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Goodbye Jesus

Breaking Out Of The Social Phenomenon Called Religion


joshuroy

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I'm only 20, but had been going to Church since I was in my mom's stomach. I went to a small Christian private school until grade 10, went to Church twice a week, was a Bible study leader at my youth fellowship, and made it my personal goal entering university to seriously convert everyone to be Christian. I always had doubts but dismissed them for Satanic attacks. Then somewhere along the way, I started to think for myself, and finally saw the light. Here is my story.

 

My upbringing was quite extreme. My school banned Harry Potter for its practices of magic, beyblades because they were advertised to summon monsters during battle, and playing cards because the principal came across an article saying the Joker represented Jesus and the King represented Satan. At youth group, I would be engaged in hours of prayer, often being moved to cry or yell to God. I did a couple intercity missions and served at my Church whenever I could; reading scripture during sanctuary, forming accountability groups, leading youth teams at large Christian conferences, and decided to give my life up to God.

 

Deep deep deep down, something bothered me and I could never be fully engaged in Christian activities. I constantly questioned my faith because I wasn't living like an evangelist in every living second. Even in the moments that I was, I was unsure if I was doing the right Christian activities - in other words, I was never sure I would be going to Heaven or pleasing God in every aspect of my life. Obviously when bringing up this worry to my Christian friends, the advice would be that the Christian lifestyle is a constant pursuit - you can never be perfect, but you must always strive to be. That was hell of a stressful lifestyle. I would put guilt on myself if I didn't pray or do devos enough, I would go to church and fellowship and essentially be told again and again I'm a sinner and I have to submit to God and improve my lifestyle in XYZ. And I had to do all this while going against the grain of the world - I was told the Christian life is supposed to be painful.

 

I braced myself for university, knowing many people lose the faith going to university. I used to think it was because the people of the world live in sin, and being exposed to it only makes you susceptible to Satanic attacks on your faith. But as I met more and more non-Christians, I realized they were good people, moral and non-judgmental. The more I was exposed to new people, the more I realized that a person's upbringing has tremendous influence on their beliefs and morals. Then I looked back at my small Christian clique and realized how small it was: just look at the numbers going to all Christian fellowships versus the entire campus. Or how many people showed up to Urbana versus the entire American population.

 

Then I started to ask myself - what if there is another way to live life? Why am I living this lifestyle in the first place - am I living this lifestyle genuinely out of choice, or because of another unknown reason? I didn't question why I lived this way - all I knew was I had grown up in this environment, I felt comfort in this environment, and all my friends told me these thoughts are Satanic attacks and should be shunned. I wanted to understand why I believe this way, and why my beliefs were so much different than others.

 

Among the people I knew around me who call themselves "Christians", I could not see enough genuineness? If I took away the people who go to Church because they've been going their whole life, because their friends go, or because their family goes, I wouldn't be left with much. I feel very few Christians have the consciousness to think for themselves against the teachings of the Bible and how they've been raised. They go to fellowship because they did in high school, and it's an easy way to make friends and be around people. How many of them are actually nurturing their relationship with Jesus when no one is watching?

 

I began to realize that if I had not been exposed to Christian faith at a very young age - which is the case for the majority of the world's population - I probably wouldn't believe. Essentially, this observation was summed up as my exposure influenced my beliefs. Based on dumb luck that I was born into this environment, I had shaped my lifestyle around this way. I had life goals based on this belief. And I had not thought for myself until university, when I was freed from constant influence of my Christian friends. With this understanding, it allowed me to understand other religions and bad people better. They weren't sinners - they just live the way they do based on what they were told - I also only thought they were sinners because I grew up in a Christian environment.

 

In contrast, there is a lot of "good" you can find in Christianity, but I believe religion is a social phenomenon. I truly believe religion was man-made (different cultures came up with different religions) to help unite people. Religion is just a set of morals, an almighty being that you can shape through your "faith", and a way to create tight bonds with other like-minded people. Think about it. "Have faith in God/Allah/<insert religion here>" is an amazing self-help sentence that can get you through anything. It's such an easy way to calm people down, and it's hard to prove, which is why I believe it was man-made to help people with their fears and problems. And the ambiguity of it allows for different translations, which is why we have denominations, different versions of the Bible, etc. I'm sure Richard Dawkin's "The God Delusion" provides explanations like this, which I hope to read soon.

 

Since abandoning the faith, I've been able to experience so much more in life. I was freed of a conscience that would label SINFUL on so many worldly activities which actually proved harmless. I connected with people better as I could understand where they are coming from, and not have to label and stereotype people based on their beliefs - we are all human at the root of it. I started taking action to solve my problems instead of sitting on my bed praying about it. Best of all, I freed up so much time not having to go to fellowship and Church, a place where I would immediately go into a state of emotionless vegetation. I lived life with more passion and purpose, focusing on my studies and serving others non-religiously.

 

I hope my story inspires some Christians that come across this to think for themselves. There may be a reason why you feel unrest or a lack of passion in religious activities, and I encourage you to think for yourself and question why you believe what you do. I also hope my story is relatable to ex-Christians who are struggling with the same struggles I went through. Feel free to drop me a message to talk anytime.

 

Josh

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Welcome, Josh!

 

Thanks for sharing your story, and good for you in getting out of Christianity at such an early age!

 

You're right that you can find some "good" in Christianity, but if you dig just a tiny bit deeper, there's a whole lot of bad.  It teaches a way of life that's really unhealthy, actually.

 

If you haven't seen them yet, I highly recommend the deconversion videos by Evid3nc3 and prplfox - both on YouTube.

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Hi Josh -- welcome aboard!

 

I look back at the "religious experiences" in my life as self delusion, and it was painful to see my parents move away from a more liberal version on Christianity and embrace fundamentalism when I was a teenager.

 

I was conflicted and unfortunately gave way to the indoctrination for a season, before finally embracing reaon and reality.

 

Many of the people in my life are still deluded, and some might remain that way for the rest of their lives. But I appreciate the honesty and integrity of those who are courageous enough to embrace free thought, whatever the cost may be. Glad to see you've emerged from the delusion, as well.

 

I wish you all the best on life's journey.

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Hi Josh,

Thanks for sharing your extimony... I find a lot of similarities with what you are saying... I was raised in the church, left the church because of anger, and then rejoined and recently left for logical reasons instead of emotional ones!

 

This site has been a tremendous help, it's tough to be able to talk about this stuff with friends that will only think I we are being swayed or tricked by the devil etc...

 

The xtian life really is stressful, you are supposed to be relaxed and just trust God but you have to second guess everything and continually pray and try to figure out the will of God and have fear that you aren't doing something right... Man it feels good to just be free!

 

Can I get and AMEN!

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hmmm will someone tell me how to edit my post?  thanks!

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UltraJess,

 

Welcome to Ex-C!  You have to make 25 (I think) posts before the edit button will be available to you.

 

But here's an "AMEN"!  to your post! yellow.gif

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joshuroy: Welcome. You have come to the right place. You will be surprised at how many Xtians have stories of deconversion similar to yours. That very fact is revealing in itself. I concur with new2me that there is a dark side of Xtianity that is not apparent on the surface. It does indeed have its good side and most Xtians are good people, just deluded.

 

For one thing Xtianity has been used throughout history to subjugate the masses. This was something I did not know until I began to question my faith in earnest. When I began studying  Xtian history through historians, rather than the trash Xtian apologists push, I was astounded. Much of Xtian history is about man doing evil. Instead of trying to comfort the masses the church raped them in many ways. You will come across many knowledgeable and intelligent people here and you will find resources to become more and more informed about the biggest fraud ever perpetrated on people in the West. (And I'm not talking about global warming.) Mark Twain said: "Christianity sounds really good, until you really think about what their saying." Just ask here and you shall receive. bill

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Welcome, Josh!

Although my background and exit are both different than yours, I noticed many of the same things and came to the same conclusions you did. The idea that a "loving" God would send people to hell only because they were born into and learned the "wrong" religion was the clincher.

Congrats on extracting yourself and freeing your mind.

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Hi Josh, thanks for sharing.

 

If you are interested in explanations for how religion probably came about, I can recommend Breaking the Spell by Daniel Dennett. Check it out if you haven't come across it yet. 

 

Do you have anyone you can go to in real life to talk to about your experiences of leaving faith and church behind?

 

Hi also to UltraJess. Have an Amen from me, couldn't agree more.

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Hi Josh, welcome and thanks for sharing.  You have taken a big step!  I have just taken the same step.  And well done for getting your extimony up - I'm still working on mine.

 

Also - the God Delusion is good... I've just read it myself.  But it is largely an echo of his better work, The Selfish Gene.  It applies the principles from the Selfish Gene to religious belief.  Useful but... heck why not start with The Selfish Gene itself.  It's ace.

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Welcome Josh!, thank you for sharing. There's a whole wonderful world out there, isn't there.

 

:)

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I'm knew here but I'd like to thank you all the same.

Though, My issues lie in dealing with the people themselves, and seeing what this affliction has done- to those outside the mind virus cult known as Christianity (applies to most other religions too of course.)

I understand the appeal, the illusion of god works as a placebo effect, to deflect responsibility, problems, cope with loss, among other things. You know the whole "give it to God mindset".

However that same appeal, also spread messages to it's followers to attack everyone different, not to mention targets groups such as gays, the tattooed, atheists, other religions ect.

There are only three types of Christians from my experience, Those who shun you for being different, those who attack you for being different and those who are able to ignore what you believe and go off your personality.

When you meet one that says "I don't care what you believe" or "It doesn't bother me, not my job to save you." They just aren't "real" Christians.

Real Christianity either turns you into them, or destroys, attacks, shuns you - history is the best lesson of this.

So even your good Christian friend or Christian you are cool with, deep down thinks you are wrong, lost and aren't one of the chosen, that you are going to burn in hell.

I wish it was as simple as "Everyone can believe what they want, and whatever that is, it's right for them.", logic like this dies in their ears.

Glad you got out.

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  • 2 months later...

I wanna give you guys/new readers an update. It's only been 3 months, and I've lived a much more fulfilling life. 

 

I did have a slight identity crisis (as my core beliefs were being questioned), but through questioning who I really was, I was able to display my true (biological) self confidently, translating to a much happier life. I'm mentally healthier, more willing and able to take on problems on my own (instead of sit still and pray), more accepting of others and their differences, less judgmental, take more initiative, more masculine, more curious about the world and the people that fill it, and of course have more time to do the things I love.

 

With that said, I don't regret having been brought up and immersed so heavily in Christianity. I've been able to channel my passion for "God" to things I were told to give up for God, like schooling and giving back to the community. I will never lose the good morals of treating others as how I would want to be treated and honoring my parents, as well as the tips to keep me mentally healthy, like not worrying about the future and using trials and tribulations as my allies.

 

All in all, I've been able to accept that Christianity is great to be taken in small doses. Due to personal circumstances and the way I was brought up, I took it very seriously and dug myself in a hole. I get really bothered when atheists verbally abuse Christians, because they don't realize that hardcore Christians may be acting only because this is the way they've been told to do it since birth.

My next few readings hope to be "The God Delusion", "The God Virus: How religion infects our lives and culture", and "Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality".

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  • 3 weeks later...

Welcome.  I'll be brief and blunt.

 

You were mentally, emotionally and psychologically abused as a child by the adults around you.  You have begun the journey of healing and repair.  Be kind to yourself and forgive or learn to forget those that abused you.

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