Dealing With The Loss Of God Or Spirituality After Deconverting

[Overcame Faith]

For many of us who deconverted, learning the truth about Christianity being a falsehood has left a void in our lives (temporary for some, more lingering for others). For purposes of this post, I'm not talking about the void created by social loss of Christians whom we thought were our friends but who abandoned us after we left the religion. Nor am I writing about the chasm some of us have experienced in our family lives when our loved ones remain true believing Christians and sometimes turn their wrath against us. Rather, I am speaking of the loss in spiritual terms.

 

Before I say more, I want to make something perfectly clear. There may be some disagreement about this, but what I am about say is my own opinion. Leaving the Christian religion behind does not have to mean that one abandons a belief in some type of god or the other and it most certainly does not mean that one must abandon all notions of spirituality. A number of members on ExC still have varying spiritual beliefs and some still believe either that there is a god of some sort or at least hold that possibility open. Of course, there are also those members who become atheists.

 

My first discovery was that Christianity is a false religion. False religion is what I called it because I discovered that its basic tenets were utterly false. Those tenets are that we are all sinners, that we need a redeemer to save us from our sins, that Jesus was that redeemer and his death was an atonement for our sins, that his resurrection was our promise of eternal life in heven, and if we but believe in him we will be saved from the hell that we deserve. But coming to the astounding conclusion (it was astounding to me!) that the tenets of Christianity were false, did not mean to me that there was no god. Rather, it only meant that the New Testament character known as Jesus was a fraud, or, rather, that those who wrote of him were frauds.

 

I continued on for two full years believing there was a god. My definition of god changed over that two year period as I learned more and more about the Old Testament until I finally accepted what I still am convinced is the second astounding truth - that the god portrayed in the Old Testament was also not true. It was coming to that final conclusion that left me with a spiritual void. It was then that I realized that I was all alone with no great power out there that was going to come to my rescue. It was equally as traumatic as coming to the conclusion I had come to earlier about Jesus. So I had to go through the grieving and life adjustment twice, once for Jesus and a second time for the god of the Old Testament.

 

I will tell you how I came to terms with my loss with the hopes that maybe it will help some of you who are in the grieving process now. The first thing I did was to think through all the experiences I had had over the years that I had attributed to god or the holy spirit. I was never a pentecostal so I did not speak in tongues or any of those things. But I did have certain experiences which, to me, were every bit as moving. For example, I can remember getting this deep feeling within myself as I prayed or read the bible which felt like some spiritual being was coming to me, settling into my soul, and reassuring me that all was going to work out and that god was listening to me at that very moment. I can also remember a number of experiences when I was sure I saw god moving me and others in our corporate worship of him. These were deeply satisfying experiences and made my belief that much stronger.

 

Once I came to my twofold conclusions (first about Christianity and then about god), I wondered what had been happening to me with all the spiritual times I had. What I came to see was that it was me all along and not some outside force which had been working on me. While I was grieving the loss of god, I came to one other conclusion that really carried me forward. I realized that I really hadn't lost the god of the bible because there was nothing to have lost in the first place. What I had lost was my belief, but losing belief does not mean that one loses that which one had experienced. Rather, and this is important, the experiences themselves were real it was just that I had incorrectly attributed them to the god of the bible.

 

I still have experiences deep within myself much like I described above. I have times when I feel assured that all will work out, times when I feel deeply connected to all that is around me and, yes, even to the universe. But what I now know is that that is a human experience and not one that depends on the existence of bible god, Jesus, or the holy spirit.

 

What I am saying is do not think you must abandon what you once attributed to god. Instead, look deep within yourself and experience the same thrills that you did before and you will see that they are much more meaningful. They reach all the way back to the earliest ancestors of our human species because they experienced the same things. I find that much more fulfilling than what I incorrectly believed as a Christian.

 

You have not lost anything. It was you all along and, if you choose, you can still embrace it, but, if you do, attribute it correctly. It is part of our humanity.

[Deva]

Yes, we who have had deep spiritual experiences and feelings for the transcendent never need to feel we have lost that capacity. All that beauty is still there within us.

[Muse77]

Well said Deva. And thanks for sharing, Overcame Faith. I know how that feels as I'm still there.......

[Positivist]

Thanks for this, OF! It's a great reminder to us to honor our humanity.

 

When I started to lose faith in the Bible as "the Word of God" I started to question other aspects of my faith also. I started reading some of Michael Shermer's work and about neurotheology. It dawned on me that all those times I "felt God's presence" it was just synapses and neurotransmitters at work. I discovered that my experiences were the levee that was holding back the rising river of doubt. So, when I found a physiological explanation for my experiences, well, my doubt was set free and it carried me away to freedom.

 

I find at this point in my human journey I am actually antagonistic to spiritual beliefs--my own or others'. I hope to mellow out in my eye rolling, which smacks of intolerance and may get me into trouble. At this point I cannot foresee being "spiritual"--even Buddhism frightens me greatly. Rather, my approach so far (and I'm not saying this fits for all) is to live well and compassionately, to glean what nuggets of wisdom I can from sacred (and other) texts (without following any one guru or leader), and find bliss in nature and communing with authentic friends.

 

Thanks OF! Lots to think about!

[Overcame Faith]

Those synapses and neurotransmitters are part of our human experience and there is no reason not to experience that (I mean the sense of spirituality). The key, though, is not to allow anyone else ever to fool us again into believing that either they or some god who tells them to tell us what to do or how to act is responsible for it. One of the tricks of Christianity is to take what is a very human sense (in a manner of speaking) and then convince us that it is the holy spirit churning it all up and proving their religion. For me, that was a very big lesson.

[Guest wester]

Christian spirituality was too easy for me. At least in my area it was a cookie cut out with social reinforcement. And after investigation it seemed like people thought that this is what they were supposed to believe, not that they actually believed it. Kind of like I imagine the North Korean experience with their dear leader.

 

So choosing to walk on the other side of the fence puts you in the out group - which in the way humans interact can be traumatic and feel like a loss.

 

However, spirituality is what you make of it.

 

I spent time at the Grand Canyon. The Navajos who have lived there for centuries think that humans came into the world at the convergence of the Colorado River and the Little Colorado. It is at the bottom of the Tanner trail in the National Park. If you ever get down there you will understand why. It seems just as plausible and makes just as much sense to me as the Genesis Eden story.

 

Looking at philosophy that pre-dates the Bible also helped me.

Plato's Dialogues and Lao-Tze for example caused no end of consternation for my Christian mum who thought Jesus H. Christ was the be all and end all until she found out that Buddha and Lao-Tze pre-dated upstart johnny-come-lately Christianity by 500 or more years.

 

Zen Buddhism also helped me in finding spirituality in the every day process of living.

That is, Right Here and Right Now and not in a book of old stories or groups of weird people with strange ideas.

As DT Suzuki described Zen sartori: It's like normal every day experience except 2 inches off the ground.

Once you get that, you've got it.

 

Music, Painting, Literature, Philosophy, Science, and on and on...It's all there if you open yourself to it.

As George Clinton intoned: "Free your mind, and your ass will follow."

 

Best of luck in all things.

[Positivist]

Those synapses and neurotransmitters are part of our human experience and there is no reason not to experience that (I mean the sense of spirituality). The key, though, is not to allow anyone else ever to fool us again into believing that either they or some god who tells them to tell us what to do or how to act is responsible for it. One of the tricks of Christianity is to take what is a very human sense (in a manner of speaking) and then convince us that it is the holy spirit churning it all up and proving their religion. For me, that was a very big lesson.

 

Well said, OF!!! Yes, this is my paranoia--that I'll be taken to the proverbial cleaners again. I am very afraid of this. Once bitten, twice shy!

 

I get a nice buzz from coffee. Maybe that will be my new vice. I really appreciate you starting this thread. I think it's really helpful, especially for those of us afraid of the woo biting us in the ass again!