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Babies In Church... Hells Little Angles....


Kaiser01
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Today in church there just so happened to be a excessive amount of babies, well usually there are some but today there were quite a few and for the first time i realized just how funny it was.

 

Babies cry, scream and poop and as they do it they completely disrupt the manipulative tactics of the o so clever preacher. The preacher is attempting to make an effect the entire service, and the babies, hells little devils, completely disrupt everything he is doing.

 

So i salute you hell's kids, for being there do disrupt and destroy the same tactics that have caused chaos and hurt our lives.

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I was in a church service once where there was a baby screaming, and suddenly the preacher stopped mid-sentence, pointed to the mother and demanded she remove the offending child from the building. Suffer, little children.

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Most of the pastors I have known loved (or were great actors pretending to love) the noisy babies.

 

Those noisy babies are how a pastor grows his income over the years.

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Ugh. I was leading worship at a small church and the family in the front row had a toddler who they let wander up onto the stage in the middle of the 30 minute worship set. Others in the front area were completely enraptured with the toddler wreaking havoc on the stage ("Awwwwwww, so cute!!!!!"). I recall being furious and wanting to be totally passive aggressive in pointing out that it was so much more interesting to watch an un-controlled toddler roam the stage than to worship the Lord of Hosts.

 

Gawd. It still pisses me off. I hate it when people don't manage their kids better than that!

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It's the free babysitting, Positivist. Don't you know? When that toddler turns 18, it'll magically become a caring, concerned, empathetic adult with all the social skills it needs to survive in society. Until then you're not allowed to constrain it in any way shape or form, or criticize its parent in any way shape or form, because MAMA KNOWS BEST. You can be the "village" and contribute your time, energy, and money, but only while you're giving the parents free shit. Once you form opinions about how the parents are doing things, you can kindly fuck off--but don't imagine you're let off babysitting duty.

 

When I lived in the Deep South I was constantly shocked by the outrageously poor parenting I saw around me. As a woman in the denomination I was in, I was pretty much destined to either volunteer for music ministry (singing/playing) or Sunday School. I couldn't sing for shit or play anything worth hearing, and I genuinely didn't like how kids acted when allowed to run rampant. Definitely put me into a tough spot.

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In my church it was definitely frowned upon to bring babies into church but we started maybe around age 2. We were taught to sit very still and be quiet... you definitely did not want to be the kid whose parents had to drag you out and to the basement (I know I got a few spankings).

In my church we were also bribed with candy during the service... kid starts being bad, give him/her a chewy peppermint. I learned later that this is a unique tradition? Heaven forbid we bring coffee or anything else, but everyone's got their church candy.

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I can recall going to church after my son was born. He was only a few weeks old. It was during an incredibly quiet, meditative part of the sermon when my son shat his diaper. It was a long, loud, wet one and it echoed throughout the auditorium. I'll never forget it! I should have listened to his opinion, though, and realized that it was all a pile of crap.

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In my church it was definitely frowned upon to bring babies into church but we started maybe around age 2. We were taught to sit very still and be quiet... you definitely did not want to be the kid whose parents had to drag you out and to the basement (I know I got a few spankings).

In my church we were also bribed with candy during the service... kid starts being bad, give him/her a chewy peppermint. I learned later that this is a unique tradition? Heaven forbid we bring coffee or anything else, but everyone's got their church candy.

 

I rememeber when everyone got pissed off because some young couple brought coffee in, "I cant believe they did that this is a house of god naw naw naw naw naw." I mean honestly, a god who is over 100 billion galaxies and he is offended by coffee?

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  • 2 weeks later...

In the church I attended it was actively encouraged start the indoctrination as early as possible. Some poor kids had their first church at only a few days of age! During my childhood, the most 'entertainment' I was allowed was a notebook to make notes on the sermons, however the latest generation of kids come with an arsenal of toys, colouring books etc which surely enforces the fact that church is boring and the ramblings are best ignored! Of course, the more conservative types rail against all the wanton entertainment that takes place while everyone should have their eyes fixed on Jeebus. Most of the attitudes at the church boil down to the usual Xtian hypocrisy. When I first started attending, none of the "in crowd" and their families had small kids, and other, less popular peoples small kids making noise was viewed with contempt. Children were not allowed to run, vocalise, have noisy toys or food. Now they've all started spawning the next crackpot fundy generation, the every whim of these popular folk's noxious brats is catered for while the majority of the congregation beam on.

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Ugh. .... it was so much more interesting to watch an un-controlled toddler roam the stage than to worship the Lord of Hosts.

 

Gawd. It still pisses me off. I hate it when people don't manage their kids better than that!

 

I love this! To me it is our human drive to love the ones that will carry on our DNA overcoming the pretend useless activity.

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