Need Support

[mcdaddy]

..." it's only true despair when you have a shred of hope". It's like how holding onto that hope will drive you mad.

So true! Hope is a cruel mistress.

 

But she definitely puts out.

[Positivist]

..." it's only true despair when you have a shred of hope". It's like how holding onto that hope will drive you mad.

So true! Hope is a cruel mistress.

But she definitely puts out.

Does she though? I think she just teases us.

[jblueep]

I really appreciate all the helpful comments to my MIL. She will likely be off here for a few days as my FIL is off of work and being on here would be awkward with him home given their current disagreement on xianity.

[NeverAgainV]

Welcome Starlyte!

 

It's not easy to just forget & undo years of indoctrination, so give yourself time & be patient with yourself.

 

For myself the hardest thing about walking away from bible religion was now nothing was "certain".

The bible thumpers have it ALL figured out...the dogma might be oppressive & abusive, but for myself & I think others could probably relate, there IS comfort in those boxes of indoctrination...as wrong & untrue as

they might be. that's what I miss...the KNOWING. I thought I had the meaning of life & the afterlife all figured out....& now I'm like drifting on a river, not knowing where I've been or where the hell I'm going.

 

Also, I am not an atheist....I mean I still believe in a loving "god" whether it be the compassion of humanity or "love"...I still want to believe there is more to life than this. Of course that might just be a delusion that

gives me some peace, but at least my delusion is not the xian delusion that ends up hurting others. My delusion won't hurt anyone, I hope.

 

oh & instead of talking to jeezus, I find myself usually talking to myself or those I loved who have died. I guess it's the same as wanting to communicate with "God", but I don't really know who or what "god" is.

I have completely rejected the "man" god of the bible, who is cruel, short tempered & basically an all out asshole. No good "God" would be like bible god, that's one conclusion I do KNOW. & if I'm wrong,

I still think bible god is a narcissistic abusive JERK.

 

Anyhow just saying I don't think there are any quick answers so just go with the flow. Find yourself...figure out who you are & love the good people in your life as best you can.

Seems like you've done a great job raising your son & have a wonderful family. that is HUGE.

OOPs I meant "raising your daughter" my bad....

[SusanStoHeli]

Good luck - and you're exactly who this forum was for - you belong here far more than me (I was raised Catholic, but never really believed, I came here due to having a hubby going through deconversion difficulties). This is a support forum, people who need support are exactly who belongs here. There's no bill of goods you have to buy, no required result from your deconversion - it's just somewhere to talk things out with others who really will understand just where you're coming from, who also see that the emperor has no clothes.

[Guest Valk0010]

i have no idea what to do know.......saw your post, son......ty.......just don't know how to move on from here!!

ok

am trying to figure this out......i need some advice, as my hubby, whom i LOVE dearly is having me listen to Christian Apologetics people.......and other stuff...I have no idea if this will even be seen and if it is......do i sit here and wait for a response? Or do I close and come back tomorrow? arggg

If something sounds really convincing to you, bring it here, and we will pick it apart and you can make your own decision.

[mcdaddy]

..." it's only true despair when you have a shred of hope". It's like how holding onto that hope will drive you mad.

So true! Hope is a cruel mistress.

But she definitely puts out.

Does she though? I think she just teases us.

 

Yeah I guess that would contradict my whole thesis there.

 

I just wanted to say "puts out". Don't ask why? Try Bud Dry.

[Serendipity Rose]

Hi Starlyte and welcome to ex-C. I don't post here nearly as often as I'd like to. It keeps me busy just reading!

 

I know it took me several stages to move even from being a liberal Christian to calling myself atheist. I went from liberal Christian to agnostic Christian, to agnostic and now I label myself atheist or humanist and sometimes an agnostic atheist though I only mean that whether there is a god or not does not matter in how I live my life.

 

I think I read on this forum for a couple of years before I ever even posted. It was helpful for me to hear everyone's stories even though my own experience with Christianity wasn't necessarily traumatic.

 

I also live with a Christian husband--Catholic though. While he doesn't try to "win" me back I know it's something he wishes for. My leaving the church created an even larger chasm between us which will likely never change. But--I have known many couples that have over come that divide if their relationship had good connections other than through religion.

 

I hope you can just concentrate on getting through the choppy waters for now. This might help you understand the different phases you will likely go through over the days, months and maybe even years. http://www.ex-christian.net/topic/21830-phases-of-deconversion/

 

Good luck! I think you'll find lots of support here!

 

Rose

[RedStar]

 

 

Right now I'm reading a book that's a collection of essays of some of the best and brightest Ex-C's/atheists/agnostics in the world today. They hit every conceivable angle on Christianity, and utterly destroy it, showing it for the complete fraud it is. It's called "The End of Christianity" by John Loftus.

 

I bought that book on Amazon last night and it's all your fault lol. It sounds great!

[mcdaddy]

 

 

Right now I'm reading a book that's a collection of essays of some of the best and brightest Ex-C's/atheists/agnostics in the world today. They hit every conceivable angle on Christianity, and utterly destroy it, showing it for the complete fraud it is. It's called "The End of Christianity" by John Loftus.

 

I bought that book on Amazon last night and it's all your fault lol. It sounds great!

 

You shan't be sorely disappointed, lassie!

[starlyte777]

Thank all of you for your responses........I have read sites I can go to from here.........very informative............I can't recount every name and every post......but, I have read them all.......and so appreciate you taking time to respond to me...........some of you are funny, some wise, some in the same place as me...........I love that! Where I am is here: i play online bridge aka Yahoo.....under this name.........there is the ability to play and chat with others.......I brought up a subject uncomfortable with most..........after a short discussion.......they told me I'm having a crisis of Faith............and none of them have emailed me or played with me since..........there is a great comfort in GOD,,,,,,,,,,people relate to you..........they accept you.........they bring you into their fold.....talkin bout bridge here.........have played here for almost 9 years...........made many friends.......went through all kinds of things with them......didn't have a church home........so this was my "church"..........I prayed for people during thiis time.........and they were healed...........I reached out to women who had been through what I had.........sexual child abuse.........and the response was over whelming.........we all need answers..........I have the most amazing family in the world.......aka 2honest......jblue........and those who are not here..........I am the "go to girl"........for friends and family........have been that for as long as I can remember...........I can't seem to justify God doen't exist with what I have SEEN in my own life.......people healed........how did that happen then? And yet I pray for healing for my precious daughter .............nothing..............and for myself.............nothig.........I have more guilt and shame than I can explain.........I feel I have no right to even existt.........which prompted 2 unsuccesful suicide attempts........since i blew them............I told my family it was a mistake.............can i get more REAL than THIS??? I don't know if I need help, or just to be put away somewhere.........

 

I do know this............I have feared GOD since I was 4..........I feared him more as I grew older.........I fear him NOW becuase I think maybe some of what the Bible said is true...........and yet..........I can't find truth there............I re read that bible 2 weeks ago...........it scared me shitless............a loving GOD? where was he when i was abused..........or the hundreds of women I've talked to? I have no explanation for any of them...........as far as GOD is concerned...........I can help them on the level of man being evil..........at least some........and that we all have to take from life what s good and pure..........and concentrate on that........cherish that............love our REAL friends and family more than our own lives..........that's just being a MOM as far as I can tell..............would give my life for my famiily......and my friends............but then...........there is the returning of christ on his white horse.......will he take me with? am i doomed to an eternal hell? does anyone really know these answers? And..........what about the love that god showed on occahow do we dismisss that? More rederick.........more bullshit...........more just let's go here and not there......ok? I am striving to know the truth........and believe me when I say that ALL of you have helped me along the way..............oh wait.............there was a post that saiid "she puts out"........next post was ..."she is a tease".........thoughy you were talking bout me........asked my soh............he explained...............LOL ok hope puts out........don't say I DO UNLESS YOU KNOW ME BETTER............lolol............all good...........ty all for being here for me............hubby will b home for the next 4 days, so I will not be here........but appreciate your emails.......can read those.........just can't respond.............ty all xxxxxxxx Patty........aka Star

[Guest Valk0010]

I have found I am a better person without a god in my life. I am way more proactive. I try to fight more for my life. And I suspect that is one of the better evidences against the truth of Christianity.

 

I have finely come up with a witty reply that you might find amusing patty. When a person says "Jesus loves you." My reply for now on will be the following: If he loved me, he would have never created me.

 

Here is the reason I say that. Just because he wanted one more person to worship him, he wanted me, to go through so much bullshit that I wouldn't want to wish it on my worst enemy. Even taking that kind of risk, when you have a choice of how the world is supposed to be is morally insane. He allowed me to go through abandonment by parents and years of mental problems, just because he wanted one more person to worship him. And somehow this is the god would preaches love your neighbour and doesn't explode from the hypocrisy and irony. I can't believe a god like that exists.

[TrueFreedom]

It's nice to hear from you again, Star. The mind is a powerful tool for healing--no supernatural sky-god required. I'm sorry that prayer hasn't worked for you and 2H. Health problems can arise in parts of our bodies where we store our pain and anger. Acknowledging that and accepting what has happened to us can heal some of those problems. For some, simply taking a sugar pill can do it. I hope that you find healing somehow.

[starlyte777]

I have found I am a better person without a god in my life. I am way more proactive. I try to fight more for my life. And I suspect that is one of the better evidences against the truth of Christianity.

 

I have finely come up with a witty reply that you might find amusing patty. When a person says "Jesus loves you." My reply for now on will be the following: If he loved me, he would have never created me.

 

Here is the reason I say that. Just because he wanted one more person to worship him, he wanted me, to go through so much bullshit that I wouldn't want to wish it on my worst enemy. Even taking that kind of risk, when you have a choice of how the world is supposed to be is morally insane. He allowed me to go through abandonment by parents and years of mental problems, just because he wanted one more person to worship him. And somehow this is the god would preaches love your neighbour and doesn't explode from the hypocrisy and irony. I can't believe a god like that exists.

[Guest Valk0010]

And another thing. Call it recommended reading.

 

I am currently reading a book called: My Path to Atheism by Annie Wood Besant. The first section talks about the gospels and how there is no way that the gospels as presented in every bible you see could prove that Jesus was the son of god. It might help, your bible might be true problem.

[starlyte777]

I have found I am a better person without a god in my life. I am way more proactive. I try to fight more for my life. And I suspect that is one of the better evidences against the truth of Christianity.

 

I have finely come up with a witty reply that you might find amusing patty. When a person says "Jesus loves you." My reply for now on will be the following: If he loved me, he would have never created me.

 

Here is the reason I say that. Just because he wanted one more person to worship him, he wanted me, to go through so much bullshit that I wouldn't want to wish it on my worst enemy. Even taking that kind of risk, when you have a choice of how the world is supposed to be is morally insane. He allowed me to go through abandonment by parents and years of mental problems, just because he wanted one more person to worship him. And somehow this is the god would preaches love your neighbour and doesn't explode from the hypocrisy and irony. I can't believe a god like that exists.

i'm not sure if this will get to you.......am tecnology challenged,,,,,,,,,,,but , I hear what you;re sayig........i have NO idea why i was created...i am increasinngly finding god and jesus very sadistic............but. that's just me

[Guest Valk0010]

I have found I am a better person without a god in my life. I am way more proactive. I try to fight more for my life. And I suspect that is one of the better evidences against the truth of Christianity.

 

I have finely come up with a witty reply that you might find amusing patty. When a person says "Jesus loves you." My reply for now on will be the following: If he loved me, he would have never created me.

 

Here is the reason I say that. Just because he wanted one more person to worship him, he wanted me, to go through so much bullshit that I wouldn't want to wish it on my worst enemy. Even taking that kind of risk, when you have a choice of how the world is supposed to be is morally insane. He allowed me to go through abandonment by parents and years of mental problems, just because he wanted one more person to worship him. And somehow this is the god would preaches love your neighbour and doesn't explode from the hypocrisy and irony. I can't believe a god like that exists.

i'm not sure if this will get to you.......am tecnology challenged,,,,,,,,,,,but , I hear what you;re sayig........i have NO idea why i was created...i am increasinngly finding god and jesus very sadistic............but. that's just me

I agree. And at the same time he is supposed to be our standard to emulate. There is a contradiction there, and the only resolution I can see to the contradiction is saying that the god of the bible doesn't exist.

[wndwalkr99]

I have found I am a better person without a god in my life. I am way more proactive. I try to fight more for my life. And I suspect that is one of the better evidences against the truth of Christianity.

 

I have finely come up with a witty reply that you might find amusing patty. When a person says "Jesus loves you." My reply for now on will be the following: If he loved me, he would have never created me.

 

Here is the reason I say that. Just because he wanted one more person to worship him, he wanted me, to go through so much bullshit that I wouldn't want to wish it on my worst enemy. Even taking that kind of risk, when you have a choice of how the world is supposed to be is morally insane. He allowed me to go through abandonment by parents and years of mental problems, just because he wanted one more person to worship him. And somehow this is the god would preaches love your neighbour and doesn't explode from the hypocrisy and irony. I can't believe a god like that exists.

i'm not sure if this will get to you.......am tecnology challenged,,,,,,,,,,,but , I hear what you;re sayig........i have NO idea why i was created...i am increasinngly finding god and jesus very sadistic............but. that's just me

 

There is no reason. Really, there's not. We're just here. Enjoy it - life is precious; this life is all you've got. Don't waste it worrying about gods that aren't there.

[Thurisaz]

i'm not sure if this will get to you.......am tecnology challenged,,,,,,,,,,,but , I hear what you;re sayig........i have NO idea why i was created...i am increasinngly finding god and jesus very sadistic............but. that's just me

 

You got that right. If you assume the entire wholly babble speaks the literal truth then it follows, sooner or later, that all its gods (come on, three entities that are really all the same? Who are they trying to fool here? As has justly been said: So that three-in-one god got itself killed to convince itself not to torture us for eternity?) are totally batshit insane at best (Azathoth anyone? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Azathoth)... or sadists at worst.

 

The only way one can kind of reconcile the teachings of the "loving god" with the book is by assuming that most of the contents of the book are irrelevant or, at best, just very very metaphorical. Which puts one in the position of having to personally decide just what to take literally and what metaphorically.

 

In the end (after the brainwashing wears off sufficiently) it's far more logical to conclude that, if some Divine entity (or entities) indeed exist in this universe, it cannot be the christian one(s).

 

Hang on tough, you will make it through eventually

[Positivist]

Star, this road called "a crisis of faith" or "deconversion" (depending upon the endpoint, I suppose), is challenging. We have not embarked upon it by choice and yet we find our feet upon this treacherous path and we must engage with it to survive.

 

Have you tried journaling? Just a thought. I really feel for you with where you're at. I've been there and it sucked. I felt utterly abandoned by God, I was suffering physically, mentally and emotionally. I clung to my faith because of the fear of hell, ultimately. Basically, I stayed in an abusive and neglectful relationship with Jesus (my imaginary friend) for fear of losing my "fire insurance"...

 

It took me a while and lots of reading to realize that the beliefs you expressed (Jesus/white horse, hell, personal salvation) are limited to a small sect of Christianity. Maybe try being a liberal Christian. That's what I did for a couple of years. You are not "in the truth"...it's all relative.

 

You sound very compassionate....be kind to yourself, too!

[Serendipity Rose]

starlyte,

 

Some people refer to life as a "test". Have you heard Christians make the comment that perhaps god is "testing" your faith?

 

You might say that life is like a multiple choice test. What kinds of strategies might you use? I know what I would do and maybe you might do the same. I look at the available options and rule out all of the choices that I know don't make sense. Once they are ruled out I put them out of my mind so that they don't cloud my thinking with what is left. Then I proceed to make the best educated choice that I can considering the facts that I know.

 

Remove as much of the past ideas as you can. Just put them out of your mind. If you don't want to completely forget them, put them down on paper and then tuck them away so you can come back to them if for some reason you think you might need them.

 

Concentrate, then, on what you know to be real. Concentrate on the one thing that most of us DO appreciate about the idea of god. The one and only true thing about religion is Love.

 

Let Love be your guide. It is a much better guide than some confusing and contradictory ideas. Love yourself!! You ARE worth it.

[Kurari]

Hi Star! Welcome to Ex-C!

 

What you're going through it totally normal. We've all been where you are. It's a long process and a lot of restructuring of how you are thinking.

 

Just remember, we're here to talk to anytime you need us.

[starlyte777]

Margee............thank you. I know I'm not unique..........would love to hear your story.........I'm sure would help me...........

[Margee]

Margee............thank you. I know I'm not unique..........would love to hear your story.........I'm sure would help me...........

star....I can't go to bed tonight without writing a couple of lines pertaining to post 86. I just went on the biggest one year sabatical from as many people as I could. I stopped fixing all the people who wanted me to fix them, agree with them (so I wouldn't rock the boat!) and researched behind the scenes as much as I could. I read so much on this site.

 

I said no to the world and their opinions and followed all the links and information that the gang gave me and started to form my own belief system. Tell everyone to 'fix' themselves and take some time off just YOU! Stay nice and quiet, don't get into any arguments with anyone, because you won't win, especially if you are expecting christians to approve and support your 'inquisitive' nature.

 

When you make your mind up at what makes most sense to you - you will be stronger to face anyone you have to.

 

If you EVER get to the point of not really caring one way or another if they approve of you - you will have found one of the greatest freedoms in the world.

 

this is what I have now - freedom to be me - and I have never felt so good in my whole life.... feeling OK, even without the god I believed in for so long......

 

Big hug for you tonight! I'll be back when i'm not so tired!!

[norton65ca]

 

If you EVER get to the point of not really caring one way or another if they approve of you - you will have found one of the greatest freedoms in the world.

 

this is what I have now - freedom to be me - and I have never felt so good in my whole life.... feeling OK, even without the god I believed in for so long......

 

This. x1,000,000. Illegitimi non carborundum, or whatever that fake latin phrase is... I have only been deconverted for a short time, but I have been a Christian only in my mind for years, having dropped out of fellowship a looooong time back, and I've tried to live my life this way for a while. I don't give a damn what they think anymore.