jblueep Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 For those of you that don't know the back story...Briefly...I was very close to my ex pastor's wife (like a sister to me). When I told her I no longer believed in god, she said she couldn't be my friend anymore and hasn't spoken with me since (except for a very short meeting forced by me and her husband). This after years of her constantly (and still) saying about the church..."It's all about relationship!" I thought I had progressed beyond the hurt, but today she posted the following status on face book: When we relate to God, He gives us "models" to help us interact with unseen realities, but when your reality exceeds your current model, you must always fall back on RELATIONSHIP! I saw that and felt instant anger at her blatant hypocrisy! Then I felt very sad that she couldn't see the hypocrisy. I didn't know whether to scream or cry honestly. I typed up several responses and held my finger over the enter key for several minutes. I debated the wisdom of any public response. But then I knew she wouldn't even respond to or possibly read a private response. So, I debated some more and then responded with the following comment: Sometimes when you try to fall back on a relationship, you hit the floor because your friend has run the other way Maybe I'm being petty? 4
par4dcourse Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 It's a relationship in the same sense that I have a relationship with my pet rock. He always listens patiently, but gives me space and free will to solve my problems myself.
mcdaddy Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Good for you dude. Show that twit how hypocritical she is. Quick and TTP. NICE. it'll get deleted upon sight.
mcdaddy Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 And btw I don't know how the hell you made sense out of what she said. 4
freeasabird Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I like the response, but she'll probably think you're condemning her.
Akheia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 And btw I don't know how the hell you made sense out of what she said. "When you can clearly see that nothing in the world around you actually looks a damn thing like what the Bible promises, then you JUST HAFTA BEWEEVE." 2
mcdaddy Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I like the response, but she'll probably think you're condemning her. QFT. Persecution!!!!
mcdaddy Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 And btw I don't know how the hell you made sense out of what she said. "When you can clearly see that nothing in the world around you actually looks a damn thing like what the Bible promises, then you JUST HAFTA BEWEEVE." Thx for the translation into Tardese!
jblueep Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Good for you dude. Show that twit how hypocritical she is. Quick and TTP. NICE. it'll get deleted upon sight. Well, a (I assume clueless) member of the church liked my comment and several other members liked her status. She hasn't deleted it yet. Knowing her, she is probably off sobbing about this. I lost count of the times I helped her through her sobbing cognitive dissonance resolution pity parties.
jblueep Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I like the response, but she'll probably think you're condemning her. I am condemning her...as a hypocrite and horrible friend. I did nothing but love and support her for years and she dumped me like a piece of trash for nothing more than a thought crime. 4
Ro-bear Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Maybe she wasn't talking about real relationships; maybe she was just talking about her relationship with a guy that was said to have lived and been executed a couple of thousand years back. 2
oddbird1963 Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 Maybe I'm being petty? It's not petty to effectively express personal hurt to someone, especially to someone who can blather on about relationships yet not see what she's done to one of the best friendships she's probably ever had. 3
jblueep Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Maybe she wasn't talking about real relationships; maybe she was just talking about her relationship with a guy that was said to have lived and been executed a couple of thousand years back. She actually meant relationships with people who idolize her enough to never question or challenge her. God forbid that you would be smarter or more successful than her. That always sent her into one of those sessions I mentioned above. I can't believe I put up with that shit and invested my heart with that woman. 2
jblueep Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 Maybe I'm being petty? It's not petty to effectively express personal hurt to someone, especially to someone who can blather on about relationships yet not see what she's done to one of the best friendships she's probably ever had. Thanks oddbird. Sadly, I think you are right. I was probably the best friend she ever had outside of perhaps her husband. THAT is why it has affected me so much.
Positivist Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 And btw I don't know how the hell you made sense out of what she said. "When you can clearly see that nothing in the world around you actually looks a damn thing like what the Bible promises, then you JUST HAFTA BEWEEVE." Excellent translation. Here is what's really going on deep inside her psyche: This shit had better be true or I'm fucked! This woman has given up rational thinking, her career potential, and reality....all for what is turning out to be a lie. I think she is terrified that she is on a runaway train to nowhere. 3
stryper Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I 'd say you are still working through your emotions from the break up of the "real" relationship you did have. Though she was not "true" family, you accepted her as such. The personality has a hard time accepting the break up a family unit regardless of its makeup. You are hurt by her. You know why you are hurt by her. You are expressing those feelings to her in the only forum you feel she will actually read. These feelings are valid. Is it petty, immature or childish, I have no opinion on that. My opinion is that you are responsible for healing you. Yes, her actions are hypocritical. They happened and nothing can change that. You have to choice to continue being her "friend" and seeing more hypocritical and hurtful posts, which may or may not be aimed at you. You can choose to unfriend her and not see it. You can choose to unsub her and not see yet still be able to see her posts when you choose. You can choose to unfriend and block her on FB, delete her email address from any addressbooks you have, remove her number from her phone and distance yourself from any joint friendship. However, you choose to approach the situation and you status with her, just remember she cannot heal your hurt cause by her actions. Even if she want to all she could do would be acknowledge the hurt she caused. From there the healing is still on you. This was a hard lesson I took 20+ years to learn in my relationship with my father. He can't heal the hurt he caused me. Only I can. I couldn't do it while still remaining in contact with him. So, I took a more drastic route. It may be that's what you will need to do here, however, that is your decision to make. 2
NeverAgainV Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 It does hurt when you see this person who dumped you for no other reason than thought crimes...& she has the audacity to preach about - relationships- yeah right. The hypocrisy is glaring. I think religious folks do that a lot, live in 2 worlds. They condemn others, shun others & can't see how they have damaged so many relationships by their dogma. I'm happy for you that at least you spoke out on FB & in a gracious way too. Kudos to you.
mcdaddy Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 And btw I don't know how the hell you made sense out of what she said. "When you can clearly see that nothing in the world around you actually looks a damn thing like what the Bible promises, then you JUST HAFTA BEWEEVE." Excellent translation. Here is what's really going on deep inside her psyche: This shit had better be true or I'm fucked! This woman has given up rational thinking, her career potential, and reality....all for what is turning out to be a lie. I think she is terrified that she is on a runaway train to nowhere. I normally have mixed feelings about someone's deconversion but I'm all for hers. 2
Akheia Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 She actually meant relationships with people who idolize her enough to never question or challenge her. God forbid that you would be smarter or more successful than her. That always sent her into one of those sessions I mentioned above. I can't believe I put up with that shit and invested my heart with that woman. Dude, you are a really good person to have been friends with this trainwreck of a person. I admit I sometimes feel concerned for her mental health if she's so fragile and so completely unable to handle any sort of challenge. I don't think she should have a Facebook account, much less a pastor position. She should not be allowed out in public without a padded helmet and a minder. But what I don't think is that you did anything wrong in challenging her. Had she said the lunar landings were faked, you'd have wanted to say something. She said that relationships were more important to her than how much sense her favorite myth makes. But she doesn't act like it. It's totally okay to call someone out when they publicly proclaim something you know isn't true. If she's still letting you read her posts, then it's on her if she says something stupid and someone calls her out for it. 2
Guest wester Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I give people a wide berth on FB. I used to respond to crap extensively, but there is so much of it, I usually just let it go. Take care
jblueep Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 You have to choice to continue being her "friend" and seeing more hypocritical and hurtful posts, which may or may not be aimed at you. You can choose to unfriend her and not see it. You can choose to unsub her and not see yet still be able to see her posts when you choose. You can choose to unfriend and block her on FB, delete her email address from any addressbooks you have, remove her number from her phone and distance yourself from any joint friendship. However, you choose to approach the situation and you status with her, just remember she cannot heal your hurt cause by her actions. Even if she want to all she could do would be acknowledge the hurt she caused. From there the healing is still on you. Thanks stryper. I've gone back and forth on whether or not to defriend her. There is something in me that doesn't want to have to be the one to pull that trigger. I didn't stop being her friend. She stopped being mine. I don't want her to be able to say "he defriended me". Maybe that's stupid. On a wider view, I've very reticent to close doors on relationships because I highly value them. However, at this point, I probably wish she just had the decency to defriend me. You are definitely right on the healing. I thought I had worked through it all. I guess it's good she's still in my news feed in that I wouldn't have known that I still have some personal work to do there. Thanks for the supportive words. 1
Super Moderator buffettphan Posted July 10, 2012 Super Moderator Posted July 10, 2012 So often I have found that when I think I'm really over something, somehow it manages to comes back and bite me in the ass. All the hurt, anger, and disappointment come flooding back. Sorry your (so-called) friend treated you this way. It sucks. Your FB response was perfect!
blackpudd1n Posted July 10, 2012 Posted July 10, 2012 I actually feel sympathy towards this woman, and I think I can appreciate why you don't want to close that door on her. The more you speak of her, the more I feel that she is just so utterly trapped, so utterly unable to untangle herself from the mess christianity has made her life. Right now, she seems to be running from the truth, and boy, do I ever know what that feels like. But often there comes a point where you just can't run anymore. And if that happens to her, you and 2H may be the only people she has to turn to. As much as the things she has done to you and 2H and the shit she says annoy me, I still can't help but feel so sad for her. She sounds really miserable deep down inside. 1
jblueep Posted July 10, 2012 Author Posted July 10, 2012 I actually feel sympathy towards this woman, and I think I can appreciate why you don't want to close that door on her. The more you speak of her, the more I feel that she is just so utterly trapped, so utterly unable to untangle herself from the mess christianity has made her life. Right now, she seems to be running from the truth, and boy, do I ever know what that feels like. But often there comes a point where you just can't run anymore. And if that happens to her, you and 2H may be the only people she has to turn to. As much as the things she has done to you and 2H and the shit she says annoy me, I still can't help but feel so sad for her. She sounds really miserable deep down inside. Exactly. Thanks Pudd 2H and I do feel a lot of compassion for her, even if there is hurt as well, and we would be there in a second for her if she ever hits that wall. Maybe that's why it's so hard to get past.
Recommended Posts