My Sunday Morning Ex Christian Liturgy

[HymenaeusAlexander]

During my time the Presbyterian Church I grew accustomed to the regularity of liturgical worship. I kind of liked the consistency and every now and again I get a bit nostalgic for it. So I decided to do my own liturgy for ex Christian non-worship. So here is my own personal liturgy for this morning.

 

 

 

The Call to Not Worship: Mark Twain

 

“A god who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave is angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell -- mouths mercy, and invented hell -- mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!”

 

 

The Hymn of Independence: Bon Jovi

 

 

This ain't a song for the brokenhearted
No silent prayer for the faith departed
And I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud

It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just wanna live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder, make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky, gotta make your own breaks

It's my life
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just wanna live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life

You better stand tall
When they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break
Baby, don't back down

It's my life
It's now or never
'Cause I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
And it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just wanna live while I'm alive

(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said, "I did it my way"
I just wanna live while I'm alive
'Cause it's my life!

 

The Invocation

 

  All: Are you there God?

 

  God: …

 

  All: Yep, that’s what we figured.

 

 

The Hymn of Derision for Imaginary Tyrants: David Bazan

 

 

With the threat of hell hanging over my head like a halo
I was made to believe in a couple of beautiful truths
That eventually had the effect of completely unraveling
The powerful curse put on me by you

When you set the table
When you chose the scale
Did you write a riddle that you knew they would fail
Did you make them tremble
So they would tell the tale
Did you push us when we fell

If my mother cries when I tell her what I discovered
Then I hope she remembers she taught me to follow my heart
And if you bully her like you done me with fear of damnation
Then I hope she can see you
for what you are

When you set the table
When you chose the scale
Did you write a riddle that you knew they would fail
Did you make them tremble
So they would tell the tale
Did you push us when we fell

What am I afraid of?
Who did I betray?
In what medieval kingdom does justice work that way?
If you knew what would happen
And you made us just the same
Then you my Lord can take the blame.

 

 

The Reading of Reasonable Writings: Thomas Paine

 

“Of The Old and New Testament”’

 

Archbishop Tillotson says: "The difference between the style of the Old and New Testament is so very  remarkable, that one of the greatest sects in the primitive times, did, upon this very ground, found their heresy of two Gods, the one evil, fierce, and cruel, whom they called the God of the Old Testament; the other good, kind, and merciful, whom they called the God of the New Testament; so great a difference is there between the representations that are given of God in the books of the Jewish and Christian religion, as to give, at least, some color and pretence to an imagination of two Gods." Thus far Tillotson. 

But the case was, that as the Church had picked out several passages from the Old Testament, which she most absurdly and falsely calls prophecies of Jesus Christ, (whereas there is no prophecy of any such person, as any one may see by examining the passages and the cases to which they apply,) she was under the necessity of keeping up the credit of the Old Testament, because if that fell the other would soon follow, and the Christian system of faith would soon be at an end. 

 

As a book of morals, there are several parts of the New Testament that are good; but they are no other than what had been preached in the Eastern world several hundred years before Christ was born. Confucius, the Chinese philosopher, who lived five hundred years before the time of Christ, says, “Acknowledge thy benefits by the return of benefits, but never revenge injuries.” 

 

The clergy in Popish countries were cunning enough to know that if the Old Testament was made public the fallacy of the New, with respect to Christ, would be detected, and they prohibited the use of it, and always took it away wherever they found it. 

 

The Deists, on the contrary, always encouraged the reading it, that people might see and judge for themselves, that a book so full of contradictions and wickedness could not be the word of God, and that we dishonor God by ascribing it to Him. 

 

 

The Confession of Self-Worth: Stuart Smalley

 

“I’m good enough; I’m smart enough; and dog-gone it, people like me.”

 

 

The Hymn of Self-Reliance: Incubus

 

 

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer

It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I am beginning to find
That I should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes

Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes

So if I decide to waiver my chance
To be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine
And hold my own and drive?

It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I am beginning to find
That when I drive myself my light is found

So whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes, yeh

Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there with open arms and open eyes

Would you kill the Queen to crush the hive?
Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive?

 

 

The Confession of Lack of Faith

 

Ex-Christian why don’t you believe?

 

I see no evidence for a powerful sky-daddy.

The cosmological argument leads to infinite regress.

At best, Jesus Christ was a failed apocalyptic prophet.

Physical conception requires chemical elements.

The Hebrew word almah doesn’t even necessitate virginity.

Was Jesus was crucified, died, and buried? Maybe.

Hell is just an imaginary place concocted to scare people into remaining in their delusion.

The resurrection of Jesus is beyond improbable.

Ascending into the sky only gets you into outer space. We’ve been there.

The living judge themselves. There is no need to judge the dead.

If there is some kind of god-spirit, it is invisible and undetectable and therefore irrelevant to my existence.

No institution can rightly claim the authority of a deity.

I have no need of forgiveness from a being that has not even made itself known to me.

Bodies only rise from the dead in zombie movies.

All lives end.

 

 

 

The Preaching of Something Actually Worth Considering: Neil deGrasse Tyson

 

 

The Hymn of Response – Rush

 

“Roll the Bones”

 

Well, you can stake that claim --
Good work is the key to good fortune
Winners take that praise
Losers seldom take that blame
If they don't take that game
And sometimes the winner takes nothing
We draw our own designs
But fortune has to make that frame

We go out in the world and take our chances
Fate is just the weight of circumstances
That's the way that lady luck dances
Roll the bones

Why are we here?
Because we're here
Roll the bones
Why does it happen?
Because it happens
Roll the bones

Faith is cold as ice --
Why are little ones born only to suffer
For the want of immunity
Or a bowl of rice?
Well, who would hold a price
On the heads of the innocent children
If there's some immortal power
To control the dice?

We come in to the world and take our chances
Fate is just the weight of circumstances
That's the way that lady luck dances
Roll the bones

Jack, relax.
Get busy with the facts.
No zodiacs or almanacs,
No maniacs in polyester slacks.
Just the facts.
Gonna kick some gluteus max.
It's a paralax, you dig?
You move around
The small gets big. It's a rig
It's action -- reaction
Random interaction.
So who's afraid
Of little abstraction
Can't get no satisfaction
From the facts?
You'd better run, homeboy
A fact's a fact
From Nome to Rome, boy.

What's the deal? Spin the wheel.
If the dice are hot -- take a shot.
Play your cards. Show us what you got --
What you're holding.
If the cards are cold
Don't go folding.
Lady Luck is golden;
She favors the bold. That's cold
Stop throwing stones --
The night has a thousand saxophones.
So get out there and rock,
And roll the bones.
Get busy!

 

 

 

The Benediction: Bill S. Preston Esquire & Ted “Theodore” Logan

 

“Be excellent to each other. Party on, dudes.”

[RachelSkates]

Damn , I would say you are very talented!! You have a gift with the pen, for sure!

[MissingLink]

Now THAT is a service I would LOVE to attend!!! 

[NeverAgainV]

You are awesome! THANKS for that GREAT Sunday edification! I loved it!

[alpha centauri]

_Nice!

 

_{Rush is a favorite of mine, too, as are the writings of Mark Twain and Thomas Paine.}

 

_{I remember reading the story of how Huckleberry Finn, in helping a slave to escape, realized he was going against not only popular culture and the law, but he was also going against the admonitions of the biblegod. He bravely and resolutely proclaimed "All right ... I'll go to hell then ..." because his sense of right and wrong was so different than that depicted by the bible. Although the prospect seemed a bitter one, his moral courage at that moment trumped that of god! It was very jarring to read as a teenager, but very thought-provoking, indeed. I wouldn't be surprised if the fundies in my home state have banned this book from high school reading lists by now.}

 

_{It's too bad religion has polluted and tainted the idea of people gathering together to affirm worth, strength, love. Sadly, church has trampled the value of seeking true knowledge and understanding in this universe, apart from superstition. There are few secular alternatives that are promoted outside of going to see a movie, concert, etc. (where's the discussion in that?). Even in Unitarian Universalist churches, which are open to atheiests or whomever would attend, there's an element of religion. There are few gatherings that focus on the affirmation of humanity, its struggles and its quest to understand this wonderous universe and our place in it, apart from that fairy tale affirming place called church.}

[stryper]

A reminder of what they can do. 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gHKNwpny9o

[new2me]

Wow!  Drive is my favorite Incubus song, now I like it even more!!

Really enjoyed reading the rest, too.

[RipVanWinkle]

I love it. Mark Twain is always good. Robert Ingersol was also  wonderful writer and public speaker. I have read that it was no accident that he is not well know in this day and time. After his death the people who had gone to hear his speeches and read his writings were reluctant to sing his praises because of the influence of the church. In my opinion he is among the very greatest American writers. bill

[alpha centauri]

Ingersoll was definitely ahead of his time -- and judging by the stubbornness of Americans to set aside fantasy and embrace reality, he was ahead of our time, too.

 

It was good that he lived when he did in some ways, at a time when Thomas Edison triumphed in human creativity and embraced Ingersoll's teachings, and at a time when he could be well compensated with public speaking tours. Today, he'd probably be a target for assassination by militant lunatic Christians or Islamists.

 

It would have been nice if some of his speeches were captured on video. There are some rare audio recordings (I think they're available on YouTube), but other than his fantastic writings, far too little of his works have been preserved.

[stryper]

 

 

Rush  BU2B  Lyrics

 

 

I was brought up to believe
The universe has a plan
We are only human
It's not ours to understand

The universe has a plan
All is for the best
Some will be rewarded
And the devil will take the rest

All is for the best
Believe in what we're told
Blind man in the market
Buying what we're sold
Believe in what we're told
Until our final breath
While our loving Watchmaker
Loves us all to death

In a world of cut and thrust
I was always taught to trust
In a world where all must fail
Heaven's justice will prevail

The joy and pain that we receive
Each comes with its own cost
The price of what we're winning
Is the same as what we've lost

Until our final breath
The joy and pain that we receive
Must be what we deserve
I was brought up to believe
 

 

I thought the best lyric was  Blind man in a market/ Buying what we're sold.  It's so true of religion. 

[alpha centauri]

Amen, stryper!