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Goodbye Jesus

Journaling


J.W.

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I started journaling a little more than a month ago. I do it old school with a composition book- I use these cheap book because I think if I had a fancy pants leather book I just might try to make more out of my day then there was. 

 

Anyways, I give a short synapsis of my day. If I miss one day I write about it the next. I have realized that even just one day can fog the previous days events. I have found it to be as helpful as meditation in discovering my unconscious, and better for preserving the events (duh). I was resistant at first because its seems like a diary, and diaries are for girls- but maybe diaries are more juicy- or maybe I am more dull.

 

I also, realize with anyone with a partner it can be a nuclear bomb. So I have decided not to do anything as shallow as journal who I think is hot- but otherwise it has to be unfiltered. I figure if she is rude enough to read it she deserves the unfiltered. I realize any written record is a potential bomb, but decided fuck it- Any thoughts on this?

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I commend you for journaling.....I have started one off and on over the years, but never kept it going for the same reason you mentioned.  I would write a few entries and then start worrying about someone seeing it...... 

 

There's just something about putting thoughts into words that makes it more real.  It sounds silly, but responding to some of the posts on this site has been kind of exhilarating and cathartic - in a "I can't believe I actually said that" kind of way. 

 

But you've made me think about keeping a journal again.....I feel like my whole life has changed on the inside (even though very few people are aware of it yet on the outside).  It would be a great outlet -  and also give me something to look back on in future years.....good luck to you with yours!  smile.png

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I commend you for journaling.....I have started one off and on over the years, but never kept it going for the same reason you mentioned.  I would write a few entries and then start worrying about someone seeing it...... 

 

There's just something about putting thoughts into words that makes it more real.  It sounds silly, but responding to some of the posts on this site has been kind of exhilarating and cathartic - in a "I can't believe I actually said that" kind of way. 

 

But you've made me think about keeping a journal again.....I feel like my whole life has changed on the inside (even though very few people are aware of it yet on the outside).  It would be a great outlet -  and also give me something to look back on in future years.....good luck to you with yours!  smile.png

 

and too you! 

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I started one last year in March. 

I do it on my iPad, and the app I sue has a password so no one can get into it but me.

My wife does not like that I have it protected from her and worries about what I write, but it really is nice to be able to be completely honest and express what you are thinking and what has happened.

I dont do it every day, more like weekly

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Journaling is hard, because as soon as I write a sentence, I think "wait that's bullshit. I'm full of shit." and go back and erase, and it becomes a futile exercise.

 

I used to write a lot in the pre internet days, then ever since i started participating in forums, I lost the need to journal.

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I do it on my iPad, and the app I sue has a password so no one can get into it but me.

 

Yes, that is what I would need to do to really be able to let go and say what I want to say.

 

And Chikirin, this last month since I joined has been my first experience with forums.  But even though I haven't responded to a whole lot of things yet, I am finding that what I have posted feels very cathartic! 

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I do it on my iPad, and the app I sue has a password so no one can get into it but me.

My wife does not like that I have it protected from her and worries about what I write, but it really is nice to be able to be completely honest and express what you are thinking and what has happened.

 

This is great. It points out precisely that spouses want to read it-- its personal but they want to read it.

 

I am a little paranoid of the computer though. The last thing I need is a hacker who has had one too many redbulls reading my life story. Not that Im important enough to do that-- I don't think so.. but there are a lot of bored people in the world and hackers can make personal very public. Someone would have to break into my house for that notebook, and it doesn't look like it holds anything important-- it looks like it holds grade school math

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I love those old-fashioned journals. I have a gorgeous little handmade leatherbound book that I used to journal extensively in. It can be very useful to go back years later and re-read what you wrote long ago; it's given me some very powerful revelations about myself and my own journey to see my struggles and triumphs so starkly chronicled. I don't journal much anymore, but I value the time I did and am glad I did it.

 

It concerns me when I hear people talking like public journaling is the same as private journaling; they are not. A private journal is so much more honest, I think. Not always completely honest, but if it's private, you're doing it purely for yourself and not for others' approval or praise. Lowers the agenda risk. It was weird to read things I wrote years ago where I'd talk about my Evil Ex like I was sooo happy, when I could read between the lines that I was not at all happy. Or about religious questions I had that I felt I could ignore, when I knew I couldn't ignore them. I'm pretty sure I would not have reached the same revelations years later had I written those entries for others' consumption; I wouldn't have been able to resist cleaning things up even more than I did when it was just writing for myself.

 

Plus, I have THE most gorgeous fountain pen, and journaling in a handmade book with a mega-expensive fountain pen is surely one of life's big pleasures.

 

ETA: You're right to be leery of writing super-intimate stuff on a computer; it's so easy to get to that information, if someone's dedicated enough.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I like journaling quite a bit, and I have separate notebooks for different subjects I like to journal about.  There is already a series of notebooks on my recreational fictional writings.  I have a game journal were I take notes on games I make up.  And then I have a journal devoted to spirituality and religion.

 

I like to use composition notebooks, too.  College ruled.  I like to make the most of the paper by having space to write a lot of content if I need to.

 

My spirituality and religion journal has been neglected for a while, partly as a sign of disrespect to God.  Because I've hated him so much, that I've passed through active hatred to the need to set him aside with contempt (I admit, it is exhausting to hold that hatred at a boil all the time, it's healthier to set it on the back burner).  Some of the journaling I did in there was working through concepts I needed to work through, like the arguments about Free Will, figuring out why I've come to the conclusions I have about God, ect.  There's another section where i write letters to God calling him to task and charging him to action.  The letters were written as an effort to see through the suggested activities of a book called Write it Down, Make it Happen.  I have intention to use the journal in my exploration of other spiritual ideas, such as Buddhism.

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I've always journaled on and off. I threw away about 6 journals a few years ago when my ex got crazy jealous and started reading them and getting pissy about shit I said before I even met him....in middle school....

 

I still regret doing that.

 

I'm lucky, I know, because I don't worry a bit about my husband reading anything I write. As far as I know he never has (I do believe him) and even if he did, he wouldn't find anything surprising. It's so therapeutic to be able to put everything on my mind on a piece of paper and go over and over it again. Sometimes I will use a red pen to go back through and analyze each thought, when it is something I'm really struggling with. I've been doing a lot of that lately.

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I have always found writing in a journal quite enjoyable, it really helps when you just need to think things out. If you stick to it you could always write a memoir later in life. I think that would be really cool. 

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On and off. Particularly when I'm down or depressed (not the same thing). Which is somewhat of a shame, because it means it's all very negative when I look back on it. But maybe that means my positive energy (ha, as if I have energy?), my pretend positive energy let's say, goes into my other writing (I write a ludicrous amount: stories, plays, poems, speeches). It's good practice for writing actually. I sometimes use it to practise 'creative non-fiction'. I think it was Javier Marias who said that nothing is really fully 'true' when it comes to narrative. Everything is a story, even the truth. Maybe I'm a little obsessed with the idea of storytelling. It's also part of my day job to come up with stories for bathroom cleaner and human resources departments. That's probably warping my mind somewhat.

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Agreed--you have a right to record your thoughts without consequences. I don't think your partner would read it, but if she comes across anything you wrote and gets upset, you two need to have an honest chat.

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I used to have a standing mutual agreement with a friend that if anything happened to us, the other would go to the newly-dead woman's home, find her journal, and burn it without reading it. I took that responsibility very seriously, too! I've had my privacy betrayed before when a partner grabbed and read my private journal, and it's just devastating. It's important to have a place, even a mental place, that's just yours and not subject to someone else's evaluation, vetting, or criticism. Boundaries are important.

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