DazedandConfused Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Hello everyone - let me first say that I'm so glad that a place like this exists. It's been very encouraging to read about experiences others have had on their deconversion journey. Like many of you, I grew up in church - a bible believing fundamentalist church. If the doors were open, my family was there. I guess I was "saved" when I was 6 or 7, and continued to believe the tenants of Christianity even through my rebellious teenage years. I attended bible college for a period of time after high school, but dropped out and pursued other interests. Later I got married and attended church with my wife. At this time I was probably more committed to the faith than at any time prior in my life. I had no doubts about anything I believed and spent a lot of time studying apologetics. For me the change began about 4 years ago or so. I had read through the bible many times in my life, and I started reading it again at this time - starting with Genesis and moving straight through. For some reason, the absurdity of some of the Old Testament laws just really struck me... and the way those laws contradict the nature of God as taught by Christianity. What really put some serious doubt in my mind though was Matthew 24 - Jesus makes a bold prophecy here and says that "this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened." Problem is, they didn't all happen. Not even close. So my first doubts actually came from reading "God's Word" - which is supposed to strengthen your faith. Then a series of personal tragedies occurred in my life - I lost 3 people very close to me over the last 3 years or so. These were the kind of deaths that make you scratch your head and say "Why God?"... he could have prevented these deaths, or at least reduced the suffering involved. After the death of my father to lung & brain cancer, I had pretty much decided that if there is a God, he doesn't really give a crap about us, and he certainly isn't the God represented in the bible or by Christianity. I'm done with him. My biggest concern through all this was how to break the news to my wife and how she would handle it. I scoured this website for advice and found a lot of it. I finally brought the subject up a month or two ago, just by telling her I had some serious doubts - then I just gave her some examples - from the bible, from life, from the world around us. She took it much better than I thought she would. I told her I was going to keep an open mind about things, which I will. We've discussed things a few times since then, and she knows where I stand. I haven't ruled out the possibility of a god or gods, and I kinda float from atheism to agnosticism to deism sometimes. Regardless, whether there is anyone out there or not, it definitely feels good to take off the lenses of Christianity and see the world for what it truly is. Time to enjoy life. -DazedandConfused Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geezer Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 As you read more deconversion stories here it will probably become apparent that the deconversion experience is an evolving process. It takes time, and often quite a bit of time, to deal with each of the issues that will likely confront you.Few people simply stop believing without experiencing ongoing residual issues and problems. Deism is often the option chosen by those who have recently experienced some level of deprogramming. It is generally very difficult to quit cold turkey. The desire to find something “spiritual” to hang onto is often an overwhelming need that demands to be addressed. The discovery that we are truly all alone, there is no supernatural deity protecting or loving us, it’s just us and our anxieties is also something that has to be dealt with. The realization there is no such place as hell is often an exhilarating reality, but that is tempered by the realization there is also no heaven or afterlife either. It often takes time for people to process all of that and emotionally come to terms with it. I don’t think anyone is obligated to label themselves. Identifying yourself as an ex Christian or former believer is probably more than sufficient. And at this point in time in your life that is probably the most accurate alternative. Glad you found us and welcome aboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator florduh Posted December 21, 2012 Super Moderator Share Posted December 21, 2012 Welcome to the site! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falemon Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Hey, glad you've been actually saved. Many of us go through that phase of wondering what exactly to believe, feeling like we have to believe something when that's not true at all Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BDPApostate Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Welcome to the site! Keep us posted on how tings are going, and you will find more than enough advise and encouragement form these good people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mymistake Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Welcome to ex-C. It's good to have you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
new2me Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Welcome! Glad you've found the help and support you're looking for. I know this site has helped me a lot, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eugene39 Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Hi, Dazed. Your story of how you lost your faith is very similar to mine - I read the Bible through (also to strengthen my faith) and after a couple of years of fighting the doubts, I made a conscious decision to follow the "truth" where ever it led me. And it led me out of Christianity. Yes, having that discussion with a wife is extremely difficult. Hope you enjoy your time here. Welcome to Ex-C. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MultifariousBirdLady Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 Welcome, and yes, it is time to enjoy life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falemon Posted December 21, 2012 Share Posted December 21, 2012 I think the Old Testament is the perfect de-converter, hence many preachers encourage reading the New Testament and only Psalms and Proverbs from the OT. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DazedandConfused Posted December 24, 2012 Author Share Posted December 24, 2012 Thanks everyone for the welcomes and encouragement! Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! (Hey, I still like all the nostalgia and glory of Christmas, even if I don't believe in Santa or Jesus any more!) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue elephant Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 Hi! Welcome to ex-c. I take it you're a Led Zeppelin fan? I live with one of those. Sounds like your wife has had a much better reaction than some of the other ex-c members. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RipVanWinkle Posted December 25, 2012 Share Posted December 25, 2012 There is a steady flow of exchristians joining us. So you don't have to feel alone. bill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpha centauri Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Welcome, Dazed! Glad your wife took it well. There are many who have to keep their doubts/unbelief secret, because it wouid tear relationships asunder (after all, Luke 14:26 admonishes people to hate their relatives and even their own lives as a sacrifice for Christ -- in stark contrast to other verses which tell you to love your neighbor as yourself). This is a wonderful place for encouragement and support, free from the chains of dogma. Wishing you all the best on your life's journey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hereticzero Posted December 26, 2012 Share Posted December 26, 2012 Thanks everyone for the welcomes and encouragement! Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! (Hey, I still like all the nostalgia and glory of Christmas, even if I don't believe in Santa or Jesus any more!) A holiday is a holiday. Have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReasonQuest Posted December 27, 2012 Share Posted December 27, 2012 Welcome Dazed, I can really relate to your story. My dad died of cancer when I was 20, and I asked the same questions about how could it be God's plan to take the life of a great Christian, caring man who had a positive influence as a teacher on the lives of many young people. It still took me another 20 years of questioning to leave Christianity. One of the final things that put me over the edge was seeing my kids being taught things in Sunday school, and by grandparents that I know I didn't really believe. I came out to my wife about no longer believing almost 2 years ago now (on Valentines Day). Within a few days, her eyes were opened, and she gave up her faith as well. We also still put up a Christmas tree, play Christmas music (more secular and fewer Jesus songs), make traditional Christmas cookies together as a family, and generally do all the things we did before except we read The Night Before Christmas instead of the bible stories of Jesus birth. RQ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lerk Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Hi, DazedandConfused, and welcome aboard! My "wake up call" was while reading the Bible, as well... On a Sunday morning in church, no less! here's hoping we both get over the years of mythology quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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