Coming Out As A Atheist To My Family. Emotionally I Feel Ready For It.

[midniterider]

Are you a minor living at home?

 

Might want to rethink your "readiness' to create your own living Hell.

 

If you don't live at home, consider your social network. Outing as an Atheist without a HUMAN, REAL LIFE support network can be shortsighted.

 

I created my own meet up group and that is helping me get to the coming out place..but as long as I have minor children myself, and they have to live in the Bible Belt, I am closeted for many reasons beyond my own desires.

 

CONSIDER CAREFULLY EVERY FACET OF YOUR LIFE. EVERY SINGLE ONE.....before you jump headlong into the irreversible label fest that will come with your outing yourself.

 

Sometimes it is more fun to live among "them" and do good and know that some day, when EVERY LOOSE END is tied down and you are truly, 105% ready.....they will all drop their jaws when you finally tell them, Yeah...been a heathen for X years.....God is a retard and I am a freethinker....HAVE BEEN. At that point you may be..financially independent....live in your own town with roots that you set on your own terms.....but the way it sounds now, it feels like you may be doing something permanent to gain temporary satisfaction.

 

Just a thought...I don't know you at all.....but this is not TERRIBLY dissimilar from coming out as a gay person.....close minded idiots will just never forgive you for it.....and you better be DAMN CERTAIN you are ready for whatever comes.

 

Make sure you babysit everyone's kids so the parents can flip out about your atheism later...lol..........

[Guest Valk0010]

Hey Valk- big hugs! Hope you're feeling okay about everything. The advice people have been giving you is great and if you can hold off until you're back on your feet, hopefully you'll be freer to "announce" it. My family is batshit crazy too, and sometimes I say, "you know I don't believe god is real, right?" and they look at me and blink and say, "want to come to church?" So I think that the closure and peace will come mostly from yourself.

 

The best advice a counsellor ever gave me was to say, "you know it's okay to set boundaries, right?" Even if you don't tell them you're an atheist, never feel guilty to set boundaries with your family and your emotions- hopefully they can respect that and you can find healing. Big hugs!

I think really I will never have the courage too. I think about the only way I could ever have the courage too, if it becoming a problem for me getting married to a girl. I don't react well to us vs them scenarios.

[Wings]

Hey Valk,

ho'wre you doing with everything now? I definitely get that it's a scary big decision and really difficult.... us vs. them is really really hard and even annoying. I HATE conflict too, and that has probably been the toughest part of 'coming out'... I got found out, so it was a little out of my control but I think the peace that I've found in my own mind/heart was/is worth the conflict.

What is it that really gets you about living at home with regards to christianity- do they force you to go to church or are you just going bible-babble nuts?

I still think it's okay for you to set up boundaries- even if they're just to yourself- to not listen or let things bother you. And hope you meet that girl, by the way!!! I love that I can freely 'live in sin' now

[Guest Valk0010]

Bible babble mostly.

[Ro-bear]

People in my family think I am an aspergers case cause i am a nerd and talk like one.

 

This might be a good time to point out that I like nerds. Nerds are some of the coolest people I know. I am a Scholars' Bowl coach at my school, so great is my affinity for nerds.

 

I bet a lot of us here feel that way. Probably a lot of nerds among us, truth be told.

[Inqui]

 

2. Don't alienate your family if you don't have to. Instead of approaching them and saying that you don't believe, consider a different approach. Maybe something like, "how have YOUR beliefs changed over your lifetime?"

 

Instead of making it about your beliefs, make it about theirs. Then you may have an opportunity to share with them how yours have changed in a less confrontational manner.

I'm surprised no-one's said anything about this. It's an excellent point.

 

I came out to my brother about a week ago, completely unintentionally too. I brought up Dawkins's scale of theistic belief (ie, 1 is KNOWING God exists, 10 is KNOWING he doesn't, 5 is perfect disinclination either way while everything else is a varying shade of agnosticism. 1 and 10 are usually both retards). I should have seen it coming, but he asked where I was at with my beliefs. I simply told him that I don't know and don't care anymore, but in the absence of proof the best I can do is live a meaningful life.

 

He had a few questions that I was easily able to field, but the point is I'd brought the topic up in a different, non-confrontational way. I think the "hey guys, I'm an atheist now, suck it bitches!" approach creates a them and us mentality, which helps no-one.

[stryper]

Valk,

 

I think you are over analyzing it. You can't be prepared for every situation. They will be upset. Some my disown you. Others will try to reconvert you.

 

Own your choice. You decided this. Own it.

[norton65ca]

overanalysing I think too.

As above, no explanations or debates are required.

"With all due respect, Christianity and its doctrines are no longer an important thing in my life, I can no longer believe the bible is the revelation of a god and furthermore I no longer hold to the concept of a personal interventionist deity of any kind, Theology, religious subjects and matters of faith are not currently something I wish to discuss, in fact I think it would likely be both tedious and vexing to all parties concerned and I would appreciate it if you would respect those wishes. Now if you'll all excuse me, I have some other things I'd like to attend, like living my life, rather than waste precious time trying to debate matters that likely no man will ... oh, wow, did you see that amazing butterfly? So, what d'you think about the chances this season of (insert local sports franchise here)"

avoid, distract & ignore... defugio, differo, dissimulo

good luck

[norton65ca]

sounded harsh, and I'm not in your circumstances, so forgive me if that came off too flippant. I just feel the best procedure, should you choose to "come out", is to attempt to NOT "get into it" as much as possible, rather declare that you'd really prefer to not discuss it and focus on other more temporal matters, as the subject is one which may only cause controversy and discord.

[Kaiser01]

sounded harsh, and I'm not in your circumstances, so forgive me if that came off too flippant. I just feel the best procedure, should you choose to "come out", is to attempt to NOT "get into it" as much as possible, rather declare that you'd really prefer to not discuss it and focus on other more temporal matters, as the subject is one which may only cause controversy and discord.

 

Your profile pick makes me hungry...

[AnnaNymity]

Are you a minor living at home?

I am not, but due to some health issues, poor decisions making due to those issues and bad luck I am more or less going to be living at home for awhile.

 

In so far as creating my own hell, that is what more or less killed this for me. As much as I want to do it, I just can't get over the hump.

 

I think I need to look for a third option, because the other two are batshit and bugging the high holey hell out of me.

 

Oh man, I am *SO* proud of you! But, holy shit! I just about had a heart attack, because I only finally saw the beginning of this topic only tonight. I've been working on my topic in the other area. Then, I read on, and saw this addition you made. <sigh of relief>

 

You're NOW making the best decision, truly, because I totally agree with the people that have urged caution. I mean, look at what I've had to cope with myself, just coming out as a non-krystyun, not an atheist.

 

If you get the disability, and your therapist is someone that you trust--and they're supportive of you totally--there are more options available for housing, that he/she, and the mental health organizations can offer. Ask your what I'm talking about, or at least their assistant, because this IS an issue that you're dealing with that has a negative impact on your mental health, right?

 

The ironic part is, as of this week I'm trying to survive the current stupidity where I am, so even though I don't yet have money to move, I'm now investigating what city, what type of subsidized housing I want to move into (public housing or section 8), or whether I feel patient enough to wait for a housing voucher.

 

If you want any info on some options for housing, and your counselor can't help you, give me the names of some places that you might want to move to, and I'll check them out, while I'm looking for where I want to go.

 

Personally, I'm probably just going to choose assisted living for the disabled, someplace where they have a good cancer treatment center, not only because of my health, but also because I'm probably going to have to leave all of my stuff behind. (Have no furniture.)

 

Hang in there! <hugs>

[norton65ca]

sounded harsh, and I'm not in your circumstances, so forgive me if that came off too flippant. I just feel the best procedure, should you choose to "come out", is to attempt to NOT "get into it" as much as possible, rather declare that you'd really prefer to not discuss it and focus on other more temporal matters, as the subject is one which may only cause controversy and discord.

 

Your profile pick makes me hungry...

That's my meal choice if they ever put me on death row ;-) nothing like a good ole Full English fry up

[roadrunner]

I agree with stryper. You may be over analyzing it. I've had 28 years to learn the bible and christian perspective firsthand. I wasnt nominal. I bled this stuff. And when I told my sister about my disbelief none of it has been of any use up to this point. I grew up southern baptist so I have to try to debunk the "feeling" argument and personal testimony.

[Wings]

Hey Valk, hope you're doing okay!

I don't have much to add because the brilliant minds here are all over it- but I totally agree. Sometimes the best thing is to subtly "agree to disagree" with the bible babblers in your life. Disengaging people, as hard as it is, is sometimes all you can do, but the most rewarding! I got a lot of reaction when I quit and even though everything in me wanted to fight, I just said, "thank you for your opinion. I will consider it and please know that I love you."

Eventually their emails stopped. Now when I'm at home, god convo does not come up with me. When my parents leave for church I say "see you later" and it wasn't without a lot of initial conflict (maybe lasted a couple months), but now it's fine. I know they're not particularly happy, but none of us want to go there.

Leave the room, walk away, say "no thanks"... and eventually, hopefully without conflict, they'll get the point! Easier said than done, I know... and you will go through lots of experiences and phases and feelings with it, but only speaking from personal experience, the mental peace that I've found has been worth the trouble! You can't be prepared for everything, take it a day at a time and I hope it goes alright