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Goodbye Jesus

Help Coming Out To My Wife


Rek99

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South Pacific is another great BBC nature documentary, BTW. :D

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Well, last night was D-day (or D-night?) and it went over about as well as I could hope it would I guess. She could tell that I was really upset about something and I just blurted it out, so that part didn't go so well. She was surprisingly receptive, just asking what I wanted to do about it. I told her that I'm more than happy to continue going to church with her, but when my son and daughter start asking me questions about it, I'm not going to pretend that I believe it. This got her a bit upset and she wanted me to refer them to her, which I told her I couldn't do. I did reaffirm her that I am still totally in love with her, that I want to be with her, I still love the children, and I still want to spend the rest of my life with her. She seemed to be comforted by that, but she was still crying at bedtime. I didn't sleep much last night.

 

My wife isn't the smartest person in the world, and she refuses to even challenge her own beliefs. It's as if she has her head in the ground because she's afraid that if she questions it, she'll be in "trouble" somehow. I asked her questions about Adam and Eve, Noah's ark, etc..... she literally thinks that animals used to be able to talk and that Noah was able to collect 2 of every animal because the other continents didn't exist until after the magical worldwide flood. I try to be as respectful as possible, but it's done such a mind-fuck on her it's hard for me not to get pissed.

 

The final straw was when I looked at my account last night and saw that she tithed $400 of my bonus check away. We need a new dryer because our old one is dying, and she just gave away the money that we need. "God will provide for us". BULLSHIT! I just provided for us and she just paid the preacher's weekly salary. Anyway, thanks for all the advice everyone, I'll try to provide updates here in hopes that other people in my shoes gain the courage to get out. A year ago I was literally too paralyzed to even think about talking to her about it.

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Hoping for the best for you two, Rek.

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Hopefully this means the worst is over, Rek. We're all here for you when you need some moral support if things get rough.

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Do you watch documentaries together? Galapagos is a great nature documentary that walks through Darwin's discoveries there. I snuck that one on my wife before telling her that I no longer believed, and it started her wheels turning.

 

You sneaky bastard

 

sneaky and lucky bastard. My wife doesnt want to watch SQUAT if it ain't jesus, jesus, jesus. Hang in there Rek . I still (to this day) at the ripe old age of 29 say that was the hardest thing I ever had to do as an adult.

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Me and the concubine got into it the other night. She brought out this story that she heard at her catholic charismatic conference, about some guy who supposedly wasn't a xian, but liked Jesus or whatever, and he had a metal rod in his leg (he was in the hospital). Medium story short, him and a priest prayed over the leg, and WHAMMO, the rod FUCKING DISAPPEARS. ooooKkkaayyy. So I say, show me the x rays. She gets all pissy cuz I didn't fall on the floor at TGIF's and start going all Toronto Fest or whatever the fuck that shit was, mooing like a cow and praising jebus. She realizes there's not even a 1% chance I'm going back (unless there'such better evidence presented, and no, a third hand hearsay account of a miracle isn't evidence). She threw the D word around a time or two, but later took it back, and I came as clean to her as I ever have. I. DON'T. BUY. INTO. IT. ANYMORE. so she knows fully, and we're ok.

 

She's gotten a little more fundy since the conference in her reading and indoctrinating the girls, but at this point as long as shes more or less leaving me the fuck alone about it, cool.

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I heard a similar story to that, I don't understand why people believe this stuff without evidence and get angry at people who won't believe it. It really shows how gullible people really are. I hope she wakes up one day, things would be easier if she did but at least she's not giving you too much of a hard time.

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Me and the concubine got into it the other night. She brought out this story that she heard at her catholic charismatic conference, about some guy who supposedly wasn't a xian, but liked Jesus or whatever, and he had a metal rod in his leg (he was in the hospital). Medium story short, him and a priest prayed over the leg, and WHAMMO, the rod FUCKING DISAPPEARS. ooooKkkaayyy. So I say, show me the x rays. She gets all pissy cuz I didn't fall on the floor at TGIF's and start going all Toronto Fest or whatever the fuck that shit was, mooing like a cow and praising jebus. She realizes there's not even a 1% chance I'm going back (unless there'such better evidence presented, and no, a third hand hearsay account of a miracle isn't evidence). She threw the D word around a time or two, but later took it back, and I came as clean to her as I ever have. I. DON'T. BUY. INTO. IT. ANYMORE. so she knows fully, and we're ok.

 

She's gotten a little more fundy since the conference in her reading and indoctrinating the girls, but at this point as long as shes more or less leaving me the fuck alone about it, cool.

 

I never understood how anyone would believe a story like that.

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That sounds like something I'd read out of a Lee Strobel book. Btw, I seriously laughed out loud reading your account of rolling on the floor. Mooing like a cow, classic.

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Me and the concubine got into it the other night. She brought out this story that she heard at her catholic charismatic conference, about some guy who supposedly wasn't a xian, but liked Jesus or whatever, and he had a metal rod in his leg (he was in the hospital). Medium story short, him and a priest prayed over the leg, and WHAMMO, the rod FUCKING DISAPPEARS. ooooKkkaayyy. So I say, show me the x rays. She gets all pissy cuz I didn't fall on the floor at TGIF's and start going all Toronto Fest or whatever the fuck that shit was, mooing like a cow and praising jebus. She realizes there's not even a 1% chance I'm going back (unless there'such better evidence presented, and no, a third hand hearsay account of a miracle isn't evidence). She threw the D word around a time or two, but later took it back, and I came as clean to her as I ever have. I. DON'T. BUY. INTO. IT. ANYMORE. so she knows fully, and we're ok.

 

She's gotten a little more fundy since the conference in her reading and indoctrinating the girls, but at this point as long as shes more or less leaving me the fuck alone about it, cool.

 

I never understood how anyone would believe a story like that.

 

Because catholic priests don't sin, and lying would be a sin.

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That sounds like something I'd read out of a Lee Strobel book. Btw, I seriously laughed out loud reading your account of rolling on the floor. Mooing like a cow, classic.

 

Strobel is a massive douche. I actually read that damn CFC book and sent it to a friend of mine that just didnt practice any religion whatsoever, trying to show him HOW FUCKING REAL JESUS IS!!!!!11!!1 I even mentioned angels mating with humans like it says in genesis and shit. and i never was even all that fundy.

 

Wendyloser.gifWendyDoh.gifsmiliegojerkit.gifrolleyes.gifWendycrazy.gifvent.gif49.gifSheepFucker.gifSheepFucker.gifSheepFucker.gif

 

I never have told him to forget that shit, i was crazy back then, but in the rare occassion i see him i always feel like a total twatwaffle.

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When I discussed my deconversion with my wife, she insisted that I read Case For Christ. I secretly want to read it just so I can tear it apart. I told her that I wouldn't be able to finish it.... now it's eating at me

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I read case for faith and watched case for christ. both were "cute" xian tracts but fell way short of arguing for any case. just like every apologetics work, it works if u already believe but once u start thinking they all sound stupid

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When I discussed my deconversion with my wife, she insisted that I read Case For Christ. I secretly want to read it just so I can tear it apart. I told her that I wouldn't be able to finish it.... now it's eating at me

 

I'm pretty sure there's a book out there specifically devoted to debunking it, but dot quote me. Google it.

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The Case Against the Case for Christ by Robert M Price (the bible geek)--should be pretty good (not that it's really needed)

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@True Freedom: We watched the entire Galapagos series this weekend. Not only was it an amazing series, it had some great points. I don't know if she'll ever de-convert, but we'll see. She seems to have no bullshit detector and just accept everything the bible says. It's kind of insulting when I try and talk logically to her and she thinks I'm full of crap, but then she watches some online Evangelist "scientist" to reaffirm her faith. I guess I can't be too upset, it's been less than a week and things are better than I ever could have hoped they would be.

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@True Freedom: We watched the entire Galapagos series this weekend. Not only was it an amazing series, it had some great points. I don't know if she'll ever de-convert, but we'll see. She seems to have no bullshit detector and just accept everything the bible says. It's kind of insulting when I try and talk logically to her and she thinks I'm full of crap, but then she watches some online Evangelist "scientist" to reaffirm her faith. I guess I can't be too upset, it's been less than a week and things are better than I ever could have hoped they would be.

 

That's great, Rek! We all grow in different areas at our own pace. Hopefully you can both just accept each other where you are without expecting the other to adopt your current perspective.

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My wife has started reading the books I suggested to her. My hope is that, giving her faith some thought, (which she has never done) might make her realize how silly it is. If not, she will, at the very least, understand my view better.

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My wife has started reading the books I suggested to her. My hope is that, giving her faith some thought, (which she has never done) might make her realize how silly it is. If not, she will, at the very least, understand my view better.

That's a good woman you got there, Sir Knight.

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My wife has started reading the books I suggested to her. My hope is that, giving her faith some thought, (which she has never done) might make her realize how silly it is. If not, she will, at the very least, understand my view better.

That's a good woman you got there, Sir Knight.

 

Ain't that the truth. My wife isnt reading or listening to anything contrary to her faith. Its sad when you have to survive by putting your head in the sand. Though she always passes daily bread and says "hey look at this" but none of my heathen documentaries get any attention. To her credit, history was never interesting to me either until it actually pertained to something i cared about. Now I find it just about all of it incredibly intriguing.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I thought I'd give an update since it's been a few weeks since I posted anything about this.

 

Overall things are going very well. My wife has been surprisingly receptive to my recent "coming out", and things at home couldn't be better considering the circumstances. I know she's not happy about the fact, and she was really looking forward to us "ministering" together through the church, volunteer work, missions, etc..... We talked for a while last night and I made it clear that my passion for helping others isn't gone, I still want to work to help other humans in meaningful ways, not in the imaginary way of praying for them, or tithing money that buys the preacher a new iPad. We talked about volunteering at a food bank again, or with Habitat for Humanity. We want our children to have the values of helping others, so even if they just come and play, it should mean something for them to watch us help other people.

 

I thought for sure I'd be shut down from sex for a while, but it's strange, my wife has been surprisingly "frisky" in the bedroom. Maybe it's because I'm the forbidden fruit now, and it tastes so good! zDuivel7.gif

 

The only bad part is that I'm in a pretty lonely place. My wife told quite a few of our friends about my de-conversion, which I don't really mind, but it has changed their attitudes in general towards me. We weren't invited to our friend's house for dinner this month like we usually are, which might be a concidence, but I can't help but think that it's because they don't want a non-believer around. Most, if not all, or my friends are Christians, so I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I could find a support group, but I really don't want to take any more time away from my kids because I go to school 2 nights a week after working 45 hours. I think it will pass, but it sucks right now.

 

The last thing is, my wife has connected with another "non-believer's wife" in our church and is telling her quite a bit of incorrect information about me. I found out because she sent the emails to the other woman through our joint email account, and I saw a response in our inbox before she did. There is a lot of stuff about why my wife thinks I de-converted, almost all of which is wrong. I'm not sure if I should confront her about it, or if she'll be upset that I was "snooping" on her, which I really wasn't.

 

Anyway, this is good therapy for me, if you can call it that. To anyone else who's thinking of telling their spouse about their de-conversion, I can offer a bit of advice. Don't debate with your spouse after-the-fact. There were plenty of fights the first week, mostly because I was being an asshole and telling her all the reasons why the bible is wrong, and this was the wrong way to go. Imagine your spouse converting to some religion and non-stop preaching to you about it. It would bug the shit out of you! Don't do it to them about de-converting, because it could just push them further down the religion rabbit-hole.

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I thought for sure I'd be shut down from sex for a while, but it's strange, my wife has been surprisingly "frisky" in the bedroom. Maybe it's because I'm the forbidden fruit now, and it tastes so good! zDuivel7.gif

 

Weird, isn't it? I had the same experience. I still don't know exactly why that is. I thought for sure that nothing would happen in the bedroom for months after "the talk."

 

I'm glad things are going well for you. I concur with your assertion to not get into Biblical debates after coming out. At least, not right away. If my wife were to ask me what I think about something, I would say exactly what I think the truth to be, but I'm not about to bring it up myself.

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I wouldn't worry too much about those 'friends' who may have de-friended you. If they did then they weren't really good friends to begin with. When I was in the cult, one of my best friends was, and still is, an atheist. My theism and his atheism never got in the way of our fondness for each other. He's from another part of the country so I only speak with him via this or phone. But one time he was in my state with his oldest son and they came over our house for dinner. We had one of the best, and funniest times I've ever recalled having.

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If she starts talking divorce and you really don't want that, be sure to use her Bible to your advantage one last time by pointing out that 1 Corinthians 7:13-16 says that a wife is not to divorce her unbelieving husband if he is willing to live with her.

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If she starts talking divorce and you really don't want that, be sure to use her Bible to your advantage one last time by pointing out that 1 Corinthians 7:13-16 says that a wife is not to divorce her unbelieving husband if he is willing to live with her.

 

Yeah I (jokingly) brought that up last night, and she said that short of me becoming a drug addict or cheating on her, she wouldn't divorce me. I love my woman!

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