Lilith666 Posted December 23, 2012 Posted December 23, 2012 Every Xmas eve, the church has a special candlelight service. I have always attended in past years, but Dad hasn't insisted on my going to regular services recently. If he's not adamant about tomorrow, should I stay home? I don't want to hurt their feelings or those of anyone in church (though I don't care about the pastor; he is a jerk) but then, I don't want anyone to think I'm gonna come back to Jeebus. I hate the services because they make me feel religious, like I miss the cult. Should I go if they act like they want me to, but don't insist? So I'm a little stuck here. Thoughts?
msipsy218 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I wouldn't. But I couldn't be convinced to walk into a church if there were a gun to my head. Why do you think it would hurt their feelings? I'm having a hard time keeping up with everyone, are you still "in the closet"?
3DollarBill Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Well, there are lots of folks who never attend church who do so on xmas eve, then again on easter. If it's something that your family does together then I don't see the harm...unless it actively stresses you out or you think you might say something you'll regret. However, personally I'm making a point to avoid such things as part of an overall effort to stop faking it.
Sheerbliss Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Shouldn't your actions be in accordance with your beliefs? If anyone's feelings are hurt by your absence, then they care too much about things that are none of their concern. I take it you haven't already promised anyone you'd be there, right? 1
florduh Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 It's nice to be nice unless it does harm to you.
Eugene39 Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 If your dad doesn't make anything of it, I wouldn't go. Just from experience, people seldom think of those who aren't there, because they are busy talking with everyone that is there.
Zephie Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I mean if they aren't making you then don't go. Otherwise go see friends or get together with the family for a movie or something.
movingon Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I'm not sure if you're saying you want to go or not go, butdo whatever feels right to you, regardless of what other people may think.
Lilith666 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 Shouldn't your actions be in accordance with your beliefs? If anyone's feelings are hurt by your absence, then they care too much about things that are none of their concern. I take it you haven't already promised anyone you'd be there, right? Nope. I haven't been to church in weeks.
Lilith666 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 I wouldn't. But I couldn't be convinced to walk into a church if there were a gun to my head. Why do you think it would hurt their feelings? I'm having a hard time keeping up with everyone, are you still "in the closet"? No, I just feel guilty upsetting my parents on Xmas.
Lilith666 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 Thanks, guys. The candlelight services depress me because they remind me that I used to believe Jesus had ensured my entry into heaven. I don't have that anymore.
Blue elephant Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Whatever you feel like at the moment. It the time of day suited to your personal body clock? Are there friends you want to catch up with? And only go if you don't expect the annoying questions about why you haven't been to church lately. Christmas is about enjoying yourself. Whcih choice brings you the most enjoyment?
JoeCoastie Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I see you're trying to weigh the pros and cons, but If you really don't want to go don't go.
falemon Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I wouldn't. But I couldn't be convinced to walk into a church if there were a gun to my head. Why do you think it would hurt their feelings? I'm having a hard time keeping up with everyone, are you still "in the closet"? No, I just feel guilty upsetting my parents on Xmas. You should not take any responsibility for the God delusion. You are not upsetting them, "God" is. These decisions are always going to be difficult so you have to balance everything out for yourself. But be warned that christianity got us all in a pattern of self humiliation, guilt and self punishment. In my opinion I would ask whether this helps spiritual growth of those you love, or whether there will be considerable damage caused by not attending to evaluate whether it is worth you attending. I had a little bit of a dilema myself, my uncle five years my senior who has been suffering from mental health issues for over 5 years invited me to a New Years service. I spent a lot of my childhood with him and when he called he sounded very grounded. I do not want to attend the church service but I do want to ensure I can assist his psychological healing and ensure he stays in the right place, so my focus is on spending quality time with him that doesn't involve the church. I remember what it meant as a christian to have your loved ones attend. I don't think it should be encouraged.
mwc Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I had a teacher in high school that said "When in doubt, don't." mwc
bronxo Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 (...) I don't want to hurt their feelings or those of anyone in church (...) So I'm a little stuck here. Thoughts? I don't think these people's feelings should be of reasonable interest to you.
Lilith666 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 (...) I don't want to hurt their feelings or those of anyone in church (...) So I'm a little stuck here. Thoughts? I don't think these people's feelings should be of reasonable interest to you. Well, Dad said that the church people missed me, so I felt a little bad. And I do have a few friends there.
Galien Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 I wouldn't. But I couldn't be convinced to walk into a church if there were a gun to my head. Why do you think it would hurt their feelings? I'm having a hard time keeping up with everyone, are you still "in the closet"? No, I just feel guilty upsetting my parents on Xmas. Can't please all the people all the time.
Guest MadameX Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 (...) I don't want to hurt their feelings or those of anyone in church (...) So I'm a little stuck here. Thoughts? I don't think these people's feelings should be of reasonable interest to you. Well, Dad said that the church people missed me, so I felt a little bad. And I do have a few friends there. Guilt trip? Recognize the emotional manipulation.
Lilith666 Posted December 24, 2012 Author Posted December 24, 2012 But you feel bad going there, right? Yes. I always get depressed because I miss the security blanket of Xianity.
bronxo Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 But you feel bad going there, right? Yes. I always get depressed because I miss the security blanket of Xianity. If I were you I wouldn't go, but it's your call
3DollarBill Posted December 24, 2012 Posted December 24, 2012 Yes. I always get depressed because I miss the security blanket of Xianity. Forget it then. Depression is difficult enough for us all to avoid, you should not add to it. Those xmas eve candlelight services actually don't bother me the way regular Sunday mornings do, which is why I've not objected in the past. (Although I have often only gotten a seat on an afternoon flight and therefore couldn't make it...what a coincidence, right?) Like I said, I'm avoiding such things for another reason right now, but remember: You being uncomfortable with it is all the reason you need to avoid it.
bronxo Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 Hey, can you fill me in on what happened? I'm interested to hear!
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