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Goodbye Jesus

'zeph' - A Megachurch Love Story


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11

 

Leah arrives at Final Frontiers Small Group. The other members present are Faith, who is co-leader with Zeph, and George and Hannah, two newer members. Zeph hasn't arrived.

L – Hey guys, sorry I’m late.
F – Hey Leah, welcome! Where’s Zeph?
L – I have no idea.
F – That’s odd, he shows up early most weeks.
L – I know. He wouldn’t miss it for the world normally. Hi Hannah, Hi George.
H – Hey Leah
G – What’s up?
F – OK well hopefully he shows up soon. I’ve got enough planned to be getting on with for the meantime. Hannah, can you read out our getting-in-the-zone passage? It’s in Luke chapter 14 I think, the heading in my ESV is ‘Counting the cost of following Jesus’, is that what you have?
H – Yeah I’ve got it. Mine is slightly different but I think it’s the same passage, ‘You will suffer greatly because of your faith’.
F – Excellent, that’s the one.


[reads passage]

F – OK thanks very much Hannah, beautifully read as usual. Um, OK let’s try something new, how about George would you mind leading us in prayer.
G - Me?!
F – Yeah, do you think you could do that?
G – But I’ve never…
F- I know, but there’s a first time for everything. I think you’ll be brilliant. The Holy Spirit will provide you with the words.
G – OK. Erm… Mr Jesus… are you there? Are you listening in? Because I never quite know, how about giving us some kind of sign, a really obvious one please so we know you’re here.

[pause]

F – It’s OK George, you can carry on. Jesus wants to wait for now before revealing his glory.
G - Oh, right, yeah of course, how could I be so silly!
F – It’s OK, just go into your prayer. And maybe call him just Jesus, I don’t know if he’s really a ‘Mr’.
G – Oh, OK. Sorry, I didn’t know that.
F – It’s fine. Go ahead.
G – Just Jesus, even if you don’t give us a sign, we still know you’re here with us, because we believe it to be true.
F – Yes!
G – Please work your magic and help our small minds understand your book that you wrote, which has a lot of long words and old-fashioned ideas that seem irrelevant to our lives. Otherwise we wouldn’t know how to live, we wouldn’t be able to function, and we wouldn’t be able to be kind to our friends. I Amen.
F – Amen. Just Amen.
G – Just Amen.
H – Amen.
F – OK. Not sure exactly how to follow that. Thanks George, that prayer was very… unique.
G – Thanks Faith!
F – Right OK, let’s get onto our topic, which this week is ‘mustard’. Now I know what you’re all thinking, that’s a strange topic, but you’ll see why when we see the passage. First I want to do a Spiritstorm.
H – What’s that again?
L – A Spirit-fuelled brainstorm. It’s where we all try to listen to the Spirit and come up with ideas.
F – Precisely. Listening to the Spirit, which is within all of us remember, is the key part.
H – OK.
F – So what do we all think about when we think of the word ‘mustard’? Let’s go around the group. And just let the Spirit speak through you, nothing is too stupid, just let it come out. Leah, can you start us off?
L – OK. Um, well it’s sort of like a sauce right, that you have with your burger or hotdog. So maybe it represents something really common, mundane, something everyday?
F – OK, maybe. Hannah?
H – Um, well sort of similar to what Leah said, I think it must be a metaphor for something, but I’m not sure what sorry!
F – That’s OK. There are no right or wrong answers. How about you, George?
G – Yellowness. That’s definitely what I get.
F – Yellowness? Right. Anything else?
G – Not really. Musty.
F – Don’t listen to your own thoughts, try and listen to what the spirit’s saying.
G – That’s definitely what the Spirit’s telling me. I can feel it.
F – OK well I think God would like us to move on from this onto the next stage.
H – Yeah.
F – So the reason I chose mustard, or rather it chose us, however which way you want to view it, is that it represents something very important, and that’s faith.
H – Something so important your parents named you after it?
F – Precisely. Names always carry a special meaning. What I really want to share with you guys, especially you George and Hannah to a certain extent, is that you don’t actually need great faith to achieve great things. In fact, the Bible says that with the faith of a mustard seed, we can move mountains. Because God works through us via the Holy Spirit, and Jesus I think. What do you guys think about that whole idea?
H – No way! That is awesome. I had no idea that was what God can do through us. It always amazes me when you think you know him and how vast he is, then he just suddenly gets even bigger.
L – Well technically I guess he can’t get any bigger than he is, because he’s already infinitely big, isn’t he?
F – Yes that is strictly true. But I also see where you’re coming from Hannah, and you are also right. Both are true.
L – But we said two things that contradict each other. I mean, if you have one you can’t have the other.
F – Oh I don’t know Leah, I think you are being a bit negative there, limiting God quite a bit. God is beyond limits, remember?
L – What, even logic?
H – Definitely! Especially logic. That’s what I’m learning more and more.
F – Yeah, why not. How about you George, what do you feel about this idea of a mustard seed of faith?
G – I don’t know, I’m not sure I completely get it. But I like the idea of moving a mountain. I’m going to give a try tomorrow in class.
H – Haha, don’t be silly, it doesn’t work like that! He’s so funny.
F – Yeah I’m not sure that’s exactly what it’s talking about, George, but good that you have the faith.
L – Why not?
F – Come on Leah, I’d like to see you try. I very much doubt you can actually move a mountain, that’s not what it means.
L – Right, I know, I don’t think it would work either, but what does it mean then?
H – Leah I think it’s just that with God we can do everything. Because God can do everything, because he’s huge and powerful.
L – Powerful enough to move mountains?
H – Exactly!
L – I just don’t think you can have it both ways.
F – What are you saying Leah, are you saying you don’t trust God?
L – What? Wait, no, of course not. No, that’s not what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m saying. Maybe I’m wrong. It’s just I’ve never heard of anything particularly earth-shattering happening like that.
F – Well you should just be careful. I mean just consider all that God’s done for us, then you might reconsider not trusting him. It’s a dangerous path to go down, Leah.
L – I guess. Yeah you’re right.
H – You mean you’ve never heard of miracles Leah?
L – Sure I’ve heard of them. Never seen one though. Have any of you?
G – Nope not me. Would like to.
H – Not personally, but I know a guy who experienced one once, he gave a talk about it at my home church, it was so overwhelming and moving.
F – Well if you think about it each of has experienced a miracle, just the fact that Jesus has come into our lives is miraculous, given how sinful we were beforehand.
H – Wow, that is so true! I’d never thought about it like that.
L – I agree, but even that wasn’t visible to anyone else. Nothing physical changed in the universe.
F - Sure it did, our hearts. Our hearts were transformed, and you can see it in our spirit-filled behavior.
G – I think I know what Leah’s trying to say.
F – Hold on George, I don’t think you do get it. This is all quite advanced theology we’re getting into now. Probably straying quite a bit from the topic actually. Maybe we should get back on track.
L – I’m still not satisfied. It’s not like I’m doubting God or anything. I would never do that, obviously, I could never do that.
F – Well what would it take for you to see what you want? You can’t have conclusive proof of God, everybody knows that.
L – It’s not exactly proof I’m after. Just trying to get my head round this verse that says with a mustard seed of faith we can move a mountain. It’s like a promise, so it should work shouldn’t it. I know, why don’t we try?
H – Haha! Leah you are crazy.
F – I thought we’ve been through this.
L -  No, I don’t mean an actual mountain. Just something small, something in this room.
F – I don’t think we should be testing God.
L – I just want to see this verse in action. Please Faith? Surely it would be a great opportunity to see the Spirit move right in front of us. Wouldn’t that be awesome for Hannah and George to see?
F – I suppose. OK you try it then. I must admit you’ve made me a little curious now.
H – This is fun. I can’t wait to see God move. How about that cup?
F – Careful Hannah. Don’t get your hopes up, only to then be dashed.
L – Why not though? If God wants to do it he’ll do it, why should we not believe it’ll happen?
F – If he wants to, that’s the key. He might not want to.
L – Sure he would, what better way to help us have bigger faith.
F – But all you need is a mustard seed.
L – Why are you being so doubtful Faith? I would’ve thought you’d be the one with the most faith. Hannah believes, don’t you Hannah?
H – Totally. 110%
L – Exactly. What about you George?
G – Sure, why not.
L – See?
F – Fine, go ahead. Just try and overturn that cup, nothing too spectacular.
L – OK.
F – This feels funny. Kind of like some kind of dark arts out of Harry Potter or something, I swear we shouldn’t be meddling with these unknown forces.
L – But it’s not dark forces, it’s God, our Father and Saviour. I’m gonna ask him to do it, just to show us. OK Faith?
F – OK, fine. But on your head be it.
L – Here goes. Dear God, we love you, we believe in you, and we want to see you move powerfully tonight. In this moment lord, send us your spirit to move demonstrably in front of us. So that we might see with our own eyes, each one of us, so that there can be no doubt, surely that is what you’d want oh Father Lord. So please show us your love and power Jesus and just overturn that cup in the middle of the table.

[pause]

F – Give it time. Give him time I mean.

[pause]

F – You need to give a timeframe I think, otherwise we won’t know if he even tried.
L – OK. Lord, the same thing we ask, and we do ask humbly and in all honesty, for you to just overturn that cup in the centre of the table, by the time I count down from 5 to 0. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…
F – You’re counting way too fast!
L  - Oh come on, he’s God, surely he can get anything he likes done as quickly as he likes!
F – Well there must be something wrong with the way you’re praying. There’s probably some unconfessed sin or something in your heart. Not that I’m accusing you, I’m just saying.
L – Maybe you’re right. Either way, that’s totally unsatisfying. I was secretly hoping to see something.
H – Yeah that is weird. I don’t understand.
G – Join the club. I thought God could move mountains?
F – He can! Oh my gosh you guys, don’t pay any attention to Leah’s antics. Please don’t let this dent your faith in any way. It’s really important. God doesn’t appreciate people losing trust in him. Not one bit.
H – OK. Sorry.
F – It’s OK. He’ll forgive you, as always. Right it is actually 9 already, so I think we should wrap up. Have a think about re-reading the passages we studied, and think about all the things I was saying.
L  -What about what everyone else was saying?
F – Yeah, all of it, it’s all important. But I was leading it, so…
L – OK, whatever.
H – Thank you so much Faith, lovely session, as per usual.
F – You’re welcome. Have a great week, I’ll be praying for you.
H – Thanks!
G – See ya, thanks.
F – Thanks George, I’ll be praying for you.
L – Bye Hannah, bye George. Do you want a hand with clearing up Faith?
F – Erm, no I think I’m OK.
L – Well I don’t have to go just yet, so I don’t mind helping you out. Here, let me grab these.
F – OK, sure, that’s very kind. Are you sure you’re OK Leah? I mean, in terms of your faith and everything?
L – Yeah, no, don’t worry about that, I’m still, you know… yeah I think It’s fine.
F – Phew, that’s good. I was getting a little worried back there.
L - It’s just, I dunno, the whole prayer thing. And miracles. Stuff like that. I don’t know what I think about all that stuff anymore.
F – It is tough. But you’ve got to keep going, no matter what. Do you understand?
L – I know. I know it’s really bad how I’m thinking right now. I guess I’m just in a weird place in terms of so many aspects of my life.
F – Really? Relationships-wise? Anything I can pray for you about?
L – I’m OK thanks. I just need to get back on track. Besides, as you could probably tell, I’m not even sure prayer really works 100% of the time.
F – You can’t expect 100% though, you know that.
L – Well what can we expect? 75? 50? If it’s 50 that’s not much different to how things would turn out anyway.
F – What’s going on Leah? Is there something else you’re not telling me, something in your personal life? Because that’s what we’re here for, FF, it’s to support one another in both prayer and deed.
L – Well you probably heard about all this stuff going on with Zeph and his new wife Rebecca. I have a feeling that had something to do with why he didn’t show up today. That’s playing quite a lot on my mind lately. And then you know my roommate Tabitha doesn’t believe…
F – She’s a non-Christian?
L – Um, yeah you could put it like that. Well that makes it impossible to talk to her about the whole situation, because obviously she has no insight into the spiritual side of things, whereas I do. At least I think I do. I’m meant to anyway.
F – OK I’ll pray for her.
L – I suppose that could help.
F – It will. Just believe. Don’t think. Maybe you’re thinking too much.
L – Yeah probably. Thanks so much Faith. Thanks for putting up with me and sticking with me.
F – Of course. That’s the thing about Incomprehensible Grace, we stick with each other no matter what, and that’s a promise.
L – That means a lot.
F – Don’t forget that. No matter what.

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eee! moar. MOAR! 

 

I enjoy reading these so much! I am also very impressed with your style of writing only in dialogue. It's not something I'm used to, but I really like it, and you handle it well. 

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12

 

Aaron is on his morning run around campus. He sees Zeph sat on his own on a bench by the river.


A – Zeph, is that you?
Z – What? Oh, hi.
A – Hey man. Aaron. I think we used to be on the same baseball team way back in high school.
Z – Oh yeah, I remember.
A – Dude, are you OK? You’re looking pretty down.
Z – I’m fine. I’ve just…just got a lot on my mind at the moment that’s all. How are you?
A – Are you sure? I’m pretty much done with my run, so I can chat for a bit if you like. Can I sit here?
Z – OK. It might be good to talk to you actually.
A – It’s a beautiful spot you’ve found. The water looks like it’s shimmering in the morning sun.
Z – Yeah I used to love coming down here, just enjoying the wonders of creation, you know?
A – I do. I love the natural world. You feel this deep connection with your surroundings, which I think is because it’s so full of life. You know we are utterly dependent on abundant and diverse wildlife to survive as humans, that’s one reason they say we need to protect endangered species.
Z – I didn’t know that.
A – But then obviously we humans just love to screw it all up, rapaciously extracting oil and minerals, destroying the environment in about every way we can think of.
Z – I don’t know. That doesn’t really bother me that much. I think the whole climate change thing is a bit overblown to be honest. We’ll be fine.
A – Really? How can you say that? All the evidence points the other way.
Z – I just know.
A – Well anyway, let’s not get into a debate about it. So what’s up, you seemed genuinely in torment just now, your head in your hands like that.
Z – I was just thinking. Praying actually.
A – Oh yeah. Well you know I may not be able to help in that area. I don’t believe in anything supernatural like prayer, ghosts or any of the rest of it.
Z – It’s OK. You will one day. Let me tell you something: God is right there next to you, whether you recognize him or not, and one day he will appear to you and ask you some pretty tough questions, it’s just a matter of how long do you want to leave it until that day comes. Do you want it on your terms, or His?
A – I’m not sure I totally follow, but I get where you’re going. I do know the central tenets of Christianity. I do read up on these things you know.
Z – Have you read the Bible? That’s the only authority that counts on the subject of God.
A – Parts of it. Not the whole thing. Who could ever make it the whole way through that thing?
Z – I have.
A – Seriously, the whole thing? It’s massive! That must have taken ages, years even.
Z – I did it in a year. Then I re-read it in a different order. Now I’m on my third time through.
A – That’s crazy! You must never read anything else. How do you have time to do other stuff?
Z  - You’re right, I don’t read anything else. Why should I? All the truth in the universe is contained within that book; it’s all you need. In terms of doing other stuff, well I do meet up with friends, and I see my girlfriend, I mean wife, quite a lot.
A – Rebecca, right?
Z – Yeah, although things are a bit tough at the moment between us.
A – Yeah? How so?
Z – Again, I don’t know if you could really understand. But let’s just say we have quite different conceptions of faith and how important it is in our lives.
A – I can definitely see how that could be a problem. When it’s so important to one of you, and not so much the other. Relationships are to a large extent about sharing and understanding.
Z – Exactly. But she doesn’t get that. She thinks once you are saved you can live your life more or less normally like she does. She doesn’t get it either means everything, or means nothing. It says that in the New Testament: 1 Corinthians 15.
A – I would probably agree with that. I’ve never understood how there can be a middle ground either to be honest, but I think it’s OK that there is, and I respect people who choose to live their life like that, as long as they're not doing any harm to others. That’s my philosophy.
Z – I see where you are coming from. It is interesting hearing different people’s worldviews.
A – Yeah, definitely. You know I don’t think you and I are actually that different Zeph.
Z – I’m not too sure about that.
A – Seriously. You are passionate about your life and what you believe, and so am I. We just happen to see it the world from different sides of the coin.
Z – Maybe. I think it’s more than that though. There’s a lot for you still to discover.
A – I’m sure there is. As there will be for you. Who knows, maybe one or both of us will come to see things differently in the future.
Z – Don’t get me wrong, I’d love for you to have some kind of revelation. If only you’d seen what I’ve seen in my life: The love, the grace, the power... Your life couldn’t help but be changed.
A – That may be so. But fact is I haven’t. No one can test out the private experiences of someone else. That’s why it’s never acceptable as evidence. You need something we can all observe and test. Why can’t God provide something like that?
Z – You know science doesn’t know everything.
A – I’m not actually talking about science per se, just a reliable method for knowing what’s true.

Z – Doesn’t seem that reliable to me. It’s constantly changing. Besides there are some things it is incapable of speaking about.
A – Like what?
Z – Love. Consciousness. The origins of the universe. What happens when we die. Tons of areas.
A – Actually science does say quite a lot already about each of those areas. But you’re right; it’s still got a long way to go in understanding things like consciousness. Every time science hasn’t had all the answers in the past it has been science - not religion or anything else - that has come up with them eventually. Take the weather patterns, the planets, and human biology. So I’m pretty confident we’ll get there one day. That’s one thing that makes it so exciting.
Z – Well I don’t know. I still think in any case God is behind all of science. He is in control.
A – Possibly. That must be quite a comforting thought to believe that someone or something is in control of everything that happens in the universe. I can see how it would put someone at ease. You must never worry about anything.
Z – That’s not true. But I don’t believe it because it’s comforting. I believe it because it’s true.
A – I think the world is an uncertain place, but you’ve just got to deal with it. It’s part of what makes it interesting, the fact you never know what could happen next. The notion that there isn’t any grand plan doesn’t terrify me, like I think it does you, it actually spurs me on to try and make a difference. To try and create my own happiness and hopefully make the world a better place, instead of waiting for someone else to do it. Don’t wait too long, that’s all that I’d say.
Z – I couldn’t live in a world like that, I just couldn’t. Where everything was just random and you had no control over the future. Anything could happen. You could get hit by a bus or struck down with a deadly disease at any moment.
A – You’re right, you could, hypothetically. But it’s unlikely. You’re forgetting probabilities. I wonder if you’re overcompensating because you have so much assurance that there is someone up there with a plan, pulling the strings. The other thing is it’s not random; there are definite processes, which if you understand them can help you predict future events.
Z – That may be, but even so, it was God who put those processes in place and set it all in motion in the first place.
A – How do you know? How can you look at the world and come to that conclusion, when I look at the same world and come to a different conclusion? That’s what I don’t understand.
Z – You haven’t seen what I’ve seen Aaron, you haven’t lived the life that I’ve lived, that’s why. Then you’d see there is someone in control, and you’d fall to your knees and give thanks.
A – Here’s the thing, I don’t know that I would. Even if I saw some evidence there was someone pulling the strings, that would mean we were merely puppets, and I wouldn’t like that one bit. I’d probably rebel.
Z – Funny you should say that. We are all rebels at our core. None of us want to do the right thing, that’s why we need to be saved.
A – But that’s not the case in reality. There are people doing good all the time who are not believers. What about doctors and volunteers and anti-poverty activists. What about me, are you saying that I’m bad?
Z – Yes, in a way, fundamentally we are all bad. It’s not just you. But if we just accept Jesus we can be made whole and we can be good again.
A – But God’s in control right?
Z – Of course.
A – So we are created sick, and ordered to be well.
Z – Um, in a sense yes.
A – That was Christopher Hitchens who came up with that, not me. You should look him up one day.
Z – I’ve never heard of him. You know I don’t follow the world of celebrity and pop culture.
A – He’s not really that popular actually. More of a contrarian: good for you, but you hate to hear what he has to say. Like the intellectual equivalent of broccoli.
Z – Haha, I actually quite like broccoli.
A – Interesting. Maybe you’re one of the few who could actually learn to acquire a taste for Hitch then. Sadly he passed away recently, a great loss to humanity in my opinion. And no, in case you were wondering, there was no deathbed conversion.
Z – It’s up to God to judge people’s hearts.
A – And for us to guess.

[pause]

A - Sorry, I didn’t mean that to come out like that.
Z – I actually agree that Jesus followers should be a lot less judgmental, and more normal.
A – I’m glad you say that. Not everyone would recognize stuff like that. Hey, well if you want to do something a little more normal I have the perfect thing. There’s going to be a huge party at Tabitha’s place this weekend. You know her right?
Z – Yeah I know her roommate Leah.
A – Well the two of them are throwing this party to celebrate the end of school. You and Rebecca should come. A chance to unwind and have fun, it’ll do you both good.
Z – I’ll talk to her about it.
A – OK well I should get back to my run. I’ll see you this weekend then.
Z – OK. Thanks Aaron, it was good to bump into you. I’ll be praying for you.
A – Bye Zeph

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Zeph seems like he's loosening up, but why? What's happening inside of him? Wait, don't tell me. I'll discover it through your story. 

 

More, pretty pleeease :)

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  • 1 month later...

Just to let people know, Zeph is on hold for the moment while I work on the final climactic scenes. Big stuff will happen, but that's all I can reveal for now...

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