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'dafuq Did I Just Hear?' Moments With Xians


Habiba
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With many of us having spent time with the lunatic fringe of Christianity I thought it could be funny/enlightening/harrowing to recount some of the most outlandish claims and customs you have heard or seen.

 

Heard: after a minor but expensive car accident in a car park multistorey on the way to a rabid fundy bookstore: "Demons pushed the car into that concrete block to try and hinder our buying witnessing materials!"

 

An "esteemed brother in Christ" was telling me how he'd counselled a mutual friend who was recovering from PTSD after a violent rape. He'd told the poor vulnerable girl that "as long as she was sure she hadn't spoken to, looked at or otherwise engaged"her attacker prior to the rape he supposed she would be forgiven, otherwise she had "brought it on herself". I was astounded and enraged at his vile attitude and mental abuse of an already hurting individual.

 

...On a lighter note- my mum making her dogs wait to eat while she thanks de lawrd for their food on their behalf.

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There is moar!

 

"John has been casting a demon out of our cat! It was the size of a beetle!"

 

"Did you know that now the devil has invented oral sex? We are surely in the last days!"

 

" There is a holy presence here, I even saw an angel on the TV aerial this morning!"

 

 

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A neighbor of ours had four young children to clothe. She said she always prayed before going to the thrift store, so that Jesus would have all the good deals there waiting for her. I told her that showed an appalling lack of faith - she should have prayed to have all the good stuff delivered directly to her house. (At least that's what I wanted to say.)

 

Then she'd sew extra lace into all the little girls' collars to keep their tempting collarbones modestly shrouded.

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A neighbor of ours had four young children to clothe. She said she always prayed before going to the thrift store, so that Jesus would have all the good deals there waiting for her. I told her that showed an appalling lack of faith - she should have prayed to have all the good stuff delivered directly to her house. (At least that's what I wanted to say.)

 

Then she'd sew extra lace into all the little girls' collars to keep their tempting collarbones modestly shrouded.

 

Well, don't tell her that guys are turned on by the lace because it looks like lingerie.

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An "esteemed brother in Christ" was telling me how he'd counselled a mutual friend who was recovering from PTSD after a violent rape. He'd told the poor vulnerable girl that "as long as she was sure she hadn't spoken to, looked at or otherwise engaged"her attacker prior to the rape he supposed she would be forgiven, otherwise she had "brought it on herself". I was astounded and enraged at his vile attitude and mental abuse of an already hurting individual.

That is one of the most morally repugnant things I've ever read.

 

I used to know a woman who thought that Donald Duck was Satanic because he got angry in one cartoon and turned into the devil.

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Mom called to find out if an earthquake had hit near somebody we know.

 

I looked it up and told her it hit in a differn't location.

 

Immedeatly she barked "Oh praise God!"

 

Uhhh . . . not for the people who live where it hit.

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Somehow, Xianity isn't a religion, it's a "relationship".

 

But, now atheism, THAT shit is a religion.

 

The denial is so thick I can cut it with a spoon.

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An "esteemed brother in Christ" was telling me how he'd counselled a mutual friend who was recovering from PTSD after a violent rape. He'd told the poor vulnerable girl that "as long as she was sure she hadn't spoken to, looked at or otherwise engaged"her attacker prior to the rape he supposed she would be forgiven, otherwise she had "brought it on herself". I was astounded and enraged at his vile attitude and mental abuse of an already hurting individual.

 

I would do everything in my power to distance myself and anyone I loved from this clearly sick individual. It sounds like he's projecting and it sounds like he's dangerous.

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He is a very worrying individual.Repeatedly fired from mainstream secular employment due to his radical fundy views (and rumoured sexual impropriety) he, and his poor wife who he treats like a chattel, work "full time for the Lord". His 'divinely guided' work always leads him to vulnerable people, currently asylum seekers, who just so happen to be young women who travelled here alone :/ As well as building up feelings of indebtedness by offering practical help, he runs bible studies in the homes of these girls, which always run late into the evening. Thankfully, I haven't had any contact with him for over a year, but he has always given me the creeps and turned my stomach. I dread to think what he could well be up to, but with no tangible evidence, I have no idea what I can do.

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A friend of mind in college was an artist, and, when I first met her, had a self-portrait on the wall. I casually joked that the eyes looked a little demonic, and she pointed out the cross she had drawn in the corner, so that demons couldn't come out of the picture, through the eyes.

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My wife refuses to tell my kids that Santa visits the house and brings them toys once a year. No it doesn't have anything to do with bringing attention away from jebus, it's because she doesn't want to lie to them. She's afraid they'll feel betrayed later on when they find out. Guess how I feel about religion....

 

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He is a very worrying individual.Repeatedly fired from mainstream secular employment due to his radical fundy views (and rumoured sexual impropriety) he, and his poor wife who he treats like a chattel, work "full time for the Lord". His 'divinely guided' work always leads him to vulnerable people, currently asylum seekers, who just so happen to be young women who travelled here alone :/ As well as building up feelings of indebtedness by offering practical help, he runs bible studies in the homes of these girls, which always run late into the evening. Thankfully, I haven't had any contact with him for over a year, but he has always given me the creeps and turned my stomach. I dread to think what he could well be up to, but with no tangible evidence, I have no idea what I can do.

 

Sounds like he would fit right in the South.

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When Haiti was hit by the awful earthquake. Elder at the church: " Well they brought that judgement on themselves with all that voodoo! *epic bellylaugh* :/ - edit this for all natural disasters in non-xian countries, laughing included, with extra whooping if homosexuality was a "factor".

 

While suffering a panic attack on holiday in the wake of my father's death - Mum: "I knew there'd be trouble this holiday, I saw a car with 666 in it's registration on the drive here!" o_0

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Mom called to find out if an earthquake had hit near somebody we know.

 

I looked it up and told her it hit in a differn't location.

 

Immedeatly she barked "Oh praise God!"

 

Uhhh . . . not for the people who live where it hit.

 

A xian I knew was thanking jeebus one day because she was caught in traffic because there was an automobile accident ahead that changed timing/circumstances so that she called in and won a CD from a xian radio station. In exchange, some stranger died in that accident.

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Guest Babylonian Dream

Stupidity should painful.

Yeah, that seems to be the one thing evolution should have done already. Made stupid painful. Maybe it will someday soon. Hopefully.

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I heard an account recently of a fundy who lived at the edge of bushland near Sydney, Australia. For many years this person thought that the sound of possums growling and fighting in the middle of the night was actually the devil or demons ... or something prowling around trying to get believers!

 

What a miserable way to live!!

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I heard an account recently of a fundy who lived at the edge of bushland near Sydney, Australia. For many years this person thought that the sound of possums growling and fighting in the middle of the night was actually the devil or demons ... or something prowling around trying to get believers!

 

What a miserable way to live!!

 

We used to live in a part of Texas that had screech owls. They sound like demon possessed monkeys maniacally laughing. Even knowing full well that they are owls, they still sound really fucking scary. I could just see some crazy fundy hearing that and thinking it was Satan or something.

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The selfishness and the general sick attitudes from xians in these quotes leaves me sick. It goes beyond stupid when someone is happy about winning a CD on the radio at the expense of someone who died. And laugh at those suffering from natural disaster is beyond contemptible. I wish I had picked another thread to read with my coffee today. No offense at all to you Habiba for starting it.

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I heard an account recently of a fundy who lived at the edge of bushland near Sydney, Australia. For many years this person thought that the sound of possums growling and fighting in the middle of the night was actually the devil or demons ... or something prowling around trying to get believers!

 

What a miserable way to live!!

 

We used to live in a part of Texas that had screech owls. They sound like demon possessed monkeys maniacally laughing. Even knowing full well that they are owls, they still sound really fucking scary. I could just see some crazy fundy hearing that and thinking it was Satan or something.

 

This reminds me of a missionary that came to our church when I was a kid. He had been in PNG, Borneo or some other rain forested island. He claimed that there god's presence was so weak and satan's so strong that you could hear the demons calling out for your soul in the jungle at night.

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I heard an account recently of a fundy who lived at the edge of bushland near Sydney, Australia. For many years this person thought that the sound of possums growling and fighting in the middle of the night was actually the devil or demons ... or something prowling around trying to get believers!

 

What a miserable way to live!!

 

Fundy paranoia is frightening!

Possums can sound scary but if you want demonic try a Tasmainian Devil!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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