Letters Of Withdrawal From Church Membership

[Carolorado]

While I realize this is difficult for you may I offer a couple of ideas? First, change your email and cell phone number if possible. If you cannot, learn how to use the blocking feature.

 

The best way to win is to be apathetic. Send your letter if you so desire, but say nothing else unless they threaten you in some way. Then get a lawyer, or go to your state bar or the ACLU if you cannot afford one yourself.

 

These people are keeping you as a prisoner because they will not let their minds conclude that they are manipulating others because of their own fear of death. It was in my subconscious for a long time when I was an xian, but it was only later that I realized why I stayed. I was afraid of death.

 

Now, I am just pissed about death. Life. Is too short, but in reality, sitting around with some of my bigoted deceased xian relatives and listening to harp music actually sounds very boring.

 

Please learn apathy. It is a life saver when they keep wearing on your fears. Apathy helps control fears, too. Good luck,and keep us posted about your progress!

[Wings]

Elechtech, you bravery inspired me to finally check the temporary email that I set up to receive messages from my church council.

[Thought2Much]

Dear Wings,

 

It was with sadness that I received your letter of withdrawal from the [church name redacted]. As your ward elder, it makes me question if I did my duty in shepherding my ward brainwashing you to the best of my ability. However, in my defense, there were many times when you did not let me know where you were, or that you would not be in church etc be aware of and control your every move. This also is a duty of a Professed Member Christbot. There were times when you did not return my phone messages and now we see what has happened so this is all your fault.

 

You write in your letter, "this church" which leads me to think (or hope) that you are attending elsewhere. I sincerely hope that after all this post secondary education and study/travel liberal indoctrination and independent thinking that you have done, that you do still believe that it is God who created and still upholds the whole world the brainwashing and that He also has promised so much to those who believe in Him, even though he fails to deliver on any of it. We all are miserable sinners and He has graciously given us a Saviour threatened to send every last one of us to hell if we don't kiss his ass and worship a 2000 years-dead Jewish nutcase that claimed to be his son! Never forget that God does not give up on us, it is us that don't fulfill our obligations to Him so this is all your fault.

 

Also, when our faith decreases reality starts to set in, it is even more necessary to be in Church (the workshop of the Holy Spirit) to continue to be brainwashed. Often, we think we don't need to be there, but that is the best place for us. It is hearing the preaching propaganda and the communion herd mentality of all believers suckers where we will get our support and encouragement judgmental condemnation and brainwashing.

 

The world offers much and Satan works hard to make Christians turn away from Christ, and admittedly, the church looks pretty crappy in comparison these days, but the humanistic philosophy reality and the prevalent attitude of doing what we want, when we want not following the laws set down by a Semitic culture in ancient Palestine might seem enticing to us as sinners anyone with half a brain, but it is not the way we are serving our Lord kissing the asses of the people who run the church.

 

I don't write this to harass, humiliate or shame you (well, maybe just a little, because we all fall short each day again, even though you've fallen much shorter than I ever will!) but it is only out of concern for your relationship with the Lord my need for you to keep sending your tithe to the church.

 

Wings, we will continue to pray for you and we hope that you also ask the Lord to give you guidance in this difficult time in your life do everything we say without question. And the tithe. Don't forget to keep sending that.

He knows our needs better than we ourselves do.

 

Feel free to contact me - I would like to keep the communication open and preach at you some more.

 

Sincerely,

 

<name>

 

There. I fixed it.

[Wings]

Lol, Thought2Much, you did an AMAZING job reinterpreting that!!

Can't stop laughing and kind of wish I could send that back to him except for the part where I DON'T want to keep communicating! Thanks for the laughs!

[Thought2Much]

Lol, Thought2Much, you did an AMAZING job reinterpreting that!!

Can't stop laughing and kind of wish I could send that back to him except for the part where I DON'T want to keep communicating! Thanks for the laughs!

 

Thanks! As I've mentioned elsewhere, discernment was one of my "spiritual gifts" while I was in church. Not that anyone there ever wanted to hear what I had to say.

[mcdaddy]

Once again, our benevolent and omniscient Lord and King T2MbY gleans the modern scripture to raise our awareness of the "true meaning" of the text that we would never discover ourselves due to our state of fallenness. Kudos home skillet!

[PandaPirate]

a notice of non-consent to any church discipline they may want to throw my way.

 

Man, i guess im sheltered, but this whole concept just blows my mind.

 

Church discipline? I. dont. even. get. that.

 

Around here people switch churches every few years it seems like. just come and go.

 

I'd just threaten to kill everyone or something crazy. They'd leave me alone. Trust me.

[PandaPirate]

 

 

Once again, our benevolent and omniscient Lord and King T2MbY gleans the modern scripture to raise our awareness of the "true meaning" of the text that we would never discover ourselves due to our state of fallenness. Kudos home skillet!

 

Yes, kudos! And, McDaddy, I thought I was the only person who said "homeskillet."

[mcdaddy]

 

 

Once again, our benevolent and omniscient Lord and King T2MbY gleans the modern scripture to raise our awareness of the "true meaning" of the text that we would never discover ourselves due to our state of fallenness. Kudos home skillet!

 

Yes, kudos! And, McDaddy, I thought I was the only person who said "homeskillet."

 

Nay sweet panda, my usage of skillet-ese was passed down to me from my eldest brother when I was just a wee lad. Our kind has been sheltering this sacred phrase for many a decade, no? And why am I talking like a Scot this morning? This is the second thread I've done this in. I must be secretly wanting an Irish coffee. WHEE! A breeze up me kilt!

[electech98]

I know someone asked before what kind of discipline a church like ours takes on "wayward members", so I thought of a few examples:

 

- The leadership was considering discipline (probably a formal warning or rebuke) of a girl in her 20's who wanted to transfer to another Reformed church in town because they actually had a good number of single guys there, whereas our church didn't really have any. The major difference with this other church was that they were a Reformed church in the CredoBaptist tradition (only baptized those of a certain age or older), whereas our church was a Reformed church in the PaedoBaptist tradition (we baptize infants). They let her go by erasure instead - a few members including myself expressed concerns to the leadership that they were even considering disciplining her.

 

- When I first became a member, I remember that there was another girl in her 20's who had gotten pregnant out of wedlock. This was announced from the pulpit in front of the entire congregation as part of the discipline. Normally that person would be barred from the Lord's Supper for a while until the leadership was certain she had repented of her wayward lifestyle. By the way, she was a daughter of one of the elders.

 

- Things are pretty quiet these days, so there are hardly any other examples I can think of. Except there is a case of a husband and wife divorcing because she cheated on him and she filed for divorce afterwards, so the process of discipline usually takes the form of communicating with her to try to make her come to her senses, then barring her from the Lord's Supper, then probably barring her from attending (she hasn't attended of her own free will for a while now), then probably excommunication.

 

- Other people might move away and never contact the church about it. The church would then proceed to attempt contact with them over a number of years, and finally get around to erasing them from the membership rolls after a good amount of time, if they have not heard from the person. Unfortunately, I can't take that approach because my wife and children are still actively attending and the church leadership would know I have not just lost contact because of a move.

 

You have to understand that churches like ours equate membership in a church with membership in the Kingdom of God. They proclaim that they have the power, give by God, to open and shut the Kingdom based on church discipline and membership roles / vows. This is called the "Keys of the Kingdom".

 

And it's absolutely an issue of trying to establish and maintain a hold on a person's life. All because they see themselves as God's agents on this earth in the battle for each and every soul, so it is the most important thing ever no matter what anyone says.

[Thought2Much]

Oops, I realize I forgot one last interpretation from the elder's reply to Wings:

 

"He knows our needs better than we ourselves do, which may seem like an odd thing to say when you think about the fact that we have to keep reminding him over and over again what those needs are when we pray."

[Wings]

Has your pastor or anyone else besides your wife and father tried to talk to you about it, Elechtech?

 

Thanks again T2M, laughing lots. I'm probably going to print your version and hang it up for giggles!

[NeverAgainV]

 

....You have to understand that churches like ours equate membership in a church with membership in the Kingdom of God. They proclaim that they have the power, give by God, to open and shut the Kingdom based on church discipline and membership roles / vows. This is called the "Keys of the Kingdom".

 

And it's absolutely an issue of trying to establish and maintain a hold on a person's life. All because they see themselves as God's agents on this earth in the battle for each and every soul, so it is the most important thing ever no matter what anyone says......

Trust me...I understand. I saw this, I lived it. Those who have never been involved in such an abusive dynamic in "church" just have no idea of the punitive nature of it.

Before I joined the bible cult, I was a nominal Catholic...spiritual, but not religious. I had NO IDEA that churches could damage people so much with church discipline, ex-communication, etc.

Of course in the past Catholics did excommunicate, but not in the liberal Catholic church i was raised in. so I just was so so ignorant of the manipulation & guilt that these crazy ass calvinist preachers put on

"believers". so glad to be out of it...but I remember that horrible black time in my life ((shudder)) those years before & after leaving the "church" *cough**cough* were HELL because of the FALSE guilt & the

indoctrination. I was so so tired of it all, but to leave had never been an option in my mind via the brainwashing. You just could never even think about leaving "God's kingdom" "God's true church" & break you fellowship with gawd, everything was tied to your being a MEMBER of their particular church/es. I had no idea when I joined it would end up a prison not unlike "Hotel California". They really are "prisoners of their own device..."

 

Man o man I can relate to what you are going through. PM if you'd like....I know it's not easy, but leaving the "church" will free you in the long run. I'm sorry your family is still in it. Maybe over time they will

see the light? But for now you have to think about your own integrity & if others don't agree you just have to think to yourself that too bad for them.

[norton65ca]

"Dear Mr. Pastor.

I have decided that I won't be attending your church effective immediately, nor have I any interest in going over the reasons why, it's been a slice but I'm outta here, don't bother trying to contact me as I've taken up with a bunch of naturist pagan women half my age and we're out of cell phone range in the woods where we conduct skyclad rituals under the summer moon while getting out of our heads on at least five different psychotropic substances which we imported from the jungles of Ecuador. Hope this doesn't come as surprise, but I'm sure you'll get used to it, and ah well, if not, you can kiss my rosy red apostate ass.

yrs sincerely, ex christian."

[norton65ca]

Please forgive the levity, as your situation is a serious one, but it's difficult to resist when one reads the story, to scream at the top of one's lungs: "The emperor has no clothes!!!!!!!!"

I do sympathize with your plight and I wish this vice like hold over your family was broken, I say get the misery out of the way asap. I have no experience with such an aggressively possessive church that would hound their members so in many ways I cannot relate to this experience, so I do echo the advice of those who suggested getting your legal ducks in a row if this could get at all nasty. Incomprehensible in many ways to me but I do realize these places exist.

[Deva]

Wings, I wouldn't want further communication with anyone who referred to me as a "miserable sinner."

 

This whole thing of church discipline always blew my mind even when i was still a Christian. I can't remember specifically any times it was used in the Baptist church I was forced to attend by my parents, probably I was too young to realize what was totally going on, but I have reason to believe that my father participates in the punishment part - he is now a deacon in a Baptist Church. One day while I was visiting my parents a few years ago I was appalled to find some printed material to the effect that he was on the spiritual discipline(or whatever they call it) team. This is partly why I refuse to discuss religion with my parents.

 

Their powers are limited but what they can do is ostracize a person and publicly humiliate them. IMO there is something mentally wrong with someone who would allow themselves to submit to treatment like this, or remain in such an atmosphere.

[Margee]

So, does anyone have any good examples of letters? Ones that you yourselves have submitted? Maybe this would be a good place to put them for all to glean off of, in case others like me have yet to go forward with withdrawing their membership.

 

Thanks!

 

Jeremy

 

Jeremy, I don't know if you would consider this a good example of a letter, but this is the one I sent my pastor. I posted this a long time ago. I wrote and sent this letter in 2008. It was the best I could do back then. I was still very nervous about what was happening to me, but I knew I had to get out......

 

Here is the link to that letter.... Hope it helps you a bit! Margee

 

http://www.ex-christ...r-to-my-pastor/

[roadrunner]

I know someone asked before what kind of discipline a church like ours takes on "wayward members", so I thought of a few examples:...........

 

I am willing to take whatever discipling they throw at me. But if it involves my family I will not accept that. its not fair. In our southern baptist church if you get knocked up out of wedlock, there is enough snickering and shame without it having to be announced from the pulpit. I hear people whispering about the pregnant ladies all the time. I think it says more about the people who are shunning. At the least the knocked up lady still goes to church and is asking forgiveness while the others are like pharisees in wanting to publicly stone and inflict shame on the lady while they have their own sins only you cant visually see it. hipocricy never got to me as a believer but now it does.

 

I plan on keeping my letter short and sweet. Something along the lines of it was a good run you made me a better person, you're no longer needed, you're still my friends. I feel that i dont owe them an explanation but would like to disappear from all the plaques and documents in the church.

[Roxie]

I simply cannot wrap my head around being punished by a church or having to sweat over a departure letter. I was raised in extreme south Georgia, and as strict as the churches were, I have never heard of anything like this. Granted, I stopped going to church in 1975, except for a breif period around 1990, where I termporarily went insane.

 

I wonder if this is something fairly new.

 

I am so sorry some of you have and are going through this. Can you not just not go to church anymore? It sounds like you have to ask permission from them for something they are not going to grant.

[NeverAgainV]

......IMO there is something mentally wrong with someone who would allow themselves to submit to treatment like this, or remain in such an atmosphere.

 

That's a bit harsh I think. At a time in my life when I was a Catholic I would never have put up w/ that shit...but when I got sucked into the bible cult, it is drilled into

the flock's head that they are "totally depraved" "miserable sinners" " worm" & eventually you come to believe that you DESERVE to be treated that way. Also the leaders

do a good job of convincing people that being "chastened, whipped, beaten, etc." is for your benefit & so the lamb just takes it.

 

Folks that put up with it are definitely brainwashed & indoctrinated, which is why most put up with it. Just sayin.

[Deva]

......IMO there is something mentally wrong with someone who would allow themselves to submit to treatment like this, or remain in such an atmosphere.

 

That's a bit harsh I think. At a time in my life when I was a Catholic I would never have put up w/ that shit...but when I got sucked into the bible cult, it is drilled into

the flock's head that they are "totally depraved" "miserable sinners" " worm" & eventually you come to believe that you DESERVE to be treated that way. Also the leaders

do a good job of convincing people that being "chastened, whipped, beaten, etc." is for your benefit & so the lamb just takes it.

 

Folks that put up with it are definitely brainwashed & indoctrinated, which is why most put up with it. Just sayin.

 

Let me back up and restate. Yes, they are brainwashed, indoctrinated and it creates a certain kind of mentality. A black and white type of thinking and a view of oneself that is completely erroneous - therefore this is a wrong mentality which is removed from reality.

 

I did not mean to imply that those who have no choice in this process such as kids raised in fundy homes or people who financially cannot escape, are somehow at fault.

[Wings]

I still find it hard to believe that I ever belonged to this bible cult but it's definitely a situation of emotional abuse.... we were raised since childhood to believe we were worthless sinners (and I still struggle with this today), but the bible cult is the be-all, end-all. No questions asked.

[TrueFreedom]

Next week is the annual get together for my extended family-- I'm no longer invited.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Wings! My heart goes out to you.

 

I'm beginning to feel more and more that my wife is wise not to discuss this topic with anybody and to just go along and try to make others happy.

 

Did anybody else notice when Morgan Freeman (an obvious atheist) sent out prayers for the Aurora, CO victims from twitter last week? I might just start doing that again.

[NeverAgainV]

......IMO there is something mentally wrong with someone who would allow themselves to submit to treatment like this, or remain in such an atmosphere.

 

That's a bit harsh I think. At a time in my life when I was a Catholic I would never have put up w/ that shit...but when I got sucked into the bible cult, it is drilled into

the flock's head that they are "totally depraved" "miserable sinners" " worm" & eventually you come to believe that you DESERVE to be treated that way. Also the leaders

do a good job of convincing people that being "chastened, whipped, beaten, etc." is for your benefit & so the lamb just takes it.

 

Folks that put up with it are definitely brainwashed & indoctrinated, which is why most put up with it. Just sayin.

 

Let me back up and restate. Yes, they are brainwashed, indoctrinated and it creates a certain kind of mentality. A black and white type of thinking and a view of oneself that is completely erroneous - therefore this is a wrong mentality which is removed from reality.

 

I did not mean to imply that those who have no choice in this process such as kids raised in fundy homes or people who financially cannot escape, are somehow at fault.

You are so right the mentality of it messes with people for sure.

I figured you meant no blame to the victims. However there is a mentality in the US & I've seen folks blame the victim when it comes to controlling cults.

BEFORE the whole bible cult thing, I used to think people who got sucked into cults were....

well...not real bright. That's how I saw it in my high school & college days. "how could anyone have joined the People's Temple?" "what's wrong with those people?"

 

While in college I wrote a research paper about "cults" & yet I had no idea that I would get sucked into a cult within a year of graduating from college.

I joined what I thought was just a humble, grace-filled, harmless bible church. It was anything but...sad to say. But those years of hell opened my eyes to a reality I had no exposure to prior to becoming a member of the bible cult.

 

Again, thanks for clarifying Deva ... I just get emotional because so many people believe it is the person's fault who joined the cult.

My bet is that in many cases the person being recruited is loved bombed & completely deceived as to the reality of what they were ultimately coerced into joining....yeah....I get probably too emotional about that because I feel so strongly

about it all.

[NeverAgainV]

 

 

I still find it hard to believe that I ever belonged to this bible cult but it's definitely a situation of emotional abuse.... we were raised since childhood to believe we were worthless sinners (and I still struggle with this today), but the bible cult is the be-all, end-all. No questions asked.
I tried to have a talk with my mom about it this morning, but it didn't go over very well. I have over 20 aunts and uncles and 100+first cousins who belong and I'm the first grandchild to leave (plus one aunt that no one ever talks about).
They do not have the capability to 'think outside' the group and be outside the group. Arguing and debating and giving evidence is completely useless because there is a reason for everything and at the end of the day, this just is. Leaving was incredibly difficult (remains so). I'm home this weekend to have a birthday dinner with my immediate family (who have remained loving to me, church is not a topic). Next week is the annual get together for my extended family-- I'm no longer invited.
I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship with a former boyfriend and I would equate this experience to be similar to the point where there just seems to be no other option.
 Anyone is also welcome to PM me if they are struggling with anything and I really really appreciate the support I've found in this community in lieu of loosing my other one. Thank you!!

Ditto what True Freedom said. It sure is difficult to leave & especially for someone like you Wings, who has so much extended family in it.
Oh, please PM me if you want to chat ever. the cult I left had a mixture of calvinist & baptist leanings so we'll probably have some things in common anyhow.