What Killed Your Faith For Good?

[rach]

I have always really wanted to believe in a loving creator who "never gives us more than we can handle".  But my life circumstances have been more extreme than most people's and it's led to a lifetime of quiet reflection on the tragedy that happened in my life and in the lives of a multitude of others through history.  I can understand, to an extent, a God that would allow suffering.  I can understand that perhaps a loving God could allow someone to suffer from cancer or diabetes or whatever because nature has it's flaws.  And a person can go through cancer or something like that and come out stronger, better person.  But torture is something I can't wrap my mind around.  I can't understand a God who allows, for instance, a person to be buried alive, midieval torture devices, individuals being set on fire, horrific things that happen in warfare, terrible deformities, torture of animals....all these kinds of sick things.  I know the standard Christian response is that god sent his son to be tortured.  But to me it just seems wrong to continue the existence of a world in which such extreme events occur. 

[ISISBrett]

Cinco De Mayo 2013: the Catholic and Alliance churches I've been to never acknowledged of the holiday despite that I'm American of Filipino descent. I like the holiday. One of the greatest days Mexicans love to celebrate and instead of giving them a thumbs up, the Anti-Obama/Anti-Liberal priest and pastor spoke that the USA must repent back to the grace of the Christian Deity and uphold his standards "lest they be thrown into fire and brimstone." 

 

I wrote my one vent in my diary then and there to quit believing in Christianity.  

[milesaway]

Cinco De Mayo 2013: the Catholic and Alliance churches I've been to never acknowledged of the holiday despite that I'm American of Filipino descent. I like the holiday. One of the greatest days Mexicans love to celebrate and instead of giving them a thumbs up, the Anti-Obama/Anti-Liberal priest and pastor spoke that the USA must repent back to the grace of the Christian Deity and uphold his standards "lest they be thrown into fire and brimstone." 

 

I wrote my one vent in my diary then and there to quit believing in Christianity.  

So crappy! Then again, something like this shouldn't surprise me at all. Things like this always bothered me, and i wondered why they weren't more accepting towards others. Xianity isn't exactly known for its' cultural sensitivity, despite how they brag about being so.

 

Now that i think about it, i don't remember any of the churches i visited mentioning Cinco de Mayo or anything like that, not even the more "liberal" one, and my neighborhood is diverse. One of the two catholic churches i visited might have mentioned it in passing if memory serves me right, but that's it. On the other hand, the majority of the congregation didn't come from the neighborhood, they had money and lived in the suburbs. The last church i visited has a decently sized Vietnamese population, and they made a huge deal about starting a monthly lunch where Chinese food is served, kind of like they were saying "See? We remembered you too! Aren't we awesome?"

 

Anyways, fuck them and the horse they rode in on, ISISBrett, and embrace your heritage. Take pride in it! If they can't be any more culturally sensitive than that, then they're not something you need to be wasting your time on.

[new2me]

I probably don't "fit in" here cause even though I dropped my religion I still believe/hope that God is real: but let's define "God". 

 

There are lots of folks here who don't identify as atheists.  You'll "fit in" just fine here.  

[RogueScholar]

A little late to the game, but I'm not sure it was just one thing, but rather a collection of evidence looked at as objectively as possible. I certainly had experiences that left a profound and long lasting mark. One such involved work I did on a concept known as spectroscopy (A picture of some visible emission lines for Hydrogen is actually my current avatar.) where I looked at atomic emission lines. The emissions are exquisetly sharp and well defined and always emit at the same energies. It's really profound to realise that physical phenomena do things in a very consistent way and if some sort of interventional God existed, it simply could not exist in this universe.

[Lilith666]

Cinco De Mayo 2013: the Catholic and Alliance churches I've been to never acknowledged of the holiday despite that I'm American of Filipino descent. I like the holiday. One of the greatest days Mexicans love to celebrate and instead of giving them a thumbs up, the Anti-Obama/Anti-Liberal priest and pastor spoke that the USA must repent back to the grace of the Christian Deity and uphold his standards "lest they be thrown into fire and brimstone." 

 

I wrote my one vent in my diary then and there to quit believing in Christianity.  

I can see why they wouldn't, particularly if the churches were made up mostly of non-Mexican ethnicities, as it's not a federal holiday and there are so many different holidays in the US from different cultures. If you find a church you like (one with Mexican or Filipino heritage would be good), you could start your own Cinco de Mayo celebration.

[impickle]

I began questioning religion, and the existence of god in my teens, one major event really made my head spin.  I developed a deep anger for what was then my church "family" after I had given my testimony in church and they turned their backs on my for my "sins".  One of our deacons actually had the audacity to tell my boyfriends best friend (several years later) that he needed to stay away from me because [insert profanity and untruths here].  It was heartbreaking for me because I grew up in that church and had devoted much time and devotion to it.  That was my big turning point.  After that there were a series of small events that led me to question not only religion but the existence of god.  One was the holy trinity.  That just makes no sense.  And I could go on all day about it.  I did try church again after my children were born, the pastor and an older member of the church literally told me I had a demon in me and proceeded to try to TEACH me to speak in toungues. PSHHHHH... Maybe this was my true breaking point, I don't know.  Since then, Ive relentlessly questioned christians about religion and the bible.  No one really knows the answers, and my questions usually made them begin to question things themselves, like they never thought to question any of it, completely shaking their faith.  That right there confirmed for me that all this religion stuff was total shit.  Now I am left to giggle at facebook posts when people chalk up surviving a fender bender to gods devine intervention.  PULeeeez!  There are far bigger, more devastating things going on in this world than your fender bender!  Are people honestly THAT self centered to think that god would waste his time and "power" on a fender bender when there are people starving to death, there is war, rapes, genocide, tsunamis, etc, etc??? REALLY????? Anyway, I've turned this into a rant, but I'm sure you get the picture.  I just find it all idiotic.  We are all about as significant as the hamburger you ate on the 4th of July.  So enjoy life while you have the chance and stop living in fear. Nobody gets out alive anyway  (that's my new mantra)

[phillie]

It was when I realized the drastic repercussions on real life that my belief had upon other people. Most specifically the bible's stance on homosexuality, denying a person's basic rights just didn't make sense, especially for a small reason like the bible tells us that homosexuality is a sin. I was also a very conflicted child, always feeling guilty about my "sins", but heading into my teenage years, that completely changed because none of it made sense anymore.

[pawn]

First time post....

I only just recently "deconverted".  I found this site last week and have been reading like crazy.  I wasn't raised in the church, so it was very easy for me to deconvert compared to many of you, as I have no social ostracism to worry about.  Even before I bacame a full-on Christian, I firstly dabbled in New Age and Eastern religions, and all sorts of eveything.  Basically, been a "seeker" my while life, and then Christ was the final path that found, and once I realized that the Bible was no more true than the Koran or any other mythology, it all just gell away, and now I have no religion at all, just Science and Naturalism.  I have always been very rational and skeptical, so decorting was very easy for me, it was a bit painful at first, like pulling off a bandaid, but now I feel peace, and freedom and just a lot fo relief.
  All my life was spent chasing "enlightenment" or a "higher power" or somehow to improve myself, and now I realize how much I dmaged my mind by being such a perfectionist.  Its funny that I started out a "New Ager", and I tried virtually all the religious paths, and a bible-believing Christianity was the final path i followed, before dropping all religion altogether.

 

For me, sonce I was a religious fanatic in many different flavors, its not so much about being an "ex-christian" as much as I feel "ex-religious", because all the other religions are just as ridiculous, and ignorant, and perfectionist.  For me, the huge relief of leaving behind religion is like a huge relif of leaving behind perfectionism, as they were one and the same for me.  Always truing to be "enlightened', always trying to be "righteous", always yrying to be like Jesus, and laways coming up short...  Well, now that I realize its all a bunch of myth and imaginary stuff, I feel FREE, FREE TO ACCEPT MYSELF THE WAY I AM...A PERFECTLY IMERFECT HUMAN BEING.

 

I hope to share more as I find the time.  It would take me several hundred pages to describe what finally "killed my faith", but in the end it was just realizing that it was all in my head, its all imaginary, all of it...

[Aggie]

Church history and the history of biblical interpretation were really the drivers for me.  John Henry Newman, a convert from Calvinism to Anglicanism to Catholicism, said something like "to be deep in history is to cease to be Protestant."  

Here's a great quote of his:

“And this utter incongruity between Protestantism and historical Christianity is a plain fact, whether the latter be regarded in its earlier or in its later centuries. Protestants can as little bear its Ante-nicene as its Post-tridentine period. I have elsewhere observed on this circumstance: "So much must the Protestant grant that, if such a system of doctrine as he would now introduce ever existed in early times, it has been clean swept away as if by a deluge, suddenly, silently, and without memorial . . .;’ Let him take which of his doctrines he will, his peculiar view of self-righteousness, of formality, of superstition; his notion of faith, or of spirituality in religious worship; his denial of the virtue of the sacraments, or of the ministerial commission, or of the visible Church; or his doctrine of the divine efficacy of the Scriptures as the one appointed instrument of religious teaching; and let him consider how far Antiquity, as it has come down to us, will countenance him in it. No; he must allow that the alleged deluge has done its work; yes, and has in turn disappeared itself; it has been swallowed up by the earth, mercilessly as itself was merciless." 

I think that Newman was right about Protestantism.  I could find no one that believed in the Reformers' "justification by faith alone" before the Reformation.  The whole idea of "imputed righteousness" is a Reformation invention.   What was the Holy Spirit supposedly doing all of those centuries as this was, in the words of Luther, "the article by which the church stands or falls."  "Sola scriptura" also made no sense because of all the controversies about what books should be in the Bible.

After much attempting to deny it, came to realize the utter implausibility of Catholicism (and Eastern Orthodoxy) as well.  TH Huxley made a comment of something like "to be deeper in history is to cease to be Catholic...."  It's an odd (and somewhat frightening) thing that humans have such a difficult time rejecting the ridiculous.

[Enlightened]

Christian history and critical analysis of the bible took my faith to the very edge. Theodicy pushed it over.

[RipVanWinkle]

At the point at which I realized that I was as capable as the apologists in reading the bible, that was the turning point for me.

 

IN MY OPINION THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO THINKING XTIANS DECONVERTING IS THE LACK OF

CONFIDENCE IN THEIR OWN THINKING. THAT DOUBT IS JUST EXACTLY WHAT THE CHURCH WANTS. BUT IT IS NOT HARD TO FIGURE OUT ONCE YOU MAKE THE DECISION TO DO YOUR OWN THINKING AND

READING.

 

"DO NOT DEPEND UPON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING",INDEED. WHAT BETTER MOTTO COULD A FRAUD

HAVE?

 

The bible condemns itself: I didn't see any "fruits" to suggest that god's people in

the bible were exceptionally good. Most of them did much more evil than good.

 

And as to the fruits of people who became christians after the death of Christ, its

clear to me that Xtianity as a whole has done far more harm than good.

 

And since Jesus said,"You shall know them by their fruits",----the conclusion is inescapable.

bill

[RaLeah]

At the point at which I realized that I was as capable as the apologists in reading the bible, that was the turning point for me.

 

IN MY OPINION THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE TO THINKING XTIANS DECONVERTING IS THE LACK OF

CONFIDENCE IN THEIR OWN THINKING. THAT DOUBT IS JUST EXACTLY WHAT THE CHURCH WANTS. BUT IT IS NOT HARD TO FIGURE OUT ONCE YOU MAKE THE DECISION TO DO YOUR OWN THINKING AND

READING.

 

"DO NOT DEPEND UPON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING",INDEED. WHAT BETTER MOTTO COULD A FRAUD

HAVE?

 

The bible condemns itself: I didn't see any "fruits" to suggest that god's people in

the bible were exceptionally good. Most of them did much more evil than good.

 

And as to the fruits of people who became christians after the death of Christ, its

clear to me that Xtianity as a whole has done far more harm than good.

 

And since Jesus said,"You shall know them by their fruits",----the conclusion is inescapable.

bill

 

I agree with you whole-heartedly. I was thinking today that deciding to question, to go on a quest for truth, is the hardest and most important part. When you care about truth more than comfort, when you decide ignorance is not bliss, that's when you really are on the path to getting out. 

 

It's inevitable that we'll accidentally stumble onto truths in our life that contradict the Bible. We can block those out for a while, but there's a tipping point, one too many, when the intellectually curious people finally think, "Okay, I need to look into this and debunk it or at least investigate it to see if it has any validity." Once you do that, you WILL find evidence to the contrary of the Bible, and then you'll have to run away from it fast or look closer and accept the knowledge you've learned. 

 

The Christian indoctrination is so strong though. They try to tell you "lean not unto thine own understanding" and to block out any outside information. They make you doubt your own mind, your own intellect, your own exposure to facts. It can really torture your brain, trying to cling to what they've always told you, and trying to sort out the new information you have of evidence, facts, reality. To save your own sanity, you almost HAVE to investigate it, to look closer. You can put it off for a while, put a pin in it and promise yourself you'll do it later and then keep kicking the can down the road (which I think a lot of Christians do who are busy with two jobs, a bunch of kids, a spouse, and bills to pay) but sooner or later that paradox in your head is going to bug you to the point that you have to sort it out and find the answers to your questions once and for all. 

 

The funny thing is... the Christians who remain are more frightened than ever about questioning or searching for truth--because everyone they know who went on that quest left the church. So they hunker down and try to reinforce what they already believe even harder. Don't question, don't doubt, don't trust your own brain. 

 

I just feel pity for that mindset now. 

[NeverAgainV]

It wasn't just one thing that killed my faith- it was a long agonizing process that I almost didn't survive (I think you know what I mean) I believed the propoganda that the Lord would make a way where there is none- well, he didn't. I had real faith that could move mountains- only it couldn't, the mountains stayed right where they were and it broke my faith over a period of horrible years. I probably don't "fit in" here cause even though I dropped my religion I still believe/hope that God is real: but let's define "God". What I worshipped before and devoted my life to was a fake idol- eternal Hell, thought control, brainwashing, anti-science etc etc etc. I'd rather be an atheist and believe there's nothing, but I can't- and I know it could be cause my ape-brain can't help but create gods. "God" to me is an ideal, or the embodiment of our highest ideals even if he/she doesn't really exist. Does a mad creator who criticizes my every thought and tortures my departed loved ones forever for the pettiest imperfections really represent my highest ideals? No way! I still believe that most people have "souls", even if nothing survives death. The "soul" is still part of them, and this finite life-span is eternal even though it begins and ends (this is hard to explain, but I have a condition where I don't always experience the passage of time in linear order so it makes sense to me) Religion puts all this emphasis on your last day, but really it's one of your least important days.

I was just crying last night while doing the dishes because I want so much to believe there is something "benevolent" in the universe who actually gives a shit about humanity. I was crying because I am having serious

doubts...I don't want to believe that just this life is all there is either. I want to hope there is more than just this. I mean, religion really really fucked up my life here, a "do-over" would be great.

 

I considered myself a deist for a while, then questioned that.  Then I wondered well maybe there are individual "gods" the god of anger, kindness, prosperity, sex, love, employment??  It's been hard for me to embrace the idea that

this is all there is...especially knowing I wasted a good amount of THIS life in religious bullshit and all of the years lost.   So, what I'm saying is not all that are here on Ex-C are atheists. Some of us are still holding on that there is something more.

[Aggie]

 

It wasn't just one thing that killed my faith- it was a long agonizing process that I almost didn't survive (I think you know what I mean) I believed the propoganda that the Lord would make a way where there is none- well, he didn't. I had real faith that could move mountains- only it couldn't, the mountains stayed right where they were and it broke my faith over a period of horrible years. I probably don't "fit in" here cause even though I dropped my religion I still believe/hope that God is real: but let's define "God". What I worshipped before and devoted my life to was a fake idol- eternal Hell, thought control, brainwashing, anti-science etc etc etc. I'd rather be an atheist and believe there's nothing, but I can't- and I know it could be cause my ape-brain can't help but create gods. "God" to me is an ideal, or the embodiment of our highest ideals even if he/she doesn't really exist. Does a mad creator who criticizes my every thought and tortures my departed loved ones forever for the pettiest imperfections really represent my highest ideals? No way! I still believe that most people have "souls", even if nothing survives death. The "soul" is still part of them, and this finite life-span is eternal even though it begins and ends (this is hard to explain, but I have a condition where I don't always experience the passage of time in linear order so it makes sense to me) Religion puts all this emphasis on your last day, but really it's one of your least important days.

I was just crying last night while doing the dishes because I want so much to believe there is something "benevolent" in the universe who actually gives a shit about humanity. I was crying because I am having serious

doubts...I don't want to believe that just this life is all there is either. I want to hope there is more than just this. I mean, religion really really fucked up my life here, a "do-over" would be great.

 

I considered myself a deist for a while, then questioned that.  Then I wondered well maybe there are individual "gods" the god of anger, kindness, prosperity, sex, love, employment??  It's been hard for me to embrace the idea that

this is all there is...especially knowing I wasted a good amount of THIS life in religious bullshit and all of the years lost.   So, what I'm saying is not all that are here on Ex-C are atheists. Some of us are still holding on that there is something more.

 

I totally understand all this (says the agnostic).  In an odd sort of way, this means to me that we are not alone in the universe...

[NeverAgainV]

 

 

It wasn't just one thing that killed my faith- it was a long agonizing process that I almost didn't survive (I think you know what I mean) I believed the propoganda that the Lord would make a way where there is none- well, he didn't. I had real faith that could move mountains- only it couldn't, the mountains stayed right where they were and it broke my faith over a period of horrible years. I probably don't "fit in" here cause even though I dropped my religion I still believe/hope that God is real: but let's define "God". What I worshipped before and devoted my life to was a fake idol- eternal Hell, thought control, brainwashing, anti-science etc etc etc. I'd rather be an atheist and believe there's nothing, but I can't- and I know it could be cause my ape-brain can't help but create gods. "God" to me is an ideal, or the embodiment of our highest ideals even if he/she doesn't really exist. Does a mad creator who criticizes my every thought and tortures my departed loved ones forever for the pettiest imperfections really represent my highest ideals? No way! I still believe that most people have "souls", even if nothing survives death. The "soul" is still part of them, and this finite life-span is eternal even though it begins and ends (this is hard to explain, but I have a condition where I don't always experience the passage of time in linear order so it makes sense to me) Religion puts all this emphasis on your last day, but really it's one of your least important days.

I was just crying last night while doing the dishes because I want so much to believe there is something "benevolent" in the universe who actually gives a shit about humanity. I was crying because I am having serious

doubts...I don't want to believe that just this life is all there is either. I want to hope there is more than just this. I mean, religion really really fucked up my life here, a "do-over" would be great.

 

I considered myself a deist for a while, then questioned that.  Then I wondered well maybe there are individual "gods" the god of anger, kindness, prosperity, sex, love, employment??  It's been hard for me to embrace the idea that

this is all there is...especially knowing I wasted a good amount of THIS life in religious bullshit and all of the years lost.   So, what I'm saying is not all that are here on Ex-C are atheists. Some of us are still holding on that there is something more.

 

I totally understand all this (says the agnostic).  In an odd sort of way, this means to me that we are not alone in the universe...

 

I'm kinda hoping we are not alone in the universe if what's out there is good! Lol!

[Aggie]

 

 

 

It wasn't just one thing that killed my faith- it was a long agonizing process that I almost didn't survive (I think you know what I mean) I believed the propoganda that the Lord would make a way where there is none- well, he didn't. I had real faith that could move mountains- only it couldn't, the mountains stayed right where they were and it broke my faith over a period of horrible years. I probably don't "fit in" here cause even though I dropped my religion I still believe/hope that God is real: but let's define "God". What I worshipped before and devoted my life to was a fake idol- eternal Hell, thought control, brainwashing, anti-science etc etc etc. I'd rather be an atheist and believe there's nothing, but I can't- and I know it could be cause my ape-brain can't help but create gods. "God" to me is an ideal, or the embodiment of our highest ideals even if he/she doesn't really exist. Does a mad creator who criticizes my every thought and tortures my departed loved ones forever for the pettiest imperfections really represent my highest ideals? No way! I still believe that most people have "souls", even if nothing survives death. The "soul" is still part of them, and this finite life-span is eternal even though it begins and ends (this is hard to explain, but I have a condition where I don't always experience the passage of time in linear order so it makes sense to me) Religion puts all this emphasis on your last day, but really it's one of your least important days.

I was just crying last night while doing the dishes because I want so much to believe there is something "benevolent" in the universe who actually gives a shit about humanity. I was crying because I am having serious

doubts...I don't want to believe that just this life is all there is either. I want to hope there is more than just this. I mean, religion really really fucked up my life here, a "do-over" would be great.

 

I considered myself a deist for a while, then questioned that.  Then I wondered well maybe there are individual "gods" the god of anger, kindness, prosperity, sex, love, employment??  It's been hard for me to embrace the idea that

this is all there is...especially knowing I wasted a good amount of THIS life in religious bullshit and all of the years lost.   So, what I'm saying is not all that are here on Ex-C are atheists. Some of us are still holding on that there is something more.

 

I totally understand all this (says the agnostic).  In an odd sort of way, this means to me that we are not alone in the universe...

 

I'm kinda hoping we are not alone in the universe if what's out there is good! Lol!

 

I've been thinking lately about how it may not matter either way. I suppose that this life is probably it, and that I'll likely be both glad and sad that it is over at the moment just before the time comes.  Many joys and many sorrows to leave behind!

 

Here's a quote from the Buddha that I like.  Trying to keep myself from hatred, untroubled, and happy in this world is plenty enough to work on...

 

"‘If there is an after-world, if there is the fruit and result of actions that are good or evil, then I will be reborn at the breaking up of the body, after death, in a place that is happy, a heavenly world.’  This is the first comfort that he attains.  He thinks: ‘If there is no afterworld, no fruit and results of actions that are good or evil, then here in the visible world I will keep myself from hatred, untroubled, free from vexation and happy.’  This is the second comfort he attains."

[NeverAgainV]

 

 

 

 

It wasn't just one thing that killed my faith- it was a long agonizing process that I almost didn't survive (I think you know what I mean) I believed the propoganda that the Lord would make a way where there is none- well, he didn't. I had real faith that could move mountains- only it couldn't, the mountains stayed right where they were and it broke my faith over a period of horrible years. I probably don't "fit in" here cause even though I dropped my religion I still believe/hope that God is real: but let's define "God". What I worshipped before and devoted my life to was a fake idol- eternal Hell, thought control, brainwashing, anti-science etc etc etc. I'd rather be an atheist and believe there's nothing, but I can't- and I know it could be cause my ape-brain can't help but create gods. "God" to me is an ideal, or the embodiment of our highest ideals even if he/she doesn't really exist. Does a mad creator who criticizes my every thought and tortures my departed loved ones forever for the pettiest imperfections really represent my highest ideals? No way! I still believe that most people have "souls", even if nothing survives death. The "soul" is still part of them, and this finite life-span is eternal even though it begins and ends (this is hard to explain, but I have a condition where I don't always experience the passage of time in linear order so it makes sense to me) Religion puts all this emphasis on your last day, but really it's one of your least important days.

I was just crying last night while doing the dishes because I want so much to believe there is something "benevolent" in the universe who actually gives a shit about humanity. I was crying because I am having serious

doubts...I don't want to believe that just this life is all there is either. I want to hope there is more than just this. I mean, religion really really fucked up my life here, a "do-over" would be great.

 

I considered myself a deist for a while, then questioned that.  Then I wondered well maybe there are individual "gods" the god of anger, kindness, prosperity, sex, love, employment??  It's been hard for me to embrace the idea that

this is all there is...especially knowing I wasted a good amount of THIS life in religious bullshit and all of the years lost.   So, what I'm saying is not all that are here on Ex-C are atheists. Some of us are still holding on that there is something more.

 

I totally understand all this (says the agnostic).  In an odd sort of way, this means to me that we are not alone in the universe...

 

I'm kinda hoping we are not alone in the universe if what's out there is good! Lol!

 

I've been thinking lately about how it may not matter either way. I suppose that this life is probably it, and that I'll likely be both glad and sad that it is over at the moment just before the time comes.  Many joys and many sorrows to leave behind!

 

Here's a quote from the Buddha that I like.  Trying to keep myself from hatred, untroubled, and happy in this world is plenty enough to work on...

 

"‘If there is an after-world, if there is the fruit and result of actions that are good or evil, then I will be reborn at the breaking up of the body, after death, in a place that is happy, a heavenly world.’  This is the first comfort that he attains.  He thinks: ‘If there is no afterworld, no fruit and results of actions that are good or evil, then here in the visible world I will keep myself from hatred, untroubled, free from vexation and happy.’  This is the second comfort he attains."

 

Thanks for the quote. I like it. I know what you mean just trying to be happy and appreciate the good in my life.

 

I appreciate Buddhism. My sister is a Buddhist, my poor mom says she failed her children because so many of us have abandoned Catholicism & Christianity we were raised with! I told her, don't think that! Your raised us to make our own decisions and so we are following the paths we believe are right for us. Ah well.

 

I try to just live in the NOW. It's only late at night or those times when my mind wanders that I start to think of that afterlife stuff. It wont do any good to fret over it right?

Just try to live good now and make a positive difference in my sphere or life.

[MerryG]

I'm still struggling. I'm not sure yet. I became full of doubts when I read "Jesus Interrupted" and books about evolution, but I still have that nagging doubt that God may take it personal if I leave Him.

 

Frankly, Henry, even if the creator of the universe -- with all its Saganesque Billions and Billions of galaxies -- was personally supervising planet Earth, why would he care what any of us do? It would be like us caring what some ant clear on the other side of the world is doing.

[MerryG]

God is all powerful. He knows everything. I know that sounds lame, but if you have enough power to make a universe or a multiverse, you would have resources to keep tabs on your creation.

 

 

If you believe god exists, is all-powerful, and has some reason to watch and judge us (we, who are the equivalent (maybe) of one atom, or even one quark, in the greater universe), then that's what you believe. No point trying to argue with a position like that. It is what it is.

[Wonderingbread]

First post in 5 years, here goes.

 

Sophomore year in high school, I sit down in English class and notice bold letters on the board of today's lesson material: Biblical Mythology.

 

I never doubted my faith up to this point. It never even occurred to me to doubt or that other people could even doubt. I considered it obvious that Jesus was the truth and that unbelievers were actively conspiring against god because they wanted to be sinners (not because they had good reasons or countering evidence). I thought it was my responsibility as a christian to convince them to believe just like my religious mentors told me. So I approached the teacher after class and asked him how he can call anything in the bible "mythological." The title really threw me off for some reason but he was patient and said if I wanted to talk about religion or why I thought the bible was true (he sensed I was a fundy) that I can come by later that day and we could talk. I never did come by but I remember really wanting to because I wanted to "hand it to him" with a theological beat down. However, I realized that I couldn't present any real evidence at the time so I had to do some religious homework. 

 

Even though I was a hardcore Christian, I was smart enough to know things like anecdotes, bible prophecy, and miracles weren't going to convince a non-believer who also happened to be an adult teacher who I felt would judge me on my intelligence if I failed to present something credible; this wasn't like talking to my friends about Jesus. I wanted to consider myself smart so I held off for the time being and searched for tangible evidence that I could approach him with, but of course, I never found any (surprise, surprise). 

 

That whole process started about a one year journey where I became more religiously hostile (debating atheists online) thinking I absolutely had to be right.. after all, 99% of the people I associated with told me this a thousand different ways. I took a small break from trying to convince others and instead focused on becoming a better xtian. One day I was feeling especially guilt for some petty sin and remember thinking "man, what if it doesn't have to be this way?"  Out of curiosity I googled "christianity is not true" and that led me down the inevitable rabbit hole. I was pretty much a full-blown atheist once I left the computer that day. It was a combination of reading about bible contradictions, the impossibility of noah's ark, Thunderf00t videos, among many other things. One thing just kept leading to another. I could not stop myself from reading about one "debunking" because I had to read them all. 

 

I have to say, walking outside that first time was like being born again in a new world. I literally felt like an alien with human sensory capabilities that was absorbing the earth's environment for the first time. I remember walking up to a leaf, starring at it and thinking how the creases in its shape were the result of complex biology, not any god. My mind was blown. 

[Lilith666]

First post in 5 years, here goes.

 

Sophomore year in high school, I sit down in English class and notice bold letters on the board of today's lesson material: Biblical Mythology.

 

I never doubted my faith up to this point. It never even occurred to me to doubt or that other people could even doubt. I considered it obvious that Jesus was the truth and that unbelievers were actively conspiring against god because they wanted to be sinners (not because they had good reasons or countering evidence). I thought it was my responsibility as a christian to convince them to believe just like my religious mentors told me. So I approached the teacher after class and asked him how he can call anything in the bible "mythological." The title really threw me off for some reason but he was patient and said if I wanted to talk about religion or why I thought the bible was true (he sensed I was a fundy) that I can come by later that day and we could talk. I never did come by but I remember really wanting to because I wanted to "hand it to him" with a theological beat down. However, I realized that I couldn't present any real evidence at the time so I had to do some religious homework. 

 

Even though I was a hardcore Christian, I was smart enough to know things like anecdotes, bible prophecy, and miracles weren't going to convince a non-believer who also happened to be an adult teacher who I felt would judge me on my intelligence if I failed to present something credible; this wasn't like talking to my friends about Jesus. I wanted to consider myself smart so I held off for the time being and searched for tangible evidence that I could approach him with, but of course, I never found any (surprise, surprise). 

 

That whole process started about a one year journey where I became more religiously hostile (debating atheists online) thinking I absolutely had to be right.. after all, 99% of the people I associated with told me this a thousand different ways. I took a small break from trying to convince others and instead focused on becoming a better xtian. One day I was feeling especially guilt for some petty sin and remember thinking "man, what if it doesn't have to be this way?"  Out of curiosity I googled "christianity is not true" and that led me down the inevitable rabbit hole. I was pretty much a full-blown atheist once I left the computer that day. It was a combination of reading about bible contradictions, the impossibility of noah's ark, Thunderf00t videos, among many other things. One thing just kept leading to another. I could not stop myself from reading about one "debunking" because I had to read them all. 

 

I have to say, walking outside that first time was like being born again in a new world. I literally felt like an alien with human sensory capabilities that was absorbing the earth's environment for the first time. I remember walking up to a leaf, starring at it and thinking how the creases in its shape were the result of complex biology, not any god. My mind was blown.

Wow. I never heard a de-conversion story like that one. Do you think you would still be Xian (perhaps a fundamentalist) if your teacher hadn't brought up biblical myths?

[DrGuitar]

I tried to cling to Jesus for awhile and reject the Bible...but when I started reading all his words...like how he came only for the Jews and the lost sheep of Israel and told the woman at the well he didnt come for her (Samaritan) and she replied well even the little dogs beg for crumbs and he being moved by that reply, then decided to help her...

 

I realized wow what an asshat...he was a racist supremacist and had nothing of God in his spirit...

but that passage contradicts his other parable about the Good Samaitan being more godly than the law observing Jews...so that undercut the credibility of the Gospels for me...among many other problems...

 

the whole sacrifice issue... blood sacrifice of his son thing.... just seemed completely ridiculous ultimately

 

 

 

 

[Wonderingbread]

 

First post in 5 years, here goes.

 

Sophomore year in high school, I sit down in English class and notice bold letters on the board of today's lesson material: Biblical Mythology.

 

I never doubted my faith up to this point. It never even occurred to me to doubt or that other people could even doubt. I considered it obvious that Jesus was the truth and that unbelievers were actively conspiring against god because they wanted to be sinners (not because they had good reasons or countering evidence). I thought it was my responsibility as a christian to convince them to believe just like my religious mentors told me. So I approached the teacher after class and asked him how he can call anything in the bible "mythological." The title really threw me off for some reason but he was patient and said if I wanted to talk about religion or why I thought the bible was true (he sensed I was a fundy) that I can come by later that day and we could talk. I never did come by but I remember really wanting to because I wanted to "hand it to him" with a theological beat down. However, I realized that I couldn't present any real evidence at the time so I had to do some religious homework. 

 

Even though I was a hardcore Christian, I was smart enough to know things like anecdotes, bible prophecy, and miracles weren't going to convince a non-believer who also happened to be an adult teacher who I felt would judge me on my intelligence if I failed to present something credible; this wasn't like talking to my friends about Jesus. I wanted to consider myself smart so I held off for the time being and searched for tangible evidence that I could approach him with, but of course, I never found any (surprise, surprise). 

 

That whole process started about a one year journey where I became more religiously hostile (debating atheists online) thinking I absolutely had to be right.. after all, 99% of the people I associated with told me this a thousand different ways. I took a small break from trying to convince others and instead focused on becoming a better xtian. One day I was feeling especially guilt for some petty sin and remember thinking "man, what if it doesn't have to be this way?"  Out of curiosity I googled "christianity is not true" and that led me down the inevitable rabbit hole. I was pretty much a full-blown atheist once I left the computer that day. It was a combination of reading about bible contradictions, the impossibility of noah's ark, Thunderf00t videos, among many other things. One thing just kept leading to another. I could not stop myself from reading about one "debunking" because I had to read them all. 

 

I have to say, walking outside that first time was like being born again in a new world. I literally felt like an alien with human sensory capabilities that was absorbing the earth's environment for the first time. I remember walking up to a leaf, starring at it and thinking how the creases in its shape were the result of complex biology, not any god. My mind was blown.

Wow. I never heard a de-conversion story like that one. Do you think you would still be Xian (perhaps a fundamentalist) if your teacher hadn't brought up biblical myths?

 

 

I'd like to think I wouldn't be a xtian even if it hadn't been for my early experiences. I probably would have deconverted while I was in college soon after anyway. That's the thing with fundies though, you either become a stronger believer into adulthood or you walk away. A lot of moderates never face that kind of pressure.

[moanareina]

It was kinda on the peak of my spiritual christian life. After getting involved in deliverance ministry that was not of our church (yes when I think back I can say I was lucky I have never met someone who would have put me into a mental hospital for it or worse) and also healing prayer ministry at our church...after attending prayer meetings with our youngsters at university...after starting to pray for hours at home...really seeking this exclusive God experience...after reading the bible for hours to find truth and wisdom and enlightenment...after all that, I went to see a friend who back then worked at a christian book store and talked to her about my still feeling so stuck and not getting anywhere with my faith. She gave me a gook as a gift. Its name in German was something with wild goose. The English title was: So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore? I don't know if I had read it if she would have given me the English version...I was so into this spiritual stuff, but felt sooooooo empty at the same time. 

 

So I read that book and basically the author questioned everything we thought church and christianity was packed into a nice story about a pastor who met a weird guy who seemed to have a different approach to all of it. It got straight to my heart and I started to think about all and it all made sense. So I took the decision to leave what we call church. It was a radical decision since I did not have much friends outside of church and I already realized that those "friendships" I had within where superficial and not real. So I knew it would be a hard time and I would feel lost on Sundays and the other days I had church activities that where no longer part of my life.

 

It was also frightening because of all the spiritual demon stuff I just got into and well you know...the thought of this being a demon attack to get me out of the way sorta...

Anyways, I just wanted to find the real deal and obviously I had not found it in all those church-years. So I did not really leave my faith. It was more like: OK Got, I had been looking for you all my life, but I am tired because I had not found you and I really don't know what else I could/should do so you would let yourself be found...if you really want this relationship, it is up to you now. I am open to it, but I also am done with the way christianity lays it out.

 

Just before my leaving church I started to make plans to go to the US to do a spiritual year at a church and I was starting to save up money for it. When I left church that was no longer an option for me, so I decided to finally do something only for myself and all by myself...without any higher meaning or so...and I decided to travel, to take Spanish classes in Costa Rica etc.

 

Before leaving I think I was still pretty much a believer. Then the nine months traveling and all that came afterwards made me let go bit by bit of mindsets and believes...not intentionally, it was more a subconscious process. While traveling I called myself a hopeful agnostic. Because I wanted someone to be in charge of this planet, who was able to fix all of it at the end of times. Right now this somehow lost its importance to me. At the moment I want to find a happy life, to get to find out more about who I am and what my very own life is all about. So its like: I am not an atheist, but I am not a believer, I am a "who cares? I am here and so are you and somehow we are to live this life".

 

I must say, I felt and sometimes when I think back still feel so ashamed for all that junk I said to other people, believers and non believers. Also certain things I had done and then I mourn sometimes about the good time I could have had if I wasn't all that narrow minded.

 

So for now I am just curious where my life will go.

Thanks for reading