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It's been about six months since I said 'I can't take this anymore'.

 

And my life has been infinitely better for it. Yet today I was caught off guard reading someone's testimony, and instantly got upset. It's akin to losing a loved one, the pain just punches you in the stomach every now and then.

 

And although I've had a wonderful week; I got a job, just agreed to rent a house with some friends, etc, after that week was over I seem to have sunk into the whole 'what's the point?' sort of thinking that seems to plague me every now and again.

 

I suffer on and off from depression, brought on by Christianity over the last couple of years. Dumping BS was a relief, and I felt I could breathe for this first time in years. It's taken months for my anxiety to return to normal levels (I think I suffered from PTSD), and generally I'm a happier person. But I'm also an over-analyser, I like to think deep and ponder life's big questions, which of course I thought I had as a Christian.

 

Now I have periods of asking what the point of life now, I mean, I know it's to live it and enjoy it, but still come back to this question sometimes. I have had thoughts of self harm and worse, more as a reaction to my anxiety than actually pondering doing anything, but it causes my anxiety to peak and I get into a few days of 'stinking thinking', or circular thoughts. Distraction helps to pull me out, but I always fear sinking back in.

 

It sorta sucks :/

 

I guess I worry that what I have will never be enough, when you've spent a lifetime believing that 'wordly things' are pointless. It's a crappy attitude to have to life, and I sometimes freak out at success too. I was on a high when I got my job, but then my mind soon starts thinking 'what's the point?'

 

Anyone else had this? I'd love to hear others thoughts and stories. Generally, my mental health and general life is great, I just get into funks like this where I ponder the bigger picture and scare myself silly with wondering if there's any point to anything. Which of course there is, but it's hard to believe when you're feeling a bit low about stuff.

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I feel the same way a lot too. What's the point? Well, the point is to try and handle this truth as best you can: that the meaning of life is that you create your own meaning.

 

Do whatever brings you joy, as long as you're not harming others. My spin on the golden rule. We're conscious but for a brief moment in time....use that time wisely.

 

 

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Yeh, I was just talking to someone on facebook and I had the same conclusion. I thought, 'whats the point? We all just die in the end?', but if we all lived forever, nothing would be sacred or special. Fragility and the shortness of human life makes everything sacred, every experience special and every moment unique.

 

Thanks.

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I can relate Dory. It's really hit me like a ton of bricks in the last few months that there is a possibility that 'this is it'. No real purpose at all but to make your own purpose. Funny part Dory, is that if someone told us this when we were children - it wouldn't be too bad. But no, we had to go and get brainwashed!! woohoo.gif

 

I think a lot of us feel as if we wasted so many years 'waiting' on god will and doing what he thought we should do. I'm a bit older now, so I'm going to try and make up for lost time and do the best i can everyday to have a good day, do for some others and especially myself!! Sounds selfish? Probably - but I got no god that I have to please anymore so I'm gonna have me some fun!!

 

I am trying everyday to get as many of my responsibilities done, do some creative projects and have a little laugh. It's so important to laugh. We're all in this together. Not having 'big' purposes anymore is actually quite a relief!!

 

I am trying to live each day as if it were my last......... so my purpose is to be kind, 'people please' a little and have some fun.

 

Best of everything to you!!

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Hey Dory! I can relate! (Congrats on the job, btw! 3.gif )

 

I think over-analyzing is part of anxiety. Anxiety and depression often go together. It's like our brains get on this hamster wheel and obsess about things.

 

As for what is the purpose of life, I used to struggle with this as a Christian, but I no longer struggle with it now that I've lost my faith. As a Christian, everything had to be for something. I couldn't do anything for enjoyment; everything had to have the dual purpose that included serving God or telling people about Him. That was my big purpose. wacko.png As I was deconverting, I started being fully human for the first time: enjoying the company of good friends--who I loved for who they were, not for their religious beliefs--and good food, good wine, good times.

 

It's OK to be human and to enjoy your life. Life is good, the world is better than what we were taught it was, and you can find your purpose in the moment. You can also find a way to make the world a better place (volunteer with animal shelter, help a little old lady cross the street, etc.) This is what life is all about.

 

Be free! smile.png

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Go get laid. You can do that now, remember? yellow.gif

 

Life post-faith isn't pointless. Really, it was pointless before. It was all just a test...successfully fulfill the correct arbitrary condition and a short while after you reach heaven your existence here will be but a distant memory and you'll have settled in nicely to your new infinite routine of worshiping, then some worshiping, and after lunch some worshiping... THAT is pointless. Life in the real world, on the other hand, has so much to explore. And yeah, one day it's gonna be over but that just makes it so much more valuable. Your life is important because it's yours, and you can do with it what you want.

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Spend time doing stuff you like, you're allowed to now :)

 

Always help me, I take my motorcycle for a spin when I need a mood boost yellow.gif

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The point of it all is simply to live ur life and do some good if u can. As a christian or a non christian its basically the same. I actually think you have a more moral base to work from as an ex C as you do not follow an immoral belief system that condemns and judges others. We can give to real worthy causes if we chose. We can help ppl out of love not fear. We live our lives without fairy tales from iron age camp fires. We can enjoy our sundays without sitting thru sermons ;) and clock watching :D

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thanks for the replies guys :) and congrats adam5!

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Not having 'big' purposes anymore is actually quite a relief!!

 

AGREED! I like being an insignificant little speck in the universe with no particular purpose. Can you imagine how much it would really suck if everyone actually had a preordained purpose in life? What would you do if you didn't fulfill your purpose? Would the universe collapse? Now there is a frightening thought.

 

In all seriousness though, I can understand Dory's feelings, as I know pretty much all humans can. Humans are sentient apes with very large brains, having something to do is a very important part of our wellbeing. Humans NEED points and purposes to pursue and chances to use our brains. It's a big reason our species has survived and thrived over the eons.

 

This is a big, psychological baited hook that Christianity gleefully uses to snag people into the pews and gives them a false sense of security. God has a plan for you. You're not just going to flounder through life wondering what to do with all your skills and talents and never feeling fulfilled because of it.

 

And Dory, you're not alone. Losing that is a big loss for all us ex-believers. We're not trained to think about how to execute our talents to create a meaningful purpose for ourselves. That's going to take practice.

 

For now, just recognize when you get into those "What's the point?" funks that it's just that...an anxiety driven funk and not reality. Eventually as you'll progress, you'll find things you enjoy doing that will make a difference to yourself and others and maybe even the world.

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It's been 7 months for me. My life is definitely better for it, too. Congrats to us! :)

 

I find myself having those freak-out moments sometimes, too. One thing I'm trying to do is realize how important perception is. One day I can look at life and feel very optimistic, and the next day I might feel afraid or have those weird what-does-it-all-mean feelings. A lot of that has to do with my perspective. Sometimes I think we don't realize how much of this stuff is actually a choice. There are some cases of depression and anxiety that are actual chemical processes beyond our control. But I don't necessarily think that's the most common scenario.

 

I think more often than that, we just get into a thought process and before we know it we are having a physical and emotional response to it. I can definitely say that's true in my case many times. If I catch myself in that "dark" place, I can usually trace it back to a thought or situation that got me on that track. So, if I can recognize when I start that process, take a step back and either choose to think of other things, distract myself, or just look at things rationally, I can stop it before it turns into anything more.

 

I also must add that there can sometimes be a hormonal component to this. I know that's the case for me. I started charting when I have days where my mood is darker and I feel more pessimistic and overly-analytical. Those times almost always coincide with certain times of my cycle. That knowledge also helps me realize that the thoughts/feelings I'm having aren't really based in reality and they will pass.

 

I hope this helps a little! I'm right here with ya, girl! ;)

 

2H

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I love you guys :D Thanks, I now exactly what you mean Kurari and 2Honest, about getting into a dark 'funk', especially with the cycle thing too.. darn my woman-ness! :D

 

For example now, it's just gone 5am, first day of work, I feel pretty terrible after lack of sleep, so am feeling pretty low and anxious. It's just a 'funk' because my brain is going 'wtf, it's waaaay too early!'

 

And I can usually trace the dark parts, usually triggered by something small and insignificant like sharp things or the words 'clocking off'.. It's silly but true, and I'm slowly learning to distract myself as it happens and just get on with things, it's the best method really.

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Anyone else had this? I'd love to hear others thoughts and stories. Generally, my mental health and general life is great, I just get into funks like this where I ponder the bigger picture and scare myself silly with wondering if there's any point to anything. Which of course there is, but it's hard to believe when you're feeling a bit low about stuff.

 

I have this life-has-no-purpose problem, and it's probably the most difficult part of being an ex-christ-thing. Much of what I have written on this site revolves around this.

 

The "just have fun" thought usually works in the short-term. But long-term goals are another story. I'm not looking forward to anything, so the present moment is really all I have. Like, right now I'm writing to you and I'm enjoying it. Next, i'll have lunch and I will enjoy that. Don't ask me about tomorrow, I have no idea if I'll even be alive.

 

Watching videos on near-death experiences usually gives me some sort of positive outlook on death and life.

 

Sorry, I can't offer more. At least knowing you're not alone might be helpful.

 

Take care smile.png

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