I Want To Live Again.

[openpalm45]

Ever since I left Christianity, I have changed a lot. I have seen the positives and I have seen the negatives, wondering which one outweighs the other, but knowing I could never go back. One negative that has been particularly on my mind lately, is that I no longer see the point to anything. I feel as if, in a sense, the life has been drained out of me. The world has lost its color. Nothing I do matters. Nothing I enjoy matters. I don't matter.

How do people who have no views on religion or an afterlife, or who believe there is not an afterlife, and no god, enjoy life? What is the point in anything?

Maybe it should be easy and natural to just enjoy life for the sake of simply enjoying life, but I have been brainwashed for too long into thinking that there is some bigger story going on and that is the only way to find meaning, and now I don't know how to just enjoy life for what it is. I wonder if I had grown up a child in a world where no one believed in an afterlife, and we all just lived for our time here on earth, if I would be experiencing the struggles I am now.

I feel like I'm just blank. Day after day, living my life, wondering when I will feel like myself again. To make matters worse, I am in a waiting period of sorts, and my closest friends are over an hour away. And I look around me and see Christians who are so happy with their lives. Even though their lives don't look incredibly different from mine, they have the luxury of happiness and fulfillment, because they are convinced that everything they do has a purpose.

Well, maybe after I am out of this waiting period things will get better. Until then, any advice would be great.

Thanks, friends.

[Guest Valk0010]

I am probably not someone who should advise here, because I seem to found another obsession of sorts, politics namely.

 

But I also do other things that make life worth living, like playing music. Just try to experience as much as you can.

[Wings]

Hi OpenPalm,

thanks for posting. This is something I've also been struggling with... how long have you been an ex-C?

 

I'm pretty newly deconverted, and it's been a total shift of my thinking about the world and trying to figure out my place in it. I think that one of the things I struggle with is accepting that when something crappy happens, it no longer means, "this is still where you're supposed to be, but there's a bigger reason and god will turn it to good." Now it's just like, this sucks! And suddenly, I'm responsible for making it bettrer, instead of waiting for god to fix it.

 

Like you, I'm in an in-between stage, kind of isolated from friends and family and feeling a bit aimless. My strategy has been to start signing up for little things and having something to look forward to. Also, instead of thinking "this is where I'm supposed to be, and god will make it better", I've been trying really hard to say, "yah, things suck right now but I know from precedent that they get better. So what can you learn from this and use to improve things down the road?"

 

Big picture, fyi, you DO have a purpose... which is to live and love and connect. And so I thank you for starting this thread and sharing cause it made me feel less alone. Boom, you get a "life point" for sharing awesomeness, and I'd say that's a pretty good purpose

Hit me up if you ever need a friend!

[Galien]

It is kind of funny how we ae brought up withe the "purpose" thing. We are spat into this world with the rules already set to make of it what we can.

 

My purpose is to leave it a better place than I found it whatever way I can. I have always wanted to be the best person I can be and for a longtime I thought that was because of christianity. Leaving the fold after 36years has shown me that isn't the case. It's just my thing. We are born, we live and we die. It is up to us to work out what is important to us and why, which is so much better than having it imposed from an external source.

 

It is so hard though to work through life though when the whole foundation of it is pulled out from under us. Its horrible to lose friends and certainties. I think a lot of christians are not that happy at all but they pretend to be for the acceptance of their peers. I still get lonely even after all this time, I have never replaced the friends I lost from church. I have learned to become friends with myself though, which has been interesting

 

Things may not be the same again because your circumstances are different, but I believe you will find a better and more satisfying way to live. It does take time though. Hugs

 

 

[jdog]

I can see how you can feel at a lost at first. I wandered around in a bit of a fog for days after I deconverted. Not an easy time.

 

You sound you may have depression. I actually got depressed too because even when I was a Christian I still didn't know what my purpose was. I know that serving God was part of it but I was still lost in where I fit in the big picture.

 

I decided to stop trying to figure out why I am here and what my purpose is and things got better for me and I told myself that I will live one day at a time. I just think that I am here on earth and I need to survive and enjoy life the best I can with the abilities I have and do it for myself for my husband and children and for anyone else I care about.

 

I love music, art, my dog, nature, the natural world, flowers, gardening, I like helping others. It just makes life a little more interesting.

 

Maybe there is a bigger story, who knows, but it ain't the bible story. And maybe there is an afterlife. Why can't it be ok just to not know? I don't know and I have peace about this conclusion.

 

I would say try and not analyze anything and just enjoy something without feeling guilty. There doesn't have to be a motive or a reason for doing it. As Nike's slogan says. "Just Do It" At first I felt that it was a bit self indulgent to just laze around and listen to my rock music and drink a glass of wine or watch a funny movie. I felt that I ought to be 'doing' something and for someone else. Just do it for you. For once. No God, no serving, no consequences, no punishment, no purpose, no reason. Just enjoy something and embrace the peace and freedom of living life without the shackles of religion or the idea that "god" is watching your every move.

 

What do you enjoy doing? Do you play an instrument? enjoy art? write? garden? I think things will fall into place once you start the ball rolling.

 

You know that phrase? IF you knew that this was your last day on earth? what would you do. how would you spend it? perhaps apply that philosophy to your life for a while.

 

I don't think there is rhyme or reason to life. I honestly don't. Babies die, young kids die, young adults die...and they never had a chance to live life for very long, they weren't thinking about a purpose, they were just living.

 

I hope I make some kind of sense and perhaps helped in some way. I do know that it isn't easy when we first lose god and everything we once knew to find out none of it is true. It takes time but I assure you it will get better and you will find your way.

[mymistake]

Ever since I left Christianity, I have changed a lot. I have seen the positives and I have seen the negatives, wondering which one outweighs the other, but knowing I could never go back. One negative that has been particularly on my mind lately, is that I no longer see the point to anything. I feel as if, in a sense, the life has been drained out of me. The world has lost its color. Nothing I do matters. Nothing I enjoy matters. I don't matter.

How do people who have no views on religion or an afterlife, or who believe there is not an afterlife, and no god, enjoy life? What is the point in anything?

Maybe it should be easy and natural to just enjoy life for the sake of simply enjoying life, but I have been brainwashed for too long into thinking that there is some bigger story going on and that is the only way to find meaning, and now I don't know how to just enjoy life for what it is. I wonder if I had grown up a child in a world where no one believed in an afterlife, and we all just lived for our time here on earth, if I would be experiencing the struggles I am now.

I feel like I'm just blank. Day after day, living my life, wondering when I will feel like myself again. To make matters worse, I am in a waiting period of sorts, and my closest friends are over an hour away. And I look around me and see Christians who are so happy with their lives. Even though their lives don't look incredibly different from mine, they have the luxury of happiness and fulfillment, because they are convinced that everything they do has a purpose.

Well, maybe after I am out of this waiting period things will get better. Until then, any advice would be great.

Thanks, friends.

 

OP! Good to see you again. I hope your life have been treating you well otherwise. Yes I have struggled with similar things to what you describe here. I think we are looking at it wrong. Drop that religious idea that it's all about some eternity off in the distance. Life begins right now. Life is about right now. You give your own life meaning - right now. Make a difference. Seize the day.

 

When I get feeling blue I just take it down to the basics. Enjoy a sensation of the wind or catch a sun ray. Hmmm . . . I don't think I'm going to be able to put this into word. Sorry, forgive my fail. I tell you what helped me a lot was the movie Way of the Peaceful Warrior staring Nick Nolte.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0438315/

I tried doing some of the things they mention and liked it so much I got the book by the same title.

 

Your life matters and what you do here and now matter. We've just been branwashed so shake it off. It's tough but we are all in the same boat.

 

So good to hear from you again.

[Blue elephant]

I also picked up on your comment about the world has lost its coilour. This is quite a common description used by people who are suffering low grade depression.

 

You might want to have a chat with your doctor.

 

While I don't remember a specificexperience of 'lack of purpose' after de-converting (a long time ago) it was a couple of years before I just looked at beautiful sunny days and scenery and thought 'what a glorious day - and I'm here in the midst of it!'.

[darwinfish]

I don't know, but if you find out could you let me know.

[GodlessX]

One of the issues is that you may just be lonely. It's hard -- you just abandoned a major part of your social life. It's a perfectly normal response.

 

I know that this sounds corny -- but it is an opportunity to find out about yourself. Who are you? Without your identity being so connected to a particular group you can explore, find out what you enjoy doing, who you like to hang out with, what music you like to listen to -- etc. Have fun with it. You are free to examine more parts of life, more aspects of the real world -- without resriction. The internet is a great resource for learning about things in general.

 

I love to fix antique radios. That is not going to win any popularity contests, it will not get my picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone, it will not get me into heaven. I enjoy it because I enjoy it. Find something that you love to do for its own sake and go from there.

 

I know this sounds corny and probably shallow -- but it's worth a try.

[Dory]

I'm just coming out of this period, I deconverted a few months ago and seriously lost the will to do anything.. and the world lost colour, like you describe. Since Christianity enveloped every part of your being/doing/living, its difficult to see how the world holds any value when the dogma tells you its worthless in the light of God and un-earthly gains (ie, afterlife). But that isn't the case, and it does pass. I'm starting to train myself to slowly let go of the negative belief I have of the world around me, and I'm so much happier for it.

 

It does pass, and colour does come back, but it might take a while. (I suffer from depression too, I'm on medication for it, but the more I involve myself in life/other people/things I want to do/etc, the less it seems to bother me.. its a slow re-learning process). It will get better, but the first period of time sucks, because everything seems dull and pointless.

 

 

one step at a time

[bornnormal]

...

Maybe it should be easy and natural to just enjoy life for the sake of simply enjoying life, but I have been brainwashed for too long into thinking that there is some bigger story going on and that is the only way to find meaning, and now I don't know how to just enjoy life for what it is.

...

 

The good news is that we all have our own stories. You have one yourself and you are the one writing it. You can make it interesting, exciting, boring, colourful or whatever mixture of these. You are in the midst of love stories, minor adventures and long term journeys at almost every moment of your life. Try to stay conscious when you make decisions, but at the fun parts just switch off and try to enjoy the ride!

Best of luck!

[florduh]

What is the point in anything?

Must there be a point? What's the point in a sunset, a painting, a play? What's the point in music?

 

You're beautiful. Go out and beautify the world. Supernatural beliefs or not, all any of us have in the end are our experiences; have as many as you can fit in.

[jdog]

What is the point in anything?

Must there be a point? What's the point in a sunset, a painting, a play? What's the point in music?

 

You're beautiful. Go out and beautify the world. Supernatural beliefs or not, all any of us have in the end are our experiences; have as many as you can fit in.

Wow Florduh, I really like what you said here. You often post short responses that say so much. I like that about you.

[buffettphan]

What is the point in anything?

Must there be a point? What's the point in a sunset, a painting, a play? What's the point in music?

 

You're beautiful. Go out and beautify the world. Supernatural beliefs or not, all any of us have in the end are our experiences; have as many as you can fit in.

Wow Florduh, I really like what you said here. You often post short responses that say so much. I like that about you.

 

I have to second that!

[Margee]

Hi Palm! I'm afraid my posts are always much longer than florduh's!! I honestly don'y know how he does it!!

 

I did want to write out some of my thoughts for you...for what their worth.....

 

How I sympathize with your situation right now. I too go through this, even still. It was real bad at first and then as time goes on, it gets a little better. It's awful when we lose the hope (and the prayers) that god will 'interfer' with our lives and change the course of our lives for us – always for the better of course!!

 

When I first started to lose my faith, terror gripped me as I realized that if there was a possibility of no god...then that would be it for an afterlife also and I would no longer need to pray because prayer wouldn't work. It was such a horrible feeling. I have had to accept those things and it wasn't and still isn't always easy for me, but it is getting better.

 

One of the things that has hit me like a ton of bricks in the last year is the fact that I will probably go back to 'nothingness' after I die. I am always hoping for some kind of afterlife and I will till I take my last breath. When I wake up from sleep, it amazes me that for a few hours, I didn't even know that I existed. Who I am, is completely gone when I'm asleep. Someone could come in and kill me and I wouldn't even know it was coming!! The alarm clock reminds me that I am a living entity in the morning. I arouse and realize I have another day ahead of me.

 

I never mind sleeping (I love it!)...it's always the most peace I feel during a 24 hour spell. So, I've become more confortable with the death part and 'nothingness'. It will be like sleeping, just never to wake up. As they told me on EX-c in the last year – I didn't know who I was for 3 billion years before I was born and it never bothered me then!! I'm still always scared on how I'm going out of this world, but the 'forever sleep' dosen't bother me as much anymore.

 

One of the things that sleep reminds me of, ( because I compare it to death) is the fact that I spend far too too much wasted, negative energy during the day worrying about 'things'.

Everything I think I need to accomplish.. all this running around like a chicken with my head cut off, will be stolen from me at death and I won't even remember that i did any of it!! I will have wasted too much precious time on 'things' that just won't matter. I give up a lot of 'fun' things to acomplish what I feel should be done in a day.I am trying to fit many more pleasurable things in, even if it's just going to a movie or something.

 

For me (in my opinion now) there is no real purpose in life. We just ended up here through procreation. I need to make the best of it through good friends, hobbies and light-hearted things. I know my post won't help much. I'd much prefer to tell you something more exciting. I am 57 years old, my friend....my advise for you today would be to not waste anymore time on negative things or people...walk away from this if you can. Of course, we must do the 'normal' things on earth that the world demands of us....work from 9-5, errands, groceries, clean the house, and the like. Make sure you make time for lots of pleaurable moments!!! Enjoy every bit of laughter! Find a favorite hobby ...create something. This helps me a lot. So for gawd's sake, go do something really nice for yourself today!!

 

I have been asking myself lately, ''What would I do if this was my last day on earth?'' Today, at some point..I am going to 'play' a little. I hope you do the same.

 

Sincerely, Margee

Huge hug for you today!

[FeelHappy]

Hi there, I hope you get better soon.

 

I remember when I lost my faith, I went through one hell of a depression. The thought that everything I did didn't have an eternal purpose was pretty hard, I'd get depressed just thinking when I die its over, lost loved ones hurt far worse than you could imagine, but then it does get easier I promise. One of the best things to happen to me was when I realized that it doesn't matter one bit if there's a god. Helping people made me happy and felt good inside, you know what even WITHOUT eternal rewards, its still feels damn good.

 

You've been brainwashed to think that everything depends on its eternal consequences, but it doesn't matter, the things in themselves matter for the people they affect. Live and love your life, get to a point where you look back when you're 80 you feel like you did some good and accomplished something.

[jblueep]

One word: LOVE

 

IMO, it's that easy. Be willing to give it and receive it...to people, passions, whatever...

 

That will give you all the meaning you will ever need.

[LoneTarus]

I don't know if this will be helpful to you or not but. Keep in mind that you are still the same person you were when you were still a believer. God wasn't the one helping you enjoy life or giving the world it's color. all of that was already inside of you to begin with.

 

I think we all have some purpose to fulfill. not in a calvinistic pre-determined fate sort of way but more in how we interact with each other and affect the world in ways we are probably not even aware of.

 

As for an afterlife. who knows? We will all find out sooner or later if anything happens after this life is over. I don't think its healthy to worry about it. we should focus on what we can do while we are here and hopefully leave the world a little better than we found it.

 

I struggle with depression myself and it can be hard to function most days. it is a relief to cast off religion from my shoulders and be free of the demands of someones made up concept of God.

 

creator or not life is truly amazing and I believe all life on this planet interacts on a large scale and is connected somehow to form something much larger than any single part combined. so in that regard we are all fulfilling a purpose whether that purpose is positive or negative and how big the ripples of that influence are are up to you.

[scriptor]

I also felt purposeless for a while after my deconversion. But I came to realize that there are still plenty of things which make life worth living. There is humour, sarcasm, literature, food and wine. There is the feel of the sun on your face and the smell of fresh baked cookies. There is music, art, love, empathy and so much more. In short, everything which made life good when I was a Christian still exists now that I am not.

 

Maybe there is an ultimate purpose to our lives. Maybe there isn't. In either case, this is the time that we have. This is the world we live in. One day we will die, and perhaps that will be the end of us. But as for right now, it`s a beautiful day. And that makes me happy.

 

I hope you can find some peace.

[openpalm45]

Wow, thank you all for the wonderful responses! I really appreciate it. You gave some good advice. And a few of you are right: I am lonely, and I am depressed. I feel better when I am around my friends, but that doesnt always get to happen. Its very rare, actually. I wish I had some daily friends I could live life with. As it is, I spend most of my time alone. I know I should do what GodlessX said, and get to know myself better again, and figure out what all I like to do.... I have just lacked the motivation. And even when I push myself to do the things I enjoy, I dont enjoy them like I know I should (depression). I've considered getting on medication, but once I am out of this waiting period I think I will be better, although I dont know for certain. Ill be reading over all of your comments again and again though, to remind myself of things I can do to feel better. Thanks again for all of your responses.

[FeelHappy]

Yeah friends make life better. I wish I had better advice, I used to have extreme social anxiety and only talked to family for a few years, but thankfully I'm over it now. The best advice I could give it just to get out and do something, maybe volunteer somewhere or find an activity you enjoy. Good luck.

[Voice]

One of the most important things you can do right now is investigate every religion on the planet. They all have bits to give purpose. Reading your post made me think of Native American spirituality, but that may not mean anything. Start reading, Grasshopper.

[openpalm45]

Yeah, being around people is good for me. Ill be moving to a new city in a few weeks, where I have some really good friends. And then Ill be living a new COUNTRY where I will know one person. Well Im excited about it, but I always have this overwhelming sense that I dont get to do the things I want, and that somehow it wont work out. :/ Im trying to be more optimistic.

And voice, yeah I love reading about religion! I havent read anything about native american stuff though. Any suggestions? Im still unsure of how I see spirituality/religion. Im a bit wary of it in general (rightfully so!) but I do need to be around positive people, who care about the same things, and want to love and be good and help make the world a better place.

[TrueFreedom]

It's great to hear that you'll be moving close to friends, OP! Accepting yourself and being around others who accept you now matter what makes all the difference.

 

I recommend checking out Joseph Campbell if you'd like to learn more about native American beliefs.

 

Advice for feeling normal: Get out in the sunshine and share a smile with someone!