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Any Coming Out To Spouse Updates?


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I remember there being a wave of us who came clean to our wives a few months ago T2M, ChurchSucks, Electech98, mac, etc. I was interest in seeing how things were going. I'll start.

 

From what Im able to infer, my wife still thinks Im in a spiritual slump. I still do go to church though Im not involved anymore. My wife gets angry/sad/bitter every time we bring up religion. Then has the nerve to blame it on me. Not to pin it on her but I really think she is just frustated that shes not getting through to me. I'll send her videos on youtube about people falling around, babies feeling the spirit, faith healing, and other charismatic nonsense. And she agrees. I think its making somewhat of an impact as we've looked at tounges and she doesnt agree with it. I mentioned that a good friend of mine uses this as evidence of his faith. I then brought up the question to her, "if he's faking or mistaken, does that not at least imply that people can be mistaken". I got silence and later she went on about how it personal, what shes experienced in her life, etc.

 

My daughter just turned 4 and shes very vulnerable right now. Example is sid the science kid did an episode on dental hygeine now she terrified of sugar on her teeth and brushes 10 time a day. she learned about germs in school so she washed her hand at least once every hour. I told my wife that the way she is you need to stop saying "if i should die before i wake" at night with her. She agreed and we made up some other mindless junk. Though shes only 4 she mentioned god twice....both times out of context and with what i could tell was very limited knowledge on the subject. I would so love to pull them out of sunday school.

 

Socially, I have not told any co-workers or neighbors about my disbelief but I do jump in and make smart comments about religion if the situation calls for it. People know I joke around a lot so they probably brush it off and forget about it. I think my sister has told my mom about my unbelief because shes had christian rhetoric sent to my house. "Gods commands in Deuteronomy are still valid today in that its best to keep human waste away from everything. that command has stopped the spread of disease in this day"....SERIOUSLY.

 

I still have to come here as an "outlet". I have no faith left. I do not feel there is a supernatural. I am skeptic of everything. but I must admit, life make sense now.

 

Not very curious about a marriage that has been mixed for decades but mainly to hear how the spouses are taking/dealing with the recent news (past year or so). Has anyone been sucked back in? Anyone divorced yet? anyone come out of the closet to everyone?

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I think its making somewhat of an impact as we've looked at tounges and she doesnt agree with it. I mentioned that a good friend of mine uses this as evidence of his faith. I then brought up the question to her, "if he's faking or mistaken, does that not at least imply that people can be mistaken". I got silence and later she went on about how it personal, what shes experienced in her life, etc.

 

Even though she later came back with some things to say the may at the very least mean that she thought about what you said. Thinking that you could possibly be wrong about something you believe in so strongly when it means so much to you isn't an easy thing to do, I put it of for along time, partly because I was scared of losing my faith and going to hell, and partly because I didn't want to have to realise that something so big that I thought was true may not be. It takes a lot of strength to question your strongest and deepest beliefs, so although your wife is still giving reasons for her belief she may be considering what you're saying even if she doesn't really want to. Deconverting took a few years for me, shedding what you've been told over and over again and shedding thought patterns is difficult.

 

I feel for your daughter too, she reminds me of me when I was a kid. I was a very fearful child and was diagnosed with OCD , ADD and Tourettes Syndrome. The fear I had was due to the OCD. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and be terrified of every strange noise I heard and often had hours during the night where I was too scared to move because I thought I might see a ghost. Before I was diagnosed with my neurological disorders my Mother taught me about being careful of electricity. I was 5, and she told me not to play with power points because 'shocko' would get me. This caused me to become terrified of all things electric, and I also had nightmares about 'shocko' which in the nightmares looked like the genie from Aladdin. Like your daughter I was very sensitive to what I was told and was frightened easily if it was done the wrong way. I'm glad your wife agreed to change the prayer before bedtime, I imagine that could have ended up giving your daughter nightmares.

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I haven’t told my wife at all because she can be a total bitch, she loves to argue and everything I say to her is stupid, I updated my Religion to atheist on Saturday and she hasn't said a word about it. I know she’ll be pissed. I am leaving her next year anyways. I did tell my Mom though and i was actually surprised she almost agreed with me about not believing in God anymore. I thought she would be pissed off; I am just surprised how she almost dumped god just by talking to me. I also have told some of my coworkers and i am still the same guy to them, I even had a fellow coworker come up and reveal to me that he’s not Christian but he’s not ready to write off a God just yet.

 

Roadrunner my daughter is 6 and she can’t stand sugar she asks all the time if something has sugar in it. Teachers and their Brainwashing.

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I haven’t told my wife at all because she can be a total bitch,.............. I am leaving her next year anyways.............

sorry things are going so bad for you. At least you have a plan. i see you have 2 posts. welcome. I really was able to relate to a lot of people here.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I just posted in my ex-timony about my coming out to spouse experience. It went mostly like I expected it would -- amazing. No judging, no manipulation, and some shared feelings about Christianity. Our relationship has not changed at all (because we haven't really been going to Church or praying together or reading the Bible for a year or more). She is completely fine with me telling her I don't believe any more. So glad I am this fortunate.

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I haven't gone through this whole thread yet and I only have a couple minutes right now but wanted to post. I deconverted about 2 1/2 yrs ago and fundy husband and I came pretty close to divorce a couple times but I think we're gonna make it. It takes a lot of willingness to try to understand each other and respect each other as a person even if w think each other is deluded. We had to both agree it's ok to admit when we're sad or something and not try to use it against each other (as in "see, if you'd repent you wouldn't be sad" or on my part "see, Christianity doesn't work and your god isn't real if you are still sad.")

 

One of the hardest things for me is that rational, heathen men seem so damn attractive to me compared to dh. But I do really love him and want to stay married to him.

 

Hope that all made sense...gotta run!

 

 

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This was a double-posted thread. There's more on http://www.ex-christ...ge__hl__updates.

yeah just rub it in tf WendyDoh.gif my stupid phone did it. if i could close and delete this i would. sorry guys.

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This was a double-posted thread. There's more on http://www.ex-christ...ge__hl__updates.

yeah just rub it in tf WendyDoh.gif my stupid phone did it. if i could close and delete this i would. sorry guys.

 

Sorry, RR--didn't mean to rub it in... I just thought that she might get more traction on the other one. :)

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Right now, my philosophy is to not be aggressive about my unbelief, but I will be honest when asked. One close and one casual friend know where I'm at. At times I was a very obnoxious xtian. The last thing I want to be now is an asshole for the other side.

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