kclark Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 There's not a whole lot of backstory so I'll be brief. When I visited my parents a few days ago, my mother asked if I'd be coming to church for Mother's Day. "That would the perfect present" she said (I know, she just had to lay the line on me:). Sigh. On one hand, I don't mind going for one Sunday, if it's to spend time with her and the rest of the family. But on the other hand, it's been so nice sleeping in on Sundays these last few months (I left for good back in January) and not having to suffer through sermons, countering all the pastor's points in my head and shaking my head some of the nonsense people say and do. I'm a little nervous the whole experience will feel like a bucket of cold water being tossed in my face. Any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thought2Much Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I say if it will make your mom happy for you to be there on Mother's Day, then go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 It's sad that your mom just wants the illusion of you in church even if she knows you're not a Christian anymore. It's also sad that she's say something that manipulative. But it's not much different than taking her to a movie you know you won't like. It's your call, but I might go. I used to go to Mass with my grandmother and it wasn't too bad. But if anybody hassled me while there or I felt like I'd been set up, I sure as hell wouldn't ever go back. Maybe you and she can agree on ground rules before going? If she refuses to abide by reasonable rules, don't go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Positivist Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Well, if it would make her happy, I guess. But if it's too much of a trigger, offer to make her lunch instead, then spoil her rotten, but on your terms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoftIce Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I think if you don't think you'll be to upset from the experience (and if it's more of a 'oh god why this shit again' type of thing), you should go. It would make her feel good. Just chalk it up to the same idea of having to sit through a movie that you know you'll HATE, but you end up going to anyway, because your friend wants you to. (This is what my friend puts up with now and then. I love sci-fi/action/horror, she likes chick flicks... I sit through a chick flick, she watches transformers. lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
London Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I'm gonna be the odd one out and say don't go to church. It's not your faith and we all know that the goal of xianity is to bring people in. I would explain to your mom that you really want to spend time with HER on Mother's Day, not with god. She is more important to you than sitting through some dude and his take on what god really wants from his people. I say, find a way to word it so she understands that the day is about HER, not jesus, and it's HER that is important to you on this day. You want to celebrate HER, your mother, not give all the glory to jesus who is essentially stealing the focus from all the mothers on this day. Phrase it however you need to so she knows you want to spend the time with her. It's a win win if she understands that you value her over religion and that you are not dissing her faith but valuing your relationship with her. Whatever you decide I hope you enjoy the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Overcame Faith Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 It's Mother's Day and it sounds like it would mean a lot to her. If it were me, I'd take the plunge and do it for dear Mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denyoz Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I'm sending my mom a stupid card. I wish I could do more to make her happy. If she would ask me to go to church with her, I would go. But my mom loves me, she would never ask me to do something she knows I hate doing. A gift should be given freely, not on command, your mother should know that. It's weird. "If you would love me you would do it" sounds like my ex-wife, not my mom... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kurari Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 It depends on how YOU feel. If you think it's still too raw for you to handle, then don't go. If it's something you could force yourself to sit through to make her happy, then maybe it's worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue elephant Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 As I see it, the problem would come when afterwards she asks you some question in the hope that you say "I've seen the error of my ways. I'll be in church every Sunday from now on." Being honest in that situation would spoil her day even more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted May 9, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted May 9, 2012 As long as you're sure it wouldn't cause you to have a psychotic break (not likely), I say suck it up and do it for Mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Margee Posted May 9, 2012 Moderator Share Posted May 9, 2012 One more sermon on hell won't kill you!! If she dies before you - you'll be really glad you stepped outside yourself and did this mother's day 'present' for her. Bring earplugs! Hug!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stryper Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 When I visited my mom when I was single around Christmas, I went with her more out of tradition then anything else. I don't anymore as we have both come to terms with my lack of faith. Ironically, she has started attending church less because of health issues and laziness. Living alone now she has to rely on herself and I think part of her just doesn't want to go most Sundays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I'm with everyone who said it really depends on how you feel about it. Can you handle it? Do you want to do this for her? If it makes her happy and you are reasonably okay with it, then I'd say go. What she said is a bit manipulative but then again, so is the entirety of Christianity so no surprises there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeasabird Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 If you go, and if it were me, I'd remind her that I am no longer a christian and I'm only going to be with her on Mother's Day because it's her day. That may not go over well with everyone though. You just don't want her having expectations of any specific outcomes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akheia Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 That would be a fear for me as well--that after church she'll turn to you expectantly and go "Well? Wasn't that great? Don't you want to come back to the Lord now?" My Evil Ex used to deliberately expose me to children so that afterward he could needle me about how wonderful children were and didn't I want a whole baseball team of them shooting out my uterus. It got to the point where I began bowing out of going to kid-heavy events just to avoid the inevitable post-outing needling. If you don't think your mom will do that, then why not? It's just a few hours and it won't kill you. But if you think a post-church needling will happen and you really don't want to deal with that, then tell her so, and see if she can reassure you that it won't. If she can, super. If she can't, then go with the "you're much more important and I want to spend the day being with you, not sitting in a pew listening to some guy droning" idea. The important thing is to communicate, right? I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but if my mom were alive I'd be happy to go to Mass with her. I mean, she went to comic cons with me! Of course, Catholics and gamers don't tend to needle visitors. But you get the idea I hope! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yrth Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 I wouldn't go. It's really manipulative of her to put you in that position in the first place- not fair at all, and not what you should do by a loved one. Would she go to some atheist convention with you on your birthday because it would make you so happy? I agree. It's also not a one-off event. If she can guilt you into this, she'll do it again. Now is the time to set a clear boundary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exevolt Posted May 9, 2012 Share Posted May 9, 2012 Just deal with it for a day if it'll make your mom happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kclark Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions. Right now I'm leaning more towards going on Sunday, because it is only one time and she and my dad haven't really been on me about going to church (not living at home probably helps). I don't think she'll pull a "don't you wanna come back" surprise on me. If anything it'll probably just make her feel good, while hoping that some of "the word" will sink back into my heart. Sort of like those chain letters she forwards sometimes, like the one about some little boy who didn't know what John 3:16 meant, then a woman told him to say it and he'd get some food and shelter, so he did and that led him to accept Christ. Which of course segued into how we don't understand why jesus would suffer for us but we know it was for the good or something--chile please. I don't why I mentioned that, because I usually ignore those e-mails but that bullshit was especially heinous. It's obvious Jesus didn't have to anything but sit his ass up in the sky and magically forgive all our sins instead doing stunts and shows on the cross. The crucifixion was the world's first torture porn peep show--all they needed was a camera. But back to the lecture at hand. I think I'll be alright Sunday if I decide to go. In a way it might be freeing to go to church without any expectations of myself (i.e. praising his name and all that jazz) or other people (to enlighten/blessing me). Like SoftIce said, it'll just be like sitting through a bad movie. But I'll my earplugs just in case Margee:). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kclark Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 As long as you're sure it wouldn't cause you to have a psychotic break (not likely), I say suck it up and do it for Mom. Lol I think I can take it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 I would go if she would go to a lecture by Richard Dawkins on your birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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