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Life Just Won't Let Me


Galien
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I have always been a trier. I try way past the point where most people would give up. I don't like to be defeated and I like to believe I can find a solution for problems. I try and look at a problem from every angle until i work it through.

 

I also like to believe that I can live my life any way I want, no matter what social convention or norms say to me. I let myself believe that this is true, in fact I put my whole heart into believing it, why shouldn't I? I'm pretty brave and strong and I can resist the contrary opinions of the haters and those that think they know better than i do what is best for my life.

 

But even that is not enough, none of the believing or loving or planning or trying to fix things is ever enough. Life continues to try and squish me into its stupid fucking box that has always been five sizes too small for me. People will not let me have what I want or need unless it fits into their view of what it "should" be. Either that or be there to meet their needs while it is convenient then be expected to fade into the sunset once they are sated. Sometimes I wonder if I even exist at all.

 

Some days I feel like i should just give up and let them fit me with my borg helmet, because no amount of resistance on my part is going to change the inevitable. They will shove me into the tiny box built by their tiny minds if they have to break every bone and every part of my spirit to get me in there, because me doing what they think I should is WAY more important than I am.

 

Other days I know down tothe depths of my soul that I will fight every day until I die for the right to be just exactly who I am and fuck everyone else's opinion of who that should be.

 

Today is a borg day sad.png

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I'm sorry you are having tough time. I'm curious who it is that is forcing you into a box? Xians? Men? Society/culture in general?

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I also like to believe that I can live my life any way I want, no matter what social convention or norms say to me.

There are limits, of course, in a diverse but civilized society. I know I can't run naked through the mall even if I really want to. At least that's what the judge told me.

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I'm sorry you are having tough time. I'm curious who it is that is forcing you into a box? Xians? Men? Society/culture in general?

 

Oh the christians I have learnt to deal with. A polite fuck off tends to work with those. Society/culture in general I guess. Im 51, apparently I'm supposed to be sitting in an armchair enjoying the grandkiddies and knitting. Personally I enjoy my job and on the odd occasion loving people half my age and fucking them silly. I guess at some point I will have to accept I'm not Madonna and just let it go, and accept the knitting needles. Frankly though, I'd rather be dead.

 

I have spent almost my whole life fighting serious depression just to stay alive. Now I wonder why I bothered.

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loving people half my age and fucking them silly.

Aha. I see.

 

Fucking the younger ones is just that much sweeter if it pisses off somebody who's business it ain't! You do know that the staid, solid-citizen conformists are actually jealous of our freedom, don't you? Try not to forget that; it's the bonus.

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loving people half my age and fucking them silly.

Aha. I see.

 

Fucking the younger ones is just that much sweeter if it pisses off somebody who's business it ain't! You do know that the staid, solid-citizen conformists are actually jealous of our freedom, don't you? Try not to forget that; it's the bonus.

 

Florduh I have never understood how people think and feel because the way I think and feel is so differnt from the norm. Sad part for me is that it is not just about fucking, it is about love, but no one can see that. They always have to believe it is only about sex. I love "the look" that says gee lady you don't really believe these guys could actually care about you outside the bedroom do you? Not to mention the look of smug self satisfaction when they are proved right. Not a big fan of people like I used to be.

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Sorry to hear all of this :(

 

There's nothing wrong with you liking younger guys, if it was the other way around people wouldn't give it a second thought, the way people think can be very frustrating. Those showing satisfaction when things don't work out for you are showing classic schadenfreude behaviour. If it's possible at all try to get as far away from these toxic people as possible. These people do not know for a fact that a guy younger than you will not ever love you, because in fact some men do prefer women older than them. Sometimes it appears that there's too much taboo about age differences in adult relationships. I personally don't care about it, if the couple love each other and are happy there is no problem. I think there may be more people who feel the same way but are perhaps too afraid to say so at the risk of their peers disagreeing with them, I've noticed many people prefer to be accepted by other even though it sometimes means they must become a sheep who can't express their real views. I guess that's the major downside of humans being social creatures, too many of them live to their detriment to please others.

 

I understand it can be difficult and tiring to be different from the mainstream, I was always different too, I wish I had a dollar for every time I was called a freak in high school. Although it's hard I believe it's worth it to remain true to who you are, the more people who are willing to be themselves the better, there is more chance of different behaviour being accepted once it's more widespread. Keep your chin up Galien :)

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Florduh I have never understood how people think and feel because the way I think and feel is so differnt from the norm.

[...]

Not a big fan of people like I used to be.

 

SISTER! Where have you hidden all these years?! :)

 

Seriously though, yeah that sucks. I can totally relate :vent:

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...Those showing satisfaction when things don't work out for you are showing classic schadenfreude behaviour...

 

To many it's almost a crime if you don't fit into the picture they have of you, even if you deviate in a positive way. Even teachers often subconsciously punish a student they have written off as a moron if the student suddenly shows cleverness. It relates to, if it isn't even identical to (there seem several definitions of it all), the Pygmalion effect.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pygmalion_effect

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Galien....I always feel so bad when my friends are so down - it's because I can relate so well. One of the things I had to do in the last couple of years is grieve (and I mean - cry my heart out) at my disapointment of life and how I feel it should be. I don't feel it should be anything anymore. This acceptance has made it a tiny bit easier for me now, as I've dropped the expectations I had of life and people.

 

The one thing worse than death (in my opinion) is being heartbroken in the love department...nothing worse.... and yet, we want these relationships. I have come to this conclusion - Everything we do, we take a chance. Everything. You already know all this.

I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you today.......

 

Hope you are feeling a little better my friend. Margee

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