a website last summer (that tells how far behind in the times some of them are) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted March 27, 2012 Share Posted March 27, 2012 I feel for you. I try to keep a poker face in church. I try to not laugh. Sometimes I even succeed. When the sermon happens I try to use my imagination to keep my mind off the hate and nonsense that the pastor spews. I do that poker face very well recently. Its hard to keep when one of the ladies at my church gives her praises. She said about a month ago how we should ALWAYS be praising God. Really?! Even when I lost my job last spring, I guess I should have said, "Thank you God for taking my job away from me!" Just think of poor Job (the man from the Bible chapter Job). He had to praise God after God killed his innocent kids. "Why thank you God for killing my wonderful children. Yes I'm sure that their lives were not as important as whatever point you were trying to make with the Accuser." God can be a real scumbag. And as the ultimate sign of Bronze Age boneheadedness, at the end of the book Job gets to have as many kids as were killed. As if the new ones make up for the ones who died. Somehow I don't think the ones who died would have felt being replaced was the same difference as not being killed. Sorry to hear about your job ( little "j"). Got any prospects? The economy sucks right now. Some places are in recovery but others are not. I hope you are in an area that recovers soon. Well whatever you do don't join the Army or Marines or any infantry reserve. Those will get you injured. If you have to go government route try Air force, Navy or Coast Guard. I heard a rumor that North Dakota has little unemployment if you don't mind cold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spherr Posted March 27, 2012 Author Share Posted March 27, 2012 I've gotten two jobs since then, so no worries. I'm always off on the weekends, which is a huge plus! Looking back, I'm kinda glad I did lose the job. I had a miserable supervisor who I never saw, plus both of my jobs have a higher wage than my previous one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
midniterider Posted March 28, 2012 Share Posted March 28, 2012 Before I begin this post, I just want to introduce myself. My name is Shawn, and I've been lurking around the site for about a month now. Anyway, I'm currently in the middle of deconverting and I'm still going to church. I still go cause I see my grandma through the week, plus I love working with the couple kids downstairs during the sermon (mainly so I don't have to hear the sermon) I currently have a delusional pastor whos 71 and hes been getting on my nerve this past year. I have tried to avoid conversations with him and it works most of the time. But everyweek, I swear, he says something stupid. First it started with him making homophobic comments like being gay is a choice (I'm gay, and that pissed off my parents as well). Then it was comments such as Christians shouldn't believe in psychology (my sister's a psychology major). The best one of all recently was his 17 year old neighbor was getting into drugs. He ended up getting arrest, and my pastor praised that the kid got caught! Not the fact of praying for his recovery or his family, just the fact that this kid will no longer be "tormenting him" (he claimed that this kid was harassing him because he was a Christian) The worst part is now starting in July, hes going to be the minister of my church plus another small church 2 miles down the road. Apparently there is a shortage of ministers in the Methodist Church. My pastor then made a statement like, "I don't understand why there aren't many ministers anymore!" Its cause people are leaving the church genious! He also thinks my church is "healthy", even though are attendance went from 30-35 when he started 5 years ago to now barely making 20 some Sundays. I really don't want to attend any longer, but its the main way I see my grandma 90% of the time. My sister does attend too, and I think shes skeptical, so I have her to talk to at least. I was curious if anybody had a way of learning to deal with his riduclous statements. I started taking it as entertainment now, which makes it a little more bearable. Meet granny at a coffee shop. Skip the church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spherr Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 Meet granny at a coffee shop. Skip the church. That is very tempting as each month goes on. My grandmother does know I think hes full of baloney. I guess what frustrates me the most is somehow the United Methodist Church hes a perfect fit to go from ministering one church to two. I hate with Methodists that the Bishop, who has no personal connections to any churches, decides who your pastor is. My previous two pastors were loving and caring people. my current one is just a homophobic, clueless bigot who still think its the 1960s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spherr Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 I should also mention that its previous obvious hes previously been married. Both of his children are in their 40s. His current marriage is around 20 years. He never mentions his ex-wife at all! I just find that weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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