Galien Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 My parents started emotionally abusing me from when I was 2. When I became a christian at 9, I thought I had to wear abuse the way Jesus wore it. I let people walk all over me pretty well my whole life until I realised, with the help of a very good therapist, that I did not have to be a doormat for anyone. No one likes the changes in me that no longer allow abuse in my life. I allowed spouses and churches and so called friends to use me and abuse me because I thought that is what I had to do to make it up to Jesus for dying for me. I ended up a broken, depressed 45 year old who just wanted to be dead from too many years of emotional suffering. I have made it my life's work to make sure I did not perpetrate the same abuse on my own children, or the other people in my life. There is some damage in me that will never heal, and yes it gets triggered whenever anyone tells me what to think, or that I don't know what suffering is. Now though, I have not had any suicidal ideation for the first two year period in my adult life and I no longer cry every day. I am taking my life back by degrees. Damage has been done, and I cannot reverse it, neither can I completely heal. The thing I can do that makes a difference is make damn sure I don't inflict it on anyone else. I also make a habit of calling out anyone who tries to inflict it on me The consequences are that you always feel less important than every one else, and it doesn't matter how hard you try, and damn you try hard, you feel as though you never will be. It is a terrible thing tohave your self confidence and emotional stability taken away. May as well just put a pillow over you head and be done with it. The amount of emotional suffering for the sensitive over this is excrutiating. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Legion Posted April 13, 2012 Author Share Posted April 13, 2012 Everyone I know is guilty of this. I got to thinking about this more Ro. I think you're probably right. As I thought about this, it occurred to me to look at three layers or aspects of people. I'll call them here, physical, emotional, and intellectual. It is now generally agreed that physical assault is unacceptable in civilized society. Right? But it seems as we move 'up' in the layers then assault becomes more acceptable. For instance, not only do I accept intellectual assault, I revel in it. I like and encourage a good, knockdown, drag out, intellectual brawl. I think ideas are tested and refined in such exchanges. But what about the emotional layer? It almost seems to me, that the lingering barbarity in human affairs is associated with a tolerance or lack of awareness of emotional assault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest end3 Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 My parents started emotionally abusing me from when I was 2. When I became a christian at 9, I thought I had to wear abuse the way Jesus wore it. I let people walk all over me pretty well my whole life until I realised, with the help of a very good therapist, that I did not have to be a doormat for anyone. No one likes the changes in me that no longer allow abuse in my life. I allowed spouses and churches and so called friends to use me and abuse me because I thought that is what I had to do to make it up to Jesus for dying for me. I ended up a broken, depressed 45 year old who just wanted to be dead from too many years of emotional suffering. I have made it my life's work to make sure I did not perpetrate the same abuse on my own children, or the other people in my life. There is some damage in me that will never heal, and yes it gets triggered whenever anyone tells me what to think, or that I don't know what suffering is. Now though, I have not had any suicidal ideation for the first two year period in my adult life and I no longer cry every day. I am taking my life back by degrees. Damage has been done, and I cannot reverse it, neither can I completely heal. The thing I can do that makes a difference is make damn sure I don't inflict it on anyone else. I also make a habit of calling out anyone who tries to inflict it on me The consequences are that you always feel less important than every one else, and it doesn't matter how hard you try, and damn you try hard, you feel as though you never will be. It is a terrible thing tohave your self confidence and emotional stability taken away. May as well just put a pillow over you head and be done with it. The amount of emotional suffering for the sensitive over this is excrutiating. Excellent post Gal, thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stryper Posted April 13, 2012 Share Posted April 13, 2012 [MEntity]: Your past and future are like spokes coming out from the center of your moment, and your symbolic dream changes to your home are altering your personal resources and your past, and by extension, your future. [MEntity]: This may sound quite metaphysical, but it is basic psychology. ....... [MEntity]: And it is not that the past needs to literally be changed so that one is now delusional, but that one's understanding of the past can change. If one were a survivor of abuse that led to teen rage, and then found new understanding and compassion for her abusers in adulthood, it would not be that she excused the abuse, or that it did not happen, but that a different layer or entrance to the past was opened. http://truthloveenergy.com/profiles/blogs/dream-fragility-vs-strength-building-neural-pathways Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stamps1962 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Elsewhere on this board I shared my story of my father, a part time Baptist preacher who tried to program me into a mindless robot for Jesus. I read the list of signs of an emotionally abusive father- he had all of them. His abuse continued well into my forties, culminating in my walking out on him one day after he tried to slap my face. I was 43 at the time. I broke off contact and he stroked out after a few months and died shortly after. I really think emotional abusers feed off the energy of their victims, that's why they do it. In his case he didn't have me to draw energy from and quickly succumbed after awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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