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electech98

I Told My Wife

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Tonight, I told my wife about my non-belief.

 

She took it very hard. I don't think I've ever hurt a person like that in my whole life. Seeing her cry like that made me want to go back in time and never ever tell her. But then that would ruin me.

 

We both reiterated our love for one another. She is now away from the house, taking some time to herself to think and read the "coming out" letter I had written.

 

I don't know what is going to happen from here on out.

 

But at least the process for healing can begin.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I hope.

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Best of luck

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Oh, my heart goes out to you. This is the hardest part for me: the pain this faith inflicts on its followers when one of them chooses to follow no longer.

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Oh geez, I really hope this turns out okay for you, Electech. Please keep us posted :)

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Good luck!

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Good luck! Whatever happens, you did what you had to do.

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I'm pretty new to all this to, man. My wife saw in the broswer history a few weeks ago that I was at Ex-C, and she flipped out and called her mom, who actually calmed her down and told her to chill (she's a pretty devout Catholic, but very level headed too). Last night at one point I could tell she was visibly saddened, or something, but I didnt ask why. A few minutes later I came into the room where the comp is and I saw where Ex-C was open but minimized on it, I dont think I left it open (usually Im reallllllly good about closing the browser), maybe she was looking on her own? That doesnt seem like her though....

 

Anyway about an hour later she was better, we never talked about it. She knows what Im going through, maybe not fully to the extent of where I am in my non-faith, but she can read the handwriting on the wall I guess. But I still go to church with her for support obviously. Not sure where her thought process is right now. She knows I've read a TON about everything religious in the last 12 months though, and that any decision Ive made or whatever has been uber-informed.

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Wish you the best. I know this must be difficult.

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The very best to you Electech. Please keep us posted so we can support you through this. They say 'love' can survive many things........you both sound very smart and logical to me...so here's hoping for the best outcome. Hang in there bud!

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Ugh. Reading this makes me a little sick to my stomach because I will probably be in the same situation very soon. I'm glad you had the courage to follow your heart and get things out in the open, electech. I wish you all the best.

 

You know we're all here for you when you need us.

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I'm definitely thinking of you and your wife today, Electech. I'm glad you finally told her--I know I'd want to be told something that big by my husband. I'm sure it'll work out if you two both hold to that love you have for each other. Good luck.

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good luck. I'm lucky enough that my wife and I deconverted at the same time, but take it from me, you'll be surprised what a marriage can survive if you really love one another.

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best of luck, love will win out over dogma in the end.

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I guess I should try that tactic. I need to be angry/disappointed/upset/depressed/threatening/crazy whenever someone states an opinion that differs from my own. It seems to keep them on the defensive, as if they did something wrong.

 

Good luck handling her overreaction.

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that's a bit harsh there Flourduh, If I kicked the chair out from underneath my wife's faith she'd be as devastated as I was when I began coming to terms with the death of my own faith. It isn't easy for some to have everything they've ever relied on gone in a second. This is his wife and he's just dropped a bomb on her. Been deconverted too long to remember how things felt when the whole universe swayed under your feet?

Having your worldview demolished and having it effectively done by the one we love is heart rending. Not one year ago I would have said to my wife who I love deeply something like the following: " you and me babe, we've got to just hang on together until the end, no matter what ok? Just you me and god".

To then have that same person come out and say they don't believe the same things any more is brutal and disturbs ones equilibrium badly. Have a little compassion on a human level. Geez...

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that's a bit harsh there Flourduh

Really? Think about it. We (non believers) anticipate and accept that our opinions will be harshly rejected by believers. Why is that? Why are Christians the default belief and those who disagree are running scared? We ALL have an equal right to opinions and beliefs, and it's a damn shame non believers accept a second class position and live in fear that some Christian will disapprove. I see a constant parade of frightened ex-Christians who seem ashamed and fearful simply because they have escaped the chains of unfounded belief systems and those in charge (spouse, parent) will be unhappy. Why don't WE get bent out of shape every time some sheep heads off to a church service? It's because we accept that they have the right to their beliefs, but apparently we can't see ourselves as having equal rights. Nobody enjoys rocking the boat, but frankly, it's a bit sickening how we tend to tremble, roll over and hide. Christians sure as hell don't hide their beliefs from non believers out of fear they'll disapprove.

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I see your point, but you're missing one thing here. We're discussing his wife, not a debate opponent, and this concerns her emotions and feelings. He has, whether you think it should be taken in stride of not, dropped a massive explosive device into her world. I do understand where you're coming from but this is a hugely different situation to two people debating philosophical positions. I think his reluctance is one of concern for casing pain and hurt, not for bringing truth into the equation. just my 2c. I am reluctant to rock my old friends world in the same way, my deconversion is deeply traumatic in many ways, I'm not sure I want to drag too many folks through it, I'd rather they came there themselves. I'm not hiding though.

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Oh dear, Electech. My heart goes out to you and your wife. Hopefully she can realize that you are still the same person--a better person even, now that you're 100% honest--and still love and respect you. Keep us posted.

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Wow, I'm sorry she took it so hard. I think she will be ok once she calms down and realizes that you are still the same person. Keep us posted on how things go.

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Best wishes. You were honest and if she really loves you that will be the most important thing to her. Please keep us posted with any new updates.

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*BIG hugs* I'm so sorry Electech. You did the right thing. I know you feel horrible because your wife was hurt...but you did the right thing. It's not good to live a lie with your spouse over something this big.

 

I am thinking of you and your wife, and hope only for the best.

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I have to agree with norton65ca here.

 

To his wife they no longer live for the same reasons, she believes that her loving husband is going to hell and they won't spend an afterlife together. I mean to a christian the deconverting of someone is devastating. Its going to take a while to get used to. The fact that she's still with him says something, I know many of fundies who would consider leaving the relationship if they found something out like this.

 

Back in my religious days my significant other coming out as a non christian would be one of the worst things I could imagine, second only to their death. I think many here probably had that mindset.

 

 

electech98, I'm sorry and I hope only the best for your situation.

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E96 I wish you the best of luck. However let me just add this: Christianity is the one who hurt your wife. If she is like the Christians I know then Christianity has brainwashed her into thinking all the horrible things she thinks about ex-Christians. I know it brainwashed me back when I was a Christian. This is what Christianity does to sustain itself. It's completely self serving at the expense of others. And we are those others that get used. Be gentle and respect your wife's beliefs and know that you are not the one who hurt her. Christianity does the rest.

 

Telling my wife was the scariest thing I ever did. But our marriage was strong enough that we survived it. I hope for the best for you. Do you have kids? If so it creates a religious complication. We can talk more.

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that's a bit harsh there Flourduh

Really? Think about it. We (non believers) anticipate and accept that our opinions will be harshly rejected by believers. Why is that? Why are Christians the default belief and those who disagree are running scared? We ALL have an equal right to opinions and beliefs, and it's a damn shame non believers accept a second class position and live in fear that some Christian will disapprove. I see a constant parade of frightened ex-Christians who seem ashamed and fearful simply because they have escaped the chains of unfounded belief systems and those in charge (spouse, parent) will be unhappy. Why don't WE get bent out of shape every time some sheep heads off to a church service? It's because we accept that they have the right to their beliefs, but apparently we can't see ourselves as having equal rights. Nobody enjoys rocking the boat, but frankly, it's a bit sickening how we tend to tremble, roll over and hide. Christians sure as hell don't hide their beliefs from non believers out of fear they'll disapprove.

 

Flourdah, your suggestion that we get down to the same level as Christians only shows that we're no less foolish as them. Your immaturity is exceedingly evident, sorry, but it is. Your delusion that showing compassion, understanding, and yes, even showing that we ex-C's are smarter somehow relegates us to 2nd class status could not be further from the truth, and in fact shows one to be even more foolish as the dogma loving Christians.

 

The fact that we ex-C's are tolerant of Christians takes no rights away from us. Where do you get off on somehow equating being tolerant with the loss of rights?

 

I would suggest you grow up and think about showing Christians how much better (yes better) and smarter we ex's are. This can help them come around to the truth. To be beligerant, rude, caustic, and intolerant is to help them stay lost in their religions bullshit.

 

Peace to you.

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