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Checkmate

Breaking The "bad" News

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Guest Donaldbain

I was brought up a Jehovah's Witness, my mother was also brought up a Jehovah's Witness and my father as far as I can understand joined the religion to marry my mother. Being a 3rd generation JW can be a bit icky to get out of. I was never really interested in the religion but I was still passionate about what I believed. I guess that's what going to meetings 3 times a week and witnessing every saturday does to ya. I really hated witnessing 'cause it was so embarrassing when you knocked on someone from school's home. I was always too shy to present the material at the door, so the person I partnered with ended up doing all the work. :grin:

I was depressed during high school because I knew I was gay but I kept denying it saying to myself that I couldn't be gay and it was just a phase or a curiosity that will fade after my hormones settle down.. of course it never did. When I was 17 I started to accept that I was gay.. still denying it but getting used to the idea at the same time. After all, how could I grow up being taught my whole life that it was a sin and something detestable and then end up having these feelings towards the same sex? My mother is a very smothering affectionate type of mother who wasn't afraid to use guilt.. saying things like if I ever left it would break her heart and whatnot.

As I started to accept more and more my orientation I also started to decrease my activity within the religion slowly. I eventually phased out the witnessing, started to pretend quite often that I was too tired, or had a headache and couldn't go to the meetings.. eventually by the time I was 18 I was no longer doing anything. My mother came to her own conclusion that I was having a break from it all as she herself did something similar when she was my age, and that I would slowly start coming back to it after a while.. well 2 years have passed and still I haven't done anything. I've moved out twice, living away from my parents for about a year. I am now living back with them because it got too expensive to support myself on my income. My parents only just recently found out that I'm not a JW because I put on the census form under religion, 'none'. I didn't think they noticed until a few days later my mother said to me that they should throw a birthday party now that I'm not a JW anymore and invite all my JW friends. JWs dont celebrate birthdays btw for people who dont know. So they were kind of making fun of me. I just let it pass. I've shown my mother some of the stuff on the net about the ancient religions and how christianity stemmed from it all. She kinda took it in but it really just bounced back off her.. she started telling me about the dead sea scrolls and how Jehovah's name and all that is in there and all these other illogical arguments. I guess thats the JW Firewall tm that they install in all their followers working. :HaHa:

She bought a really old bible that has Jehovah in it..she tried to use that to prove some weak point and I pointed out the unicorns and she said that it was great. :Doh: I guess I can't expect her to change, she's been brought up her whole life this way and knows nothing else. My dad doesnt really say anything.. I don't think her cares all that much. I guess it was a lot easier than I expected. There was a lot of trouble with my sister over her now husband, and I guess my mother just didn't want to go through all that trauma again. My sister did leave and become inactive aswell when she ran away from home, but now that she's married and has a baby they've kind of started to ease back into the religion.. which worries me cause I really don't want another kid brought up the way I was. When I look back on my childhood I can't really remember much 'cause it was so boring.. I can remember some of the big holidays and some of the stuff I used to do at school but thats about it.. I didn't participate in any after school curricular activities, sports or make many close friends because I was too busy being dragged along to all these religious things. It's really not healthy. Even after 3 years I'm still shy and have a problems with confidence, I don't have much of a humour, I don't know much about sports, movies/actors or all that kind of stuff cause I was brought up that dull god boy. I really love my rock music though and that passion helped replace my passion for religion.

 

Umm gee I ended up typing more than I expected. Oh well. Hope you enjoyed reading it, as I have enjoyed many of the stories posted on this website. :grin:

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Yes, Donald, I really enjoyed reading it. It is esp. interesting because you were raised JW. I was raised horse and buggy Mennonite, in case you haven't read my story. At some point as things had sort of settled down after I left this community some of my family and I were together. They told a story about a JW person who left the JW community and had a very tough time of it. They thought that was proof that JW's were a bad religion. I told them there wasn't much difference between his story and my own experience. There are a collective sharp in-take of breath. I guess they were shocked to hear me put THEIR faith in the same category right along with JWs. I knew leaving would be very difficult but the persecution I faced was far greater than I had expected. So was the peace and freedom and joy.

 

Thanks for sharing your story.

 

Ruby

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How did I break the bad news? By accident. Some of you may have read about the fundy eye doctor who evangelized me and then discharged me because I didn't like it (See Formal Rejection by Fundy Professional).

 

I was talking with my sister who has supported me all the way out of the church. But I had gone to a "worldly" church. It was a church, none the less. And the community felt kindlier so long as they believed I "still believed." My sister had told me years ago not to tell her when or if I stop going to church. I kept that promise. After I got through telling the story she addressed me in her most somber guilt-producing voice and reminded me that she had told me not to tell her if I stop going to church. She wanted me to confirm that I still believed in God.

 

What to tell her? I don't believe that Jesus died for my sins. I am spiritual but she would probably not accept it as good enough. After we had hung up it occured to me to explain that God can be viewed from many different angles just like a house. I tried calling her the next day and couldn't get a hold of her. Someone told me she was at our parent's place for the night. I figured she's gone for the weekend and I fully trusted that she would understand when she got back. I can never talk with her on the phone when she's there because she is so focused on her responsibilities that she can't focus on me. So I waited till after the weekend.

 

Seems she talked with the rest of the family and she grilled me with all the standard test questions re God's existence. I had answers for every one of them. Mom never answered those questions when I begged her for answers so I found my own. I guess they don't like it. I don't know if God exists and I don't think it's important. Nor do I know how the universe came into existence and neither do I think it's important. I'm here on this planet and I like it. Let's just enjoy it.

 

Couldn't even get to that point with her. It feels like a major betrayal. I had always been allowed to share with her all the things people did against me because I was no longer in their church. This felt exactly the same to me. It never occurred to me that I was compromising the last family tie by sharing another issue. This was the first time in about twenty years that she sided with the rest of the family against me.

 

The unpardonable sin. Jesus said we can do what we like so long as we don't blaspheme the holy spirit. Apparently, not believing in a black and white father son and holy ghost automatically blasphemes the holy spirit. Which automatically translates into family ties.

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