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Mom Called To Share An Atheist Joke With Me


AuthenticMe
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So, I'm at home about to embark on some quality parent/child minecraft time (apparently the pocket edition now has zombies). But before settling into a session of mindless cube world the phone rings. It's my fundamentalist mother, obviously in a good mood, wanting to share a joke she heard. I'm always up for a good joke.

 

The joke goes something like this. An atheist professor stands up in front of his philosophy class and asks if anyone has ever observed god. No one answers. He keeps asking questions which force the students to acknowledge that because they have never seen, touched or felt god it proves that he doesn't exist. He sits down and a brave student stands up and asks if anyone has ever seen, touched of felt the professor's brain. Since the answer is "no" the student happily pronounces that using this logic the professors brain must not exist.

 

What the hell?! I'm offended in so many ways here. First, my mom knows that switching worldviews for me has meant years of prolonged existential agony. Light religious jokes right now feel like she's delivering a kidney punch after a hernia operation. She appears to have amnesia over the heartfelt talks we have about how I just don't believe anymore, I'm a secular humanist, etc., This isn't the first she's called out of the blue with a "I've got a great atheist joke for you" call. Has this happened anybody else? She's in her 70's and I'm trying to just let her be in peace, not stirring the pot for her last years, but man! Sometimes I'm afraid I'm going to let my mouth go and we'll end up in a rift for the last part of her life.

 

Secondly, the joke was created with flawed logic so that the brave christian student can stand up and show his superior intellect - and she bought it. She really thinks this is a real story that happened in a real university and that the student came up with a legitimate argument to counter atheistic thinking.

 

Well, I told her that I didn't know what to think of her joke because she knows that I am a doubter and according to the joke that must mean I don't have a brain. She said, "Oh, I didn't see it like that. I just liked how the student used the professor's logic against him. Well, how was your day? And how are your doubts doing?" For the first time I told her "my doubts" were private to myself and I didn't feel like sharing that side of my life with her. Told her I had to go play video games with my kid and hung up.

 

You know, I'm done. No more heartfelt talks with any members of the family except emerging skeptics. Openness is not a good method for me anymore. Now that the anger has subsided I realize I'm left with hurt. She went out of her way to shame me with humor. We were close as a family and I used to run to it for support. Well, I'm not letting it ruin my night. I'm going to kill some zombies with my kid.

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Guest Valk0010

I would have replied. "Sometimes the absence of evidence is evidence of absence." "The brain can be felt post modern and studied while alive." "God can't."

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I read this thread's OP with TV news in the background, and the very next thing I take in is a comment about the recent floodings in the Phillipines... "It was gawd's will that this land be flooded". Talk about double punches :vent:

 

AuthenticMe, your conclusion is quite understandable. Granted that maybe your mom isn't able to realize how much she hurts you by spreading that braindead crap, but even if so, what the fuck? There is a limit beyond which you have to care about nothing but protecting yourself :shrug:

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That dubious anecdote was in the teen life application bible I got like ten years ago, with the claim that "she got an A for the class." I guess they have to rely on the classics.

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That one's usually framed as an essay that does the rounds on Facebook every now and again. This is worth a read:

http://religionvirus.blogspot.co.nz/2011/07/refuting-atheist-professor-vs-christian.html

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That dubious anecdote was in the teen life application bible I got like ten years ago, with the claim that "she got an A for the class." I guess they have to rely on the classics.

 

The fact that such easily refutable nonsense sways them indicates that either they are just stupid (sorry) or they have simply chosen to believe simply because they want to, evidence of any sort be damned. I have a really hard time empathizing with believers as truth is important to me. It seems for many, it's not and feelings are what matters.

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The "joke" is totally lame because it is unrealistically set up for the sole purpose of reaching the punchline. No thinking person would limit proof of anything to seeing, touching or feeling. Even an atheist would call the alleged professor down on such a poor question because the criteria for proof expressed by the professor is totally lacking. That, to me, is the problem with the joke, not the answer given by the student because the student was merely employing the wholly inadequate proof criteria set forth by the professor.

 

What the "joke" really means is that Christians believe atheists are stupid because they do not understand the definition of real proof.

 

However, if I were that professor and had asked that question, it would be for the purpose of teaching the class about proof. Once one student gave that or a similar answer, then my next line would be, "Very good. Now let's examine what was wrong with my question and what was wrong with the answer." And that would be a nice springboard into discussing what it means to prove something and I would emphasize that seeing, touching or feeling something are not the sole criteria for proof.

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I got that same joke from a fundie Dr. a month or so ago but somewhere along the line the fundies had attached Einstein as the student which is easily debunked.

 

In addition to the flaws already noted, to me the "joke", in a veiled manner, says that anyone who doesn't accept the christian god is evil which of course is not true.

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That dubious anecdote was in the teen life application bible I got like ten years ago, with the claim that "she got an A for the class." I guess they have to rely on the classics.

 

The fact that such easily refutable nonsense sways them indicates that either they are just stupid (sorry) or they have simply chosen to believe simply because they want to, evidence of any sort be damned. I have a really hard time empathizing with believers as truth is important to me. It seems for many, it's not and feelings are what matters.

 

Is this an addendum to what we were talking about a few months ago?

 

I don't perceive it so much as not caring about truth as earnestly seeking it in the wrong direction. In my experience faith led to certainty in handling emotional issues, which over time was taken for granted to the point of influincing my thought process in the place of critical thinking where religious issues were concerned. Reading that story as a believer didn't make me feel reassured because I could tell the discussion was incomplete. I consider my believing self to have been steeped so firmly in thinking the magic man was real, but at the same time too curious and rational to, as others did, ignore my doubts or not think enough to have them in the first place. Those people were swayed by other things that were mangled forms of other things that were important to them such as trust. I could never get to that point, but kept wanting the peace they seemed to have that I didn't for living with unanswered questions, which caused me a lot of turmoil. So, I don't find it hard to empathize and I can't see myself ever summarily saying that such and such person cares more about their feelings than the truth. It's not that cut and dried.

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Next time she wants to share jokes, here's one to share from Emo Phillips:

 

 

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge,

about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! don't do it!"

 

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

 

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

 

He said, "Like what?"

 

I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"

 

He said, "Religious."

 

I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

 

He said, "Christian."

 

I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

 

He said, "Protestant."

 

I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

 

He said, "Baptist!"

 

I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

 

He said, "Baptist Church of God!"

 

I said, "Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed

Baptist Church of God?"

 

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!"

 

I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879,

or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

 

He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

 

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off.

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Another stupid one spread across the internet is the story of the Atheist Professor and the Marine.

 

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and

he told the class that he was going to prove that there

is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want

you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

 

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God,

saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

 

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a

Marine just returned from the Gulf and released from

active duty and newly registered in the class walked up

to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and

sent him flying from his platform. The professor

struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's

the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

 

The Marine replied, "God was busy watching

over my buddies engaged in combat."

 

Of course assault and battery is the best way to stand up for your god, because god can't be defended with logic. Also this story adds a Marine to give it extra appeal to all the chicken hawks in the audience.

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That dubious anecdote was in the teen life application bible I got like ten years ago, with the claim that "she got an A for the class." I guess they have to rely on the classics.

 

The fact that such easily refutable nonsense sways them indicates that either they are just stupid (sorry) or they have simply chosen to believe simply because they want to, evidence of any sort be damned. I have a really hard time empathizing with believers as truth is important to me. It seems for many, it's not and feelings are what matters.

 

I think they're just stupid.

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Another stupid one spread across the internet is the story of the Atheist Professor and the Marine.

 

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and

he told the class that he was going to prove that there

is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want

you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

 

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God,

saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

 

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a

Marine just returned from the Gulf and released from

active duty and newly registered in the class walked up

to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and

sent him flying from his platform. The professor

struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's

the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

 

The Marine replied, "God was busy watching

over my buddies engaged in combat."

 

Of course assault and battery is the best way to stand up for your god, because god can't be defended with logic. Also this story adds a Marine to give it extra appeal to all the chicken hawks in the audience.

 

Are you fucking kidding me?

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Another stupid one spread across the internet is the story of the Atheist Professor and the Marine.

 

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and

he told the class that he was going to prove that there

is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want

you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

 

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God,

saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

 

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a

Marine just returned from the Gulf and released from

active duty and newly registered in the class walked up

to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and

sent him flying from his platform. The professor

struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's

the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

 

The Marine replied, "God was busy watching

over my buddies engaged in combat."

 

Of course assault and battery is the best way to stand up for your god, because god can't be defended with logic. Also this story adds a Marine to give it extra appeal to all the chicken hawks in the audience.

 

*Begins slow clapping* ... and stops, because she forgot she was at Ex-C. :)

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Another stupid one spread across the internet is the story of the Atheist Professor and the Marine.

 

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and

he told the class that he was going to prove that there

is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want

you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

 

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God,

saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

 

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a

Marine just returned from the Gulf and released from

active duty and newly registered in the class walked up

to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and

sent him flying from his platform. The professor

struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's

the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

 

The Marine replied, "God was busy watching

over my buddies engaged in combat."

 

Of course assault and battery is the best way to stand up for your god, because god can't be defended with logic. Also this story adds a Marine to give it extra appeal to all the chicken hawks in the audience.

 

There are two horrible things about this story.

 

1) The "professor" in this story is an idiot. No real scientist would disprove something that way.

 

2) The story ends with the moral "If you feel strongly enough about something to hurt someone over it, it must be right"

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There are two horrible things about this story.

 

1) The "professor" in this story is an idiot. No real scientist would disprove something that way.

 

2) The story ends with the moral "If you feel strongly enough about something to hurt someone over it, it must be right"

3) What kind of professor would waste 15 minutes of class time on such a pointless exercise.

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Funny thing is, i got into an argument with a ex marine on facebook yesterday over homosexuality. He went on some big rant about how we have starving children yet we worry about gay rights. I asked him if it was such a big topic because he made such a big deal out of it. He got mad and went on an even bigger rant about how your either with the gays are your with God.

 

Eventually he deleted all his comments and disappeared.

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Is this an addendum to what we were talking about a few months ago?

 

I don't perceive it so much as not caring about truth as earnestly seeking it in the wrong direction.

 

I'm vaguely remembering this conversation now. I'll try and address this later. I'm not thinking real clearly right now.. The above quote is an interesting take on it though.

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Another stupid one spread across the internet is the story of the Atheist Professor and the Marine.

 

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and

he told the class that he was going to prove that there

is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want

you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

 

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God,

saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

 

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a

Marine just returned from the Gulf and released from

active duty and newly registered in the class walked up

to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and

sent him flying from his platform. The professor

struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's

the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

 

The Marine replied, "God was busy watching

over my buddies engaged in combat."

 

Of course assault and battery is the best way to stand up for your god, because god can't be defended with logic. Also this story adds a Marine to give it extra appeal to all the chicken hawks in the audience.

 

I don't recall where I got this, but someone posted an excellent ending to this "joke":

 

I'm not sure why Marks left out the rest of the story. So, here it is...

 

After the Marine with free speech issues struck and injured the atheist professor he said "God sent me," a Shiite Muslim student in the class took out his saber and beheaded the Marine and said "God sent me."

Then a Sunni Muslim student in the class pulled a pistol from his coat and shot the Shiite student dead and said "God sent me."

Then Andrea Yates drowned the Sunni student and the four remaining students in the class and said "God sent me."

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This is my all-time favorite...

 

The Christian and the Bear

 

One fair spring morning, a devout Christian decided to take a walk through a nearby wood. Upon entering, he began walking along a narrow dirt path through the lush, green forest admiring all of the things that God had created.

 

"Wow", he thought to himself while taking in the beauty that surrounded him. "What majestic trees!” Then, a faint rustling sound came from somewhere close by. The Christian turned to look but could see nothing and continued walking. His eyes followed a small stream that flowed beside the path. “What a lovely little stream!”, he thought and off to the left, the rustling sound grew louder. The Christian walked a bit faster down the path. Looking up, the Christian said out loud, “What a beautiful sky. God is indeed a very wonderful creator!" Suddenly, a huge grizzly bear emerged from the dense shrubbery and upon seeing the man, started to chase him. The Christian ran along the path for all he was worth, but the bear was almost upon him. The Christian looked back over his shoulder and saw that the bear was only a few yards behind him. The man then tripped over a large rock and fell to the ground beside a small wooden sign attached to a post. The bear, having slowed its pace, lumbered up to the Christian and began to sniff his clothing. The man, laying face down, closed his eyes and prayed in desperation "Heavenly Father, I ask you to please save me from this bear!"

 

As the Christian continued to beseech God, the grizzly let out a ferocious roar and ripped four deep gashes across the man’s back. The Christian screamed in agony while the bear continued tearing and ripping him into bloody shreds of warm flesh. The man, while still being mauled, reached out a feeble hand and touched the signpost just before losing consciousness.

 

When the bear had eaten all it could, it lumbered off in the direction from which it came, leaving the Christian's remains to decompose and rot.

 

Inscribed upon the sign were these words:

 

Matthew 21:22 - "And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."

 

The End

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Another stupid one spread across the internet is the story of the Atheist Professor and the Marine.

 

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and

he told the class that he was going to prove that there

is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want

you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

 

Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God,

saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

 

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a

Marine just returned from the Gulf and released from

active duty and newly registered in the class walked up

to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and

sent him flying from his platform. The professor

struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's

the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

 

The Marine replied, "God was busy watching

over my buddies engaged in combat."

 

Of course assault and battery is the best way to stand up for your god, because god can't be defended with logic. Also this story adds a Marine to give it extra appeal to all the chicken hawks in the audience.

 

Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, my brother posted the same stupid joke on his facebook account. I've since started screening all of his posts so I don't have to read the tripe that passes for his facebook activity.

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